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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Habs2Hart
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Poll: Accepted or Unheard of
So all these damn cash bar threads got me thinking. I thought a poll would be fun. I'm going to list a bunch of ettiquette faux pas that come up on here all the time and people claim to be regional and I wanna see what the results are.
So list if the following are accepted, common, or unheard of.
a) Dollar Dance
b) Cash Bar
c) Gap
d) Registry info in wedding invites
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match
f) Tiered reception
g) a/b lists
umm... that's all I can think of right now. If anyone has anything else, let me know.
So list if the following are accepted, common, or unheard of.
a) Dollar Dance
b) Cash Bar
c) Gap
d) Registry info in wedding invites
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match
f) Tiered reception
g) a/b lists
umm... that's all I can think of right now. If anyone has anything else, let me know.
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Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of
b) Cash Bar - never been to a wedding around here with a cash bar
c) Gap - never heard of before TK
d) Registry info in wedding invites - accepted around here I think
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - never heard of before TK
f) Tiered reception - never heard of before TK
g) a/b lists - never heard of before TK
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b) Cash Bar common, also don't care
c) Gap honestly not sure. I've never gone to one with more than a 20-minute gap though.
d) Registry info in wedding invites unheard of
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match not sure
f) Tiered reception unheard of
g) a/b lists not sure, but again I don't really care
b) Cash Bar - Unheard of.
c) Gap - Accepted. People are much more forgiving about this. They are annoying, but there are tons of places to go do something in between, so no one freaks out over it.
d) Registry info in wedding invites - Unheard of.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - Common.
f) Tiered reception - Unheard of.
g) a/b lists - I am sure it's more common than I have noticed, but in my circle, it's unheard of.
b) Cash Bar -- Most weddings I go to are cash bar, or at least partly cash bar. It's more typical to have a couple of kegs and a couple of cases of free wine and when it's out, it's cash bar. I don't think it's a big deal AT ALL.
c) Gap -- These really, REALLY annoy me. A lot. It's not unheard of, especially around here for the Catholic church especially, but it sure is annoying.
d) Registry info in wedding invites -- Tacky, but not uncommon.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match 99.9 percent of the times I've been a bridesmaid, this is the "gift" I've received. I honestly think that it's just what they THINK they are supposed to do, and not an attempt at rudeness. Until TK, that's just kind of what I thought people did.
f) Tiered reception -- These aren't uncommon around here either. I get a lot of invites to just the dance. Doesn't really bother me.
g) a/b lists -- I would never think to do this because it seems so weird. I had no idea people did this until TK.
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b) Cash BarMajority of the ppl do them around here
c) Gap- been to a few wedding that do this, but it's kind of annoying to me
d) Registry info in wedding invites- Never seen that
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match-Every wedding I've ever been in does that
f) Tiered reception-Never heard of this till I got here
g) a/b lists- From what I know I have only seen a few do this in my area
b) Cash Bar Unheard of
c) Gap Unheard of
d) Registry info in wedding invites I saw it in one invitation I received, but didn't realize it was wrong until the Knot. Apparently lots of my guests seem to think I'm not doing enough to publicize the registry, though, which is funny.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match I didn't even know bridesmaids got gifts until the Knot. But I've never been in a wedding.
f) Tiered reception No chance in hell
g) a/b lists I dunno. I think I was b-listed once, but it didn't bother me. I just felt honored to be included.
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b) Cash Bar - Unheard of
c) Gap - Common with church weddings
d) Registry info in wedding invites - Unheard of
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - Common
f) Tiered reception - Unheard of
g) a/b lists - Unheard of
b) Cash Bar common
c) Gap accepted
d) Registry info in wedding invites accepted
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match never heard of that before TK
f) Tiered reception common
g) a/b lists common
a) Dollar Dance Never seen one done but apparently it was popular years ago. Asked DJs while I was hiring and they said that NO ONE does this around here anymore
b) Cash Bar Perfectly acceptable in Boston with our high cost of living! I haven't been to a complete open bar wedding yet.
c) Gap I've seen an hour at most.
d) Registry info in wedding invites I've never seen this and have heard from people that it's "tacky"...registry info on your wedding website is not, however.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match Acceptable, as long as you get them a little something else too!
f) Tiered reception I don't know that this is (newbie, sorry!)
g) a/b lists Acceptable to a certain extent. Guests for single friends? People who think they are closer to you than they really are? Co-workers who you see every day and are friendly with but wouldn't consider "friends"? These types of people are my "B List" if I get a bunch of no's from my "A Listers!"
b) Cash Bar On liquor only, otherwise it's hosted.
c) Gap Depends on the ceremony, like a full Catholic mass will probably have a gap
d) Registry info in wedding invites It happens, but I always side-eye it.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match It happens.
f) Tiered reception Unheard of
b) Cash Bar - accepted but definitely prefer otherwise
c) Gap - Accepted only if it's long enough to stop and get drinks between.
d) Registry info in wedding invites - unheard of and gross
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - accepted and I don't really see the big deal if it's a thoughtful gift
f) Tiered reception - UNHEARD OF.
g) a/b lists - UNHEARD OF.
b) Cash Bar Common, I've only ever been to one wedding that was a complete open bar.
c) Gap Common, especially with church weddings, but I still find them annoying.
d) Registry info in wedding invites I only remember seeing this done once. I didn't realize it was so bad until TK, so it might have been included before and I didn't think to look for it.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match Not sure really. I've been in two weddings where I got jewelry to wear in the wedding as my gift, but I can't speak for the majority of MI.
f) Tiered reception Never heard of them until TK.
g) a/b lists Unheard of.
a) Dollar Dance - never heard of and no way would be acceptable
b) Cash Bar - went to an engagement party with one but that's it. never a wedding and i don't see it going over well.
c) Gap - ugh. yea they are normal and i don't like it
d) Registry info in wedding invites - for showers ok, not weddings.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - not for any weddings i've been in, but i have been told to get my hair & makeup done and pay for it and to buy new shoes the bride picked out... ugh.
f) Tiered reception - i've heard of one for a very small wedding, i thought it was odd but no one else seemed to mind
g) a/b lists - absolutely everyone does it!
add:
I was told to do a honeymoon registry b/c they're the greatest thing ever
i was told to not invite SOs unless engaged/married and know a couple people who did this - i think that's AWFUL
writing "and guest" when you KNOW the SO - hate it and had it happen many times.
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b) Cash Bar - Never been to a wedding with one.
c) Gap - Only once, hated it. Spent three hours at a biker bar during the gap. Only people I knew were the groom, my then-boyfriend and a mutual friend.
d) Registry info in wedding invites - Never seen that happen.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - I've never been a bridesmaid, but I think that's a crap thing to do.
f) Tiered reception - Never heard of those until TK.
g) a/b lists - I kind of knew that people did that, and I think I was the victim once (got wedding invite 2 weeks before the date).
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b) Cash Bar - unheard of, never been to one with a cah bar
c) Gap - Common in our catholic circles
d) Registry info in wedding invites - unheard of
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - Common, jewelry is the gift that's always given in my circle
f) Tiered reception - Never heard of until TK
g) a/b lists - Heard of, not accepted
b) Cash Bar Where I grew up, most were cash or dry. Now that we're older, its a mix. I did go to one wedding (same as the dollar dance wedding, where they had cash bar during cocktail and dinner, then limited open. That sucked cuz I was the DD and didn't drink after dinner. Apparently the B&G didn't want to "miss" the open bar for pics.
d) Registry info in wedding invites Definitely a faux pas
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match As "a" gift, ok, but not as the only gift
f) Tiered reception Never seen it. Really bad taste.
g) a/b lists FI and I were clearly B listed once (got invite with postmark 3 days before RSVP deadline). We declined. A friend got an email invite for a wedding in 2 weeks. Thats all the experience I have. Its rude.
My Chart
b) Cash Bar common
c) Gap unheard of
d) Registry info in wedding invites unheard of
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match accepted
f) Tiered reception unheard of
g) a/b lists unheard of
If it's part of your ethnicity/[part of the country and you KNOW you won't be offending your guests, I don't see an issue with it. I don't join in when I go to weddings that have them, but I'm not blatantly offended by them.
b) Cash Bar
Again, not a fan. But I'm not a huge drinker so it doesn't usually affect me. I do think you should just host what you can afford.
c) Gap
Never knew these were an issue until I came to TK. Allll of my friends had them. H and I planned our ceremony and reception so we didn't have one.
d) Registry info in wedding invites
Nope. Always, always tacky
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match
I always received jewelry when I was a bridesmaid, and jewelry for the wedding. So I never knew this wasn't appropriate until TK.
f) Tiered reception
Always tacky.
g) a/b lists
Ditto.
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a) Dollar Dance - unheard of.
b) Cash Bar - really uncommon
c) Gap - sometimes happens
d) Registry info in wedding invites - unheard of
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - common
f) Tiered reception - I've seen it once.
g) a/b lists - common, sadly.
b) Cash Bar - I know of one wedding around here that did that, but I don't believe it's common at all. They were frowned upon for doing it.
c) Gap - I'd never heard of this until this poll actually. So I don't believe they're common around here, at least not with people I know.
d) Registry info in wedding invites - I can't say as I haven't been to any weddings recently, but I don't think so.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - Common so long as an additional gift that is not for the wedding is given
f) Tiered reception - Unheard of (at least to me)
g) a/b lists - Unheard of (at least to me)
b) Cash Bar Unheard of, I have been to dry weddings though
c) Gap Not common, not a huge deal
d) Registry info in wedding invites I've never seen it I think people do it though
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match normal, but not something I've experienced personally
f) Tiered reception unheard of
g) a/b lists I don't think I've ever known someone to do this
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b) Cash Bar - Unheard of
c) Gap - Unheard of (never heard of this before TK)
d) Registry info in wedding invites - Unheard of 'round these parts
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - Common (almost always)
f) Tiered reception - Unheard of before TK
g) a/b lists - Unheard of before TK...maybe because people have them, but I just don't know because I've been on the A list - or B and didn't realize it lol
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b) Cash Bar...personal philosophy is that you host a proper party, which does not include guests paying for anything. You host the party you can afford, and do it "properly". That said, as an adult, whatever I attend, I attend in preparedness. I go to weddings with cash on hand.
c) Gap--Being married 33 years, I have yet to attend a wedding that did NOT have a gap. However, call it a "trend" if you will, but until this year, I had never attended a wedding NOT held in a church, either. I think church weddings (whether Catholic or not), are synonymous with gaps. Secular or "venue" weddings that have become vogue offer the flexibility of time that churches cannot.
d) Registry info in wedding invites--this has happened once. Although a faux pas, I still attended, I still gifted.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match--A gift is a gift. That was the norm for many, many years. And, it used to be personalized on top of it (Imagine a silver bracelet engraved with the wedding date). I think the gift started out as a momento....moved to a slightly more personal, yet matching accessory...and is now moving away from matchy but still wedding related. To each his own.
f) Tiered reception...No, no, no, no, no.
g) a/b lists....see answers to B and F. If they are not important enough to consider first, and host properly, then they're off the list.
b) Cash Bar - only been to one and it was a partial cash bar...it was actually my FI sisters wedding and this surprised the heck out of me especially after they told me how much they spent...I thought "you spent that much and didn't even pay for a full open bar? Where the heck did your money go?"
c) Gap - unheard of but suprisingly the wedding which did the dollar dance had a gap so my FI (boyfriend at the time) went to McD's and my house for a little...maybe since the bride and her family are from Pittsburgh maybe these are more common up there.
d) Registry info in wedding invites - unheard of
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - common
f) Tiered reception - unheard of
g) a/b lists - never heard of anyone doing this but I wouldn't put it past some of the people I know
b) Cash Bar - heard of. First wedding was dry, but the country club's bar in another room was open but unadvertised. We had soft drinks and tea. Middle of the day, and I compromised on that. Second wedding, we had plenty of liquor (my dad and uncle were in charge of the ABC store run)
c) Gap - not heard of
d) Registry info in wedding invites - heard of, never seen. Seen in shower invites or on the couple of websites I've seen.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - Gave bracelets to my bridesmaids at first wedding, but didn't intend for it to be attire. I think all wore it, but I can't remember. I just loved the positive saying tags interspersed in the beads. I bought one for myself. And then found out one BM was battling cancer, so it seemed even more appropriate. Flower girl's gift was a gold necklace, either a tiny cross or pearl.
Ring Bearer's "pillow" was his gift. 12" Batman action figure in second wedding.
f) Tiered reception - never heard of.
g) a/b lists - never heard of until here; believe we got b listed by one of John's coworkers, but even the "2nd invite" didn't arrive (nor did a thank you for the gift).
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b) Cash Bar Every wedding I've ever been to has been an open bar except for 1 and trust me people were complaining behind the bride and groom's backs all night about having to shell out their own money to buy drinks when they traveled and brought a gift to a hosted event.
c) Gap I've only been to one wedding with a gap and it was a huge inconvenience. It ate up our whole day.. we got dressed up went to the ceremony, then had to stop at Quiznos because we were starving and the reception wasn't for another 4 hours. We saw several other wedding guests at Quiznos which was funny. We then went home and relaxed since we couldn't do much else before getting re-dressed up and driving the hour to the reception venue. What would we have done during that time if we had been OOT guests?
d) Registry info in wedding invites Extremely tacky.. thankfully I've never seen this done.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match Every time I've been a BM that was our gift. I gave my BM's an earring and necklace set but never told them they had to wear it for the wedding, plus I got them a few other gifts as well.
f) Tiered reception Never heard of this before TK... I think it's a terrible idea and a great way to hurt a lot of people's feelings.
g) a/b lists I've heard of people I know doing this, but I would never had done this with my guest list, I think it's obvious when you're on the B list and receive your invite later than others.
ETA: All the weddings I've been to have been in New York or Connecticut since DH and I are originally from CT.
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b) Cash Bar Relatively accepted in my area. Ticket bars (2 or 3 free drinks, then after cash bar) are super popular
c) Gap Very common.
d) Registry info in wedding invites Not very common
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match Almost 100% in my area
f) Tiered reception Not that popular but my brother and his FI are doing this.
g) a/b lists Unheard of before TK