Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?

csupalla · May 2010

I'm trying to figure out what to get my bridesmaids for their gift. I was already planning to get them matching jewelry to wear for the wedding. And now that we're all planning on getting manis and pedis the day before the wedding, I was thinking about paying for each of their manis and pedis (along with the jewelry) as their gifts. Is that tacky? I'd be spending at least $50 per person, so I don't think I'm being cheap. I'm guessing people would appreciate not having to pay for their own manis and pedis, rather than having to pay for them and then getting a gift they may or may not use. Am I wrong on this? Help!

bablingbrooke · May 2010

It's not tacky (which is a word I move to banninate from the board) but it's not a gift. If you require a mani-pedi, you have to pay for it anyway since it's part of their "uniform." So you need to get them something else for their gift because this is not a gift. Most people don't require a mani-pedi, btw, and not everyone finds them enjoyable.

arthomas82 · May 2010

I think thats a good gift. My BMs are getting manis/pedis day before wedding as well but thankfully my sister, MOH, is paying for that. If I was paying for that, I would'nt be able to afford another $50 gift for each one.

trix1223 · May 2010

Things for your wedding are NOT really gifts for your WP. They are gifts for you so that your friends fit your "vision" of what their appearance should be.

If you're requiring that they wear certain jewelry and have mani/pedis, then you DO have to pay for them. FWIW: I have never in my life had a Pedi, and wouldn't for your wedding. Also, as a church organist, I'm pretty picky about my hands. and have to have my fingernails a certain length in order to play.

Honestly, I think requiring manis/pedis is pretty controlling.

As for what you should do for a WP gift: take the words Wedding Party out of the equation. You're shopping for your friends. Pretend it's Christmas. Pretend it's their birthday. Now go shopping for your friends.

WP gifts don't have to be, nor should they be matchy-matchy or wedding themed.

bablingbrooke · May 2010

I hope you got your MOH a great gift for paying for something that you should be paying for.

arthomas82 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:55308ff2-9b2e-4544-9785-fa08107111af">Re: Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not tacky (which is a word I move to banninate from the board) but it's not a gift. If you require a mani-pedi, you have to pay for it anyway since it's part of their "uniform." So you need to get them something else for their gift because this is not a gift. Most people don't require a mani-pedi, btw, and not everyone finds them enjoyable.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

True. Personally I cant stand people touching my feet. I have told all the girls that they get to have their makeup done and mani/pedi if they choose to.

bablingbrooke · May 2010

I hope you're paying for the makeup, then.

I don't understand why you would tell BMs they "have" to get makeup or mani-pedis. I understand wanting people to look nice, but it's also micromanaging to tell grown women what they "have" to do to look good for your wedding.

arthomas82 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:68cef300-8f2e-43bc-a731-bf75f7f0689a">Re: Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope you got your MOH a great gift for paying for something that you should be paying for.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

It's my sister for crying out loud. My family is paying for my entire wedding. Of course they're all getting gifts. Good lord, someone's jealous.

bablingbrooke · May 2010

Jealous? How do you figure? As the bride it's up to you to pay for things your require, like special shoes, hair, makeup, or mani-pedis. If they're optional it's not on you. But if it's "required" then it absolutely is.

arthomas82 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:113bac12-2bfd-457e-9142-625ecbdbe900">Re: Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope you're paying for the makeup, then. I don't understand why you would tell BMs they "have" to get makeup or mani-pedis. I understand wanting people to look nice, but it's also micromanaging to tell grown women what they "have" to do to look good for your wedding.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

JEEZ-US you are annoying. Read what I wrote and get off your high-horse. I am not requiring anyone to do anything. My family is giving the girls a spa day for FREE if they so choose. They could wear purple nail polish and raggedy hair if they wanted to.

bablingbrooke · May 2010

Forgive me for misreading it as "have" to. Take a chill pill.

aecappelli · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:5aa383ae-b5b4-4160-aa6c-b6f859c756da">Re: Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE] As for what you should do for a WP gift: take the words Wedding Party out of the equation. You're shopping for your friends. Pretend it's Christmas. Pretend it's their birthday. Now go shopping for your friends. WP gifts don't have to be, nor should they be matchy-matchy or wedding themed.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

THIS

arthomas82 · May 2010

Sorry, but SO many knotties tear me a new A-hole whenever I mention that someone else is paying for my wedding stuff. Its just a very traditional wedding where the bride's family is paying for the costs and I'm so grateful (would be at JOP if it was just up to me) but can't believe how much negative crap I get from other brides on here over my family insisting on paying for it.

P.S. I'm pms-ing.

bablingbrooke · May 2010

My parents and ILs paid for our wedding so I don't know why you're calling me "jealous" when I pointed out that if you require something your "camp" needs to pay for it (whoever is paying the bills--you or your parents or Great Aunt Erminitrude, it really makes no difference). Again, I apologize for misreading.

No one faults anyone on this board for having parents who are willing and able pay for the wedding. I've never seen it and I've been posting for a long time. In general we have a problem with TELLING others they need to pay for the wedding, and asking which "cute little poem" is most effective in getting Mom and Dad to write the check (understandable, no?).

arthomas82 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:d7e07831-50cf-4a4b-9647-c0d7a78089f3">Re: Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In general we have a problem with TELLING others they need to pay for the wedding, and asking which "cute little poem" is most effective in getting Mom and Dad to write the check (understandable, no?).
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Ha! Well of course. Those are the manipulative little peaches that I sometimes feel I get confused for. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" />

csupalla · May 2010

Whoa whoa whoa! I never said I was demanding everyone gets one!!! I don't care if they do or not! I just am assuming right now that most people will want one...for my wedding in October!! If they don't, I'd definitely get a different gift!

bablingbrooke · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:c98d5c5e-1310-47c2-8650-16ca516df790">Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE] I was thinking about paying for each of their manis and pedis (along with the jewelry) as their gifts. Is that tacky? I'd be spending at least $50 per person, so I don't think I'm being cheap. I'm guessing<strong> people would appreciate not having to pay for their own manis and pedis, <em>rather than having to pay for them</em></strong> and then getting a gift they may or may not use.
Posted by csupalla[/QUOTE]

<div>This is why people thought you were requiring it. It sounds like it's something they'd have to get and therefore it's not a gift.</div><div>
</div><div>FWIW, wedding jewelry is also not a gift because it's part of the 'uniform' for the day. It's fine to give them the mani-pedis and fine to get them jewelry, but it just isn't really a "gift" to give them things for <em>your</em> wedding and therefore it's really for you. A gift should be a gift, which by definition is something for them and not something for you.</div>

frogurt814 · May 2010

Please refer to the FAQ!!! New here? Read this first!! sticky for answers to your question!

drjewell · May 2010

I do not understand why its an issue even if she is requiring brides to have certain things, I am for my wedding and I'm not paying for it they are. They have to wear shoes all I'm saying is they need to be the same shoes so there is no reason for me to pay for them its not like not wearing shoes is optional. Everytime I see wedding pictures where all the bridesmaids have on the same dresses, same colors, same flowers and then they have on different shoes. What the F???? that is tacky, if they all had different dresses that would be fine but to do everything else the same but then have something different is a big NO NO in my book. I will buy all the same jewelry for everyone to wear but they will buy everything else, I will pay for my junior bridemaids to get their fingers and toes painted as something fun for little girls. I know that my bridemaids will have their nails and feet done because they keep them done all the time but they will be wearing gloves in the ceremony. If someone requires something that someone else does not, it does not make it wrong or rude. This web site has tons of people doing tons of different things and that is ok. Who cares if "we" whoever that is doesn't like when brides tell people what they have to do or however it was stated!! Since when did your opinion really matter anyway? It doesn't you just like to think it does.

bablingbrooke · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:548b338f-94d4-472b-bfee-a8d3df328114">Re: Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not understand why its an issue even if she is requiring brides to have certain things, I am for my wedding and I'm not paying for it they are. They have to wear shoes all I'm saying is they need to be the same shoes so there is no reason for me to pay for them its not like not wearing shoes is optional. Everytime I see wedding pictures where all the bridesmaids have on the same dresses, same colors, same flowers and then they have on different shoes. What the F???? that is tacky, if they all had different dresses that would be fine but to do everything else the same but then have something different is a big NO NO in my book. I will buy all the same jewelry for everyone to wear but they will buy everything else, I will pay for my junior bridemaids to get their fingers and toes painted as something fun for little girls. I know that my bridemaids will have their nails and feet done because they keep them done all the time but they will be wearing gloves in the ceremony. If someone requires something that someone else does not, it does not make it wrong or rude. This web site has tons of people doing tons of different things and that is ok. Who cares if "we" whoever that is doesn't like when brides tell people what they have to do or however it was stated!! Since when did your opinion really matter anyway? It doesn't you just like to think it does.
Posted by drjewell[/QUOTE]

<div>Really, you have nothing better to do than scold a bunch of strangers on a website because they point out that you're being rude to your BMs? Really?</div>

drjewell · May 2010

I'm not being rude, if its rude to tell them that they have to wear certain things then they all need to pick their own colors as well. Or did you not tell them what "your" colors are? Even telling them what your colors are for them to wear is telling them what they have to wear. And you are a stranger as well when you told the other person all that she was doing was wrong. Look in the mirror at yourself first.

trix1223 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:548b338f-94d4-472b-bfee-a8d3df328114">Re: Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not understand why its an issue even if she is requiring brides to have certain things, I am for my wedding and I'm not paying for it they are. They have to wear shoes all I'm saying is they need to be the same shoes so there is no reason for me to pay for them its not like not wearing shoes is optional. Everytime I see wedding pictures where all the bridesmaids have on the same dresses, same colors, same flowers and then they have on different shoes. What the F???? that is tacky, if they all had different dresses that would be fine but to do everything else the same but then have something different is a big NO NO in my book. I will buy all the same jewelry for everyone to wear but they will buy everything else, I will pay for my junior bridemaids to get their fingers and toes painted as something fun for little girls. I know that my bridemaids will have their nails and feet done because they keep them done all the time but they will be wearing gloves in the ceremony. If someone requires something that someone else does not, it does not make it wrong or rude. This web site has tons of people doing tons of different things and that is ok. Who cares if "we" whoever that is doesn't like when brides tell people what they have to do or however it was stated!! Since when did your opinion really matter anyway? It doesn't you just like to think it does.
Posted by drjewell[/QUOTE]

How about a reality check here? What were the shoes on the BM feet at the last 6 weddings you attended? Can't remember? That's because no one gives a rat's patoot about what in on the BM feet. And it's even sillier if the dresses are floor length.

What about the jewelry that the WP was wearing in the last 6 weddings?

No one cares about such things except brides who are planning their own weddings, and using faulty judgement.

I'm sad that you find uniformity in pictures more important than the comfort of your supposedly closest friends and family.

mbcdefg · May 2010

Nobody gives a shiit what's on the bridesmaids' feet. Because nobody cares that much about your wedding to examine what's on the BMs' feet. Your wedding isn't THAT special.

I don't think you understand what the word "tacky" means if you think that BMs in non-identical shoes are tacky.

drjewell · May 2010

Obviosuly you are an idiot because anyone that looks at pics of weddings notices these things especially when they take the time to add pics of just shoes and other assecories. www.ronwoodphoto.com this is a wonderful photographer in the area that are with you at least 10 hours of your day so everything matters in the wedding that's why people take the time to pick and choose every detail because it does matter. Do people really pay attention to the bridemaids bouquets? I don't think so but it definitly a hot topic on this web site. I am not planning my own wedding but it is my wedding and my day and that's what matters when I'm paying $40,000. Its what I want regardless. When its someone else's turn and I'm in their wedding what they want I will do because it's their day. So sorry no one cared enough about you to do things your way.

drjewell · May 2010

My reality is that I get what I want. You guys need self esteem!

bablingbrooke · May 2010

You are either a troll or seriously spoiled. Either way it's sad.

mbcdefg · May 2010

You're right. It's really too bad that the success of my marriage depended on matching shoes. I'm going to go file for divorce right now.

frogurt814 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:32101956-736e-4608-8484-f98b29fa09d0">Re: Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are either a troll or seriously spoiled. Either way it's sad.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

this

frogurt814 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ok-bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c990325d-8f3b-49fb-9f8a-1f380a16d934Post:067faec1-24fb-4c42-b40e-24a772e5541d">Re: Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My reality is that I get what I want</strong>. You guys need self esteem!
Posted by drjewell[/QUOTE]

Oh, and don't you guys get it? It's <strong>her</strong> day and she gets what she wants! hehehe.

drjewell · May 2010

LOL, I am spoiled but what's sad to me is that you have no idea how it feels that someone loves you enough to give you exactly what you wanted. The lady who started this with her question was right. You guys are jealous, its very obvious. I have wasted enough time. And for the one who got married a year ago, obviously you have no life you are on here all the time posting all over the place. Honey, that is sad, its obvious your life is lacking if you are still on here like this. Let go and move on.

SassyBrass · May 2010

It's not that people don't "love" them enough to do every meaningless thing they demand at them, it's that they don't hate them enough to treat their friends and family as accessories for their perfect day. They must be jealous that their friends will still talk to them after their wedding. Of course!
I understand that when you get married, things should be in general how you envision it, but envisioning it down to people's nails and jewelry? That to me is just too much. If that kind of stuff is THAT big of a deal, you gotta take a step back and remember why there's a wedding happening in the first place.
To each his own and all, but even as much or as little time or money is spent on a wedding, it's one day, and friends and family are people you should want to remember having a good time at it. Go easy on em.

OP, I don't think buying your BMs jewelry or MXPXs s a bad idea, but a gift should be something that they can have AFTER the wedding. Nothing too big, just a nice little something.

Ok Bridesmaid Gifts?

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