is it tacky to not have open bar?

angelstar975 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:87fbf8bb-8278-4416-b208-29648368a54a">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]yes i am. was just curious on other peoples thoughts. <strong>i have been to weddings that did the same thing and no one had a proble with it s</strong>o i will do what i want:) In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? :
Posted by amandafaith45[/QUOTE]

Just because no one said to you that they had a problem with it, doesn't mean they didn't. And for your wedding, they'll also not tell you they have a problem with it, but they may talk behind your back about how tacky it was allow guests to pay for drinks.

angelstar975 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:f5d36340-ee68-4466-9cc8-1fd44ab6a672">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I bet your per head cost is pretty damn expensive. I'll take cash bars and $17pp plated dinners any day.
Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]

So you're saying it's more important to you to save money than to be polite to your guests?

RupertPenny · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:f5d36340-ee68-4466-9cc8-1fd44ab6a672">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I bet your per head cost is pretty damn expensive. I'll take cash bars and $17pp plated dinners any day.
Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I wasn't talking about weddings. I was talking about everything. </div><div>
</div><div>And I didn't want to pay for liquor at my wedding so WE DIDN'T OFFER IT. And everyone still had a fine time. They even got drunk AND still remember my wedding! What a concept. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: If I was only paying $17 per person I would have been able to afford liquor. I didn't even get married in DC (I got married in Orlando, so L to MCOL) and I never saw prices anywhere near that low.

</div>

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:f5d36340-ee68-4466-9cc8-1fd44ab6a672">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I bet your per head cost is pretty damn expensive. I'll take cash bars and $17pp plated dinners any day.
Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]

Are you serious?

calixtine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:123d7075-c76c-44b6-84d4-6bbb35bb9dc8">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : How is that a waste? If no one buys drinks, then no one pays for them. The venue would just keep the bottles for the next wedding. Its not like the B&G pay for them and get paid back.
Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]

It depends; some venues/caterers require you to pay for at least the mixers or provide the provide the alcohol. So it would be a waste of money in that respect. If you don't pay if no one drinks it, you wouldn't be out any money but is little point in even offering it since most people will be more than happy to take the free option or not drink at all. Plus, I think you would end of offending people and there is really no reason to do so.

pkontk · May 2012

If your venue won't allow you to have a partly open bar (and not charge your guests) then you should find another venue. I'm certain you will be able to find one that will let you properly host your guests in a way you can afford.

meganbouchard · May 2012

I'm way late to this convo but I have to add. FTR we're having open bar at the wedding.

I personally am irritated by cash bars, but I can't say I find them rude. I would rather go to a cash bar than a dry wedding. Why? Because I'm a grown up, and if I want glass of wine at your reception, I would rather buy myself one than be told "sorry, B&G couldn't afford alcohol so they're having a dry wedding." What? That's a dumb reason. Religion? Whatever. I don't agree with you but I'll deal with that answer and I'll respect your beliefs. But not being able to afford it? Just because you're having a budget wedding, I have to forgo my beloved glass of wine with dinner? I think that's rude.

Also, I don't like the wording of "it's rude to ask guests to pay for anything at the wedding." I get that it's super rude and tacky to have donation jars and money trees or dollar dances or whatever, but you're not asking them to buy alcohol, really. You're giving them the option. You're not telling people, "hey guys, we're making it obligatory for you to toast us with a rum and coke! If you don't get one, you can leave."

Anyway, maybe I like drinking too much. I know I'm wrong by an etiquette point of view, but that's my two cents.

chelseamb11 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:30498f06-edb5-4556-8096-ef8a7a69579c">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : So you think people should go into debt for their wedding so you can get your drink on??
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I think she meant she'd rather have a cash bar than no bar.

lyndausvi · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:a9f9bd01-16ee-41ed-ae78-d4c215d71af5">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? :<strong> It depends; some venues/caterers require you to pay for at least the mixers or provide the provide the alcohol</strong>. So it would be a waste of money in that respect. If you don't pay if no one drinks it, you wouldn't be out any money but is little point in even offering it since most people will be more than happy to take the free option or not drink at all. Plus, I think you would end of offending people and there is really no reason to do so.
Posted by calixtine[/QUOTE]

This makes no sense. If you are providing the alcohol then why would the venue charge money? They would be in basically double dipping. Not having to buy the alcohol give them a 100% profit.

And if the hosts are charging for the drinks, well that is just all kinds of tacky. It's one thing for the venue to profit but the hosts. Well I would be beyond pissed.

ETA

AdeleDazeem · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:9db09af3-677f-4b37-96c7-f314b319b060">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just because you're having a budget wedding, I have to forgo my beloved glass of wine with dinner?
Posted by meganbouchard[/QUOTE]

You can't skip your beloved glass of wine for one night out of respect to the bride and groom's finances? Really?

calixtine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:caca4d0d-5fbb-4ee8-9962-f6de13e80c8c">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : This makes no sense. If you are providing the alcohol then why would the venue charge money? They would be in basically double dipping. Not having to buy they profit gives them 100% profit. And if the hosts are charging for the drinks, well that is just all kinds of tacky. It's one thing for the venue to profit but the hosts. Well I would be beyond pissed.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

We have to provide our own alcohol and our caterer is charging us a flat fee for bartenders and unlimited mixers....but we aren't charging our guests for their drinks so you are right, it probably is different if it is a cash bar.

lyndausvi · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:df3892df-b23e-48c8-9a03-84d2d536d92e">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : We have to provide our own alcohol and our caterer is charging us a flat fee for bartenders and unlimited mixers....but we aren't charging our guests for their drinks so you are right, it probably is different if it is a cash bar.
Posted by calixtine[/QUOTE]

We did the same (well we paid for the mixers as well).

may25bride2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:9db09af3-677f-4b37-96c7-f314b319b060">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm way late to this convo but I have to add. FTR we're having open bar at the wedding. I personally am irritated by cash bars, but I can't say I find them rude. I would rather go to a cash bar than a dry wedding. Why? Because I'm a grown up, and if I want glass of wine at your reception, I would rather buy myself one than be told<strong> "sorry, B&G couldn't afford alcohol so they're having a dry wedding." What? That's a dumb reason.</strong> Religion? Whatever. I don't agree with you but I'll deal with that answer and I'll respect your beliefs. But not being able to afford it? <strong>Just because you're having a budget wedding, I have to forgo my beloved glass of wine with dinner? I think that's rude.</strong> Also, I don't like the wording of "it's rude to ask guests to pay for anything at the wedding." I get that it's super rude and tacky to have donation jars and money trees or dollar dances or whatever, but you're not asking them to buy alcohol, really. You're giving them the option. You're not telling people, "hey guys, we're making it obligatory for you to toast us with a rum and coke! If you don't get one, you can leave." Anyway, maybe I like drinking too much. I know I'm wrong by an etiquette point of view, but that's my two cents.
Posted by meganbouchard[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This must be a joke. Obviously people who invite you to weddings think of you more highly than you do of them. "Yeah, guys. I know you're getting married and all, but no booze because you can't afford it? I'm out." Real classy.

</div>

RupertPenny · May 2012

Megan, you should really invest in a flask. I did and it has worked wonders on my social life.

calixtine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:9db09af3-677f-4b37-96c7-f314b319b060">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm way late to this convo but I have to add. FTR we're having open bar at the wedding. I personally am irritated by cash bars, but I can't say I find them rude. I would rather go to a cash bar than a dry wedding. Why? Because I'm a grown up, and if I want glass of wine at your reception, I would rather buy myself one than be told "sorry, B&G couldn't afford alcohol so they're having a dry wedding." What? That's a dumb reason. Religion? Whatever. I don't agree with you but I'll deal with that answer and I'll respect your beliefs. But not being able to afford it? Just because you're having a budget wedding, I have to forgo my beloved glass of wine with dinner? I think that's rude. Also, I don't like the wording of "it's rude to ask guests to pay for anything at the wedding." I get that it's super rude and tacky to have donation jars and money trees or dollar dances or whatever, but you're not asking them to buy alcohol, really. You're giving them the option. You're not telling people, "hey guys, we're making it obligatory for you to toast us with a rum and coke! If you don't get one, you can leave." Anyway, maybe I like drinking too much. I know I'm wrong by an etiquette point of view, but that's my two cents.
Posted by meganbouchard[/QUOTE]

Besides, I highly doubt that a bartender would tell a guest that the reason there is no alcohol is because the bride and groom couldn't afford it. So you would never know whether or not it was dry for religious, personal, or financial reasons. I would be beyond livid if a bartender told my guests that I was unable to afford alcohol.

meganbouchard · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:f56c0eed-6b37-40b8-9f5c-85d5ac49516a">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : This must be a joke. Obviously people who invite you to weddings think of you more highly than you do of them. "Yeah, guys. I know you're getting married and all, but no booze because you can't afford it? I'm out." Real classy.
Posted by may25bride2012[/QUOTE]

I knew I'd get flamed for this. I'm sorry, I worded my post wrong. I was trying to be sarcastic and it was a big fail. Cash bars are the norm where I'm from. I'm used to paying for my drinks at weddings. Sure, it's not ideal, but to me, it's better than the idea have a dry wedding if you can't afford alcohol.

What I'm saying is, I think it's rude to close the bar because the B&G cannot afford alcohol. If it's not within their budget to host an open bar, or any alcohol, I'm totally cool with that. I'm used to it. What I'm not cool with is being told that I can't have something I want because the B&G aren't hosting it. In that case, I want the opportunity to pay for it. I would be upset if they said "the bar is not available because we couldn't host it." I've never seen that happen and it would confuse me.

calixtine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:1b139f07-7174-43a7-88d9-cc4a9fccd959">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I knew I'd get flamed for this. I'm sorry, I worded my post wrong. I was trying to be sarcastic and it was a big fail. Cash bars are the norm where I'm from. I'm used to paying for my drinks at weddings. Sure, it's not ideal, but to me, it's better than the idea have a dry wedding if you can't afford alcohol. What I'm saying is, I think it's rude to close the bar because the B&G cannot afford alcohol. If it's not within their budget to host an open bar, or any alcohol, I'm totally cool with that. I'm used to it. What I'm not cool with is being told that I can't have something I want because the B&G aren't hosting it. In that case, I want the opportunity to pay for it. I would be upset if they said "the bar is not available because we couldn't host it." I've never seen that happen and it would confuse me.
Posted by meganbouchard[/QUOTE]

So if you want lobster at my wedding but I can't afford to serve it to you, that is considered rude? And I should provide my guests with the option of purchasing lobster in order not to be considered rude?

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:1b139f07-7174-43a7-88d9-cc4a9fccd959">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I knew I'd get flamed for this. I'm sorry, I worded my post wrong. I was trying to be sarcastic and it was a big fail. Cash bars are the norm where I'm from. I'm used to paying for my drinks at weddings. Sure, it's not ideal, but to me, it's better than the idea have a dry wedding if you can't afford alcohol. What I'm saying is, I think it's rude to close the bar because the B&G cannot afford alcohol. If it's not within their budget to host an open bar, or any alcohol, I'm totally cool with that. I'm used to it. <strong>What I'm not cool with is being told that I can't have something I want because the B&G aren't hosting it.</strong> In that case, I want the opportunity to pay for it. I would be upset if they said "the bar is not available because we couldn't host it." I've never seen that happen and it would confuse me.
Posted by meganbouchard[/QUOTE]

This doesn't make you sound any less bratty honestly. And I think your logic is flawed. Surely you wouldn't go to a friend's home and be offended that they weren't offering pony rides even though that's your very favorite thing in the world. When you attend an event, you graciously accept what is offered to you.

calixtine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:3bbc15b4-127b-47b4-8f3c-7f30b93388c4">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : This doesn't make you sound any less bratty honestly. And I think your logic is flawed. Surely you wouldn't go to a friend's home and be offended that they weren't offering pony rides even though that's your very favorite thing in the world. When you attend an event, you graciously accept what is offered to you.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

I love your example way more than mine.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:1b139f07-7174-43a7-88d9-cc4a9fccd959">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I knew I'd get flamed for this. I'm sorry, I worded my post wrong. I was trying to be sarcastic and it was a big fail. Cash bars are the norm where I'm from. I'm used to paying for my drinks at weddings. Sure, it's not ideal, but to me, it's better than the idea have a dry wedding if you can't afford alcohol. What I'm saying is, I think it's rude to close the bar because the B&G cannot afford alcohol. If it's not within their budget to host an open bar, or any alcohol, I'm totally cool with that. I'm used to it. <strong>What I'm not cool with is being told that I can't have something I want because the B&G aren't hosting it.</strong> In that case, I want the opportunity to pay for it. I would be upset if they said "the bar is not available because we couldn't host it." I've never seen that happen and it would confuse me.
Posted by meganbouchard[/QUOTE]

Well why the hell should you always get what you want? Can you really not go without a drink at a social event? That sounds more like your problem, not the B&G's.

AdeleDazeem · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:1b139f07-7174-43a7-88d9-cc4a9fccd959">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I knew I'd get flamed for this. I'm sorry, I worded my post wrong. I was trying to be sarcastic and it was a big fail. Cash bars are the norm where I'm from. I'm used to paying for my drinks at weddings. Sure, it's not ideal, but to me, it's better than the idea have a dry wedding if you can't afford alcohol. What I'm saying is, I think it's rude to close the bar because the B&G cannot afford alcohol. If it's not within their budget to host an open bar, or any alcohol, I'm totally cool with that. I'm used to it. What I'm not cool with is being told that I can't have something I want because the B&G aren't hosting it. In that case, I want the opportunity to pay for it. I would be upset if they said "the bar is not available because we couldn't host it." I've never seen that happen and it would confuse me.
Posted by meganbouchard[/QUOTE]

I get what you're trying to say, but just think about this: do you think it's okay to walk into the wedding reception and say "Oh, you aren't hosting chicken for dinner tonight? Too bad I want some. How much will that cost?"

I think part of being a guest is being a gracious guest. The hosts decided no alcohol. You can either respect that or leave.

adamar15 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:1b139f07-7174-43a7-88d9-cc4a9fccd959">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I knew I'd get flamed for this. I'm sorry, I worded my post wrong. I was trying to be sarcastic and it was a big fail. Cash bars are the norm where I'm from. I'm used to paying for my drinks at weddings. Sure, it's not ideal, but to me, it's better than the idea have a dry wedding if you can't afford alcohol. What I'm saying is, I think it's rude to close the bar because the B&G cannot afford alcohol. If it's not within their budget to host an open bar, or any alcohol, I'm totally cool with that. I'm used to it. What I'm not cool with is being told that I can't have something I want because the B&G aren't hosting it. In that case, I want the opportunity to pay for it. I would be upset if they said "the bar is not available because we couldn't host it." I've never seen that happen and <strong>it would confuse me.
</strong>Posted by meganbouchard[/QUOTE]

You must not be very smart. It's not a very confusing concept.

may25bride2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:1b139f07-7174-43a7-88d9-cc4a9fccd959">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I knew I'd get flamed for this. I'm sorry, I worded my post wrong. I was trying to be sarcastic and it was a big fail. Cash bars are the norm where I'm from. I'm used to paying for my drinks at weddings. Sure, it's not ideal, but to me, it's better than the idea have a dry wedding if you can't afford alcohol. What I'm saying is, I think it's rude to close the bar because the B&G cannot afford alcohol. If it's not within their budget to host an open bar, or any alcohol, I'm totally cool with that. I'm used to it. <strong>What I'm not cool with is being told that I can't have something I want because the B&G aren't hosting it</strong>. In that case, I want the opportunity to pay for it. I would be upset if they said "the bar is not available because we couldn't host it." I've never seen that happen and it would confuse me.
Posted by meganbouchard[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's not YOUR wedding. Alcohol is not a requirement at weddings no matter what the reason. It's tacky to ask guests to pay for something. Just because you can't wait for a class of wine doesn't mean the B&G are rude for not having alcohol. Suck it up. Drink afterwards. Bring a flask.

</div>

Lang125 · May 2012

When I was younger, I had only attended a handful of weddings in WI and IA (which were always cash bar with free beer). This did not seem unusual to me until I started dating my fiance and we started going to his family weddings in IL....and here I was introduced to the wonderful open bar concept. (I am the first in my family to get married in MN and we are having an open bar.)

After seeing the difference, I just noticed that the open bar (even if it was just strictly beer and wine) just made me feel even more like a guest. I''ll be honest and let you know that I am one of those captain and coke drinkers, but if it's offered to me I would love to have a beer or a glass of wine.

This weekend we are going to a wedding that is going to be cash bar, and I have already heard his family poke fun at this fact. Does it mean we think the bride and groom are rude and tacky? No. But we are still going to joke about it and wish it was an open bar for obvious reasons.

meganbouchard · May 2012

Eags - This is gonna sound weird - I'm a bigtime lurker and you always crack me up so I'm kind of devastated that you think that about me. Sorry I came off as a brat. Not my intention at all!

As for the flask idea from Rupert and Rachers - I'm not sure if you're being serious or sarcastic but I like it and I'm gonna check out Etsy now.

myname1234 · May 2012

"the bar is not available because we couldn't host it." I've never seen that happen and it would confuse me.
Posted by meganbouchard

They wouldn't say that...they'd just say what was available. "Tonight's selections are juice, water, or tea." Not "hey, lush, no wine for you tonight! Joe and Betsy are broke ass and can't pay"

RupertPenny · May 2012

Well I was not being totally serious because I have never been to a wedding that was NOT open bar. I do own a flask though. It really comes in handy for the movie theater and football games.

devilishangel61401 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:8c269245-ce34-4c59-b1db-b7c45568679b">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : Not asking your guests to pay for things you should be hosting for them is not "old school etiquette" and if you think it is, you have an extraordinarily rude social group. So congrats?
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

It may be the "norm:" in some places of the country that does not mean its ettiqutte approriate though. Ive been a bridesmaid 6 times been a guest a lot of times, personally I don't bring money to weddings because I dont expect to have to pay for anything.

I did go to a wedding where we were invited for dinner, the invite said.."join us for dinner following the ceremony." Well no one told us we had to pay for our drinks, we had soda and I did not have any money on me, it was embrassing to say the least. The mom of the bride heard me tell the waiter we didn't know we had to pay for drinks and said she'd take care of it for us but I still felt really embrassed.

I see nothing wrong with having soda water coffee wine beer etc whatever you can afford to serve is fine. Nothing saying you have to serve booze which really cuts down on the cost of a bar, soda , water, punch and coffee or tea usually cost less

devilishangel61401 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:0f55ad6c-7f79-43cd-b393-010b42078db1">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : It's not YOUR wedding. Alcohol is not a requirement at weddings no matter what the reason. It's tacky to ask guests to pay for something. Just because you can't wait for a class of wine doesn't mean the B&G are rude for not having alcohol. Suck it up. Drink afterwards. Bring a flask.
Posted by may25bride2012[/QUOTE]

Thank You for the part saying.. its not rude not to have alchol at a wedding. Ive been to plenty of dry weddings and I've enjoyed them. Im not at a wedding for free drinks and food Im there to support the couple getting married.

Im not getting married for a while but am helping my bff plan hers atm.. she's not doing alcohol because she does not want to worry about anyone getting drunk n driving home or doing something stupid. She has other personal family reasons as well which I wont delve into but I dont find my freind tacky at all because she's not providing booze. If you want a drink that badly you can always leave the wedding early and hit the bars. jmo

meganbouchard · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:cd8a0258-8050-46f7-ad54-8937f9b2357b">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I get what you're trying to say, but just think about this: do you think it's okay to walk into the wedding reception and say "Oh, you aren't hosting chicken for dinner tonight? Too bad I want some. How much will that cost?" I think part of being a guest is being a gracious guest. The hosts decided no alcohol. You can either respect that or leave.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This is actually something I hadn't though of. But at the same time, wouldn't it be like if the B&G decided they couldn't afford to host food, but they had the reception at a restaurant? And if I was hungry, they wouldn't let me buy food because it wasn't hosted? Aaaand as I'm typing this, I realize that I'm sounding crazy. Or maybe like an alcholic? I'm just gonna stop now.

Anyway, I've never been to a dry wedding before so I can't honestly say how I would react. I just think it's silly to close the bar because you can't afford it. I've never heard of that concept. Like I said it my first post, I know I'm wrong etiquette wise. I was just stating how I felt.

Maybe I should have posted this in an unpopular opinion thread? Yeah...

is it tacky to not have open bar?

Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?

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