two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant

amouse83 · March 2013

uuuuuuugggghhhhh!!!
After picking out my my four bridesmaids two of the four are trying to get pregant! One just found out she is the other is hoping to be pregant by summer. My wedding isn't untill april 2014 but this throws a real wrench in the wedding plans one this is making dress shopping a nightmare. The conversation is mostly about pregancy and nursing rather than bridal and wedding. Second there is no way to judge what will fit and no one can agree on type now. Third at this point I dont feel like they are going to have a very good time if one has a new born and another is 6 months or more pregant. Would it be wrong of me to univite them has bridemaids

Simply Fated · March 2013

In Response to Re:two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant:[QUOTE]uuuuuuugggghhhhh!!! After picking out my my four bridesmaids two of the four are trying to get pregant! One just found out she is the other is hoping to be pregant by summer.nbsp; My wedding isn't untill april 2014nbsp; but this throws a real wrench in the wedding plans one this is making dress shopping a nightmare. The conversation is mostly about pregancy and nursing rather than bridal and wedding. Second there is no way to judge what will fit and no one can agree on type now.nbsp; Third at this point I dont feel like they are going to have a very good time if one has a new born and another is 6 months or more pregant. Would it be wrong of me to univite them has bridemaids Posted by amouse83[/QUOTE]

Yes, definitely disinvite theM. They'll be better off for it. I mean, how dare they attempt to have children when yoU're trying to plan a wedding? They neeD to sort out their priorities!

beardownbchs · March 2013

But all joking aside, it would be very very wrong of you to ask them not to be bridesmaids. Your wedding is just another day in the eyes of everyone else. It's ridiculous of you to want them to put their lives on hold for a VERY long time just so your wedding will be exactly as you pictured it.

They are free to talk about whatever they want and trying to monopolize all conversations with your wedding is crazy.

You can let them pick their own dresses so they are all comfortable. And you don't have to pick out dresses for a very long time. They don't have to have matching David's Bridal dresses - give them a color and a length and let them go where ever they want. This is not something you should be worrying about now. At all.

Moms and moms-to-be are perfectly capable of having fun. The only thing that would take away from their fun would be someone (you) trying to dictate how much fun they are to have.

I know having a wedding can be all-consuming in your mind but it's not even a fraction as important to your bridesmaids. Yes, I'm sure they want to be there for you on your day and I'm sure they care. But you sound like you're being a terrible friend by not wanting them in your wedding because they may or may not be pregnant and/or mothers.

Really, say this out loud and tell me it doesn't sound insane - "I no longer want to honor you in my wedding as one of the most important people in my life because you may have gotten pregnant. Matching dresses in non-maternity sizes, discussions about MY wedding alone and your alcohol intake are far more important to me than you are as a person. Please either wait until after MY DAY to continue with your own life or come as a guest". That's pretty much what you're saying to them.

amouse83 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-of-my-bridesmaids-are-trying-to-get-pregant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:58f67ad5-5ae9-424e-b45b-c4b23720663aPost:47be4d64-c51f-4437-a20c-be611342892a">Re: two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay I can't help it...
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]
<p class="MsoNormal"><span> good to know that you can copy and paste congrats I sure it must have been a hard task for you. but you really are no help.
I am trying to plan a wedding I dont expect for my bridesmaids life to</span>r evolve around mine.<span> </span>But I would like input on the wedding Instead all I hear about is how one wants her boyfriend to pop the question so she can get married in June and be pregnant by the end of summer and another talks about pregnancy and the five kids she wants to have.<span> </span>We had several events involving alcohol-planned day of and day before the wedding this will not go well with their current conditions.<span> </span>They are my friend and I want them to enjoy my wedding I don’t want them to be miserable bridesmaids. </p>

beardownbchs · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-of-my-bridesmaids-are-trying-to-get-pregant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:58f67ad5-5ae9-424e-b45b-c4b23720663aPost:23989b2a-9f42-4808-b138-14bb03d78e9f">Re: two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant : <strong>good to know that you can copy and paste congrats I sure it must have been a hard task for you.</strong> but you really are no help. I am trying to plan a wedding I dont<strong> expect for my bridesmaids life to r evolve around mine. </strong> But I would like input on the wedding Instead all I hear about is how one wants her boyfriend to pop the question so she can get married in June and be pregnant by the end of summer and another talks about pregnancy and the five kids she wants to have. We had several events involving alcohol-planned day of and day before the wedding this will not go well with their current conditions. They are my friend and I want them to enjoy my wedding I don’t want them to be miserable bridesmaids.
Posted by amouse83[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I actually dragged and dropped. Which is kind of hard on a laptop. </div><div>
</div><div>And to the second bolded - um, yeah. You kind of do. </div><div>
</div><div>And you want their input - ASK THEM. Not hard. </div><div>
</div><div>Events with alcohol - Probably also have water. </div><div>
</div><div>Sure they're your friends, but you don't sound like a very good friend to them. </div><div>
</div><div>If they don't want to be bridesmaids because they'll be super pregnant or chasing around a toddler or whatever, let them decide that. Kicking them out because your interpretation of fun for them doesn't include children is beyond stupid and selfish. </div>

[Deleted User] · March 2013

Baby trumps wedding. Every. Single. Time. What your BMs decide to do with their lives is their choices and they don't need to schedule it around your wedding.

1.) Pick a color and length so your BMs can pick their own dresses based on their budgets.

2.) They are not required to discuss any wedding details with you. Would it be nice? Sure, but especially with them having babies your wedding is irrelevant. Think about it: Your friend is getting married while you're going through your first pregnancy, don't tell me you wouldn't want to talk about your growing child!

3.) If you have any issues ideas about your wedding, go over them with your FI. It's his wedding too.

4.) Kicking them out of the wedding is only make you look bad. Do you want to go through life where people will be whispering "Look, there's that b!tch who kicked two girls out of her wedding just because they got pregnant."

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

I'm.... horrified. Some people spend years trying to have children. You think your wedding is a huge life event that is difficult to schedule? Try getting pregnant when other people scowl at you about how incredibly inconvenient your uterus is to them. Try bringing a life into this world while someone thinks you are SUCH a horrible drag and doesn't support you.

You are organizing ONE event for ONE day. For that day, yes, you get to be the most important person evar. Demanding to be the most important person in the room for months and months and months is..... the nicest word I have for it is selfish.

amouse83 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-of-my-bridesmaids-are-trying-to-get-pregant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:58f67ad5-5ae9-424e-b45b-c4b23720663aPost:32f85c35-f30f-483d-ae38-7a45e2c053b8">Re: two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant</a>:
[QUOTE]I suspect you've been reading too many bridal magazines and wedding websites with their bogus lists of "bridesmaid duties." The only thing a bride should do with those is throw them in the trash. The person with whom you should be getting input and sharing ideas with about the wedding is your fiance. You are marrying him, not your bridesmaids. Bridesmaid dresses are ordered at a maximum of six months prior to the wedding date. Most dresses can be safely ordered at the four-month mark. Salons deal with pregnant bridesmaids on a daily basis and will know how to size them. Many of them carry maternity bridesmaid dresses. Pregnancy is not an illness. They are also adults, and can judge for themselves whether they feel up to do something or not. They do not need, and I'm certain do not want, you to do it for them. Please don't try to fool us, or them, with your lame excuse that you are concerned for them. You are thinking about yourself, and your pretty princess day. I'm 49 years old, had six miscarriages, and ended up unable to have children at all. You have no idea of the pain this causes a woman. Be glad you don't, and I hope and pray that it doesn't happen to you or your friends. You should be happy and hopeful for your friends, and the new lives they will bring into the world, not selfish and spiteful. They aren't being bad friends. YOU are. If you were my daughter we'd be having the Come To Jesus talk, and yesterday. You can still have a party with your friends without their "needing" to have a drink. Anyone who can't celebrate WITHOUT a drink in hand has a serious problem! A few facts about wedding party members: The tradition of bridesmaids is rooted in superstition. The bride's friends accompanied her to church in order to confuse watching demons about her identity, so they couldn't curse her marriage. Over time it evolved into a way to honor special friends and family members. A "maid of honor" was often selected from among the bridesmaids in order to show that this person is especiallly close to you. Weddings are very much an industry, which does its best to convince you, from cradle onward, that this is The! Most! Important! Day! Of! Your! Life! and that it's all about you, the bride. They want your friends to believe that they're "bad" friends if they aren't willing to spend, spend, spend on attire, jewelry, shoes, and parties. All those things pump more money back into the industry. Stop and ask yourself a question: did I ask my bridesmaids to be in my wedding because I wouldn't dream of getting married unless they were standing beside me? Or did I pick them because of what I think they'll do for me? Their real responsibility: get the dress and show up sober for the wedding. Your real responsibility: get married. Remember that the wedding industry is finished with you once the wedding is over. They can't make more money off you, so could care less if you offended your friends and trashed your relationships over the One Perfect Day they spent millions in advertising to convince you was your right
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<p class="MsoNormal">Ok you guys are getting the wrong idea. I don’t think that my Prego bridesmaids should plan their life around me but all they do is complain about everything. I change my colors in hopes of trying to make everyone happy and getting along better.<span> </span>Budget is an issue since one bridesmaid is a stay at home mom I am paying for her dress.<span> </span>I have to plan my wedding far in advance in I am paying for it.<span> </span>So I found a cheap bridesmaids dress on living social $60 tea length can be wore in over 25 different ways and is flowy fabric that can look good on all body types.<span> </span>The one pregnant bridesmaid refuses to even try it on.<span> </span>All my two pregnant bridesmaids do is complain well you know I am pregnant, well you know I am going to be huge, well you know I am going to have to nurse every two hours or more. <span> </span>I want them to have a good time at my wedding.<span> </span>But when I ask what do you think about having blue mason jars with red flowers and twine and the reply I get is well I painting the nursery green and yellow or when I get married I want the color coral. If they don’t have time to be in the wedding that fine. I would rather have them there has guest and be comfortable than has bridesmaids and be miserable.</p>

amouse83 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-of-my-bridesmaids-are-trying-to-get-pregant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:58f67ad5-5ae9-424e-b45b-c4b23720663aPost:ed4e97c7-76be-42ae-8e31-152c0a0dc414">Re: two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant</a>:
[QUOTE]Baby trumps wedding. Every. Single. Time. What your BMs decide to do with their lives is their choices and they don't need to schedule it around your wedding. 1.) Pick a color and length so your BMs can pick their own dresses based on their budgets. 2.) They are not required to discuss any wedding details with you. Would it be nice? Sure, but especially with them having babies your wedding is irrelevant. Think about it: Your friend is getting married while you're going through your first pregnancy, don't tell me you wouldn't want to talk about your growing child! 3.) If you have any issues ideas about your wedding, go over them with your FI. It's his wedding too. 4.) Kicking them out of the wedding is only make you look bad. Do you want to go through life where people will be whispering "Look, there's that b!tch who kicked two girls out of her wedding just because they got pregnant."
Posted by JordanF13[/QUOTE]
<p class="MsoNormal">Ok you guys are getting the wrong idea. I don’t think that my Prego bridesmaids should plan their life around me but all they do is complain about everything. I change my colors in hopes of trying to make everyone happy and getting along better.<span> </span>Budget is an issue since one bridesmaid is a stay at home mom I am paying for her dress.<span> </span>I have to plan my wedding far in advance in I am paying for it.<span> </span>So I found a cheap bridesmaids dress on living social $60 tea length can be wore in over 25 different ways and is flowy fabric that can look good on all body types.<span> </span>The one pregnant bridesmaid refuses to even try it on.<span> </span>All my two pregnant bridesmaids do is complain well you know I am pregnant, well you know I am going to be huge, well you know I am going to have to nurse every two hours or more. <span> </span>I want them to have a good time at my wedding.<span> </span>But when I ask what do you think about having blue mason jars with red flowers and twine and the reply I get is well I painting the nursery green and yellow or when I get married I want the color coral. If they don’t have time to be in the wedding that fine. I would rather have them there has guest and be comfortable than has bridesmaids and be miserable.</p>

amouse83 · March 2013

Ok you guys are getting the wrong idea. I don’t think that my Prego bridesmaids should plan their life around me but all they do is complain about everything. I change my colors in hopes of trying to make everyone happy and getting along better. Budget is an issue since one bridesmaid is a stay at home mom I am paying for her dress. I have to plan my wedding far in advance in I am paying for it. So I found a cheap bridesmaids dress on living social $60 tea length can be wore in over 25 different ways and is flowy fabric that can look good on all body types. The one pregnant bridesmaid refuses to even try it on. All my two pregnant bridesmaids do is complain well you know I am pregnant, well you know I am going to be huge, well you know I am going to have to nurse every two hours or more. I want them to have a good time at my wedding. But when I ask what do you think about having blue mason jars with red flowers and twine and the reply I get is well I painting the nursery green and yellow or when I get married I want the color coral. If they don’t have time to be in the wedding that fine. I would rather have them there has guest and be comfortable than has bridesmaids and be miserable.

OliveOilsMom · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-of-my-bridesmaids-are-trying-to-get-pregant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:58f67ad5-5ae9-424e-b45b-c4b23720663aPost:7234ee67-2a7c-4b9d-99f6-71992a651483">Re: two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok you guys are getting the wrong idea. I don’t think that my Prego bridesmaids should plan their life around me but all they do is complain about everything. I change my colors in hopes of trying to make everyone happy and getting along better. Budget is an issue since one bridesmaid is a stay at home mom I am paying for her dress. I have to plan my wedding far in advance in I am paying for it. So I found a cheap bridesmaids dress on living social $60 tea length can be wore in over 25 different ways and is flowy fabric that can look good on all body types. The one pregnant bridesmaid refuses to even try it on. All my two pregnant bridesmaids do is complain well you know I am pregnant, well you know I am going to be huge, well you know I am going to have to nurse every two hours or more. I want them to have a good time at my wedding. But when I ask what do you think about having blue mason jars with red flowers and twine and the reply I get is well I painting the nursery green and yellow or when I get married I want the color coral. If they don’t have time to be in the wedding that fine. I would rather have them there has guest and be comfortable than has bridesmaids and be miserable.
Posted by amouse83[/QUOTE]

So the $60 BM dress you found is that convertible dress that looks basically horrible on every single person who is not super skinny with no boobs. Sorry, but most ladies cannot wear those dresses comfortably for more than an hour.

For my wedding, my MOH was 5 months pregnant. When we purchased the BM dresses, she & her hubby were trying, so she bought a dress size up and got extra length so that her potential bump would be accomodated. And her dress ended up fitting perfect after alterations. She also came out and was the dd for my b-party. Another one of my BM had a 9 month old baby at the time of my wedding.

The point of all that is to tell you that you can keep on planning your wedding. First, it sounds like you want them to help you plan. That is what your FI is for. If they have no interest talking wedding, they probably just arent wedding people. Remember that no one is going to be more excited for your wedding than you are. Just stop talking wedding with them. Come here and ask about centerpieces and colors.

Also, you are not getting married until April 2014! That's over a year away and there is no need to be looking for BM dresses yet. I understand budgeting, but you should be putting your monthly budget into a savings account and only using that account for the wedding. When the time comes for dresses, around January 2014, go to Davids Bridal, they have many dresses that can accomodate pregnant ladies.

Do not kick them out. ALl they need to do is show up in their dress on the day of the wedding, they don't need to help you plan. As I said before, your FI should be helping you plan since this is his wedding too.

banana468 · March 2013

PPs are right.

You need to be just as excited for the lives your BMs are trying to plan or it's very hypocritical to say that they're not excited for you.

Put the dress shopping on hold for six months - until Sept / October of 2013. By that point, the BMs trying to get pregnant will know if they'r expecting and they can plan accordingly.

In the meantime stop stressing that your BMs are trying to lead their own lives or you'll forget that your life should be pretty great right now.

GoodLuckBear14 · March 2013

Holy crap.

OP, PPs gave you excellent advice. The only thing I can add is that you need to commit the following phrase to memory: "Nobody is ever going to care about my wedding as much as I do and nobody else plans their life around it." Needlepoint it on a pillow, Make it your screen saver. Tape it to your car's sun visor.

fperez7542 · March 2013

I just skimmed thru most of the responses. If ur wedding isn't for another year, why don't you put it off for a few months. Plus, you may get new styles to pick from. No sense in rushing bridesmaids dresses. Also, u can always pick a color and have each pick a dress that they like in the color you picked

artbyallie · March 2013

Dude, slow. Your. ROLL. It is entirely to early to be getting dresses. How much weight can be gained/lost in a year? And do you even have any idea of the myriad ways pregnancy can change a body? Also, totally agree that you should lose the convertible tea-length dresses because tea-length looks awful on every woman who isn't tall and leggy and convertible dresses do not stay tied and also look horrible on anyone who isn't built like a pre-pubescent boy.

It's no wonder your bridesmaids are complaining. If you're like this 13 months in advance, what the heck are you going to do to them as the wedding gets closer?

jennyd412 · March 2013

Ditto everything PP said. ESPECIALLY the convertible dresses, I have one and have never figured out how to wear it without risking a wardrobe malfunction. I can't imagine a pregnant or nursing woman trying to cover her boobs with those flimsy straps

MyNameIsNot · March 2013

Why are you trying to shop for BM dresses more than a year before the wedding?

Of course no one is taking it seriously. You are being ridiculous.

Salsera29 · March 2013

My wedding is in 4 months, and my sister (MOH) just found out she's pregnant. Luckily her dress was able to be changed to one that will be comfortable if she starts to show by then. That's pretty much the end of how her being pregnant affects my wedding.

Dealing with a baby, not being able to drink, etc...all of these things are really their concern, not yours. Don't give yourself extra stress! Give them a color and let them pick their own dresses, trust me, not only is that better for them, it is much easier for you too!

MrsMuq · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-of-my-bridesmaids-are-trying-to-get-pregant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:58f67ad5-5ae9-424e-b45b-c4b23720663aPost:043057ad-4e19-4662-8827-56ff48b24ab3">two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant</a>:
[QUOTE]uuuuuuugggghhhhh!!! After picking out my my four bridesmaids two of the four are trying to get pregant! One just found out she is the other is hoping to be pregant by summer. My wedding isn't untill april 2014 but this throws a real wrench in the wedding plans one this is making dress shopping a nightmare. The conversation is mostly about pregancy and nursing rather than bridal and wedding. Second there is no way to judge what will fit and no one can agree on type now. Third at this point I dont feel like they are going to have a very good time if one has a new born and another is 6 months or more pregant. Would it be wrong of me to univite them has bridemaids
Posted by amouse83[/QUOTE]

You need to find some new friends, stat! How dare they decide to have children prior to your wedding?! I mean, seriously, how dare they talk about being pregnant and nurseries instead of wedding dresses and cakes and uncorns and puppies and rainbows?!

I have nothing to say except you're an idiot, and I seriously hope this post is MUD.

BubblyBride75 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-of-my-bridesmaids-are-trying-to-get-pregant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:58f67ad5-5ae9-424e-b45b-c4b23720663aPost:7234ee67-2a7c-4b9d-99f6-71992a651483">Re: two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok you guys are getting the wrong idea. I don’t think that my Prego bridesmaids should plan their life around me but all they do is complain about everything. I change my colors in hopes of trying to make everyone happy and getting along better. Budget is an issue since one bridesmaid is a stay at home mom I am paying for her dress. I have to plan my wedding far in advance in I am paying for it. So I found a cheap bridesmaids dress on living social $60 tea length can be wore in over 25 different ways and is flowy fabric that can look good on all body types. The one pregnant bridesmaid refuses to even try it on. <strong>All my two pregnant bridesmaids do is complain well you know I am pregnant, well you know I am going to be huge, well you know I am going to have to nurse every two hours or more. I want them to have a good time at my wedding</strong>. But when I ask what do you think about having blue mason jars with red flowers and twine and the reply I get is well I painting the nursery green and yellow or when I get married I want the color coral. If they don’t have time to be in the wedding that fine. I would rather have them there has guest and be comfortable than has bridesmaids and be miserable.
Posted by amouse83[/QUOTE]

<div>#1 Listen to all PP in regards to not expecting anyone to care as much about your wedding as you do and not worrying about dresses yet. Keep in mind that budgets can change over a year too so it might be a good idea to re-evaluate that with each girl before embarking on any more dress shopping.</div><div>
</div><div>#2: In regards to the bold above, next time they make a comment about any of these things ask them how YOU can make the wedding day easier for THEM. It is your wedding after all and these are the most important women in your life. Be a good hostess to everyone. It is YOUR responsibility to make being a part of your wedding a tolerable/enjoyable experience for them, not theirs. Ask them how to accommodate the wedding day schedule with their breastfeeding schedule, offer them a chair during the ceremony, offer to arrange a babysitter while getting ready or make sure they know that they don't need to be a part of getting ready or any pre-wedding events that they would not be comfortable at. Try and spend the next 6 months thinking about ways you can offer to accommodate their needs, not having shoving unnecessary wedding talk down their throats.</div><div>
</div><div>#3 You feel hurt because they are not as interested in your wedding as you would like them to be. Try being more interested in their pregnancies. I assume these are women who you would like to be a part of your life for a long time. That means getting used to the idea of them with babies and getting used to talking about baby stuff with them. Your wedding is one day but a pregnancy and baby is forever. Get used to talking about pregnancies, breastfeeding, potty training, first days of school, all of these things will be the most important things in these women's lives once they become parents and ignoring that part of them is only going to hurt your friendship.</div><div>
</div><div>#4 Hugs to Retread. I don't know you but it takes a very strong and kind person to share such personal information to help a stranger.</div>

ROBINRENE5 · March 2013

If you kick them out of your wedding - it will likely insult them. There is a good chance this can ruin your friendship with them. Just as you are planning your wedding and excited about your current life events - your bridesmaids are excited about what is going on in their lives as well.

As much as you would like them to care about what color decorations you are having - they are not required to. Not everyone around you will care what color your mason jars are or what they have wrapped around them - as a matter of fact, most people won't care about this.

As far as dresses, there is no reason to be shopping this early! You have over a year until your wedding - and you don't need to even be looking at dresses yet. I realize you have a budget and are paying --- so am I and so are most other people on these boards. You're just excited, but that isn't a reason to buy dresses this early! WAIT!

Just take a step back and look at the big picture. You want to kick these women out because they would like to have children - which will interfere with their ability to drink alcohol at your wedding! Not everyone drinks! If these ladies are truly your best friends, you should be more considerate of what is going on in their lives and remember they are not going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. If you turn into "bridezilla" - there is a good chance you won't have friends by the time your wedding comes around!

button6004 · March 2013

If your friend is pregnant now and your wedding is 13 months from now then I fail to see why you are making such a huge deal about it. Your getting married doesn't mean everyone else needs to put their lives on hold for you. What's funny is you are complaining that you don't want to hear them talking about their baby related stuff. How the heck do you think they feel hearing about your wedding planning? Slow down. And be happy for them.

Knottie_22388680 · March 2013

uuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrggggggggggh!!!!! How horrifically rude of them! I mean, your wedding is only just over a year away, they could definitely wait until after to get pregnant! Then once the wedding's over and the honeymoon's all talked out, they can talk about babies as much as they want. You could also be planning your own baby by then, so you could tell them all about that too :] If they refuse to wait until your special day is well and truly over, then definitely unbridesmaid them for sure! Idiot. PPs have given you excellent advice about waiting to order dresses, allowing BMs to pick their own dresses, and generally, y'know, getting over your own entitled self. So. I have a two month old baby. I had to give up smoking, and I was heavily pregnant right over Christmas and New Years I'm in the UK, I think these holidays mean more to us? I think you guys focus more on Thanksgiving? Apologies if I'm wrong. Basically, I had to cut out all my "fun", not drink at Christmas or New Year parties, and heave my swollen belly all over the place. As you may have noticed... I SURVIVED!!! I also worked up to the week before I gave birth. Last week, we took a family outting to the Harry Potter studio thing in London. People were of course cooing over the baby and asking how old, and a few expressed surprise and congratulations at me having a day out just two months after the birth. Truth is, I'd done a longer road trip with him at four days old, and been out for the whole day. We went to a Christening two weeks ago, for which we dressed up [maybe not as much as for a wedding, but still], and even had the baby in a suit. I needed approximately half an hour longer than prebaby to get ready. I left an hour, and got there early. You know what you do? You wish them the best of luck, you tell them that when you get to the end of the year, they can wear whichever [floor length, blue] dress they feel most comfortable in, and you tell them there will be a chair for them to sit if they wish during the ceremony. If they're breastfeeding at the time, so what? People sit in restaurants, walk around shops, etc, with a baby attached, and no one even realises as baby carriers are designed now to be very discreet. Lastly... As a guest, you get a nice outfit, you walk into the church/whatever, you sit through the ceremony, and you eat at the reception. You may or may not have attended shower/bachelorette parties beforehand. As a bridesmaid, you get a nice outfit, you walk into the church/whatever, you stand through the ceremony, and you eat at the reception. You may or may not have attended shower/bachelorette parties beforehand. The difference being, a bridesmaid typically stands through the ceremony but you're going to offer her a chair in case, and a bridesmaid is up the front with you, instead of in a row of people looking AT you. And when people see a heavily pregnant BM sitting up the front, know what they'll say? "Aw, isn't it lovely of the bride to make sure her friend is comfortable". That's IF they even notice. Take a chill pill, and realise that this is a MASSIVE nonissue.

KnotIrene · March 2013

This is just a friendly reminder: The new TOS rules for the knot do not allow bullying, harrassing, or insulting other posters. You're free to disagree but please don't do anything that might result in your getting banned--that's the last thing we want to happen.

FYI the new TOS rules can be found here: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/knot-community-rules.aspx

If you have any questions, let me know by either asking on this thread (I'll check back) or PM me.

Thanks.

kaos16 · March 2013

IMHO, MUD is much more succesful when one can actually create a consistent story. Either the girls are trying to get pregnant now and there is a fear they will be pregnant when the wedding occurs, or they are pregnant now. . . .. OP seems to have tried both angles. If they are pregnant now, and still pregnant for the wedding there are some world records being broken.

In the unlikely event that this is not mud, perhaps this is why it is recommended to wait until closer to the wedding to choose a wedding party.

artbyallie · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-of-my-bridesmaids-are-trying-to-get-pregant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:58f67ad5-5ae9-424e-b45b-c4b23720663aPost:92bd005c-3b73-4668-af23-b3d30d2bb167">Re: two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant</a>:
[QUOTE]This is just a friendly reminder: The new TOS rules for the knot do not allow bullying, harrassing, or insulting other posters. You're free to disagree but please don't do anything that might result in your getting banned--that's the last thing we want to happen. FYI the new TOS rules can be found here: <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/knot-community-rules.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/knot-community-rules.aspx</a> If you have any questions, let me know by either asking on this thread (I'll check back) or PM me. Thanks.
Posted by Knot Irene[/QUOTE]

<div>bAbyEm is the only one I saw insulting anyone by calling OP an idiot. I really hope that's the only reason you posted here. You and KJ are getting a wee bit dictatorial lately.</div>

KnotIrene · March 2013

Sorry about not being more specific. I was trying to not single anyone out, and just give a general "heads up" but at least 2 people called the OP an idiot in addition to beardown's post which you mentioned, Stage. One post just said "idiot" on a line all it's own, and the other said, "I have nothing to say except you're an idiot, and I seriously hope this post is MUD."

I don't know how to go about this. I like you guys; I've been observing for hours every day for the past 4 months and I really appreciate all the helpful things you do and advice you give. I also know that the knot is getting serious about nasty personal comments...but I, personally have NO intention of banning anyone. I'm trying to work with you so that no one gets banned. I was a volunteer at the knot when they first began on AOL and had chat rooms, so I recognize good helpful people that I want to help stay around.

I realize that sometimes OPs can be very good at baiting--if you see that happening, walk away. Don't let them get to you. There are some very moving personal stories in this thread and you have a wonderful community here. You've given good answers and I want you all to be able to continue to do so.

If I haven't answered your questions successfully, let me know because I'll keep trying until I succeed.

beardownbchs · March 2013

KI, I deleted the comment. It was meant as a joke, but I definitely agree that it was a little much. And thank you for clarifiying about the "insulting and personal attacks". Stage is right, I think a lot of us feel like Knot people keep telling us the exact same generic thing but not telling us what we're doing wrong.

I just hope that the Knot will have the same standards when it comes to all the crazy OPs attacking us when we don't agree with their ideas.

KnotIrene · March 2013

Thanks Stage and bear--I'm really trying to be helpful.

We're not talking about saying an idea is bad--because lots of times they are. We're only talking about what you say about the person who is posting the idea. Belive me we know that

their "perceived insults" are just that--in their perception.

And when you say you hope the knot will have the same standards when it comes to all the crazy OPs attacking you guys, they certainly will. The same standards apply to them!

KnotIrene · March 2013

Thanks, Retread. I just went and re-read the rules and I agree with you. I'm going to try to have the wording changed and the process as well. I can totally see happening what you talk about and it's not right. I'm glad you pointed it out.

MuppetOverlord · March 2013

OP -

I'm a little horrified by your post. I hope you take the feedback you are getting as an opportunity to reflect on your initial reactions.

My bridesmaids are my 3 best friends and that's why I want them to be part of my wedding party. One is trying to get pregnant and another just had a baby. I'm incredibly HAPPY and excited about their expanding families and elated that their dreams are coming true also. No one's life should be stopping because I'm getting married. These are all happy events to celebrate for sure rather than to get anxiety about.

For this reason, I made it easy for them. I told them to find black dresses. This way, the one who just had her baby can look for a dress off the rack when she's lost some of her baby weight and the one trying to get pregnant can find one when she gets closer to the wedding date. I am adding color with teal pashminas.

Here is an example of the "look". This also makes for a much less expensive option for the girls, especially when they have so many new expenses with their own changing lives.

two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant

Re: two of my bridesmaids are trying to get pregant

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