Anyone else nervous?
azdancer8
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Not about the wedding. Not at all, atually. 
I'm SO ready to be married to FI.
What I'm nervous about is the wedding night/next morning and the honeymoon. FI and I have both saved ourselves for marriage, so I'm kinda nervous about having sex for the first time, obviously. FI and I have talked, and agreed that we aren't going to rush into it or try to have sex on the wedding night itself if we're too tired. But I'm still nervous about it. I think it's mostly a fear of the unknown. :P
And I know it sounds weird, but I'm nervous about FI seeing me naked for the first time. I know he loves my body, and thinks I am beautiful no matter what, but there is a tiny part of me that wonders if he'll still like my body just as much when he sees it without clothing. It doesn't help that I've been having body image issues the past couple of weeks. :P
Anyone else having jitters about these things? Or is it just because I am SO close now?
Re: Anyone else nervous?
I would say that I am feeling excited and terrified all at once; FI and I have waited as well. I think it's natural for women to feel that way. If you think about it, women aren't really primed by evolution to get aroused at the sight of a naked man like a guy might be for a woman. This is just my personal and perhaps controversial opinion, but our female ancestors never knew when a guy might be a "lover-provider" or a "raper," so we tend to feel guarded and protective at first whereas men don't feel that way.
What kind of bothers me is that there is an expectation to go from a conservative relationship to the "full deed" in one night. I wish it could be more gradual so you could become familiar with each others' bodies and gain physical trust. I suggested that idea to my FI, but he didn't like it. He's a guy who waited for 26 years, and he would like a proper "wedding night."
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[QUOTE]I know this is bad, but I'm sort of hoping I'm on my period wedding night so I have an <strong>excuse not to do anything</strong>. FI's very excited about finally being able to do it, but I'm totally completely dreading it. I'm also scared of becomming pregnant. I know there are ways to prevent it, but none of them are 100% effective, and I really don't want to "accidently' become pregnant.
Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]
Oh gosh, by the time it finally gets around to my wedding night I don't think my FI would care about this. He has been waiting a long time and has put up with me being an insane planner so I feel like he deserves it.
Repeat after me: Lube is your friend.
Use it. Lots of it. Definitely go slow, and communicate with your H. My H was hyper aware of the fact that he was hurting me, and he felt so bad but I made him keep on going. I figured we had to get through that hurdle somehow.
Good on ya for not having expectations of having intercourse on the wedding night, but be open to it. We actually planned not to, but ended up doing it anyway. It hurt, but it only took a few times before it stopped hurting for me. Each time got easier.
Oh, and be aware that your hips may hurt the next day. I was sore as all get out and figured it was from my crazy heavy dress. Turns out it's actually a side effect of sex!
Ok, I feel a lot better now, knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way. And I know that FI will be patient with me until I'm ready, and take things slowly, just like he has every other step of our relationship. (For example, he waited until I told him I was ready before he kissed me on the lips, since I had never been kissed before - and even double checked just to be sure it was what I really wanted.)
I AM excited to be able to give him a part of myself that no one else will ever have, I'm just nervous about the act itself.
Gotta chill.....
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[QUOTE]Ok, I feel a lot better now, knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way. And I know that FI will be patient with me until I'm ready, and take things slowly, just like he has every other step of our relationship. (For example, he waited until I told him I was ready before he kissed me on the lips, since I had never been kissed before - and even double checked just to be sure it was what I really wanted.) I AM excited to be able to give him a part of myself that no one else will ever have, I'm just nervous about the act itself. ;) Gotta chill.....
Posted by azdancer8[/QUOTE]
<div>He sounds so much like my FI. Alex waited to kiss me as well, and I know he'll wait as long as I ask him to, but I do feel a bit guilty making him wait forever. I still have until October to deal with this aspect though - so I'm not too worried about it now. Ask me a week before and I might freaked out even more then. </div>
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And to the pp worried about getting accidentally pregnant, I'm worried, too. More for health reasons, as I can't get pregnant now or it could cause very serious problems to the baby. The two of us also have to get through grad school. That's why we're going to use the Pill and barrier methods, just in case something fails. My doctor told me that's totally unnecessary, but I still don't really trust the Pill that much.
Less than five months to go... at least to make the night special, my FI and I have rented a romantic suite overlooking the Bay with a big jacuzzi!
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the tips and advice. I know a husband shouldn't pressure a wife, but I'd still feel guilty for not doing it, since my FI has given me all that I have ever asked for, especially with the wedding. I'd know he'd always remember if I didn't at least try. He's not pressuring me overtly, but I just know he would be hurt and heartbroken. And to the pp worried about getting accidentally pregnant, I'm worried, too. More for health reasons, as I can't get pregnant now or it could cause very serious problems to the baby. The two of us also have to get through grad school. That's why we're going to use the Pill and barrier methods, just in case something fails. My doctor told me that's totally unnecessary,<strong> but I still don't really trust the Pill that much.</strong> Less than five months to go... at least to make the night special, my FI and I have rented a romantic suite overlooking the Bay with a big jacuzzi!
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]
I don't either - one of my best friends' mom's (who has 5 kids) got pregnant with all 5 while on the pill and they even used other forms of protection sometimes... They still ended up with 5!!
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else nervous? : I don't either - one of my best friends' mom's (who has 5 kids) got pregnant with all 5 while on the pill and they even used other forms of protection sometimes... They still ended up with 5!!
Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]
I will bet you $5 right now that she was taking the mini-pill and/or was on antibiotics for all 5 of those preganancies.
If you use a combined horomone pill (versus the mini-pill) and take it at the same time every day, and if you use another form of protection while on antibiotics and for the duration of your current pill pack after you stop the antiobiotics, you have about a .01% chance of getting pregnant. Combine that with condoms and/or coitus interruptus and it's even lower. There is no reason not to trust the pill.</p>
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I have a similar situation as Tauner23, and also echo her kudos to those of you who have been able to wait. I also agree with PPs that lube would be a great idea. There is no hiding the fact that there WILL be a little pain for the first few times, and that shouldn't scare you away. It's natural. Your body has never experienced something stretching "down there" like that before, so it needs to adjust. You will probably be sore too, but also don't let that scare you. It gets better over time. I just like to caution those who imagine it to be this perfect, easy situation for the first time as they often depict it on movies and tv. It is not, it's awkward, tricky and sometimes a little painful. But when you are with the person you love, it makes it so worth it in the end when things get easier and comfortable. Hope that helps!
But for those of you who are scared, there's no reason to be scared or nervous. Sex with your spouse is a beautiful and pleasurable thing. Sex was created by God to be pleasurable between a husband and wife. Sex is also a very crucial part to a healthy marriage, so for the pp who mentioned she doesn't even know how she will or when after the wedding, remember that your husband has waited this long for you and it's an important part of your relationship. Plus, you'll see once you've been intimate a few times, you'll want it even more. Yes, it can be painful the first few times, but it isn't always. I don't recall having any pain the first time, and some of my friends have also expressed that they didn't have a painful first time. As pp mentioned, use lots of lube and take it slow. It will be a beautiful moment that you have both been waiting and anticipating for, for so long and trust me it'll be well worth it.
As for the fear of getting pregnant, I wouldn't worry about that. I've been on the pill and still haven't had a problem. We have several friends in our circle who are married (and those who aren't, but live together and/or are sexually active) and none of them have gotten pregnant unexpectantly. If you want to prevent an early pregnancy, get on the pill a few months before the wedding so that you're regulated on it. If you need to take any antibiotics, use a second form of protection such as condoms.
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What a lot of women don't realize about their first time, is that it's possible that it won't hurt much if at all. There is a very small percentage of women who are born without a hymen, and many many women stretch or tear their own hymen accidentally during their lifetime. Some things that can stretch or tear it other than sex are mountain biking, horseback riding, roller coasters, car crashes, or (as in my case) during a gynecological exam or procedure.
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else nervous? : I don't either - one of my best friends' mom's (who has 5 kids) got pregnant with all 5 while on the pill and they even used other forms of protection sometimes... They still ended up with 5!!
Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]
Sorry but that's a crock. The woman either doesn't know how to correctly use the pill or is lying. The statistical chances of getting pregnant <strong>5 times</strong> on the pill is next to impossible. You're more likely to be eaten by a shark while spontaneously combusting at the same time.
But to OP question, just buy a beautiful nightie that's sheer (and short enough that you can keep it on and just hike it up, if you catch my drift) and you'll feel more covered but still sexy and I'm sure your H will love it! Sex can be uncomfortable but its not horrible and esp when it's with someone who loves and respects you it'll will be so magical you'll want to go again in 5 mins :-)
[QUOTE]It is also very common for women to get a UTI after having sex for the first time. To prevent this, urinate afterwards. And if you get one anyways, remember that antibiotics will interfere with all hormonal birth control.
Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]
I have heard, (from a microbiology prof) that cranberry pills can help with this, it makes your urine more acidic and helps keep the microb population that causes UTI down.
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The best thing about the book was that it helped us understand each others' concerns and desires for that night a little bit better. FI has known that this is something I've been nervous about, but I think it will go a little better after reading part of this book.
What bothers me is the initiation. We both know it's going to happen, so how are we supposed to smoothly and romatically get things started? I am trying to convinve FI to just let it happen and not try to force it as soon as we get in the door, but, well...
6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy[a] unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.[b]
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
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[QUOTE]I definitely am! But I am also super excited. But I am also worried that I might miss being a virgin once its gone - I held onto it for twenty-some odd years, and then its just gone? lol What bothers me is the initiation. We both know it's going to happen, so how are we supposed to smoothly and romatically get things started? I am trying to convinve FI to just let it happen and not try to force it as soon as we get in the door, but, well...
Posted by Jessieleigh316[/QUOTE]
H and I took a shower (together! gasp!) when we got home from the after party and then wen to bed. Then he said, "so...you wanna?" and we did. Totally romantical, right?
But definitely just let it be. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't that's fine too. We actually planned not to have sex that night, but we felt like it so we did.