I'm on the NFP train. I am almost certain that I became pregnant between the time that I had my daughter and the time that my Mirena was inserted nine weeks post-partum, and the insertion caused a miscarriage. I had the Mirena removed after my divorce and when FI and I marry, we're going to use NFP.
"Who died and made you Dagon?" - stackeye210
I'm supposed to be falling for myself...and not falling for just any guy out there in the world.....
I believe that God can (and does) decide how big our families will be. That being said, I am on BC because DH and I want to be good stewards and not have kids before we "should", and because of the personal health benefits (it really helps with my migraines and regulating my periods). We figure that if God wants us to have kids, he can do it whether or not I'm on BC.
FI and I will be using NFP because we do believe that it is morally acceptable to limit or space your children, as long as it is for selfless, not selfish reasons. So, if you want to space your children so that you can financially, physically, and emotionally take care of them properly, this is a totally valid reason. If you just don't want more kids or want to be able to travel more or something like that, then these are not valid reasons.
We don't support contraception because we believe that sex is supposed to be both creative and unitive, and contraception goes against both. By sterilizing the woman, it renders the sexual act non-creative and it puts a barrier between the man and woman, making the act less unitive. NFP requires selflessness and sacrifice on the part of both spouses, it requires them to communicate more about their needs and God's plan for them, and it doesn't interfere with God's design for sexuality.
We're using NFP because we believe that life is sacred from the moment of conception until natural death and we are not comfortable with the abortifacient possibility with HBC. DH doesn't want to rely on barriers, so we abstain from intercourse during my fertile time.
We went into marriage knowing that if we weren't ready to have a baby, then we shouldn't get married because He designed sex for marriage, and sex makes babies. We knew that at the moment we made that Covenant, we were telling God we were ready for His design.
I totally agree with monkeysip, as well. Spacing for selfless, not selfish reasons is okay...spacing or avoiding because we don't want to be "bothered" by God's design is not ok.
My fiance and I want many children, as many as the Lord gives us. But, for us, we feel that there is a time of adjustment to marriage before children should enter the picture. Even though we're debt free, we just graduated college and don't have much money to provide for a child at this point. Coming from a church full of quiverfull families, we have seen the blessings large families are, as well as the trials of not sufficiant finances. That is FI's main concern with having a large family- he wants each child to have the opportunity to take piano lessons or ballet class if they so desire. We plan to use BC only until we feel God has other plans for us. Hopefully not too long!
FFIL says there's a name for couples who use NFP-parents. It obviously didn't work for them! :-)
Emily and monkeysip said it better than I ever could.
For me, there is an additional reason to avoid HBC. HBC would interfere with other medications I'm on, and the effectiveness of it would be reduced, or it could cause complications. That is just one more reason to avoid it alltogether.
"FFIL says there's a name for couples who use NFP-parents. It obviously didn't work for them! :-)"
I'm sure you only meant this in good humor, but this is always a very bothersome statement aimed at NFPers.
There's two problems with this statement. First of all, NFP is just as effective as artificial BC if used correctly. Of course, some people don't want to abstain when they should (if they're TTA), or they're sloppy with their charting. But NFP is scientifically based. Our fertility isn't this mystical, unpredictable thing. It can be scientifically monitored.
Second of all, couples who use NFP tend to be more open to children than those who don't, so NFP couples are more likely to have big families, not because NFP doesn't work, but because they PLANNED to have more children.
The evidence goes both ways. I know plenty of people who used NFP to avoid children for years. I also know people who got pregnant while using condoms or the pill.
Again, I'm sure you didn't mean your statement to be offensive at all, but NFPers can be very defensive because we're always having to defend NFP from people who don't understand it!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:0a112a0e-67d0-4e4c-8dc6-93794b1e4bb9">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]Again, I'm sure you didn't mean your statement to be offensive at all, but NFPers can be very defensive because we're always having to defend NFP from people who don't understand it! Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE] True story. And this is why most people we know don't know what we're doing. IF they ask, I'll tell them, but I was picked on enough by my bridesmaids after I told them we wouldn't be needing condoms for the honeymoon (and DH's groomsmen gave him a hard time about the same thing!).
I'm on BC. I do believe that God will give us children when he wants us to have them, BC or not. I really like the idea of NFP, but I had never heard of it before TK and don't know anyone personally who has done it. For now FI and I plan on sticking with BC until we're ready for children, because we want to finish school and get jobs first. I'd like to learn more about NFP and switch to that after we start having children in order to space having babies out a little.
Does anyone have any good recommendations about where I could get more information about NFP?
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:93a5a7da-b548-47eb-97af-2dbc37e17a2b">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]Does anyone have any good recommendations about where I could get more information about NFP? Posted by faith415[/QUOTE]
<strong>"Taking Charge of Your Fertility"</strong> is an invaluable resource. <strong>Amazon</strong>: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311297622&sr=8-1">http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311297622&sr=8-1</a>
<a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.tcoyf.com">www.tcoyf.com</a> is the website that goes with the book. They have free online charting, software for purchase, and forums.
I use tcoyf to chart, but, personally, <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.christianfamilyplanning.net">www.christianfamilyplanning.net</a> has been my go-to resource for support. All of the women are either using NFP or FAM (charting with barriers).
Just to put this out there now: You <strong>cannot </strong>chart temperature or cervical fluid for NFP while you are on HBC. HBC is *supposed* to prevent ovulation, and charting tracks/confirms ovulation.
If you want to get in the habit of temping in the morning, there's no harm in that, but you won't see a temp shift unless you're ovulating.
Not everyone temps, though. Some women track only their CF to determine when their fertile time is. I track my temp through the hole cycle, use CF to identify the fertile time and the temp shift and CF dry-up to confirm ovulation has occured.
Also, HBC thickens your CF, so charting that while still on horomones would be futile, as well.
I honestly haven't given much thought to what BC method we'll use. I always assumed that I would be on some form of BC, but NFP is starting to appeal to me. FI and I don't want to have children until we can support them. I also think that whether I'm on BC or not if God wants us to have kids then I'll get pregnant.
I'm going to be on the pill. I understand where alot of you are coming from though with the NFP. We have discussed children quite a few times. However, since we plan on being missionaries life might be a little too unstable for a while to rely on NFP...we could mess it up easity. Also having children could take away from the work we will be doing. For us, we think it could be a hinderance and distraction from the work God has called us to. We do want children and we might adopt. We may decide to have a child(ren) biologically as well but that would be after much prayer and after we are established missionaries--we would have to feel that it was something God was leading us to do.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:d3731b0c-c702-4b7e-a97a-370231057cb9">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : True story. And this is why most people we know don't know what we're doing. IF they ask, I'll tell them, but I was picked on enough by my bridesmaids after I told them we wouldn't be needing condoms for the honeymoon (and DH's groomsmen gave him a hard time about the same thing!). Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]
Same boat. Grandparents and parents have asked why I have a thermometer by my bedside and FI's parents have seen my TCOYF book and asked about it. It's weird to explain to someone.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:91191f13-7f32-45d9-8b0e-ebede6368c75">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : Same boat. Grandparents and parents have asked why I have a thermometer by my bedside and FI's parents have seen my TCOYF book and asked about it. It's weird to explain to someone. Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE] Mom saw my thermometer once a few weeks before the wedding and asked what it was out for, so I told her I was charting. She knew I wasn't on HBC, but she never asked what we were doing, so I didn't bring it up. I hid TCOYF while the ILs were here...just wasn't a conversation I wanted to have. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
I have to admit, I am slightly offended. We are using HBC to avoid children indefinitely. We do not feel we would be good parents, we have no desire to have a child, and I just really don't think God would want us to bring a child into the world if it was unwanted. I have been told countless times how selfish and awful we are for not wanting kids. It's hurtful and insulting. I don't go around telling other people that I disagree with their choice, I don't appreciate people who decide it's their job to lecture me on the choice that H and I made after careful thought, prayer and consideration.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:f2a8a3d4-04d3-41c7-9a40-aa14cdf8c299">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : Mom saw my thermometer once a few weeks before the wedding and asked what it was out for, so I told her I was charting. She knew I wasn't on HBC, but she never asked what we were doing, so I didn't bring it up. I hid TCOYF while the ILs were here...just wasn't a conversation I wanted to have. Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:b56e4a76-8517-4f38-9b3e-fd286a88d80a">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]I have to admit, I am slightly offended. We are using HBC to avoid children indefinitely. We do not feel we would be good parents, we have no desire to have a child, and I just really don't think God would want us to bring a child into the world if it was unwanted. I have been told countless times how selfish and awful we are for not wanting kids. It's hurtful and insulting. I don't go around telling other people that I disagree with their choice, I don't appreciate people who decide it's their job to lecture me on the choice that H and I made after careful thought, prayer and consideration. Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
While I don't agree with HBC, I understand and accept the choice you and your H have made to not have children. And I don't think you're awful or selfish.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:2bc77c9d-7e46-40ac-af2b-f0b78ccd19e2">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : While I don't agree with HBC, I understand and accept the choice you and your H have made to not have children. And I don't think you're awful or selfish. Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]
<div>I know you don't. That vent was aimed at my ILs, really. Since I can't say it to them (you know, because I'm the witch that won't "let" their son be a father), I say it here!</div>
To clarify, I don't ask couples about whether they plan to have children, nor what method they will use to avoid them. If someone told me they use HBC, or that they didn't want children, I wouldn't judge them or give them a lecture on how they're being so selfish or anything.
But if someone asked my opinion, I would tell them in a honest, but hopefully tactful, way. It's not that you're awful or selfish. There are many people who don't have children or who space their children with HBC for selfless reasons. We just disagree over what the purpose of marriage and sex is. I believe that God created marriage and sex as the way to bring more children into the world, but I understand that people don't see it that way. That doesn't necessarily make them selfish.
In many ways, I'm sympathetic with the other side. I used to want to get sterilized and adopt children because I viewed it as wrong to have biological children when there are so many orphans in the world. I have quite obviously changed my viewpoint a lot since then and no longer believe in sterilization or birth control, but I still sympathize with people who do.
The only thing I will add is that any person, married or not, christian or not, should recognize that by having sex, you are accepting the fact that there is a very small chance of conceiving a child. No matter what contraception you use, there is always a small chance that you will become parents, whether you see yourselves as fit ones or not.
monkey, absolutely! We do realize there is a very, very small chance of getting pregnant. We actually tried to get H a vasectomy when we got married but were told we were too young and to come back at 30. Now if he'd just get off his duff and call the urologist to schedule the appt!
If I were to become pregnant, we would make it work, but it's nothing we want, and after 8.5 years we've (thankfully) had no scares.
I do get frustrated with the people who tell us how awful and wrong we are. It's never solicited. Usually, it's like "do you have kids?" "No." "Do you want kids?" "No." And then the lecture and tirade comes - which is funny to me because our choice to not have a child has a lot less affect on others than someone's choice to have a child has on me.
My ILs blame me for a lot of the decisions H and I - or, in some cases, just H - have made. They are unable to see that their child wasn't brainwashed well enough and that I didn't have to do any convincing. In fact, I don't agree with some of the things H has decided, but they don't take the time to find that out, they just blame me right off the bat.
welll to answer the original question, I am currently on BC and will be until I finish my school. We are not ready for children yet, and because of changes in state laws, I MUST finish my degree by 2013 (as of now I am graduation December 2012, so having a baby in there doesn't leave much wiggle room).
Once we are ready to start having children (about 2 years) I will be done with BC and we will have children when God wants us to have children.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:b185c92e-a4f6-43c1-ab40-167620d1806e">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]FI and I will be using NFP because we do believe that it is morally acceptable to limit or space your children, as long as it is for selfless, not selfish reasons. So, if you want to space your children so that you can financially, physically, and emotionally take care of them properly, this is a totally valid reason. If you just don't want more kids or want to be able to travel more or something like that, then these <strong>are not valid reasons.</strong> We don't support contraception because we believe that sex is supposed to be both creative and unitive, and contraception goes against both. By sterilizing the woman, it renders the sexual act non-creative and it puts a barrier between the man and woman, making the act less unitive. NFP requires selflessness and sacrifice on the part of both spouses, it requires them to communicate more about their needs and God's plan for them, and <strong>it doesn't interfere with God's design for sexuality. </strong>Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE] Whoa! Excuse me?! Whatever reason a couple gives for not wanting to have children is valid. If someone doesn't want children because they don't want children, that's valid. If someone doesn't want children because they want to be missionaries, that's valid. If someone doesn't want to have their own children because they feel led to adopt, that's valid. I want to have two kids, but ONLY two if not just one, and I don't want to have kids for 5-7 years, after which I will probably have a hysterectomy due to health reasons. And that's not invalid.
<strong>Do not deprive each other of sexual relations</strong>, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time <strong>so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer.</strong> Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. - 1 Corinthians 7:5 NLT (emphasis mine)
Not so you can prevent pregnancy, so you can pray and fast. Raise your hand if you use NFP and fast while TTA.
Listen, <em>I don't have anything against NFP.</em> I just don't take kindly to being told my reasoning is invalid and I can't properly unite myself with my husband because I take a tiny pill every night. I have been on birth control pills for over 7 years now, and I plan to continue taking them long into my marriage.
ETA: I hope I didn't offend anyone. I was offended when I wrote this. :-/
This conversation is confusing haha, I'm not sure what I think. BUT, for those of you who are already married and do use NFP, can you PM me what exactly it's all about?? I talked to H last night about the possibility of trying it and we both acknowledged that we need to learn WAY more about it before we make any decisions.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:ac1aacfc-7c66-4bf5-bd7a-b8eb7f2e181d">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : Whoa! Excuse me?! Whatever reason a couple gives for not wanting to have children is valid. If someone doesn't want children because they don't want children, that's valid. If someone doesn't want children because they want to be missionaries, that's valid. If someone doesn't want to have their own children because they feel led to adopt, that's valid. I want to have two kids, but ONLY two if not just one, and I don't want to have kids for 5-7 years, after which I will probably have a hysterectomy due to health reasons. And that's not invalid. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations , unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. - 1 Corinthians 7:5 NLT (emphasis mine) Not so you can prevent pregnancy, so you can pray and fast. Raise your hand if you use NFP and fast while TTA. Listen, I don't have anything against NFP. I just don't take kindly to being told my reasoning is invalid and I can't properly unite myself with my husband because I take a tiny pill every night. I have been on birth control pills for over 7 years now, and I plan to continue taking them long into my marriage. ETA: I hope I didn't offend anyone. I was offended when I wrote this. :-/ Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]
Sessions, I totally understand where you are coming from. That was one of the reasons that swayed me from doing NFP. I don't WANT to turn down H (or myself) for sex solely based on the reason that "I'm fertile". I want to experience sex the way God created it to be: natural, no condoms, and whenever we choose to do it. I don't want a thermometer, chart, or calendar dictaing when we can and cannot be united. We chose birth control because for us it's an easy way to prevent having children before we are ready to bring them into this world.
[QUOTE]Do not deprive each other of sexual relations , unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. - 1 Corinthians 7:5 NLT (emphasis mine) Not so you can prevent pregnancy, so you can pray and fast. Raise your hand if you use NFP and fast while TTA. Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE] Not to be snarky, but I don't deprive H, and he doesn't deprive me. When we discussed family "planning" during our engagement, we agreed that we would abstain, not deprive. I told H that I wouldn't take hormones, and let him decide between barriers and abstaining. He chose abstinence, and I'm submitting to that. And like I said earlier, we only abstain from intercourse, not from intimacy. And it's about 7 days...compared to the 2 1/2 years we were dating/engaged and not even kissing, it's not long at all.
[QUOTE]This conversation is confusing haha, I'm not sure what I think. BUT, for those of you who are already married and do use NFP, can you PM me what exactly it's all about?? I talked to H last night about the possibility of trying it and we both acknowledged that we need to learn WAY more about it before we make any decisions. Posted by AshNoel8[/QUOTE] I'll send you a PM in a minute. I'll page you when it's sent. :)
[QUOTE]PS- what is Quiverfull? Posted by AshNoel8[/QUOTE] Quiverfull is a movement found in mostly ultra-conservative familes. The Duggars (19 Kids and Counting) are Quiverfull. They believe that God should have total dominion over the number and timing of all children, so they don't do anything for birth control.
<div align="center"><em>Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! Psalm 127:3-5 (ESV) </em></div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_quiverfullor-birth-controlor-nfp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:87c56c51-380c-4075-8c22-6e222e294ce8Post:5fda5f9f-67c6-46c6-a5d2-c1ff08ae0271">Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : Did your mom know what charting was? Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE] She didn't have a clue. She's a nurse, so that kind of surprised me. I thought she would have at least heard about it in 26 years of nursing. She asked if you could "tell a difference during the month", so I tried to explain it. She just said, "Huh," and moved on. I didn't even bring up CF with her. No, thank you.
I am on HBC and have been for almost 3 years. I am a little different than most who have posted here as J and I have been having sex outside of marriage. Its a hot topic, and not one I'd like to really debate here, but obviously the reason I am using BC is because I do not want to get pregnant right now due to circumstances of school, finances, etc. I anticipate continuing BC until the time in which we are ready for children and then I will try NFP.
I knew you couldn't track while on BC. I just wanted to start getting information now so I would be able to make a better decision on if we want to go off BC and try NFP later.
Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP
I had the Mirena removed after my divorce and when FI and I marry, we're going to use NFP.
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We went into marriage knowing that if we weren't ready to have a baby, then we shouldn't get married because He designed sex for marriage, and sex makes babies. We knew that at the moment we made that Covenant, we were telling God we were ready for His design.
I totally agree with monkeysip, as well. Spacing for selfless, not selfish reasons is okay...spacing or avoiding because we don't want to be "bothered" by God's design is not ok.
Articles
"A Serious Question of Control"- http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001216.cfm
"Not Having Babies, Not an Option"- http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0000196.cfm
"What About Overpopulation?"- http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0000228.cfm
|Our Story|Planning Bio|Ezra's Birth Story
Christian Family Planning Network for NFP and FAM Support
FFIL says there's a name for couples who use NFP-parents. It obviously didn't work for them! :-)
For me, there is an additional reason to avoid HBC. HBC would interfere with other medications I'm on, and the effectiveness of it would be reduced, or it could cause complications. That is just one more reason to avoid it alltogether.
2010: 41 books, 2011: 31 books, 2012: 100 books
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[QUOTE]Again, I'm sure you didn't mean your statement to be offensive at all, but NFPers can be very defensive because we're always having to defend NFP from people who don't understand it!
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]
True story. And this is why most people we know don't know what we're doing. IF they ask, I'll tell them, but I was picked on enough by my bridesmaids after I told them we wouldn't be needing condoms for the honeymoon (and DH's groomsmen gave him a hard time about the same thing!).
|Our Story|Planning Bio|Ezra's Birth Story
Christian Family Planning Network for NFP and FAM Support
Of course! It completely depends on the couple using NFP. I'm very sorry if that offended anyone.
Does anyone have any good recommendations about where I could get more information about NFP?
[QUOTE]Does anyone have any good recommendations about where I could get more information about NFP?
Posted by faith415[/QUOTE]
<strong>"Taking Charge of Your Fertility"</strong> is an invaluable resource.
<strong>Amazon</strong>: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311297622&sr=8-1">http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311297622&sr=8-1</a>
<strong>B&N</strong>: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/taking-charge-of-your-fertility-10th-anniversary-edition-toni-weschler/1007823648?ean=9780060881900&itm=1&usri=taking%2bcharge%2bof%2byour%2bfertility%2b10th%2banniversary">http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/taking-charge-of-your-fertility-10th-anniversary-edition-toni-weschler/1007823648?ean=9780060881900&itm=1&usri=taking%2bcharge%2bof%2byour%2bfertility%2b10th%2banniversary</a>
<a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.tcoyf.com">www.tcoyf.com</a> is the website that goes with the book. They have free online charting, software for purchase, and forums.
I use tcoyf to chart, but, personally, <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.christianfamilyplanning.net">www.christianfamilyplanning.net</a> has been my go-to resource for support. All of the women are either using NFP or FAM (charting with barriers).
Just to put this out there now: You <strong>cannot </strong>chart temperature or cervical fluid for NFP while you are on HBC. HBC is *supposed* to prevent ovulation, and charting tracks/confirms ovulation.
If you want to get in the habit of temping in the morning, there's no harm in that, but you won't see a temp shift unless you're ovulating.
Not everyone temps, though. Some women track only their CF to determine when their fertile time is. I track my temp through the hole cycle, use CF to identify the fertile time and the temp shift and CF dry-up to confirm ovulation has occured.
Also, HBC thickens your CF, so charting that while still on horomones would be futile, as well.
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I honestly haven't given much thought to what BC method we'll use. I always assumed that I would be on some form of BC, but NFP is starting to appeal to me. FI and I don't want to have children until we can support them. I also think that whether I'm on BC or not if God wants us to have kids then I'll get pregnant.
My Newlywed Blog
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : True story. And this is why most people we know don't know what we're doing. IF they ask, I'll tell them, but I was picked on enough by my bridesmaids after I told them we wouldn't be needing condoms for the honeymoon (and DH's groomsmen gave him a hard time about the same thing!).
Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]
Same boat. Grandparents and parents have asked why I have a thermometer by my bedside and FI's parents have seen my TCOYF book and asked about it. It's weird to explain to someone.
2010: 41 books, 2011: 31 books, 2012: 100 books
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : Same boat. Grandparents and parents have asked why I have a thermometer by my bedside and FI's parents have seen my TCOYF book and asked about it. It's weird to explain to someone.
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]
Mom saw my thermometer once a few weeks before the wedding and asked what it was out for, so I told her I was charting. She knew I wasn't on HBC, but she never asked what we were doing, so I didn't bring it up.
I hid TCOYF while the ILs were here...just wasn't a conversation I wanted to have. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
|Our Story|Planning Bio|Ezra's Birth Story
Christian Family Planning Network for NFP and FAM Support
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : Mom saw my thermometer once a few weeks before the wedding and asked what it was out for, so I told her I was charting. She knew I wasn't on HBC, but she never asked what we were doing, so I didn't bring it up. I hid TCOYF while the ILs were here...just wasn't a conversation I wanted to have.
Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]
Did your mom know what charting was?
2010: 41 books, 2011: 31 books, 2012: 100 books
[QUOTE]I have to admit, I am slightly offended. We are using HBC to avoid children indefinitely. We do not feel we would be good parents, we have no desire to have a child, and I just really don't think God would want us to bring a child into the world if it was unwanted. I have been told countless times how selfish and awful we are for not wanting kids. It's hurtful and insulting. I don't go around telling other people that I disagree with their choice, I don't appreciate people who decide it's their job to lecture me on the choice that H and I made after careful thought, prayer and consideration.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
While I don't agree with HBC, I understand and accept the choice you and your H have made to not have children. And I don't think you're awful or selfish.
2010: 41 books, 2011: 31 books, 2012: 100 books
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : While I don't agree with HBC, I understand and accept the choice you and your H have made to not have children. And I don't think you're awful or selfish.
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]
<div>I know you don't. That vent was aimed at my ILs, really. Since I can't say it to them (you know, because I'm the witch that won't "let" their son be a father), I say it here!</div>
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I am currently on BC and will be until I finish my school. We are not ready for children yet, and because of changes in state laws, I MUST finish my degree by 2013 (as of now I am graduation December 2012, so having a baby in there doesn't leave much wiggle room).
Once we are ready to start having children (about 2 years) I will be done with BC and we will have children when God wants us to have children.
[QUOTE]FI and I will be using NFP because we do believe that it is morally acceptable to limit or space your children, as long as it is for selfless, not selfish reasons. So, if you want to space your children so that you can financially, physically, and emotionally take care of them properly, this is a totally valid reason. If you just don't want more kids or want to be able to travel more or something like that, then these <strong>are not valid reasons.</strong> We don't support contraception because we believe that sex is supposed to be both creative and unitive, and contraception goes against both. By sterilizing the woman, it renders the sexual act non-creative and it puts a barrier between the man and woman, making the act less unitive. NFP requires selflessness and sacrifice on the part of both spouses, it requires them to communicate more about their needs and God's plan for them, and <strong>it doesn't interfere with God's design for sexuality.
</strong>Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]
Whoa! Excuse me?! Whatever reason a couple gives for not wanting to have children is valid. If someone doesn't want children because they don't want children, that's valid. If someone doesn't want children because they want to be missionaries, that's valid. If someone doesn't want to have their own children because they feel led to adopt, that's valid. I want to have two kids, but ONLY two if not just one, and I don't want to have kids for 5-7 years, after which I will probably have a hysterectomy due to health reasons. And that's not invalid.
<strong>Do not deprive each other of sexual relations</strong>, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time <strong>so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer.</strong> Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
- 1 Corinthians 7:5 NLT (emphasis mine)
Not so you can prevent pregnancy, so you can pray and fast. Raise your hand if you use NFP and fast while TTA.
Listen, <em>I don't have anything against NFP.</em> I just don't take kindly to being told my reasoning is invalid and I can't properly unite myself with my husband because I take a tiny pill every night. I have been on birth control pills for over 7 years now, and I plan to continue taking them long into my marriage.
ETA: I hope I didn't offend anyone. I was offended when I wrote this. :-/
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100/100 books read in 2012
17/100 books read in 2013
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : Whoa! Excuse me?! Whatever reason a couple gives for not wanting to have children is valid. If someone doesn't want children because they don't want children, that's valid. If someone doesn't want children because they want to be missionaries, that's valid. If someone doesn't want to have their own children because they feel led to adopt, that's valid. I want to have two kids, but ONLY two if not just one, and I don't want to have kids for 5-7 years, after which I will probably have a hysterectomy due to health reasons. And that's not invalid. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations , unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. - 1 Corinthians 7:5 NLT (emphasis mine) Not so you can prevent pregnancy, so you can pray and fast. Raise your hand if you use NFP and fast while TTA. Listen, I don't have anything against NFP. I just don't take kindly to being told my reasoning is invalid and I can't properly unite myself with my husband because I take a tiny pill every night. I have been on birth control pills for over 7 years now, and I plan to continue taking them long into my marriage. ETA: I hope I didn't offend anyone. I was offended when I wrote this. :-/
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]
Sessions, I totally understand where you are coming from.
That was one of the reasons that swayed me from doing NFP. I don't WANT to turn down H (or myself) for sex solely based on the reason that "I'm fertile". I want to experience sex the way God created it to be: natural, no condoms, and whenever we choose to do it. I don't want a thermometer, chart, or calendar dictaing when we can and cannot be united. We chose birth control because for us it's an easy way to prevent having children before we are ready to bring them into this world.
(emphasis mine) Not so you can prevent pregnancy, so you can pray and fast. Raise your hand if you use NFP and fast while TTA.
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]
Not to be snarky, but I don't deprive H, and he doesn't deprive me. When we discussed family "planning" during our engagement, we agreed that we would abstain, not deprive. I told H that I wouldn't take hormones, and let him decide between barriers and abstaining. He chose abstinence, and I'm submitting to that. And like I said earlier, we only abstain from intercourse, not from intimacy. And it's about 7 days...compared to the 2 1/2 years we were dating/engaged and not even kissing, it's not long at all.
[QUOTE]This conversation is confusing haha, I'm not sure what I think. BUT, for those of you who are already married and do use NFP, can you PM me what exactly it's all about?? I talked to H last night about the possibility of trying it and we both acknowledged that we need to learn WAY more about it before we make any decisions.
Posted by AshNoel8[/QUOTE]
I'll send you a PM in a minute. I'll page you when it's sent. :)
[QUOTE]PS- what is Quiverfull?
Posted by AshNoel8[/QUOTE]
Quiverfull is a movement found in mostly ultra-conservative familes. The Duggars (19 Kids and Counting) are Quiverfull. They believe that God should have total dominion over the number and timing of all children, so they don't do anything for birth control.
<div align="center"><em>Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the
womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them! Psalm 127:3-5 (ESV)
</em></div>
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Christian Family Planning Network for NFP and FAM Support
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Quiverfull......or Birth Control.....or NFP : Did your mom know what charting was?
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]
She didn't have a clue. She's a nurse, so that kind of surprised me. I thought she would have at least heard about it in 26 years of nursing. She asked if you could "tell a difference during the month", so I tried to explain it. She just said, "Huh," and moved on. I didn't even bring up CF with her. No, thank you.
|Our Story|Planning Bio|Ezra's Birth Story
Christian Family Planning Network for NFP and FAM Support
I knew you couldn't track while on BC. I just wanted to start getting information now so I would be able to make a better decision on if we want to go off BC and try NFP later.