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Feelings on motherhood?
So, with my friend's "we're not trying to get pregnant, but we're not preventing it" thing recently (see earlier post)...I've been thinking about motherhood lately. For me, I've always wanted to be a mom someday. I think i've known since I was pretty young that I wanted a family; I've even had a girl's name picked out since I was in elementary school. I know women who are open to the idea of kids and women who never want children...so I guess just opening up a forum for all us gals to talk about our thoughts on the subject...
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Re: Feelings on motherhood?
I really want to adopt or foster some older children -- the ones the system tends to forget -- but whether we pursue that will depend a lot on FI's and my career situations in about 10 years. I'm definitely not having any kids, naturally or otherwise, for at least, like, 7 years.
My main reasons for not wanting biological children, at least for now, are:
1. Terrified of pregnancy. Seriously. I remember how miserable I was during puberty when my body was doing all kinds of things I'd never seen before, and pregnancy strikes me as equally scary and weird.
2. Kids throw up... a lot. Some of the people around here know already about my emetophobia... I can't stand vomit. I'm sure I could get over it for my own children, but I'm not sure I even want to try.
[QUOTE]I love being a mom. But I can totally see why some animals eat their young.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]
I love that saying.
That, and: "Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jello to a tree."
I want kids. BF wants to TTC right after getting married. I have him talked into starting on our one year anniversary.
He wants one, I want two. I had siblings and couldn't imagine life without them. Kids are like Lay's potato chips, you can't have just one.
1) I'm horrified of childbirth, needles, doctors. I think I'll need to be on anxiety meds my entire pregnancy, which I fear is a bad thing for my future children (note: I currently do not have anxiety problems that require medication...so this would be a big change)
2) As a teacher, I've seen so much of what can go wrong. I'd like to think I won't mess up my kids too much, but I won't know until I have them, right? I just want them to be awesome
3) The thought of being preggers before marriage seriously freaks me out. I blame this on being raised Catholic.
I've never much believed the "We aren't trying but we aren't prevening it" thing - if you aren't taking birth control or using condoms and are actively having sex, then you're trying to get pregnant. But I do understand why people say that so there isn't any pressure. I dunno, I figure we'll start trying but not tell anyone after we get settled in his first base (around 2 years after we get married).
I used to think I would be TTC right after college, but once I actually got to college and started planning my career I realized that wouldn't work out.
We also both feel the same about adoption, it's something we'd really want to look into.
And like Elle, I would want to adopt an older child, they need homes too.
But I have a long time to decide on the specifics!
With that said though, for me I think at some point (later in life) it would be sad to have no children. I think about China (They've had a 1-child policy for a while now) and how those children are growing up with no siblings...and then when they have their 1 child...that kid will have no aunts or uncles. I have a very large family and watch my grandparents enjoying retirement and older age surrounded by people they know and love from all generations. I cannot imagine getting older without that connection.
I really, really love kids and want to kids. BF would be happy with 1 or 2; I would ideally love more, but I'll have whatever I can have. Adoption is one of my goals for later on in life as well.
I actually like the idea of being pregnant, EXCEPT the hormonal changes. I already tend to be a fairly moody person, and the idea of PPD especially scares me. My family has a history of mental health issues, and I'm so happy with where I'm at (mentally, emotionally) that I really don't want that to change.
We want 2. If we want more after that, we'll revisit the situation. We plan to TTC in about a year. If for some reason we can't have kids naturally, we'll find some other way to be parents (although it would be heartbreaking to switch gears at first).
It's a huge priority for us, and not even a question of "if," just when and maybe how.
Married to my best friend, making our way together through this crazy, mixed-up thing we call life.
I think I'm just scared. And I'll admit it here. I tried REALLY HARD to get back into shape I don't think I'm going to be able to get my body back into pre baby shape once I have a kid. Yes I am having a moment of conceitedness.
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
FI and I have discussed children and plan on having two (with third under discussion after the second). Due to my age I think we will start TTC as soon as we get married, so 2012.
Wow, seeing that in writing makes me feel nauseous. Not in a bad way, but in a I know life is going to really change soon and I hope that I'm ready for it way.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
[QUOTE]When I was younger having kids was a natural feeling. Growing up and fending for myself I think man maybe that's not in the cards for me. But I see how my older sister and her hubbie act with my little niece and its so endearing that I can't help but be a big softie. FI is all about having kids, he's so planning the things we're all going to do together. We talked one night before bed about what would happen if I got prego by accident before we get married. His answer we get married now in a small ceremony and start our family early, my answer, I don't know. I think I'm just not ready to have a little one growing in my body. But FI will lay a hand on my tummy sometimes and get that goofy look on his face when he sees Hapa babies. I think I'm just scared. <strong>And I'll admit it here. I tried REALLY HARD to get back into shape I don't think I'm going to be able to get my body back into pre baby shape once I have a kid. Yes I am having a moment of conceitedness.
</strong>Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]
This! I try really hard to view pregnancy in a postive light, but I can't help but view it as destroying my body. I've come so far and it wasn't easy. Heck, I still have a ways to go until ideal, but I'm happy right now.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
I also feel that raising children should be part of the human experience, so whether I have my own or not I definitely plan on fostering and then perhaps adopting a sibling group. I can't stand watching siblings torn apart if they're taken away from their parents.
Still here and still fabulous!
Whether I end up with larger hips, a rounder or flatter butt, larger or smaller breasts, stretch marks, who knows? But to DH and I, it's just part of what my body has always been made to do. It was made to change and shift and grow another human being. That's just awesome, man!
I'll let you know if I still feel that way next year.
Married to my best friend, making our way together through this crazy, mixed-up thing we call life.
[QUOTE]PS - My sister got pregnant twice within one month of 'not preventing'. Ha.
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]
What?
Married to my best friend, making our way together through this crazy, mixed-up thing we call life.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : What?
Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]
Separate pregnancies.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : What?
Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]
<div>My first niece was conceived within one month of my sister going off the pill. My sister is now pregnant again... and once again got pregnant within one month of going off the pill. That girl is F-E-R-T-I-L-E!</div>
Still here and still fabulous!
We've started talking about it more frequently now... we'll be out somewhere and my BF will point out a cute toddler or baby. It's super cute that he's starting to notice kids more and more. He even had a tentative timeline in mind... get married next year and start TTC right away, though we're thinking we should push that back to 2013 because of my school and job.
We just have to agree on how many... he said not 1 or 2 and I said not 3, so he wants 4... I told him we should have 1 and see how it goes!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : My first niece was conceived within one month of my sister going off the pill. My sister is now pregnant again... and once again got pregnant within one month of going off the pill. That girl is F-E-R-T-I-L-E!
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]
OHHHH, I was like "how can someone get pregnant twice in the same month? That's not biologically possible even if two eggs are released within a 24-hour period that's not getting pregnant twice..."
My brain was going wonky. I totally misread your other post.
Married to my best friend, making our way together through this crazy, mixed-up thing we call life.
[QUOTE] 2. Kids throw up... a lot. <strong>Some of the people around here know already about my emetophobia...</strong> I can't stand vomit. I'm sure I could get over it for my own children, but I'm not sure I even want to try.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
Elle, I used to be VERY emetophobic when I was younger. My sister had a very sensitive stomach and I still remember the terror that I used to feel when she would be sick. Not the usual, oh that's gross I don't want to be near it kinda thing, but all out white knuckle heart pounding terror. It may sound weird to some people, but I get it! After being the designated take-care-of-the-sick-drunk-girl friend in college, though, I got over it. Mostly. Still freaks me out though.
There is nothing I have ever wanted more than being a mom. When I was little and people would ask what do you want to be when you grow up, I would say in love and a mom. BF wants kids too, and it came up very early on in our relationship that a big famoily was an important dream to both of us. We want 4 but we may have to scale that back to be realistic.We' rather wait and be engaged and then married first with some more financial stability, but quite honestly I could have a baby tomorrow and be happy, and BF would be happy too.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : Elle, I used to be VERY emetophobic when I was younger. My sister had a very sensitive stomach and I still remember the terror that I used to feel when she would be sick. Not the usual, oh that's gross I don't want to be near it kinda thing, but all out white knuckle heart pounding terror. It may sound weird to some people, but I get it! After being the designated take-care-of-the-sick-drunk-girl friend in college, though, I got over it. Mostly. Still freaks me out though.
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]
See, I have certain friends that I absolutely refuse to drink with, because I'm worried they'll overdo it. But yeah, you nailed it. It's not just the gross factor. It's horrifying.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
April 2013 September Siggy Challenge
Red Horse Barn, Huntington Beach, CA
[QUOTE] I also want to say that I am a big believer woman's rights and choices and that I think it's everyone's right to decide whether or not they want kids and want to parent. <strong>Sometimes society looks down upon those who choose not too as selfish and destined to be lonely in old age</strong>. Then society can also look down on you for having too many kids, whatever that number is. Family building is a personal choice and it's nobody's d@mm business how we choose to form our families. A family can be 2 people (husband/wife, father/son) or it can be 34 people and counting.
Posted by DanieKA[/QUOTE]
I completely agree that it is a personal choice. I hope you don't feel I was being judgy with my earlier post...I just meant to imply that I would be lonely if I did not have family ties in my older age. Although I cannot imagine NOT having kids, i'm sure there others who cannot imagine HAVING kids. To each their own!