I think I screwed it all up... PLEASE HELP ME!

philgrangee · February 2012

Hi guys,

So I think I spoiled my proposal. I've had a ring since November, and was waiting until Valentine's Day to ask (V-Day also happens to be our anniversary). But, my GF of 4.5 years is suddenly leaving for a last-minute family reunion in Canada tomorrow, and she'll be gone for 1.5 weeks, meaning she's gonna get back home after V-day.

It's really less about me wanting to get it over with and more about me wanting her to be my fiance ASAP, bc I love her so much and life is short, and we both know we're meant to be together. So anyway, I really didn't have any plans on making a big proposal production to begin with for V-day, so I thought tonight we could just go out to a nice dinner and then come home, she can finish packing, and I can pop the question and give her the ring (she's flying out tomorrow). I thought maybe she would also want to have a ring when she sees her family!

So we're in bed, talking with the lights out like we usually do every night, and I mention that I bought "us" something for our anniversary and V-day. I purposefully said "us" because I do believe the ring is for "us," not just "her." She caught on immediately. She starts asking silly questions, like, "Is it a pony??" Then I told her I actually bought this "gift" back in November. Before I could go any further, she quickly said she'd rather wait until she got back from her trip. I took the hint immediately. Then suddenly I felt very sheepish for even having said anything in the first place, and now I can't sleep over it. The entire element of surprise is lost, and I fear I may have ruined one of the major stories of her life.

Is there anyway to fix this? I realize now that I shouldn't have said anything. I mean, what woman in her right mind would want to tell all her friends that her BF proposed to her right before bedtime on a Monday night?!?

So now, she knows that I bought something, and that it was purchased in November. I can't even lie and pretend I had gotten us plane tickets somewhere because it wouldn't make sense (why would I have needed to purchase it back in November?!?). So stupid.

PLEASE HELP ME. And please don't tell me to buy a pony. Thanks.

Britt1893 · February 2012

Personally, Engagements that are wayyyyy over the top are too much. You proposing the way you did, was something special, because its something you guys do together each night. My fiance' proposed to me after my high school graduation. It was dark and he took me out to where we had our first date, it was on a soccer field in my Dad's neighborhood. My friend got engaged soon after and she was ranting and raving about how much fun the trip to hawaii was and how he took her out to this private island and the waiter opened up a tray, and there was huge rock, and so on and so on. The way you ask says a lot about you. I feel the way you asked her had shown that you like the way things are, how everything is falling into place. To me, as long as he doesn't just hand you the box and say we're getting hitched, you're on the right track. Its the same thing with the ring itself, It doesn't matter the make, the model, how many carats the ring is or has, its the thought that count. You took a huge step into making this kind of commitment, unfortunately she picked up on it...Now, make it a surprise. She will either forget about it, or she wil be so nervous to see what you have planned. So cook a special dinner, have a cute night like you do, and then BEFORE making your way to bedroom, get down on one knee and pop the question. I am sorry if my advice isn't top notch. I don't respond to a lot of situations on here. The ladies here are awesome and they can probably give you better advice. But I hope this works in your favor. Oh, and buy like a stuffed pony toy and tie the ring to it, that could work. I don't know.

mrszeno34 · February 2012

I knew exactly when my FI was going to propose. We had a similiar type conversation where he sort of hinted and I knew it was coming and he said something about cooking a special dinner that weekend and I was like - why do I have to wait?? So he said, want to take a drive, we drove up to a spot that is special for us, and he proposed. I mean, in the car ride there I could see the ring box in his pocket. No surprise at all. And I LOVE my proposal story. The lack of surprise didn't ruin it at all, in fact, having the drive up to our spot knowing the proposal was coming was so relaxing and peaceful and exciting at the same time, it was just a very sweet time to share before the proposal and then all the craziness of wedding planning started. And it was totally a random Tuesday night and that was just fine with me, it actually made it fun in a way - like, honey look how special you made a random Tuesday night for us!
No matter how you do it, it will be perfect!

achiduck · February 2012

I knew my proposal was coming but it was just as special. I wouldn't worry too much about this.

deburnin · February 2012

I knew my proposal was coming too. I knew FI had a ring for over a year before he proposed. I didn't know how he was going to, but I had my suspicious of where. I still cried. I wouldn't change the weeks leading up to the proposal at all. The teasing and talking about it were just as special as the actual proposal.

butterflyjumper1 · February 2012

don't worry about ruining anything!!!

i knew exactly when mine was coming. my fiance was so nervous and acting so bizarre i quickly put two and two together. we had been together for 6.5 years before he proposed, and while we do go out on dates fairly often, he was acting so bizarre about wanting to "walk around" a place that was special to us, i knew i was going to be proposed to! it was still special and perfect even though i knew what was happening, and i know yours will be too.

Hilraythebride · February 2012

My FI and I had talked about it before he ven bought the ring, he didn't want to do this if it wasn't something I wanted too. So I knew that he was going to propose at some point and I knew he was making payments on the ring. I just didn't know when, it doesn't have to be a big production it is the point that you are getting and will be engaged.

There will be many proposal stories you both hear in your lifetime but I am certain that hers will be your favorite.

Sheeby · February 2012

I knew a proposal was in the works but I simply didn't know when. Coincidentally, neither did he. He had the ring for a few months but one typical week night at home he decided to ask right then and there. It wasn't planned, he simply chose that moment for the exact same reason you stated above. FYI he didn't even get to say the actual "will you marry me" because I had tackled him with hugs and kisses before he was able to finish. So the point is: if she knows just as much as you do that you two were meant to be together, whatever moment you chose to ask her, surprise or no surprise, she's gonna be so stoked at the end of the day that you two will be getting married. Good Luck!

rlavach · February 2012

I knew exactly when my proposal was happening also. My FI went to my dad to ask for his blessing & he kind of didn't say yes. So, I found out. After we cleared all that confusion, my FI had the green light. He had been holding on to the ring for almost 2 months. He couldn't wait any longer.

So that day after having lunch at a local restaurant, he asked me to go for a walk in the local park. It's nothing special, trust me. I knew it was coming because he refused to take his suit jacket off even though it was 100+ degrees. We sat on a bench & as he started his 'speech,' I knew exactly what was coming.

I was still 100% shocked. I couldn't speak for a few hours & was in a proposal coma. I was a mess. I can't even imagine how I'd be if it was a total surprise. It's still just as special.

Beads921 · February 2012

Dude, my FI called me upstairs from doing laundry on a Sunday night to propose after his original plan for the Friday night previous was ruined by an overbearing friend. Even though it's not the most romantic story in the world, it's our story.

It was a total surprise, and only after did I learn he'd been carrying my ring around for 2 days straight waiting for the right time to do it. Poor guy - he was a ball of stress all weekend.

When your GF gets home, no matter how you ask her, it's still going to be special. You're still asking her to marry you. That's kind of a big deal.

lindseyann410 · February 2012

If it's in your budget/schedule, it might be cool to fly up and surprise her on Valentine's Day.

Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with simple and sweet. That's how mine was, and I thought it was perfect.

philgrangee · February 2012

Thanks for the input, everyone! I feel *slightly* better (not 100%, unfortunately). I've decided to stop researching ways to propose, because it's becoming clearer and clearer to me that I can never pull any of that off. I mean, I can't fly our entire families to Disneyworld and hire Mickey to be a prop. This is becoming rather depressing to be honest. I feel like there's nothing I can do to live up to the hype. Ladies, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE appreciate the effort, no matter how it turns out--this is so scary for us--none of us want to screw it up for you, and when I read stats like "83% of women say they were disappointed with their proposal" it just adds to the pressure.

As for my situation, I feel like it's hopeless. I shouldn't have opened my stupid mouth, so the only way I can surprise her is by NOT proposing for a while. I can hold off for another couple of months just to throw her off.

I thought this was supposed to be a positive, happy thing... I feel like crawling under a rock and hiding out for a while...

Britt1893 · February 2012

You have this! You have her! Make it...you two...

mandi921vh · February 2012

My FI proposed at our apartment when I got home one afternoon. He left a note at the front door asking for me to meet him in the bedroom where I found him knelt down with a ring and candles spelling out "Will You Marry Me". It was so sweet just the two of us. It wasn't anything over the top, but it was perfect.

Propose anyway you want, she will be so happy you asked, that's what makes it romantic

meganb1977 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_i-think-i-screwed-it-all-up-please-help-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:b20c8d62-f538-4aa6-a615-2a353a27c4fePost:5d06d670-34f5-4e4e-b491-d529287e4aa7">Re: I think I screwed it all up... PLEASE HELP ME!</a>:
[QUOTE]I knew exactly when my proposal was happening also. My FI went to my dad to ask for his blessing & he kind of didn't say yes. So, I found out. After we cleared all that confusion, my FI had the green light. He had been holding on to the ring for almost 2 months. He couldn't wait any longer. So that day after having lunch at a local restaurant, he asked me to go for a walk in the local park. It's nothing special, trust me. I knew it was coming because he refused to take his suit jacket off even though it was 100+ degrees. We sat on a bench & as he started his 'speech,' I knew exactly what was coming. I was still 100% shocked. I couldn't speak for a few hours & was in a proposal coma. I was a mess. I can't even imagine how I'd be if it was a total surprise. It's still just as special.
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

Too funny! The day fiance proposed I asked him why he insisted on wearing long pants even though it was 100+ degrees. At one point during our date I kind of suspected but I decided, "Nah." A while later when he said "I've got something," I was like, "Holy crap, this IS it." Would have been a special moment whether I was onto him or not.

Danny&Mel2003 · February 2012

I had no idea my FI was proposing ... he had been planning two yrs an never gave hints actually made it crystal clear wasnt happening any time soon ... we were on the balcony of our cruise when he got down on his knee in fact he told me to take a shot of alcohol when I turned around he was on his knee and asked. He said he waited for what felt like the right moment! He knew would be over our vacation but waited for the time to feel right.

My suggestion wait for when it feels right and she'll love it, it'll be your engagement story.

jenbenRN · February 2012

Just the fact that you are so worried about making her happy means everything! You are obviously a special person, and she is lucky to have you. All a women wants to hear is how much you love her and that you want to spend the rest of your life with her.

But an idea is just to surprise her as she comes through the door. Be on one knee when she gets home, and just tell her how you feel. That will be enough.

jenbenRN · February 2012

Oh! And have a stuffed pony. I would LOVE that!

calliopeia2013 · February 2012

I...may not be the most helpful person ever because if my Fi had tried to fly me to Disney World to have Mickey help him propose, I would probably have said no. (Same with Jumbotron proposals or skywriting or whatever.)

My FI proposed to me after I got out of the shower on a random Saturday morning. No frills, no kneeling, nothing except the ring and "Will you marry me?" Because he was too excited to wait any longer. It was absolutely the most special thing he could have done, and I will always treasure the memory.

I kind of don't believe that 83% statistic, because what made the proposal magical was knowing that he loved me enough that he was sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. How could anyone be disappointed with that? I think you're worrying too much. She's probably so excited to get home to you and get engaged...I can't even image how excited I'd be in her shoes! Don't wait to try and "surprise" her; I know that would make me feel awful if I were her, like I had done something wrong. What's important is the promise, not the surprise.

rlavach · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_i-think-i-screwed-it-all-up-please-help-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:b20c8d62-f538-4aa6-a615-2a353a27c4fePost:37378653-8540-4f30-882f-78da87a4f39d">Re: I think I screwed it all up... PLEASE HELP ME!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the input, everyone! I feel *slightly* better (not 100%, unfortunately). I've decided to stop researching ways to propose, because it's becoming clearer and clearer to me that I can never pull any of that off. I mean, I can't fly our entire families to Disneyworld and hire Mickey to be a prop. This is becoming rather depressing to be honest. I feel like there's nothing I can do to live up to the hype. Ladies, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE appreciate the effort, no matter how it turns out--this is so scary for us--none of us want to screw it up for you, and when I read stats like "83% of women say they were disappointed with their proposal" it just adds to the pressure. As for my situation, I feel like it's hopeless. I shouldn't have opened my stupid mouth,<strong> so the only way I can surprise her is by NOT proposing for a while. I can hold off for another couple of months just to throw her off.</strong> I thought this was supposed to be a positive, happy thing... I feel like crawling under a rock and hiding out for a while...
Posted by philgrangee[/QUOTE]
I honestly think that would be the worst idea. I hope you were just joking when you said that. Knowing that your FI has the ring and isn't proposing is one of the worst feelings. I knew my FI had the ring for those 2 months & I was miserable. I kept doubting myself wondering why he wouldn't propose. I'd think: he's unsure, he doesn't really love me, he was just trying to mess with my head...not pretty. When she's back, I wouldn't take more than a few days to do it. Prolonging it only makes it worse.

sparkles776 · February 2012

I knew my proposal was coming also. FI had been acting so strange the whole entire day. We were on vacation, and about 10 minutes before it happened, I just knew. I still cried because nothing can prepare you for that moment. It was just as special. I second buying a little stuffed pony- that would be so cute.

erintlyon · February 2012

I don't think it's ruined at all - in fact I think that misleading her by buying "concert tickets" or a surprise plane tickets back in November - hey they were having a huge sale, you couldn't pass it up!! Will only throw her for a loop in a good way - she might feel silly that she jumped to a conclusion and that would be the perfect time to pop the question...

The bottom line is that you love her and she loves you - coming from someone who has been waiting 6 + years to get asked, be thankful that you have what you do. I would settle for anything at this point!!

missy045 · February 2012

It doesn't matter if she knows. She will love when and how you propose and it will always be something she will remember. I had gone and picked out my ring, and I figured out the day of that my FI was going to propose but it was still special. Don't worry...she'll love it and remember the day (whenever it is) for the rest of her life.

saacjw · February 2012

I knew exactly when I was going to be proposed to because my fiance said something kinda similar, he had a "special errand to run" the day he bought the ring, and then he spent a lot of time pestering me that he was going to come visit (I was trying to finish my thesis and his count down to coming to visit was 2 longer than I had to finish., stress) It doesn't matter. His big grand proposal idea was spoiled by horrific weather too and guess what? That also didn't matter. That she knows is actually a good sign I think, because it means she knows you.

msbdumas · February 2012

Don't be so hard on yourself...it doesn't matter how and when and where you do it..its the thought of you asking her that will count..I would do something simple as asking her the moment she walks in the door. With the stuffed pony in hand or meet her at the airport. And ask her then...if you love her that much and is ready to start your journey as hubby and wife I say do it now don't wait another month ot two ! Good luck !

OBX2011 · February 2012

She's waited for this moment for a very long time.....trust me, she will be quite surprised!

No matter how many times I tried to play out how my H would propose to me, it was nothing like I thought it would be. I knew it was coming too but just didn't know exactly when but when the time did come, I was completely blown away and teary-eyed. The whole works!

Take a deep breath and relax. I promise promise that she will be beyond surprised, thrilled and over the top!

Congratulations!

Ciera Brown · February 2012

Ha! My proposal was also not a surprise, nor one of those over-the-top crazy ones. Actually, I was sick, our dog was sick, and he popped the question while I was cleaning up the dishes from our Chinese takeout.

The poor boy had been planning something 'special' but I kept ruining his plans (I got sick, had to work, et cetera).

Not the most romatic day of my life...but isn't that what weddings are for? Anyway, I still said yes, and I'd say yes again 1000 imes over.

mocarski002 · February 2012

I knew my fiance was going to propose. We had been dating over 6 years at the time, and started looking at rings 6 months before he proposed. I was constantly giving him ideas of what I liked. We had my ring finger checked for size. I was getting frustrated after a few months wondering why he hadnt proposed yet. His answer to why it hadnt happened was he wasnt gonna do it somewhere home. We planned a weekend trip to Misquamicut, RI and i knew it was coming. We went to dinner and walked back on the beach and he stopped and proposed!

I think I screwed it all up... PLEASE HELP ME!

Re: I think I screwed it all up... PLEASE HELP ME!

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