Confused

JK10910 · January 2010

I don't care how old you are, if you have to poll strangers on a message board to see if your [sic] old enough to get married, you're not old enough to get married. Especially when you're one big spelling and math fail.

SwedishChick2011 · January 2010

On the off chance that you're actually real, here's my advice. You and your SO are still super young (seriously - he's 17!) and there's no reason to rush into marriage. The divorce rate for people who get married really young (20 and 19 or whatever is) is extremely high. Case in point - I got married for the first time when I was 21 and was divorced 4 1/2 years later.

If you're determined to get married, no one will be able to dissuade you (no one could dissuade me), but I'm almost certain you will regret it later. Also, if your SO is only 17, there's a good chance he'll change his mind before the wedding anyway - or you might change your mind. Anyway, that's my two cents.

mocha beans · January 2010

Nevermind that you're 19 and want to get married, what 17 year old guy wants to get married? I mean, like, really seriously get married. Not in the *I want to marry you, will you let me put my peener in your hooha now?* way.

amercer09 · January 2010

He basically supports himself now. he goes to school full time and works over 20 hours a week. His parents give him a place to sleep at night and sometimes he eats there. He pays for everything else on his own. I work about as much as he does. I do live with my mom. She helped me pay for my first semester of college and I have to pay for the rest. I go to school full time too. I also babysit my niece everyother weekend.

alixzafiris · January 2010

Wow. He works twenty hours a week? That must be brutal. I can't imagine working that often.

JK10910 · January 2010

Want a cookie?

ac_in_dc · January 2010

Honestly amercer, I'd just wait a little while. If you get engaged now you'll be so hung up on planning a wedding you won't have as much emotional energy left to focus on your relationship.

You didn't answer my question the first time though--why do you need to do this now? Why not wait a couple of years?

betrothed123 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37a1a215-eb44-4ee1-b80d-8305755974fdPost:0b84e7ac-abc1-45cd-9133-0af2f7b36667">Re: Confused</a>:
[QUOTE]He basically supports himself now. he goes to school full time and works over 20 hours a week. His parents give him a place to sleep at night and sometimes he eats there. He pays for everything else on his own. I work about as much as he does. I do live with my mom. She helped me pay for my first semester of college and I have to pay for the rest. I go to school full time too. I also babysit my niece everyother weekend.
Posted by amercer09[/QUOTE]
If his mom is putting a roof over his head he is not supporting himself in any way. The same goes for you. My biggest monthly expense is my rent. Food, gas, electricity, cable, internet, car insurance- none of that even comes close.

I get the feeling you have no idea how much it really costs to live in the real world. Then again, at 19, neither did I. If you're lucky enough to have a high paying 20 hour a week job, you might squeak by, but barely.

Also, many of us paid for our own higher education. It did not make us mature... it just made us a bit poorer.

jodyk23 · January 2010

There is no rush to get married, and certainly not set a date. If you want to get engaged and see how it goes, that is a great idea. I think alot of us on here dated someone in high school or college that we thought was "the one" at that time, but college and life change people and alot of times you grow up and grow apart. I'd say slow down and take things step by step.

amercer09 · January 2010

He would work more but he can't because of school. He has one or two days off a week. Just cause we are young doesn't mean it won't last. His parents have been together since they were 16 or 17. Neither of us are partiers. I hated prom.

cengle · January 2010

I wasn't a partier at 17 or 19 either, but you can bet your ass I partied later on in college. And I dated around. I had experiences with friends and did things you can't do when you're married. If you're truly meant to be together, waiting a few extra years won't hurt anything. Why are you in such a hurry to get married so young? You haven't answered this question that several ladies have asked.

amercer09 · January 2010

I know how much it costs to live in the "real world". Just because I don't live in my own house doesn't mean I don't know how expensive things are.

mocha beans · January 2010

God, I wish I only had to work 20 hours a week.

On a serious note, getting married while one or both of you are students will affect your financial aid. Also, you will no longer be able to be covered under your parents' health insurance, so you will have to either have a job that provides insurance, which means working full-time/40 hr a week, or you have to buy it privately, which means $$$$$.

JK10910 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37a1a215-eb44-4ee1-b80d-8305755974fdPost:c75b4390-e34e-4104-b5d5-782a442a11ec">Re: Confused</a>:
[QUOTE]I know how much it costs to live in the "real world". Just because I don't live in my own house doesn't mean I don't know how expensive things are.
Posted by amercer09[/QUOTE]

Yeah? How much is car insurance? How much does it cost to renew your plates? How about your license? How much is typical for property tax in your area? What's rent like in your area? How about electric and heating bills? What is typical for cable and internet bills?

Obviously I'm not expecting you to answer those questions--it would be rude to ask. But do you KNOW all the answers?

SwedishChick2011 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37a1a215-eb44-4ee1-b80d-8305755974fdPost:197fddb5-b769-4d8d-aad6-b1fd4263e83a">Re: Confused</a>:
[QUOTE]He would work more but he can't because of school. He has one or two days off a week. Just cause we are young doesn't mean it won't last. His parents have been together since they were 16 or 17. Neither of us are partiers. I hated prom.
Posted by amercer09[/QUOTE]
Yes, some high school sweethearts do get married and have a great marriage. That doesn't mean they got married right out of high school. The few couples I know who dated in HS and got married finished college (4-year degrees) and sometimes waited a couple years after that.

betrothed123 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37a1a215-eb44-4ee1-b80d-8305755974fdPost:c75b4390-e34e-4104-b5d5-782a442a11ec">Re: Confused</a>:
[QUOTE]I know how much it costs to live in the "real world". Just because I don't live in my own house doesn't mean I don't know how expensive things are.
Posted by amercer09[/QUOTE]
No, the fact that you said "He takes care of himself" and then followed it up with "He lives with his mom, and she pays for some of his food" says you have no idea how much it costs to live in the real world. He is paying a miniscule portion of what it actually costs for him to live. Your inability to process and recognize that shows how incredibly immature and clueless you actually are

boogerbearoriginal · January 2010

Playing house on the weekends in your bedroom at Mom's place does not mean you are ready to get married.

If you are 19 (and ffs he's 17) then you guys need to worry about things like homework and doing dishes so Mom will let you borrow the car. Not marriage, house payments, insurance bills, grocery shopping, etc.

Nevermind the fact that in the next 5-10 years you and he will both change in countless ways that you can't predict, just enjoy being a kid and don't rush into being a grownup.

mocha beans · January 2010

Do you really know how expensive things can be?

There's rent, electricity, gas and water and sewer might be covered in the rent, otherwise you got those, car insurance, health insurance, cell phone, internet/tv if you choose to have them, food, gas, household items like towels and cooking equipment.

I moved out when I was 19 and spent a lot of time working out if I could afford to live on my own. I was pretty confident that I could. Yeah, few months down the line I was living on ramen noodles and bananas because everything that I *thought* about living alone was dead wrong. I underestimated and didn't account for random things.

Trust me, I'm 99% sure you're not ready to be married.

betrothed123 · January 2010

I married my high school sweetheart. We graduated form high school, went to college, graduated from there, got ourselves real jobs, worked 40+ hours a week, paid bills, saved up for our future, AND THEN we got engaged and eventually married. You're right, it can work out, but it's more likely to work out if you go in to it with open eyes, and with a bit of knowledge and experience under your belt.

amercer09 · January 2010

He's has decided not to go to college because its not right for him. He has a job lined up with benefits. We have been thinking ahead. I can't answer the one question because I haven't do to renew my plate on my car yet. We are going to buy a house not rent. We want to get married because we already support each other. We get along great. We spend tons of time together with no problems.

mocha beans · January 2010

You DO NOT support each other. You live with both of your parents, that's not SUPPORTING. That's BEING SUPPORTED. Theres a huge difference.

Good luck buying a house in this economy. He has no credit, since he's not even 18 yet, and it will take a few very good years of credit history to even have a chance at getting a house.

betrothed123 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37a1a215-eb44-4ee1-b80d-8305755974fdPost:a440649f-5055-480f-a8e6-fa0c733cf6c2">Re: Confused</a>:
[QUOTE]He's has decided not to go to college because its not right for him. He has a job lined up with benefits. We have been thinking ahead. I can't answer the one question because I haven't do to renew my plate on my car yet. <strong> We are going to buy a house not rent. </strong>We want to get married because we already support each other. We get along great. We spend tons of time together with no problems.
Posted by amercer09[/QUOTE]
With no credit? Good luck.

Not everyone has to go to college, and I don't think anyone here said they do, but you do both need to be working full time for a while before you even consider marrying.

beatlesgirl25 · January 2010

*bangs head against wall*

OP, you asked what kind of reactions to expect from your family once you break the engagement/wedding news. This is exactly what you're getting here. Unless you're doing some weird role playing exercise with us to help you with this IRL, try listening a little more and being defensive a little less.

NuggetBrain · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37a1a215-eb44-4ee1-b80d-8305755974fdPost:a440649f-5055-480f-a8e6-fa0c733cf6c2">Re: Confused</a>:
[QUOTE]We get along great. We spend tons of time together with no problems.
Posted by amercer09[/QUOTE]

Great. Sounds like the makings of a fantastic relationship with a dog, or possibly a babysitting gig. A marriage, however, requires more than that.

cengle · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37a1a215-eb44-4ee1-b80d-8305755974fdPost:a440649f-5055-480f-a8e6-fa0c733cf6c2">Re: Confused</a>:
[QUOTE]He's has decided not to go to college because its not right for him. He has a job lined up with benefits. We have been thinking ahead. I can't answer the one question because I haven't do to renew my plate on my car yet. We are going to buy a house not rent.<strong> We want to get married because we already support each other. We get along great. We spend tons of time together with no problems.</strong>
Posted by amercer09[/QUOTE]

This is not a good reason to get married. This describes me and my former roommate. Why are you opposed to waiting? You need to learn to be on your own and take care of yourself. Don't you want to learn to be independent before you get married? Don't you want to be old enough to drink the champagne toast at your own wedding? I know lots of ladies have said it already, but you change A LOT from 17 and 19 to your mid-twenties, especially a 17 year old boy! I think you should put a lot of thought into this.

JK10910 · January 2010

So...since you're buying, do you know how much property taxes are? Do you have any idea how big of a downpayment you'd need? Do you know what a double mortgage is? Do you know what escrow is? Do you know how much homeowner's insurance costs, and what kind of coverage you need? Do you even have a credit card, or a loan on anything?

Or are your parents going to worry about all those things for you?

BrassyClarinet · January 2010

Urgh, I feel like the only young bride with any sense of anything. Posts like these knock the younger bride rep down 1,000 points.

betrothed123 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37a1a215-eb44-4ee1-b80d-8305755974fdPost:baf95e79-e027-4395-a821-5580af52a94e">Re: Confused</a>:
[QUOTE]So...since you're buying, do you know how much property taxes are? Do you have any idea how big of a downpayment you'd need? Do you know what a double mortgage is? Do you know what escrow is? Do you know how much homeowner's insurance costs, and what kind of coverage you need? Do you even have a credit card, or a loan on anything? Or are your parents going to worry about all those things for you?
Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]
Damn I wish I could get my parents to do the worrying about these things for me. Stupid sense of responsibility<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" />

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

1. I had no idea what it cost to live in the real world until I GOT to the real world, when I was 21. Paying for your own take-out food and shampoo is NOTHING. I, too, thought I'd be able to put aside a ton of money. When I graduated from college I had never made more than $8/hour and thought I had it made since I was salaried at my first job. Yeah, that was also the first time I had to pay rent. Needless to say, I never ended up saving as much as I thought I would.

2. Mocha, you may have hit the nail on the head. One of my friends got married at 17 basically so she could have sex.

3. Like Cengle, I didn't hit my partying phase until I was about 22/23.

4. Future partners will tend to look more favorably on a 6 year relationship that didn't work out than a broken engagement or a divorce. They might be gun shy if they know you made such a rash decision.

SwedishChick2011 · January 2010

Maybe by house, she means trailer? I mean, you can get one of those real cheap. And the bonus is you get to live in an awesome trailer park.

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