Last name: to Keep or not to Keep

noodle_oo · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:d60b9239-0324-4b39-8ede-f0e5dd281c12">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe this will help you decide. Your name was given to you by your father - a man. He inherited it from his father. You didn't inherit your mother's name. Now that you are being married, it is traditional for you to adopt the name of your husband. You may keep the name that you have been using since birth if you wish, but that name was not chosen for you. The important names that were chosen for you by your parents are your first and middle names. Are you planning on having children? What will their last names be? Will it be confusing for them to have a mother with a different last name than they have? This is just food for thought. The choice is yours. <strong> If you do choose to be non-traditional, you will be explaining this to people for the rest of your married life.</strong>
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Okay, this is just ridiculous. I kept my name and I haven't had to explain it a single time. Not even once. it is not as unusual as it used to be in the 1950s (which is apparently where you are from). People get it and you don't have to 'explain' it. What a load of crap!

I do find it interesting that those that changed their names feel the need to scare those who are on the fence by saying "oh it will be so hard so just change your name because it is traditional and easier". People aren't dumb. They can figure out that you are married to your DH without you having to have the same name. Same goes for children.

wiwicaty · April 2011

I'm not changing my name. It is well known in my professional environment, it's prestigious and I'm proud if it. Plus I would not want to sound like an entirely different person overnight. As far as children, my mom doesn't have my same last name, and not once in my whole life has there been any confusion as to who she was, ever. My soon-to-be-hubby and I haven't talked about this yet but I'd like our children to have both names. However, it's not because I'm afraid that the last name difference would cause confusion.

noodle_oo · April 2011

OP: check out this thread/poll from last week:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-poll-1

Informal poll. While taking the husbands name is still a large majority, it was only 72%. That means almost 30% are either keeping theirs or hyphenating or some other combination. So it is by no means unusual for the woman to NOT take her husbands name. Lots of interesting points of view in the thread as well.

LazyBride27 · April 2011

Wow, what feedback, I appreicate it all

To answer a few of the questions I remember:
We do have a child together and we gave our son his last name.
I think it will be a lot of work because I have many, many things in my name. Car, Insurance, all utlities, credit card, bank, ss#, license, full-time job which includes a lot of work to name change, the list goes on and on.
DF wants me to take his last name, but it's kind of a boring last name and my in-laws get on my nerves.
My parents think hyphenated names are very liberal..lol

Finally, I think the reason I am on the fense or have toyed with the idea of keeping my last name is becasue frankly I just like it. It's not a feminist thing, it's not a power trip, I just have been the same person for 25 years and changing my name to his is like becoming someone else.

In the end I'll probably just go ahead and take his last name, but I just have this feeling it will take me years to get used to being a hislastname.

wiwicaty · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:d60b9239-0324-4b39-8ede-f0e5dd281c12">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe this will help you decide. Your name was given to you by your father - a man. He inherited it from his father. You didn't inherit your mother's name. Now that you are being married, it is traditional for you to adopt the name of your husband. You may keep the name that you have been using since birth if you wish, but that name was not chosen for you. <strong>The important names that were chosen for you by your parents are your first and middle names</strong>. Are you planning on having children? What will their last names be? Will it be confusing for them to have a mother with a different last name than they have? This is just food for thought. The choice is yours. <strong>If you do choose to be non-traditional, you will be explaining this to people for the rest of your married life.</strong>
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1. There aren't more important and less important names. Tell that to the Windsors or the Pamphili, or the Medici etc...</div><div>2. I don't feel like anyone needs an explanation as far as a person's name is concerned. </div><div>
</div>

kellya01 · April 2011

I've heard of some people changing their name legally (First Middle Maiden Married) but professionally they go by their First Middle Maiden name if they are well-established in their field or in their career. That might be a nice compromise if you are really attached to your maiden last name for that sense.

I personally have decided to change my own name, and I know I'm a bit conservative on it, but my reasoning comes from wanting my family to have the same last name. I want to share the same last name as our future potential children. I want to be Mrs. HisLastName. I took the consideration of whether or not people in my field could know me by my new name, and the way I'm networked with SO many of them and see them every year or few months at conferences / conventions, I decided that it would be fine to change my name. They know my face, and I can also use Kelly Maiden Married, which will get the point across very clearly if I want the "name connection" to be a benefit in the future.

Just food for thought. Do what feels right to you, OP!! :-)

jemmini6 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:2031a3cf-0566-46e9-b45a-dfdab0f8f8c6">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, what feedback, I appreicate it all :) To answer a few of the questions I remember: We do have a child together and we gave our son his last name.<strong> I think it will be a lot of work because I have many, many things in my name. Car, Insurance, all utlities, credit card, bank, ss#, license, full-time job which includes a lot of work to name change, the list goes on and on</strong>. DF wants me to take his last name, but it's kind of a boring last name and my <strong>in-laws get on my nerves.</strong> My parents think hyphenated names are very liberal..lol Finally, I think the reason I am on the fense or have toyed with the idea of keeping my last name is becasue <strong>frankly I just like it.</strong> It's not a feminist thing, it's not a power trip, I just have been the same person for 25 years and changing my name to his is like becoming someone else. In the end I'll probably just go ahead and take his last name, but I just have this feeling it will take me years to get used to being a hislastname.
Posted by LazyBride27[/QUOTE]

SS card and drivers license are the only things you have to do in person I believe. There's also no time limit on changing things over, so it's really not that much work if you spread it out. Can it be a hassle? Sure, but I think it's kind of an odd reason to not change it at all.

With the in-law thing...just because they annoy you isn't a reason to not take your husbands' name. You married HIM, not them. Just saying, I don't feel like that's a good reason...

That last part is a good reason though. You can just not want to do it, plain and simple. But I don't think you need to justify it with stupid things like "it's too much work" or "but I don't like his parents." You can just say..."I like my name, so I'm keeping it" and that's all you need. If that's the way you feel, then stick with that.

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:ff9ec051-3a1d-454e-b874-5f8c366994aa">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE] You can just not want to do it, plain and simple. But I don't think you need to justify it with stupid things like "it's too much work" or "but I don't like his parents." You can just say..."I like my name, so I'm keeping it" and that's all you need. If that's the way you feel, then stick with that.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I think a lot of people come up with reasons to try to justify it, because the ultra-conservative can't wrap their heads around women not changing their names, and make women uncomfortable if they don't have a reason. </div><div>
</div><div>If you just don't want to, you just don't want to. You don't have to have a reason.
"I don't wanna" is reason enough. </div>

RamonaFlowers · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:0f344877-9f74-44c7-9fae-cbc6f38fb3ca">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : My reasoning is from the perspective of a public school teacher. I have noticed that some of the children who don't share their mother's last name are sometimes a bit touchy about it. Adults can understand, <strong>but children can be really mean to each other about things like this. </strong>This is my observation, not my opinion.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I grew up having a different last name as my mother, the man I consider my father and most of my siblings (Parents divorced, mom remarried, had kids with my step-dad). It was pretty common knowledge to my classmates that I had a different name than most of my family, yet nobody ever said "boo" to me about it in school.

Maybe it's because I grew up in a more "liberal" area, but kids not having the same name as one or both of their parents wasn't such a foreign concept that it would lead to teasing from other children.

Anysunrise · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:0f344877-9f74-44c7-9fae-cbc6f38fb3ca">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : My reasoning is from the perspective of a public school teacher. I have noticed that some of the children who don't share their mother's last name are sometimes a bit touchy about it. Adults can understand, but children can be really mean to each other about things like this. This is my observation, not my opinion.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>My mom and dad never married, but we had my dad's last name. I've never had a single person say a thing to me about it from kindergarten to high school graduation. I would've preferred to have had my mom's last name, but that's just because I feel no connection to my father and barely know his side of the family. I seriously can't imagine kids teasing each other for not having the same last name as one of their parents. </div>

arwo · April 2011

My mother has a different last name than I do (though my parents are still married), and it's only ever come up once. It wasn't difficult to deal with, in any case: how hard is it to say "My mother kept her name when she married" or "I kept my name when I married"? It's not so uncommon that people won't understand.

And I'm with J&K on this one--I probably wouldn't have married someone who insisted that I change my name. I don't care where my last name came from--it's been mine for my entire life, and I don't see any reason to change it.

Beazilla · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:0f344877-9f74-44c7-9fae-cbc6f38fb3ca">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : My reasoning is from the perspective of a public school teacher. I have noticed that some of the children who don't share their mother's last name are sometimes a bit touchy about it. Adults can understand, but children can be really mean to each other about things like this. This is my observation, not my opinion.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
I have never seen a kid bullied for having a different last name than one of their parents and I've seen kids bullied for lots of little things. Kids may be bullied for their first names or their last names, but not because their mom has a different last name. Kids are pretty understanding that other kids' parents might be divorced and remarried and some kids have different names then their parents or siblings. Also, 1 in 5 American women have kids by different fathers, so it's not a rare phenomenon for kids to have different names from one of their parents.

Your name is your name. The decision to change it or to keep it is completely up to you and no one else. If there was nothing in a name, then most guys would have no problem changing their names, but most guys wouldn't even consider that as a possibility. It's common in English-speaking countries for women to change their last names, but in a lot of other countries, no one changes their name when getting married and everything proceeds just fine.

Keeping your name is pretty easy. You may need to correct people on your name, but for the most part they should just keep calling you what they've been calling you for years. And you and your FI can compromise on what name to give your kids. Everyone, including their teachers, can figure out and understand that you're your kid's mom even if the kids don't share your name.

luvdncn90 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:5f223eab-f296-4477-aa0d-0d8f4b9842f1">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : Oh holy grossly bigoted blanket statement, Batman! Excuse me??? I've been on this site for years and never ONCE tried to 'scare' anyone into changing their name, or even persuade them that it's a good idea in general. I and MANY other regs on here who have changed our names are the first ones to say it's a totally personal decision and there is no reason anyone should pressure you into changing it if you don't want to. And furthermore, I've taken more crap for CHANGING my name than any knottie I've personally seen on here or friend I've had IRL who chose to KEEP their name. So that whole people feeling the need to 'scare' others into their way of thinking exists on both sides of the issue. Don't stereotype all women who changed their name based on a bad personal experience or two.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This. It kind of feels like the brides who keep their name are so against the brides who take their husbands last name and push so hard to defend it when really it's just a personal choice. No offense to anyone on the board, it jsut seems like such a hostile thread.

In the end it's a personal choice, and no one, NO ONE, should be looked down upon or belittled because of the choice they made to keep or not keep their last names. To each their own. Don't judge someone for keeping their last name, don't judge someone for taking their husbands name.

Why does it have to be such a big debate?

sweetvidalia · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:71efd9d2-eaa4-4f80-8344-418b909baede">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : Yes, and HIS preference for what you should do with YOUR name totally supercedes what you would want to do. He's the man, after all!
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

I think it's funny that most knotties shitabrick when someone calls it "my wedding" or tries to plan a wedding without her FI's input:

but when it comes to something that is actually important, I guess all bets are off. Like, "Yeah, you're my husband. I trusted your opinion on choosing cake flavors, but now the wedding is over. Don't give me your opinion on what I do with MY marriage."

missy68 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:71efd9d2-eaa4-4f80-8344-418b909baede">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : Yes, and HIS preference for what you should do with YOUR name totally supercedes what you would want to do. He's the man, after all!
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

I will assume you're joking or using sarcasm font.

If not, I won't be able to sleep at night. Because that's the most ignorant, backwards-thinking statement I've ever heard.

amnevills · April 2011

You can keep your name without hyphenating it. On your marriage license you can add your maiden name as a middle name. For example if your name was Lynn Marie Grey and you are marrying somone with the last name is Black then you could do this: Lynn Marie Grey Black

jemmini6 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:67e8d702-1488-46c0-a46b-b62a6bffca06">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : I think it's funny that most knotties shitabrick when someone calls it "my wedding" or tries to plan a wedding without her FI's input: but when it comes to something that is actually important, I guess all bets are off. Like, <strong>"Yeah, you're my husband. I trusted your opinion on choosing cake flavors, but now the wedding is over. Don't give me your opinion on what I do with MY marriage."</strong>
Posted by sweetvidalia[/QUOTE]

Your name doesn't really have anything to do with your marriage, if that's what you are getting at. Should you consider his wishes and feelings? Absolutely, he's your husband, you should discuss your feelings with him, offer compromises, etc, but it's still YOUR name...he can't force you to change it if you don't want to.

sweetvidalia · April 2011

I think it has a lot to do with the marriage. How can someone decide to share their life, home, finances, and even bring children into the world, but cannot *condescend to share the same last name? (*sarcasm)

Everytime I read the phrase "ZOMG it's been my name for 345719457 years, why would I change it because I got married?" I want to fuckingpuke. Why doesn't that apply to everything else? You were unmarried for that many years too...so that means you should stay single? I have to say I think most reasonings behind keeping the maiden name sounds like a bunch of feminist bologna.

I don't expect everyone to feel the same way I do about this. I get that everyone is different. I just think it's disrespectful. I have never even entertained the thought of keeping my last name.

arwo · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:4d2f22cb-6453-4605-a263-1ff16a9d2b26">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it has a lot to do with the marriage. How can someone decide to share their life, home, finances, and even bring children into the world, but cannot *condescend to share the same last name? (*sarcasm) Everytime I read the phrase<strong> "ZOMG it's been my name for 345719457 years, why would I change it because I got married?" I want to fuckingpuke. Why doesn't that apply to everything else? </strong>You were unmarried for that many years too...so that means you should stay single? I have to say I think most reasonings behind keeping the maiden name sounds like a bunch of feminist bologna. I don't expect everyone to feel the same way I do about this. I get that everyone is different. I just think it's disrespectful. I have never even entertained the thought of keeping my last name.
Posted by sweetvidalia[/QUOTE]

Ugh, I should really let this go, but this post really bothered me. I think you're being a bit extreme here. Here's the thing: I really do not care whether other people change their names or not. Really and truly, I don't care. What I *do* care about is when people post things like "I don't want to change my name but my husband is insisting that I do" because I don't think that's fair.

For me, PERSONALLY: I don't need to change my name to feel married to my husband. We share our lives together and we are dedicated to each other, and for me, that is enough. I am still me, though, and part of being me is having my name. That's just how I feel. I'm really glad, though, that you are looking forward to changing your name; I think it's nice that you'll feel more connected that way. It just doesn't work that way for me.

And this would be my response to answer the part of your post that I bolded: not everything about me changed when I got married, nor do I feel that it should have! For me, changing my name is about as necessary to being married as getting a nose job. I think you can see the reason in a statement like "I have had my nose for 345719457 years, why would I change because I am getting married?" Clearly, my nose does not have to change for me to be married. For me, neither does my name.

Finally: my husband actually didn't want me to change my name, and he never expected it of me. He loves me with the name (and nose) I've always had.

wiwicaty · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:4d2f22cb-6453-4605-a263-1ff16a9d2b26">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it has a lot to do with the marriage. How can someone decide to share their life, home, finances, and even bring children into the world, but cannot *condescend to share the same last name? (*sarcasm) Everytime I read the phrase "ZOMG it's been my name for 345719457 years, why would I change it because I got married?" I want to fuckingpuke. Why doesn't that apply to everything else? You were unmarried for that many years too...so that means you should stay single? I have to say I think most reasonings behind keeping the maiden name sounds like a bunch of feminist bologna. I don't expect everyone to feel the same way I do about this. I get that everyone is different. I just think it's disrespectful. I have never even entertained the thought of keeping my last name.
Posted by sweetvidalia[/QUOTE]

<div>The comparison isn't proper. Your marital status, namely being single as you mentioned, doesn't involve your <em>identity. </em>Your name on the other hand, <em>does involve</em> your identity. If you think that cherishing your identity means to disrespect your husband then you lack self respect, IMO. I also wouldn't identify my marriage with my last name any more than I'd identify it with its certificate.</div>

sweetvidalia · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:2e36ab91-5ece-4d6c-ac48-6c753a971035">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : I refuse to take the opinon of anyone who thinks that comparing your FI's penis size to that of your ex is the proper way to handle marital conflict. Sorry.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Oh wow, this is the first time I've heard this one. Way to take a stand for yourself! And how obvious that you don't really have any logical counter-argument for what I said, so therefore you have to point to something irrevelevant to try make yourself look better. Oh and also posting a photo of a thumbs up. You really proved your point!

lalap69 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:4d2f22cb-6453-4605-a263-1ff16a9d2b26">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it has a lot to do with the marriage. How can someone decide to share their life, home, finances, and even bring children into the world, but cannot *condescend to share the same last name? (*sarcasm) Everytime I read the phrase "ZOMG it's been my name for 345719457 years, why would I change it because I got married?" I want to fuckingpuke. Why doesn't that apply to everything else? You were unmarried for that many years too...so that means you should stay single? I have to say I think most reasonings behind keeping the maiden name sounds like a bunch of feminist bologna. I don't expect everyone to feel the same way I do about this. I get that everyone is different. I just think it's disrespectful. I have never even entertained the thought of keeping my last name.
Posted by sweetvidalia[/QUOTE]
So what you're saying is that you're really sexist.

Really, it wasn't necessary to write so much to express that thought. See how I did it in just one line?

immaeetu · April 2011

sweetvidalia, you are truly the most sexist, combative person I have ever seen. You should be ashamed of yourself for your behavior and the readers who may see your posts and think they love their husbands any less just because they don't want to file a bunch of paperwork to change their names. A parental curse on you: that you have a bunch of kids just like you who will say mean things that make you doubt yourself all the time. Just punishment.

Manwaithiel · April 2011

Oh. My. Gravy.

Sweet Vidalia, since when did changing your name become a barometer of your commitment to your husband? Is your husband equally less invested in the marriage because he doesn't change his name to yours? Hmmm?

Manwaithiel · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:4e92f44a-737a-4b3f-9837-9dc4009b2871">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : I will assume you're joking or using sarcasm font. If not, I won't be able to sleep at night. Because that's the most ignorant, backwards-thinking statement I've ever heard.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

I think she's being very obviously sarcastic here.

sweetvidalia · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:91792398-24df-42a1-add5-3115ebd6174b">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : So what you're saying is that you're really sexist. Really, it wasn't necessary to write so much to express that thought. See how I did it in just one line?
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

You're totally right. I am a woman who is sexist against women. That makes perfect sense. Thanks for the enlightenment.

sweetvidalia · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:a094430b-7135-472d-a9dd-d9de5f72e922">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]sweetvidalia, you are truly the most sexist, combative person I have ever <strong>seen</strong>. You should be ashamed of yourself for your behavior and the readers who may see your posts and think they love their <strong>hus bands</strong> any less just because they don't want to file a bunch of paperwork to change their names. A parental curse on you: that you have a bunch of kids just like you who will say mean things that make you doubt yourself all the time. Just punishment.
Posted by immaeetu[/QUOTE]

Please point out to me where I brought their love for their husbands into question. I'm pretty sure that my commentary on the topic was far from combative. I'm sorry that you don't agree with what I feel about it. I guess the fact that I feel very strongly about it may come across as combative. However, I'm not the one wishing curses on other people.

I can't have children, so sorry to crap on your voodoo dreams.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:4d2f22cb-6453-4605-a263-1ff16a9d2b26">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it has a lot to do with the marriage. How can someone decide to share their life, home, finances, and even bring children into the world, but cannot *condescend to share the same last name? (*sarcasm) Everytime I read the phrase "ZOMG it's been my name for 345719457 years, why would I change it because I got married?" I want to fuckingpuke. Why doesn't that apply to everything else? You were unmarried for that many years too...so that means you should stay single? I have to say I think most reasonings behind keeping the maiden name sounds like a bunch of feminist bologna. I don't expect everyone to feel the same way I do about this. I get that everyone is different. I just think it's disrespectful. I have never even entertained the thought of keeping my last name.
Posted by sweetvidalia[/QUOTE]

Want to know why so many women aren't eager to change their name these days? It's not because we love our husbands any less than our mothers generation. It's because most of us no longer go from daddy's house to husband's house at the age of 18 or 19 before accomplishing anything. I have a college degree, law school degree and two Supreme Court certificates all with my maiden name on them. I am known in my professional community by my maiden name.

My FI told me that this subject wasn't even up for discussion because it's my name and my choice. He was shocked that I'm considering taking his name and using my maiden name as a middle name but continuing to use only the maiden name professionally.

THAT is respectful.

Go ahead and fuckingpuke.

aerinpegadrak · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:c9a9b246-6d43-4ca4-ab07-66ea61eb4a2a">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : You're totally right. I am a woman who is sexist against women. That makes perfect sense. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Posted by sweetvidalia[/QUOTE]
I'll bet you don't think that non-whites can be racist, either. That seems like the sort of logic that operates in your world.

lalap69 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:c9a9b246-6d43-4ca4-ab07-66ea61eb4a2a">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep : You're totally right. I am a woman who is sexist against women. That makes perfect sense. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Posted by sweetvidalia[/QUOTE]
Oh honey, you really think that being a woman prevents you from being sexist? It sounds like you do need enlightenment.

I'll bet you think Sarah Pailin is a feminist too.

Last name: to Keep or not to Keep

Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep

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