How many guests didn't bring a gift?

GardenMaven · November 2012

I have seen the same dentist since I was little and the last time I was there (and newly engaged), the dental hygienist decided to share her son's wedding story with me while she cleaned my teeth. He decided to do a DW in Vegas with ceremony and reception, followed by a second reception back in the B&G's home state of WI. There were about 30 people at the Vegas celebration and probably twice that at the WI one. (Can't remember the exact numbers!)

No one got them gifts. No physical or monetary. I was shocked! And so were the B&G, but G's mom wasn't shocked. She told him, "People don't give gifts anymore." I was thinking that I am VERY glad I have the family that I do. Not that I care if they give me gifts, because I don't. They are the type that give people gifts for everything though. Even when they just come to visit, or because it's a Monday. I am pretty sure there will be non-gifters and that doesn't bother me. I couldn't imagine zero gifts though!

Avion22 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-many-guests-didnt-bring-a-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e4d8103-55de-4ba8-83b9-a3b959bbb6f8Post:a9d2d21b-61e1-414b-a0d0-d0c5c94b15b1">Re: How many guests didn't bring a gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How many guests didn't bring a gift? : <strong>I mean...technically if you kept track of who DID give you gifts, you also kept track of who didn't</strong>. Of course I don't know off the top of my head who didn't give a gift (except one person who keeps saying one is on the way) but I do have a record of it because I put all the gift info (for TY purposes) into our RSVP list. But I don't care.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It was a copmletely separate file, and as soon as I ticked the "Thank-You Sent" column, I deleted the line of the giiver/gift. I had absolutely no reason to keep a running record of who had given gifts once the thank-yous were sent out.
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Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

OP, your obsession with gifts is weird and not normal for an adult. It's normal for a 5 year old to sit and lord over their 'loot' and to scowl about at people for not paying proper 'tribute'. Seriously, after about 12, I stopped caring because I realized that there were more important things in life, and that hey, people's lives get difficult and finances get tight.

Also, your wedding isn't a circus performance, nobody owes you 'entry fees' in the form of objects. You share your day with people you love because you want them there, not because you are Kim Kardashian and your ratings are failing.

beardownbchs · November 2012

Did anyone else notice that in her post from last night she was asking how to plan for those who RSVP "yes" but don't show? She said she didn't have the money to pay for food for people who don't come.

That's awefully sad that you'll spend your money on "everything on my registry plus more" but youu're that upset about people who plan on coming and for some reason cannot. You seriously need to think about your priorities.

[Deleted User] · November 2012

Ok thats it! If your going to try and make me sound bad/poor get it straight! I said that I didn't have money to waste NOT that I don't have money. Chick your something else. I can't believe how nasty and low blowing some women YOU in particular can be. I asked a question and this has snow balled into something lowkey angry among some of the socalled ladies on here. I think its totally crappy that I am getting thrown under the bus for asking some questions. I was excited before this to try and participate on this site and in the forums with other brides and talk freely but this might as well be high school with the response you butt put. I wasn't taking issue until your post. Thats the one that broke the camels back... Your something else. Check this out though if u have anything else you would like to say that lowkey meant to be mean or make me look or feel stupid keep it to yourself or have the backbone to say it straight to me! Man I wish you had said that in front of me... You wouldn't have though... Everyone has nerves of steal hiding behind computers though...

s-aries8990 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-many-guests-didnt-bring-a-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e4d8103-55de-4ba8-83b9-a3b959bbb6f8Post:603e3c00-b1ae-4e0e-b808-501f45ad5a9f">Re:How many guests didn't bring a gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok thats it! If your going to try and make me sound bad/poor get it straight! I said that I didn't have money to waste NOT that I don't have money. Chick your something else. I can't believe how nasty and low blowing some women YOU in particular can be. I asked a question and this has snow balled into something lowkey angry among some of the socalled ladies on here. I think its totally crappy that I am getting thrown under the bus for asking some questions. I was excited before this to try and participate on this site and in the forums with other brides and talk freely but this might as well be high school with the response you butt put. I wasn't taking issue until your post. Thats the one that broke the camels back... Your something else. Check this out though if u have anything else you would like to say that lowkey meant to be mean or make me look or feel stupid keep it to yourself or have the backbone to say it straight to me! Man I wish you had said that in front of me... You wouldn't have though... Everyone has nerves of steal hiding behind computers though...
Posted by krystelgotti[/QUOTE]

Krystel, chill. Women on here are blunt. Period. Don't get your panties in a knot. We are just telling you what we think. You want to be honest? So does everyone here. Don't take it personally, we don't know you, you don't know us.

What they are saying is to be a gracious host and, although the idea of gifts from everyone is awesome, it's not reality so stop dwelling on it. You can only control your actions; you will look gift grabby if you say anything to these people. Meanwhile, they look like mooches for their actions.

AdeleDazeem · November 2012

Krystel the women here are trying to help you see things from another and less stressful point of view. The comments are harsh but not intended to be mean. Read them again with an open mind and no defenses up. Also we only know you from the words you write. A lot of them are very hung up on presents which isn't sitting well with people. Your words potray you here so really think if you are coming across accurately before you post and be open to hearing all responses. One last thing, your isn't the same as you're. Small point but it makes posts easier to read. edit sorry for the formatting I'm in my phone. There were paragraphs when I typed this!

[Deleted User] · November 2012

Maybe you are right. I haven't really considered how it sounded I was just talking freely. I really am not gift hungry! We aren't rich but we did set aside money for our moving into our new house after the wedding and factored in all the stuff on the registry. So as someone mentioned earlier whatever we were to get would be a bonus more then anything. As for the the other comment about the people rsvping yes and not attending yes that was a concern of mine because I was hearing stories of not a few but like 20 people not showing so I wanted to know if there was a way to guard myself from that is all. Like I said before I was really looking forward to sharing this journey with other brides to be and learning the proper way to go about things. I have learned the crowd can be tough though and I can see how feelings can get hurt in here if you say the wrong thing. I just believe in treating people the way I want to be treated. Saying stuff purposely to be mean is exactly that and thats what a few women were doing.

[Deleted User] · November 2012

Perfect answer! Thank you.

beardownbchs · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-many-guests-didnt-bring-a-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e4d8103-55de-4ba8-83b9-a3b959bbb6f8Post:603e3c00-b1ae-4e0e-b808-501f45ad5a9f">Re:How many guests didn't bring a gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok thats it! If your going to try and make me sound bad/poor get it straight! I said that I didn't have money to waste NOT that I don't have money. Chick your something else. I can't believe how nasty and low blowing some women YOU in particular can be. I asked a question and this has snow balled into something lowkey angry among some of the socalled ladies on here. I think its totally crappy that I am getting thrown under the bus for asking some questions. I was excited before this to try and participate on this site and in the forums with other brides and talk freely but this might as well be high school with the response you butt put. I wasn't taking issue until your post. Thats the one that broke the camels back... Your something else. Check this out though if u have anything else you would like to say that lowkey meant to be mean or make me look or feel stupid keep it to yourself or have the backbone to say it straight to me! Man I wish you had said that in front of me... You wouldn't have though... Everyone has nerves of steal hiding behind computers though...
Posted by krystelgotti[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Woah. I did not mean to come across the way that I did and I apologize. Seriously. I was not trying to do anything mean or catty - I just wanted to point out that when it comes to feeding your guests, you sounded very concerned about money and when it came to gifts you seemed to have no concern for money at all. You have to admit that looks bad. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm on here for the same reasons you are - to get advice and input with planning a wedding. I'm not here to bully or anything like that and I really am sorry that I came across that way. I could have (and should have) chosen my words better.</div><div>
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TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2012

I think probably about half of people didn't bring a gift. But 2/3 of them had to travel by plane to the wedding, so...

We did not send TY notes to people who just came to the wedding, only for gifts.

Cole&Kailee · November 2012

I was in a simliar situation,

Out of 150 people invited, 20 people didn't bring a gift/card. 15 of those were close family friends (also no shows) and 5 of them were good friends in our circle of friends. It astounded me that you would come to a wedding empty handed. We went to all of their weddings and we gave what we could afford. Heck, even a card that said "Congrats guys!" would have been just fine. But nothing.

I had to just let it go and move on. It was tough because I see these family friends and friends everyday so it's tough not to be a little bitter, but oh well. you just cut your losses and count your blessings. nothing is worth losing a friendship over.

Cortney1982 · November 2012

We had a small wedding so I remember who did and who didn't bring a card/gift. None of my siblings even wrote out a card, it was a little hurtful at first but in the end I was just relieved they were all able to make it.

And no I did not send thank you cards to them. They know I was grateful they came and I spent a lot of time and money putting together the dinner and party together for them.

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