awkward conversation?

kimandjosh22 · May 2012

I'm worried about what my FI's parents might wear to our wedding and I don't know if I should address it or just cross my fingers that it'll be OK. His dad owns a tux and is planning to wear that, however all the men in the BP are wearing suits as is the FOB. His mom wore a wrinkled black dress and dirty sandles to his sister's wedding last summer and showed-up to my bridal shower in jeans, a t-shirt, and her sneakers she wears for gardening. generally I could careless what people wear, however as the groom's family they will be in many of our wedding photos.
do I drop hints? offer to go shopping with her? ask my FI to talk to them? just leave it alone?

adamar15 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:6510c11c-42b8-4b27-a26d-211fa7fbdee9">awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm worried about what my FI's parents might wear to our wedding and I don't know if I should address it or just cross my fingers that it'll be OK. His dad owns a tux and is planning to wear that, however all the men in the BP are wearing suits as is the FOB. His mom wore a wrinkled black dress and dirty sandles to his sister's wedding last summer and showed-up to my bridal shower in jeans, a t-shirt, and her sneakers she wears for gardening. generally I could careless what people wear, however as the groom's family they will be in many of our wedding photos. do I drop hints? offer to go shopping with her? ask my FI to talk to them? <strong>just leave it alone?
</strong>Posted by kimandjosh22[/QUOTE]

Bingo. They're adults and they can dress themselves. If they dress inappropriately for the situation then it reflects on them.

amys325 · May 2012

Just let them wear what they want to to wear.

RupertPenny · May 2012

Leave it alone.

crash2729 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:ee3539d9-1b09-4f15-b4b2-0391a94d9806">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to awkward conversation? : Bingo. They're adults and they can dress themselves. If they dress inappropriately for the situation then it reflects on them.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]
This. <div>
</div>

Lizzieyounce · May 2012

Holy cow! My mom and FMIL asked me what I wanted them to wear. I told them what ever they like, my colors are black, ivory and teal and the BM's will be in black, formal length gowns.

I would never try to dictate what my mom or FMIL wears to the day!

baystateapple · May 2012

What's wrong with wearing a black dress to a wedding? I've done this lots of times. My mom wore a long black skirt and purple jacket to my wedding.

MrsKathyC · May 2012

I know it sucks but there's nothing you can really do.

Out of curiosity, what was the reaction to her attire for her daughter's wedding?

amys325 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:eca762bd-7d5f-4fec-8b50-b54dc7477893">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]What's wrong with wearing a black dress to a wedding? I've done this lots of times. My mom wore a long black skirt and purple jacket to my wedding.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I wear black dresses to weddings all the time. </div>

kimandjosh22 · May 2012

ok I guess I'm not winning any friends here. She actually seemed a little uncomfortable at my bridal shower as everyone else was wearing sundresses or nice slacks. It wasn't so much the color of the dress at my FSIL's wedding as it was that it was a garment that was not in good condition. I guess I always feel a bit awkward if i'm over/under dressed for an occasion, perhaps wishing that someone had told me what to wear.
I am just at a loss for a polite way to do this (there probably isn't one), I would just hate for her to feel as if she were underdressed, or no one told her

laurenclaire1386 · May 2012

My mom wore a black dress to my wedding. The horror.

And ditto Adamar. There's no way to suggest to someone what to wear without coming off like you're condescending to them.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

My mom wore the same black dress to my wedding that she wore to my sister's wedding the year before. Talk about a friggen nightmare.... or actually, wait. No one cares.

baystateapple · May 2012

Yeah I'm not buying your whole "condition of the dress" thing. You bolded black, not wrinkled.

kimandjosh22 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:60b546fd-5f7b-4c2a-9f7d-4c24090ebd2d">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know it sucks but there's nothing you can really do. Out of curiosity, what was the reaction to her attire for her daughter's wedding?
Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]

Her Daughter's wedding was different from any other wedding i've been to...many of the bridesmaids changed into jeans after the first dance, but for the ceremony/photos everyone had on pretty formal dresses. I was not aware of any reaction from others besides me thinking it was a little odd the MOB was wearing a fairly old/faded/wrinkled dress...but then I was also shocked when people changed into jeans.

Girlie1030 · May 2012

If by chance she asks what your mom is wearing, you can show her that but that's about all you can do.

My sister wears gym shorts and baggy t-shirts every day and I was fully prepared for her to show up to our wedding in that and like others said, if she had it would be her deal, not mine. In the end, she didn't but she did wear white.

pkontk · May 2012

If she was truly visibly uncomfortable at your shower due to attire, my guess is that she'll figure out on her own what would be appropriate to wear to your wedding.

kimandjosh22 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:1ce4e15c-52de-41e5-9e42-8025d5cbc3d3">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah I'm not buying your whole "condition of the dress" thing. You bolded black , not wrinkled.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

I guess I bolded black because when shopping for a MOB dress with my mother most shops seemed horrified that the MOB might wear black to a summer wedding.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

This issue is always interesting to me - like, why does it even come up? With all the garbage I had going on while planning our wedding the last thing I ever would have thought about was what other people were going to wear.

adamar15 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:511705f8-37bb-417e-9f90-a4f3d59744d4">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]If by chance she asks what your mom is wearing, you can show her that but that's about all you can do. My sister wears gym shorts and baggy t-shirts every day and I was fully prepared for her to show up to our wedding in that and like others said, if she had it would be her deal, not mine.<strong> In the end, she didn't but she did wear white. :)
</strong>Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

Passive agressive much?

baystateapple · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:1209eed3-f403-4dc0-837e-85257f0f4fbb">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: awkward conversation? : I guess I bolded black because when shopping for a MOB dress with my mother most shops seemed horrified that the MOB might wear black to a summer wedding.
Posted by kimandjosh22[/QUOTE]
I don't know where the heck you're shopping then, because plenty of people wear black to summer weddings, or weddings all year round. Those salespeople sound like twats.

laurenclaire1386 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:efb73b6e-4d50-4e40-a4ad-9e6398a1788f">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]This issue is always interesting to me - like, why does it even come up? With all the garbage I had going on while planning our wedding the last thing I ever would have thought about was what other people were going to wear.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
Same. Although two of my BMs did ask if I minded if they changed into jeans after the ceremony. I told them I did indeed mind. I mean, if they'd just done it without checking with me, then taht would've been it and I'd have never said anything. But they asked.

Girlie1030 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:735e1bbc-e295-490b-b6fd-33d6c8e38c05">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: awkward conversation? : Passive agressive much?
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

Me?

adamar15 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:e55d4912-1675-4149-b010-5d2e01fb3dc1">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: awkward conversation? : Me?
Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

No, your sister!

chumlee7478 · May 2012

Don't say anything. She's a grownup and you can't dictate policy to her. If she wants to wear a wrinkled black dress, let her. She's there enjoying the day, right? That's the point. Life's too short to be worrying about what someone might or might not wear.

I love my sisters-in-law to death. They are wonderful, amazing women who helped raise my husband into the man he is today after his mother passed away. If they showed up at my wedding wearing jeans and a T shirt, they'd still be embraced with open arms, in all the photos and loved the same as everyone else. Would it be what I wore to a wedding? No. But at the end of the day, they were there, celebrating with us and having a great time, and I couldn't tell you what one of them wore the day of my wedding, other than one of my sisters-in-law wore her mother's pearls so that a symbol of their mom could be there at our wedding.

Bkseller13 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:397ec057-0630-4394-adc1-4447342e2869">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: awkward conversation? : Her Daughter's wedding was different from any other wedding i've been to...many of the bridesmaids changed into jeans after the first dance, but for the ceremony/photos everyone had on pretty formal dresses. I was not aware of any reaction from others besides me thinking it was a little odd the MOB was wearing a fairly old/faded/wrinkled dress...but then I was also shocked when people changed into jeans.
Posted by kimandjosh22[/QUOTE]

My H and his groomsmen and my father all ditched their tuxes after the first dances. They were uncomfortable, we'd done the "formal" photos and I wanted them to be comfortable and enjoy themselves. My Bridesmaids all chose to remain in their dresses, and I stayed in mine until we left. Our leaving photos (bubbles blowing) shows both of us in jeans and comfortable tops. Nothing wrong with it.

kimandjosh22 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:efb73b6e-4d50-4e40-a4ad-9e6398a1788f">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]This issue is always interesting to me - like, why does it even come up? With all the garbage I had going on while planning our wedding the last thing I ever would have thought about was what other people were going to wear.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

She was the most casually dressed person at her daughter's wedding (until the jeans came out), but I hadn't even thought about addressing it until she appeared to feel uncomfortable at my shower this past weekend.

MrsKathyC · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:397ec057-0630-4394-adc1-4447342e2869">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: awkward conversation? : Her Daughter's wedding was different from any other wedding i've been to...many of the bridesmaids changed into jeans after the first dance, but for the ceremony/photos everyone had on pretty formal dresses. I was not aware of any reaction from others besides me thinking it was a little odd the MOB was wearing a fairly old/faded/wrinkled dress...but then I was also shocked when people changed into jeans.
Posted by kimandjosh22[/QUOTE]

Just noticed we're from the same state! Where is the wedding, if you don't mind sharing?

My MIL and a few other guests showed up at our wedding wearing clothing that I wouldn't deem appropriate, but it truly reflects badly on them, not you. It could have been worse, my MIL was originally going to wear the same color as my H and my son's tuxes but changed her mind last minute :)

Girlie1030 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:3297a2d7-685b-4eea-9011-8fa2e8138905">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: awkward conversation? : No, your sister!
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

Ah! Honestly I didn't even notice until someone pointed it out to me last weekend when we were looking at pictures. Passive-agressive is the least offensive personality trait of my sister.

chumlee7478 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:cd900059-51b9-41b2-967d-18ef87817c48">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: awkward conversation? : She was the most casually dressed person at her daughter's wedding (until the jeans came out), but I hadn't even thought about addressing it until she appeared to feel uncomfortable at my shower this past weekend.
Posted by kimandjosh22[/QUOTE]

If she felt uncomfortable, let her go shopping and buy something SHE feels is more appropriate. It has to be her definition of appropriate though. If she asks what your mom is wearing, then show her a picture, but that's about the limit there. You can't tell her what to wear.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f1579b-4ff8-4733-904b-00fc300d8469Post:cd900059-51b9-41b2-967d-18ef87817c48">Re: awkward conversation?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: awkward conversation? : She was the most casually dressed person at her daughter's wedding (until the jeans came out), but I hadn't even thought about addressing it until she appeared to feel uncomfortable at my shower this past weekend.
Posted by kimandjosh22[/QUOTE]

This is a grown ass woman we're talking about here. If she felt uncomfortable because of what she wore to the shower that is her problem, not yours. You can't run around telling people what to wear for certain occasions and if someone does not know how to properly dress for a nice occasion then that's their own fault. But honestly, she should know better.

The only people you can tell what to wear at your wedding is your bridal party, so unless you're willing to make your FMIL your maid of honor or something you're just going to have to let her figure out what to wear on her own. It will be fine. Worry about stuff you CAN control.

kimandjosh22 · May 2012

The wedding is in Windsor, Vt.

Just going off her seeming uncomfortable at my shower, that might make her think about what she is wearing to the wedding. I didn't think I would/should address it, but its good to have some input.

awkward conversation?

Re: awkward conversation?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards