I am starting to wonder if she even wants me to marry her son. Let us begin: the day we got engaged, Steve calls to tell her the happy news, her retort, "I thought that already happened...Sara got an A on her final exam."
I know that she is wrapped up in her daughter. FI's sister is spoiled to the upmteenth degree...spoiled? Wait, let's make that smothered example: After much pleading from FI, I invited "Mom" shopping for a wedding dress. He thought it would give us the chance to bond, she loves dresses and flowers, etc etc. I wasn't surprised when she asked if her daughter could come (doesn't even have a boyfriend) and that's fine, because I adore lil' sis. I was offended when she started to cry because lil's sis wasn't going to be able to make it due to school work.
...ok, ok but then, wilst shopping for dresses she complains about the price of BM dresses and says how is she ever going to get that much money for lil sis? (...really "Mom"? That's what this is to you?!)
Let's try again to include her, FI says...we find our venue which is in CT. We bring all of these beautiful pictures and brochures to her. She loves mansions, but does she see a mansion? Does she see the grounds? Does she see the beauty? No, she pitches a fit (or tornando) because "Who is going to be willing to drive all the way to Connecticut from Pennsylvania?! MY FAMILY ISN'T GOING TO WANT TO COME!" After trying to calm her down, saying Connecticut is not that far from PA and it's close to NY, nevermind that's where I grew up. She continues to go on and on about how her family will not come - will our friends in PA even want to go so far out of their way?
....ok. That part only left me seething for a few days. But this! This has me burning up, still, and it has been only a week!
The story into how we started talking about our wedding budget is pretty in depth, so let me get you there with the short cut: my father is paying for everything because he wants to and he can. She found out how much we were probably going to end up spending on our (reasonable) 200 person wedding. She goes off about how "My wedding only cost 3,000." "Well, "Mom" that was 30 years ago and you only had 50 people attending." She could have left it there, she very, unwelcoming voiced her opinion. But, she did not. She proceeded to go on a tirade, call me a "Spoiled Snob" and say how I'm isolating her side of the family by insisting on "your little Connecticut wedding". FI wasn't in the house at this point and I wish he would have been, because then he could have stuck up for me instead of leaving me there, wholly defenseless.
So, I say, "I understand you think it's a lot of money, but that's just kind of how much weddings cost now. Like everything else, the price as gone up." And she said "To throw all of that money away on one stupid day!" ....I lost it. Lost it. I looked her dead in the eye and said, in my very calm ('spoiled snob' new england scathing) way, "Last I checked no one is asking you to pay for it, so I guess that means you won't be wasting any money." She called me a bitch and locked herself in the dining room for two days.
FI took my side, but said I should have kept quiet. I said, I kept quiet through enough! Being called a "snob" with a "little connecticut wedding" that is, apparently a "waste of money"? That snapped my wits end! When I called to apologize, she accepted my apology but offered nothing in way of remorse. She even blamed the whole thing on me.
My mother says that she is probably just worried because she feels she may have to come up with that kind of cash for her daughter's wedding. FI says change just stresses her out. But I say: How little can I inlcude my mother in law in planning and not be too rude? Also, since she made such an ordeal about money and budget - can I (perhaps snidely) not include her name on our invitations? Or am I, really the utterly insane one?
PS. They already told us they will not pay for the rehersal dinner.