Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!

pinklady1ner · March 2010

My reception site has no bar. I will provide alcohol for 2 hours. After my guest will need to either buy their own from the bar we provided or bring their own. How would i word this on the invitations without sounding tacky

anne.azano · March 2010

Why can't you provide alcohol for the entire ceremony? I don't think wording will make a difference... Most people will think that asking guests to pay at all at your reception is tacky, no matter how you word it. This doesn't mean you have to provide a full bar... just go with beer, wine, and soda. If budget is a problem, you can find some pretty cheap wines and get keg beer. I think it would be better for you to offer a limited choice for the duration of your reception than ask guests to pay.

Blueyed228 · March 2010

If there is no bar, how do you know your alcohol will last 2 hours? I am confused.

AmoroAgain · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-dont-want-sound-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb375a34-1eeb-4612-92fc-3444f7db5610Post:0018e9dc-4837-44f3-bea4-3489b9897cb8">Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!</a>:
[QUOTE]My reception site has no bar. I will provide alcohol for 2 hours. After my guest will need to either buy their own from the bar we provided or bring their own. How would i word this on the invitations without sounding tacky
Posted by pinklady1ner[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, what? You're "hosting" (I use that term loosely here) a BYOB reception? There's no way to make that less tacky than it sounds. If I got that notice on an invite, I'd definitely raise my eyebrows, and assume that it would end up like a college frat party.

kristina_m · March 2010

I don't think A BYOB party is tacky at all. I don't see what's wrong with that but then again I was raised in Northern Maine and we are all pretty good at helping people out. I would just say mention something of a cocktail hour perhaps and then a bar afterwards will be on site. Bring their own choices if desired. Good luck!

smore154 · March 2010

I think this all depends on the type of reception you are having. I don't see anything wrong with it if it was an informal reception. I don't think it will sound tacky either way you write it, I think it may come across cheap- at least where I live- so I think you need to ask yourself about the type of reception you are hosting, and where people are coming from.

As a side note, I can tell you I have a cousin getting married in Ohio (I live in CT) and we found out they also have to provide all the alcohol. Knowing their family- (they'll prolly run out), I'm bringing my own bottle of vodka and stashing it in my purse lol- so I guess it just depends.

caseyandlizzie · March 2010

I think cutting off alcohol service after a period of time is generally not a good idea. Either have a dry wedding or provide a limited selection to your guests. They are there to celebrate with you and shouldn't have to pay for anything at your wedding.

caseyandlizzie · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-dont-want-sound-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb375a34-1eeb-4612-92fc-3444f7db5610Post:0018e9dc-4837-44f3-bea4-3489b9897cb8">Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!</a>:
[QUOTE]My reception site has no bar. I will provide alcohol for 2 hours. After my guest will need to either buy their own from the bar we provided or bring their own. How would i word this on the invitations without sounding tacky
Posted by pinklady1ner[/QUOTE]
I'm confused on this....if your guests can bring their own, why can't you buy a couple cases of wine or something to provide for them?

Islamorada14 · March 2010

I'm totally confused.

I thought it's a big bonus when a wedding venue allows you to purchase and supply the alcohol for your reception. It saves tons of money compared to what restaurants and caterers charge for alcohol. We were THRILLED that we could supply the alcohol for our wedding.

Since you're saving money by supplying the alcohol yourself, why can't you supply it for the ENTIRE night for free? It also sounds like after these 2 hours of free alcohol, you'll actually charging your guests if they want to drink from your supply of alcohol. So, you'll be making money off your guests if they still want to drink and didn't BYOB??? This is very bad.

mbcdefg · March 2010

A BYOB wedding is tacky. There's no way to make it sound nicer. Honestly, I'm surprised that your venue even allows this, because of insurance and liability issues (not YOU bringing in the alcohol, I mean that I'm surprised if it actually allows each guest to bring a bottle). You're hosting these people so it's your obligation to provide the refreshments, not theirs.

Even if you're having a limited-alcohol reception, though, you don't need to put it on the invitation. Just provide whatever alcohol you can afford, and once it runs out it runs out. Or like PPs said, if you are offering a full open bar for two hours, see if you can make it last all night if you switch to just beer and wine instead. Or just offer the hard liquor for the cocktail hour, and then for the rest of the night it's only beer and wine. Or shut down the bar (except for free soda and juice) 30-60 minutes before the reception ends, or just during dinner and then reopen it for dancing.

I'm not at all a fan of the cash bar, but hey, it actually does fly in some areas. But that may come back to bite you in the butt ... if people know that they only have two hours for free drinks, they might be pounding them back during those first two hours so that they can get their fill. If the reasoning behind the two hours is that you bought enough bottles to last for two hours, you might run out of bottles in half the time. If your reasoning is that you budgeted to buy enough alcohol for two hours, then you might run out of that alcohol earlier ... or people might drink enough in that two hours to go over your budget and then you're back to square one.

And like PPs said, if your venue actually allows people to bring in their own alcohol, I would look at your budget and try your best to provide some more alcohol yourself so that it will last for the whole night. A lot of liquor wholesalers will allow you to return unopened bottles and get a refund. Or get a keg or two, if that's the most economical option.

I think you need to pick one or the other. Either find a way to offer some form of free alcohol all night, or just have a dry reception. I don't think that only offering two hours of open bar is going to go very well.

AmoroAgain · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-dont-want-sound-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb375a34-1eeb-4612-92fc-3444f7db5610Post:77bf3d99-762d-4efd-bb09-ec1dc2be7fa0">Re: Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky! : Well, that came off pretty snotty, IMO. Being a gracious host has nothing to doo with "helping people out". Helping people out is carrying the liquor from the car to the room. A BYOB reception, or a cash bar is NOT helping people out. Here in NJ, where I was raised we also help people out when they need it. I'll even bet that people in Nevada, Ohio, and Kansas also help people out when they need it.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Don't lie Trix. It's only in northern Maine that people are good to one another! Goodness is only in the small towns of America! Isn't that what Palin said? And as we all know, she's an authority on everything!

I mean, I grew up in the backwoods of Michigan but even I didn't do a BYOB ho-down at The Shack in a cornfield. Preeeetty much what it sounds like here. Actually, I really can't decide: college frat party or ho-down. Hmm. Maybe we should take a poll?

jdhinton5 · March 2010

There is nothing wrong with a cash bar. I've been to a ton of weddings that had unlimited soda, and you bought your own alcohol. They provided the champagne/wine for the toasts, but after that it was on your own. And there is nothing wrong with that. They are coming to celebrate with you, and you shouldn't have to pay for everyone to get wasted. The wording will be tricky, but many people will BYOB regardless of what the invitation says.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-dont-want-sound-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb375a34-1eeb-4612-92fc-3444f7db5610Post:0018e9dc-4837-44f3-bea4-3489b9897cb8">Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!</a>:
[QUOTE]My reception site has no bar. I will provide alcohol for 2 hours. After my guest will need to either buy their own from the bar we provided or bring their own. How would i word this on the invitations without sounding tacky
Posted by pinklady1ner[/QUOTE]

<div>The problem is not the wording. The problem is that your idea is not only tacky, but rude. Just like there's no polite way to tell someone they are ugly, you aren't going to find good wording here.</div><div>
</div><div>Host what you can afford to host, and close the bar after that. If you have the option of bringing in booze, just bring what you can afford, and close the bar after that. Charging your guests or asking them to supply any part of your wedding is rude.</div>

gottahavashorti · March 2010

There's no way to word it without being rude. You're charging people for alcohol you BYOBed? Get less expensive alcohol or just offer a glass or two of wine and beer with dinner if you can't do alcohol for the entire event. Keep an eye out for BevMo sales.

psichick · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-dont-want-sound-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb375a34-1eeb-4612-92fc-3444f7db5610Post:7997e463-2ac3-409f-9c21-22deb847e864">Re: Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!</a>:
[QUOTE]There is nothing wrong with a cash bar. I've been to a ton of weddings that had unlimited soda, and you bought your own alcohol. They provided the champagne/wine for the toasts, but after that it was on your own. And there is nothing wrong with that. They are coming to celebrate with you, and you shouldn't have to pay for everyone to get wasted. The wording will be tricky, but many people will BYOB regardless of what the invitation says.
Posted by jdhinton5[/QUOTE]

someone's been hitting the sauce early today

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-dont-want-sound-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb375a34-1eeb-4612-92fc-3444f7db5610Post:7997e463-2ac3-409f-9c21-22deb847e864">Re: Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!</a>:
[QUOTE]There is nothing wrong with a cash bar. I've been to a ton of weddings that had unlimited soda, and you bought your own alcohol. They provided the champagne/wine for the toasts, but after that it was on your own. And there is nothing wrong with that. They are coming to celebrate with you, and you shouldn't have to pay for everyone to get wasted. The wording will be tricky, but many people will BYOB regardless of what the invitation says.
Posted by jdhinton5[/QUOTE]

<div>The only thing wrong with this is that a cash bar is incredibly rude. I mean, if you don't care about your guests, go ahead and charge them. But charging for drinks is no different than charging for food, or cake, or chairs, etc. Most people would never be that rude to their guests.</div>

zeebooda · March 2010

I think a cash bar is fine.

I've been to plenty of weddings that didn't serve alcohol and/or had cash bars. It's your wedding, and if you're on a budget your guests should understand that.

I realize that not everyone on this site has a budget, but a lot of us do. Just be respectful.

leandralona · March 2010

If you are the one providing the alcohol then you should provide it for the whole night. But if you run out of booze, you're out. Since we're having an informal reception we're providing a keg, a few cases of wine and an alcoholic punch (since both of us aren't really into wine and beer) as well as coffee, a non-alcoholic punch, and water.

pinklady1ner · March 2010

Just to be clear i am having a big wedding on a small budget. I have 250 guests that i will be feeding and providing alcohol for but I DONT WANT TO PaY FOR EVERYONE TO GET WASTED i plan on spending about 1000 on just alcohol alone. My soon to be mother n law suggested that i tell people if they want to bring their own they can cus when the booze runs out thats it. The site does not have their own bar. We are going to set up a bar and have our own bartender with a few cocktails, tons of beer and wine. I know it all wont last

golden1215 · March 2010

I know you may not want to hear this but have you considered having a smaller wedding and providing more? Meaning, there has to be a balance between having lots of guests and throwing a good party for the ones who do come. Would you rather have a better time with your closest 150 or okay time with 250? Not saying that booze is the be all end all, but it does make for a fun time.

250 is a huge wedding if you're tight on money.

And like someone else said, if I knew it was open bar 1) for a limited amount of time or 2) until the booze runs out- it'd make me want to drink faster.

To answer your question, your wording only ever needs to reference food- e.g. hor d'oeuvres and dessert, so people dont expect dinner- not alcohol.

anne.azano · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-dont-want-sound-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb375a34-1eeb-4612-92fc-3444f7db5610Post:0e5147a4-f6ab-4237-aee1-c433925c9fe1">Re: Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!</a>:
[QUOTE]Just to be clear i am having a big wedding on a small budget. I have 250 guests that i will be feeding and providing alcohol for but I DONT WANT TO PaY FOR EVERYONE TO GET WASTED/QUOTE]

<div>For 1000 dollars you should be able to get plenty of keg beer and wine. Doesn't trader joes have wine for $3 a bottle? And bevmo has great sales too. Forget about the cocktails and serve beer, wine and soda to all your guests for the length of your reception. I agree with the other girls that BYO is just not right for a wedding. A frat party? a cookout? Sure, ask people to bring their own, but not to a wedding, and switching to a cash bar makes it even worse. As someone said, people may guzzle alcohol in the first two hours to avoid paying later.</div><div>
</div><div>And I think if you let people bring their own, they might bring hard liquor...In that situation, the potential for people getting wasted is higher than if you just provide beer and wine. People are likely to get drunk as faster if they're pouring drinks from the bottle of vodka they brought.</div>

Kpetty1010 · March 2010

We are Providing Beer, Margaritas, and a Signature Drink, if they want something else they will bring it. But our Reception is just a big pool party soooo

Blueyed228 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-dont-want-sound-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb375a34-1eeb-4612-92fc-3444f7db5610Post:0e5147a4-f6ab-4237-aee1-c433925c9fe1">Re: Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!</a>:
[QUOTE]Just to be clear i am having a big wedding on a small budget. I have 250 guests that i will be feeding and providing alcohol for but I DONT WANT TO PaY FOR EVERYONE TO GET WASTED i plan on spending about 1000 on just alcohol alone. My soon to be mother n law suggested that i tell people if they want to bring their own they can cus when the booze runs out thats it. The site does not have their own bar. We are going to set up a bar and have our own bartender with a few cocktails, tons of beer and wine. I know it all wont last
Posted by pinklady1ner[/QUOTE]

I dont really care about cash bar/open bar BUT if i was one of your 250 guests and you told me to bring my own whiskey, yet had an expensive dress, photgrapher, flowers etc I would be pissed. Nothing screams classy like carrying your own keg in heels. Just serve wine and call it a day. It makes zero sense to pay for a bar set up and bartenders but make people bring their own booze. Cancel the DIY bar and bartenders and put bottles of wine at the tables. Tell you MIL to get a clue and stop being cheap. Cut your list in half, take that money and put it towards the booze.

And as far as "when the booze runs out thats it" be prepared for people to leave when it does run out.

BTW, how are you going to keep track of who brought what? If I spent good money bringing my own alcohol , then no one else better touch it, lol.

banana468 · March 2010

Between now and October, you can't buy a bit each week to put aside so that you have a great supply?

Providing food and refreshment for your guests does not mean that you're paying for people to be wasted.

Unless you also feel that by feeding them, you're promoting gluttony.

CCBelle · March 2010

I think I'm jumping on this wagon waaay too late. But it seems to me that the great open bar/cash bar debate depends on the region. Personally, I find them rude. I would find a way to serve wine/beer all night.

As for your advice on how to write it on the invitations, the answer is NOT to. Whatever you decide to do, just spread the word verbally beforehand. Do not write it on the invitation.

lyndausvi · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-dont-want-sound-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb375a34-1eeb-4612-92fc-3444f7db5610Post:ecd5c9c3-194b-4ac5-beca-a1926ee6b630">Re: Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think a cash bar is fine. I've been to plenty of weddings that didn't serve alcohol and/or had cash bars.</strong> It's your wedding, and if you're on a budget your guests should understand that. I realize that not everyone on this site has a budget, but a lot of us do. Just be respectful.
Posted by zeebooda[/QUOTE]

I think the big problem is the venue does not have a bar. The couple is providing the bar themselves. If they switch to a cash bar then the couple themselves would be profiting from the sale of alcohol, not the venue.

It's one thing if the couple does not have enough money and then have a cash bar. It's another for the couple to buy all the alcohol and then charge their guests for said alcohol.

OP - Personally I would not do what you are suggesting. Liability alone would scare the crap out of me. A licensed bartender will cut people off if necessary and they are responsible to make sure people are save. Having a combo open bar/BYOB for 250 is asking for trouble on a liability front. I would make sure your venue even allows BYOB from guests. Most venues I know of require a licensed bartender to serve any and all drinks.

gottahavashorti · March 2010

Budget and not wanting to pay for people to get drunk are poor excuses for rudeness. Remind the bartender to cut people off if they've had too much (they should be doing this anyhow) and ask that no shots or double strength drinks be served if you'd like. If you can't afford alcohol, don't have it or just have it served with dinner.

But $1000 is enough for alcohol for 250 people, you can definitely get kegs and boxed wine to serve from behind the bar since you have a bar tender and probably with some room to upgrade. We're doing wine, beer and several liquors for 100 on $600, and we could have done it for a lot less but drinks were one of our priorities. We also don't have access to a Trader Joe's that sells alcohol and wine is in state stores that don't run amazing deals like BevMo.

Evite.com's alcohol calculator says that for 250 average drinkers, a 5 hour reception and wine, beer and liquor, you'd need 500 bottles of beer, 100 bottles of wine and 25 bottles of liquor. With $0.50/bottle beer (ie. Lionshead), Trader Joes'/BevMo wine for $3/bottle and vodka based signature drinks (Gordon's is good for mixing and only $10/bottle) you'd come under budget.

microkelly · March 2010

We are doing what every wedding I"ve ever been to in my area does. We're providing keg beer all night and champagne for the toast. If they want something different they can pay. Granted, I'm kind of from hill billy land but I've never been to a wedding were alcohol was all paid for. I think having absolutely no alcohol options but cash bar is rude (in that case the wedding should be dry). FI and I were in a friends wedding and spent almost $1000 to get there and then had to pay for a cash bar all night. It was horrible! Just provide beer all night and all the nonbeer drinkers can either deal or put up with it. Some may think it's rude but it's no different IMO then having beef served at a wedding when some people like chicken better.

steenky4 · March 2010

While I do not agree with a cash bar or BYOB, I think that if you have some family and friends willing to help out then host a shower.

Have your Maid of honor or parent host a shower for close family and friends where they could provide bottles of wine and beer as gifts.

I know I would feel much better buying 5 bolltes of wine as a gift prior to the wedding than opening my wallet at the reception.

CCBelle · March 2010

I did not even consider the liability issue. If people bring in their own booze and get wasted and crash their car on their way home, you could easily be held liable. I would definitely research the legal issues before you make a decision.

woo5391 · March 2010

It's all a matter of how you were raised and who the majority of your guest are.
Here, toward the more southern states, the guests come to celebrate the bride and groom and usually are the ones worried about pleasing. The bride and groom are not concerned as much with the guests as they are about each other. The guests see the bride and groom off and continue to party and sometimes clean up afterwards. It's all about the bride and groom.
But the further north you go, the bride and groom are the ones doing all the worrying about pleasing guests. They are expected to put on a party for their guests and in a way asking for approval of marriage. They are the last ones to leave the reception usually and give whatever their guests may need. It's all about the guests.

I won't be providing any alcohol. I am allowing them to bring whatever they want and am not going to even worry about a bar. It's much less stress on my part, not to mention I don't have the money.

Need Help! I dont want to sound tacky!

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