Inappropriate STD - thoughts?

s-aries8990 · March 2013

So I was at a friend's house today and her used-to-be BFF sent out magnet photo save-the-dates. Cute? Yes. I'm *not 100%* sure these went out to a large portion of the guest list, including family.

Now*I've heard old biddies saying they* don't like STDs because they're more of a command than a request, and that sentiment is understandable (*they say "Save the date!!" not "Your presence is requested" sorta deal*). *I thought* This STD, was actually really rude. They had little chalkboard *(which are cute)* and it said "Save the date.... B*tches!" (*not cute) *So now your fridge is probably going to have the word b*tches on it*

Really? Like seriously? You're calling Gramma one of your b*tches? hmmm.

Is this taking things too far? Do any of you speak to family this way? I don't, and I was kind of offended by it. Thoughts? Comments?

ETA: asterisk instead of "i"s
ETA x2: to make my sentiment more clear - i kinda went off topic about some of the aspects - I added asterisk to denote what was edited .

aurianna · March 2013

Klassy.

Knottie_22382049 · March 2013

I would be very offended by them and could imagine that her older family members will be horrified when they receive theirs. I would never talk to my family this way.

s-aries8990 · March 2013

Like, if it was just something sent to girlfriends, like a bacholorette party invite for a close group of friends who already have this sort of relationship, that's fine, but like your calling Uncle Jack and Aunt Mary your b*tches.... idk...

ootmother3 · March 2013

childish and appropriate

MrsGandthebeag · March 2013

I'd think it was funny depending on the person.

libby2483 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:407e0fe4-e7f3-4e94-acd3-47376220885c">Inappropriate STD - thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I was at a friend's house today and her used-to-be BFF sent out magnet photo save-the-dates. Cute? Yes. Original? No. I'm sure these went out to a large portion of the guest list, including family. <strong>Now many people don't like STDs because they're more of a command than a request, and that sentiment is understandable.</strong> This STD, was actually really rude. They had little chalkboards and it said "Save the date.... B*tches!" Really? Like seriously? You're calling Gramma one of your b*tches? hmmm. Is this taking things too far? Do any of you speak to family this way? I don't, and I was kind of offended by it. Thoughts? Comments? ETA: asteriks instead of "i"s
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

<div>I've never heard anyone express the sentiment of the bolded. I don't see how STDs would be a command. However, I would seriously side-eye the use of "b*tches" on an STD, even if the bride was a friend of mine. I just think it is classless and not appropriate for any sort of wedding correspondence, even if a different invitation was sent to family members (if, in fact, it was).</div>

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:03e480ad-dd6a-408b-b1e0-251ff25870e9">Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Our STDs were made to look like show tickets. The ones that went out to family had the "show title" as Stage and H's Wedding. The ones for our theatre friends had something like "Oh my lord, is she REALLY wearing white!?!". Y<strong>ou can judge the STD if you want, but you have no way of knowing they sent THAT one</strong>, or any one for that matter to Grandma. Is it a bit crass? Sure. But seriously, <strong>not worth strangling yourself </strong>on your pearls over. And, ours were also magnets! Gasp! The unoriginal police are going to bust down my door and haul me off any day now,
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Don't worry, no pearls were harmed in the musing over this save the date. And I think the magnets are cute - not meant as a dig, but to set the scene. I just was like "Really? They used B*tches on a save the date? And they expect people to hang it up on their fridge?" I was just sort of taken a-back that they used the term B*tches. Idk- I'm no uber conservative, but I wouldn't send out a formal printed item with the term B*tches on it. And I know that's just me, but I'm still kind of awe-struck.

And I hope that either a) that they didn't send Gramma THAT piece or b) they have a cool Gramma

Knottie_22386653 · March 2013

I agree that if they went out to everyone, it's a little yuck. If I got one like that from a friend, though, it would make me chuckle. I doubt my grandmother would chuckle, but then you can't be sure grandma got that version.

I've also never heard of people objecting to getting save the dates. I always find it to be a huge convenience and really helpful to get them so I can get a jump start on planning...

yellowdaisies84 · March 2013

To each their own! I wouldn't judge her at all, she knows better than we do who her 'audience' was.

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:60131e1b-1afa-46fb-a365-6c98e361f6ac">Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'd think it was funny depending on the person.</strong>
Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]

It could be, but for piece of wedding correspondance?...

Things that make ya go
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s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:8e7b8562-de26-4484-99f5-67a926d8677b">Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that if they went out to everyone, it's a little yuck. If I got one like that from a friend, though, it would make me chuckle. I doubt my grandmother would chuckle, but then you can't be sure grandma got that version. I've also never heard of people objecting to getting save the dates. <strong>I always find it to be a huge convenience and really helpful to get them so I can get a jump start on planning...</strong>
Posted by Djinxs[/QUOTE]

I do too, but I've heard old biddies complain about it.

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:949eb56b-daa7-4718-92a6-8ba997dcc5d1">Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]And for the record, I've never met anyone who is inherently offended by STDs because they are more of an "order" than a "request". <strong>You seem really uptight to me.</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Not really uptight, but I know I don't like being called someone's B*tch... it's just not how I roll. Other roll other ways- totally fine, but there's a reason that I'm not biffles with the entire world and I'm sure you aren't eaither. And I never heard of 2 different STDs going out before so it's not something I would have thought of- it's just been stuck in my mind all day that she's calling her aunts and uncles and cousins her b*tches lol

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:1551dbef-9487-461a-a701-a38c67d636de">Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, but you never connected "magnets" to "hanging btches on the fridge". You basically said "magents are soooo unoriginal, and STDs are offensive to a lot of people anyway, but this made it EVEN WORSE." Ya know what I mean? ETA: you also said you were SURE these went out to family when you don't even directly know the bride.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Ehh I guess you're right. I'll update OP to reflect my reflections lol.

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:b6386554-dbc3-4709-83c8-37c3d372e07d">Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]But she wasnt calling YOU anything. And again, you have no clue who those did or did not go out to. Personally, if I got that STD, I'd judge it hardcore because I don't like that word used as a "term of endearment". But anyone who is sending it to me ought to know that, and if they don't, I'm probably judging them for misuse of inappropriate humor. If my MOH got it, he'd laugh his butt off and proudly hang it on his fridge. That's my point. You are judging something that is clearly supposed to be humorous and obviously wasnt meant for you. I hate Robot Chicken. I don't judge those who watch it, including H, just because I find it offensive. It isn't an etiquette matter, it's a humor/taste level matter. And I personally find people who go out of their way to judge that to be uptight. It's just how I roll.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I just brought it up to see what people thought, kwim? Like a "if you got this what would you think" sort of thing. I don't know this girl on a personal level and it obviously wasn't meant for me. I know it's judgey, but hey we all make snap judgements. I saw it at 7 o'clock this morning nearly 300 miles away and I couldn't get it out of my head. I thought it would be an interesting discussion, but I guess it's less interesting than I thought.

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AJuliaNJ · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:03e480ad-dd6a-408b-b1e0-251ff25870e9">Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Our STDs were made to look like show tickets. The ones that went out to family had the "show title" as Stage and H's Wedding. The ones for our theatre friends had something like "Oh my lord, is she REALLY wearing white!?!". You can judge the STD if you want, but you have no way of knowing they sent THAT one, or any one for that matter to Grandma. Is it a bit crass? Sure. But seriously, not worth strangling yourself on your pearls over. <strong>And, ours were also magnets! Gasp! The unoriginal police are going to bust down my door and haul me off any day now,</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I was thinking there had to be another version for family/more serious friends, too. </div><div>
</div><div>We did magnets, too. How are they any more unoriginal than a printed card? Everyone has them on their fridge when we go over and tons of people already booked room from our block so they did the job.

</div>

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:8bb9289f-ae32-4ee9-92ad-95832b12903c">Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts? : I was thinking there had to be another version for family/more serious friends, too. <strong>We did magnets, too. How are they any more unoriginal than a printed card? Everyone has them on their fridge when we go over so they did the job.</strong>
Posted by AndreaJulia[/QUOTE]

It wasn't meant to insult. IDK why I phrased it that way originally. I mentioned magnets because they go on the fridge, on display, and they said b*tches.

And I had never even thought of there being 2 versions, so I kinda hope you're right!

steign · March 2013

I'd probably be like WTF if I got an STD with "bltches" on it but, I'd probably just side eye it on, not hang it on my fridge and move on. Although, I would feel awfully strange sending an STD to family members with profanity on it. I'm not offended by that word but, some people might.

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:8cd6c56a-efc0-42bb-a1c9-36a76915d263">Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd probably be like WTF if I got an STD with "bltches" on it but, I'd probably just side eye it on, not hang it on my fridge and move on. <strong>Although, I would feel awfully strange sending an STD to family members with profanity on i</strong>t. I'm not offended by that word but, some people might.
Posted by steign[/QUOTE]

This was the part I got so hung up on...

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

Save the dated are a courtesy for guests, not a jury summons. If the couple wishes to waste their money on STDs that aren't paper, that's their decision. It's also their decision, I suppose, if they want to set a trashy and classless tone for their wedding by writing obscene messages on them.

steign · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:69df0298-3a67-4ce1-915c-fc44433bda77">Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts? : This was the part I got so hung up on...
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I definitely get what you're saying. It's just really weird to me, and I try not to judge but, there's a place and a time for things like that and this doesn't seem like one of them.

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:f52cd7b9-839f-4687-b829-dccfcf851038">Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts? : Yeah, I definitely get what you're saying. It's just really weird to me, and I try not to judge but, there's a place and a time for things like that and this doesn't seem like one of them.
Posted by steign[/QUOTE]

That's the point that I tried to make, but executed terribly poorly.

There is a time and a place for those things. An e-vite or FB invite? sure! My fridge? no.

steign · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:92ff41ff-9358-4c7e-b7eb-9e0968f33c76">Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts? : That's the point that I tried to make, but executed terribly poorly. There is a time and a place for those things. An e-vite or FB invite? sure! My fridge? no.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

Exactly. I would see this more of a joking FB event type thing.

rachelm13 · March 2013

my STDs were magnets. no profanity... my friend's save the date was a kung fu/comic book type logo with her fist with her ring, the bulk of the magnet was a comic book style of their story of how they met which was flat out about: how they were coworkers both living with their SOs and one day in the elevator coffee mugs went flying... yes, those went to everyone including gramma. it wasn't profanity, but, it was a little voyeurish. as it is one of my best friends, i internally raised an eyebrow, but it is still on my fridge.

ETA:spelling

nda8414 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:60131e1b-1afa-46fb-a365-6c98e361f6ac">Re: Inappropriate STD - thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd think it was funny depending on the person.
Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]

I agree. It may have been a poor judgement call to actually order them, but it is a little funny

StephJean83 · March 2013

I will say that I have seen poster say that STDs do seem like a summons "Save the Date" vs a request "Your Presents is requested". However by the time FH and I get married, we will be engaged for over 2 years and 85 to 90 percent of our guests are from out of state. We will send them out. If I got a STD that said "Save the Date B1tches", it would end up on the side of the fridge vs the front. Unless it specifically indicated it was for the wedding, I would probably double check with the bride that it wasn't for the bachelorette party.

Loopyseven · March 2013

I wouldn't use profanity on anything wedding related, but that's me. I'm not a huge fan of using the term b*tches as a term of endearment either but I don't disown people for doing it.

Knottie_22382102 · March 2013

I really find the word "b*tch disrespectful". I use it, when I don't respect someone. So personally, I would probably not appreciate them....but I probably wouldn't put too much thought into them either after discarding it. It wouldn't go on my fridge, for sure.

My friend had an Halloween card that she got from a friend that was announcing that the friend was pregnant. She had painted her pregnant belly like a jack-o-lantern and was holding it and her husband was holding another one and their kid was holding another one and everyone thought it was really inappropriate and I thought it was clever and cute.

So...all in the eyes of the beholder I guess.

hoffse · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:949eb56b-daa7-4718-92a6-8ba997dcc5d1">Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]And for the record, I've never met anyone who is inherently offended by STDs because they are more of an "order" than a "request". You seem really uptight to me.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>My mother actually had 5 separate people approach her and say, "hoffse isn't sending out save the dates is she? They are so rude!" LIterally. So we opted to send them to the folks our age instead of the folks my parents' age.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't know that OP was saying that's how she viewed them, just that she knows some older guests view them that way. That was certainly my experience. </div><div>
</div><div>I mostly don't care for them because I find them redundant and a waste of money for the most part - but I can see how they might be useful for the the fringe friends who aren't sure whether they will make the cut or not.</div>

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inappropriate-std-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:51d5e5f1-d060-467b-b7c0-360d3874740dPost:5bb6f971-b599-460b-80a9-7bad8c8ae7bc">Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Inappropriate STD thoughts? : My mother actually had 5 separate people approach her and say, "hoffse isn't sending out save the dates is she? They are so rude!" LIterally. So we opted to send them to the folks our age instead of the folks my parents' age. I don't know that OP was saying that's how she viewed them, just that she knows some older guests view them that way. That was certainly my experience. I mostly don't care for them because I find them redundant and a waste of money for the most part - but I can see how they might be useful for the the fringe friends who aren't sure whether they will make the cut or not.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

OK, so at least I know I'm not cray cray for knowing some people think of them this way.

StephJean83 · March 2013

I know Retread has said if the engagement is more than a year, on a normally busy weekend in an area or holiday weekend, or the wedding is DW it is a good idea to send them. If majority of our guest list wasn't from out of state, we married within a year to a year and half of getting engaged, I would forgo them. That being said, majority of our guests are out of state, we will be engaged just over 2 years on our wedding day, I fell they are neccessary so people can look into flights, book hotel rooms and plan carpools.

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