marriage then a wedding????

ksb262 · August 2012

Me and my fiance were originally due to marry June of this year but pushed it to June of next year because of my high risk pregnancy. My fiance wants to still be married and says we can have the wedding celebration later. I'm just looking for some opinions or advice I guess

HobokensFury · August 2012

This is not going to go over well here. You've been warned. You only get 1 wedding, it's the day you legally become husband and wife. You don't get a do over or a pretty princess day later.

artbyallie · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:c33b15f1-3365-48d1-a756-a14db46b9515">marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]Me and my fiance were originally due to marry June of this year but pushed it to June of next year because of my high risk pregnancy. My fiance wants to still be married and says we can have the wedding celebration later. I'm just looking for some opinions or advice I guess
Posted by ksb262[/QUOTE]<div>
<div>Well, he's wrong. Sure, you could have an anniversary party or a vow renewal, but it wouldn't be a wedding because you would already be married. That means you must be clear that that is the case with anyone you might invite and you must forgo any showers and bach parties and preferably skip having attendants as well.</div></div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.idotaketwo.com/renewing_wedding_vows.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.idotaketwo.com/renewing_wedding_vows.html</a> </div>

NOLAbridealmost · August 2012

Please, please heed our advice: you have 1 wedding per spouse. Make sure the wedding you choose has enough of the bells and whistles that you'll be happy with it and have no regrets.

There's no need to do anything extravagant. Just do something where you will be comfortable knowing it's your entire celebration with no room for a do-over later.

grubbmcc · August 2012

Don't listen to the other replies here. Absolutely have your ceremony when you are healthy and able! Your friends and family should understand the situation you're in and be happy for you when you are able to have the ceremony. As for the shower, first, it us thrown by your wedding party, so they can throw one for you if they want to. Second, if you don'thave a shower before your legal wedding date, there's no reason to forego one before the ceremony. It's not as if you're double dipping; you're simply getting the gifts you would have gotten a bit late. If anyone has a problem with you delayng the ceremony, they don'thave to come. Don't endanger your health by trying to plan a wedding at a time you sgould be resting!

GoodLuckBear14 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:323fb00c-77aa-4d97-87f4-22e628d3e1e3">Re:marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't listen to the other replies here. Absolutely have your ceremony when you are healthy and able! Your friends and family should understand the situation you're in and be happy for you when you are able to have the ceremony. As for the shower, first, it us thrown by your wedding party, so they can throw one for you if they want to. Second, if you don'thave a shower before your legal wedding date, there's no reason to forego one before the ceremony. It's not as if you're double dipping; you're simply getting the gifts you would have gotten a bit late. If anyone has a problem with you delayng the ceremony, they don'thave to come. Don't endanger your health by trying to plan a wedding at a time you sgould be resting!
Posted by grubbmcc[/QUOTE]

Or they can be grown ups and make a choice about what is more important: being married before the baby is born or waiting until afterwards to be married and have the big wedding. Those are the only options here, Every word of your advice except for the last sentence is dead wrong.

carebear9703 · August 2012

I feel people are rude on here! Do what you want/can physically. If it means getting married now at JOP or something very small, do it. Then have a big WEDDING later if you still want. You can have a vow renewal with the reception or just the reception. You can have whatever works for you, your tast, your time, and your budget. You can even have a bach party of your dreams before your big wedding if you cannot participate now because of the pregnancy. Do what makes you happy!

Maggie0829 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:64c78374-1786-4686-8087-7d2029056570">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel people are rude on here! Do what you want/can physically. If it means getting married now at JOP or something very small, do it. Then have a big WEDDING later if you still want. You can have a vow renewal with the reception or just the reception. You can have whatever works for you, your tast, your time, and your budget. You can even have a bach party of your dreams before your big wedding if you cannot participate now because of the pregnancy. Do what makes you happy!
Posted by carebear9703[/QUOTE]

Sure you can do all of this if you don't mind being side-eyed like crazy by all of your friends and family.

The other posters aren't telling OP that she can't have a big celebratory party later but that the party won't be a wedding and shouldn't really resemble a wedding because she will already be married.

A bride and groom should do what makes them happy but not to the extent of being rude to their guests and having a big PPD a year after already being married is rude and comes across as greedy and gift grabby.

carebear9703 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:f8e53394-597d-42cd-af29-1d41db574f9f">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: marriage then a wedding???? : Sure you can do all of this if you don't mind being side-eyed like crazy by all of your friends and family. The other posters aren't telling OP that she can't have a big celebratory party later but that the party won't be a wedding and shouldn't really resemble a wedding because she will already be married. A bride and groom should do what makes them happy but not to the extent of being rude to their guests and having a big PPD a year after already being married is rude and comes across as greedy and gift grabby.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

My advice is: don't expect gifts twice, do what you can, do what makes you happy, don't miss out on a event in your life because some relatives or people online don't like the idea. So, if you want to have a big party later and it happens to resemble a wedding go for it. Get a beautiful wedding gown of your dreams. You deserve it esp after a high risk pregnancy. Also anyone who really loves you would never give you side-eyed looks. They will understand that it what you wanted and be happy for you.

Gabrielle76 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:1165eb3f-fbef-47a7-8208-59fa9c5bc6aa">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: marriage then a wedding???? : My advice is: don't expect gifts twice, do what you can, do what makes you happy, don't miss out on a event in your life because some relatives or people online don't like the idea. So, if you want to have a big party later and it happens to resemble a wedding go for it. Get a beautiful wedding gown of your dreams. You deserve it esp after a high risk pregnancy. <strong>Also anyone who really loves you would never give you side-eyed looks.</strong> They will understand that it what you wanted and be happy for you.
Posted by carebear9703[/QUOTE]

Let me assure you that people can love someone and still think they are 100% tacky.

OP, your wedding is the event at which you make the legal change to husband and wife. If you want to have your wedding early, that's fine, but that is your wedding, and any party you throw later will be just that -a party. If that's what you want, go for it! Have a really kick but anniversary party in a year. But don't ask people not to judge a second fake wedding, because even if they don't say they're judging to your face, they'll be doing it quietly to themselves.

GoodLuckBear14 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:1165eb3f-fbef-47a7-8208-59fa9c5bc6aa">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: marriage then a wedding???? : My advice is: don't expect gifts twice, do what you can, do what makes you happy, don't miss out on a event in your life because some relatives or people online don't like the idea. So, if you want to have a big party later and it happens to resemble a wedding go for it. Get a beautiful wedding gown of your dreams. You deserve it esp after a high risk pregnancy. <strong>Also anyone who really loves you would never give you side-eyed looks. They will understand that it what you wanted and be happy for you.
</strong>Posted by carebear9703[/QUOTE]

Don't count on this. The difference between people who know you IRL and those of us here on TK, is that we have no reason to not tell you what we really think. My BFF still doesn't not know what I thought of his fake wedding nor do two family members who did the same thing. I assure you though, even people who truly love them judged the living f*ck out of them for what they did.

Maggie0829 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:1165eb3f-fbef-47a7-8208-59fa9c5bc6aa">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: marriage then a wedding???? : My advice is: don't expect gifts twice, do what you can, do what makes you happy, don't miss out on a event in your life because some relatives or people online don't like the idea. So, if you want to have a big party later and it happens to resemble a wedding go for it. Get a beautiful wedding gown of your dreams. You deserve it esp after a high risk pregnancy. <strong>Also anyone who really loves you would never give you side-eyed looks</strong>. They will understand that it what you wanted and be happy for you.
Posted by carebear9703[/QUOTE]

Not to sound mean, but I think you are living in a fantasy world.

There are many people in my life that I love to death but do things that I completely side-eye. Of course being so close to them I would never say anything to them about what a bad idea it is and just go along with it, but that doesn't mean that I don't have an opinion or side-eye the hell out of their decision. Like you said it is their life and can do whatever they want but they should not for one second believe that people will just be happy for them and not have a poor opinion of whatever they decide.

Also, a bunch of strangers would be more apt to tell you the truth about a bad idea rather than close family and friends who would not want to hurt your feelings. So the OP should listend to PP and do what she needs to do now but to make sure that whatever wedding she decides to have to make sure that she doesn't have any regrets because you only have one wedding (well hopefully) so you should make it what you want within the means you have.

alithebride · August 2012

No. you get married and celebrate that wedding once.

If you have a party later it would be appropriate to have an anniversary party or soemthing like that-not a wedding.

carebear9703 · August 2012

Since you guys are so aginst it the only thing I can think of is maybe cultural/geographical differences may influence your opinion.

Personally, I have no regrets about the fact that I am having 2 weddings. I got married in June in Vegas just the 2 of is and Elvis. This weekend I am having my big wedding in my hometown//the city we currently live in/ in the state he is from. I feel like we had our time for just us and now we are having the time for us, our family, and friends. I know too many people who spend way too much money on a wedding they didn't even enjoy because of the stress involved. Although, planning the big wedding was a lot less stressful than i thought it would be so I got go have my cake and eat it too.

No one has said anything to me about what I am doing being "wrong". Maybe you guys are right and people don't share their true opinions. I guess I'll never know. In addition to that I really don't care about their opinions its my day. Oh, I mean days lol.

I have gotten a lot of compliments on having the guts to elope. I know a lot of people who wish they would have done the same thing as me. Either way just make sure YOU are happy and that is all that matters.

GoodLuckBear14 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:60fa3eb4-2b2a-42fa-a94a-58d8f2c29524">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you guys are so aginst it the only thing I can think of is maybe cultural/geographical differences may influence your opinion. Personally, I have no regrets about the fact that I am having 2 weddings. I got married in June in Vegas just the 2 of is and Elvis. :) This weekend I am having my big wedding in my hometown//the city we currently live in/ in the state he is from. I feel like we had our time for just us and now we are having the time for us, our family, and friends. I know too many people who spend way too much money on a wedding they didn't even enjoy because of the stress involved. Although, planning the big wedding was a lot less stressful than i thought it would be so I got go have my cake and eat it too. ;) No one has said anything to me about what I am doing being "wrong". Maybe you guys are right and people don't share their true opinions. I guess I'll never know. In addition to that I really don't care about their opinions its my day. Oh, I mean days lol. I have gotten a lot of compliments on having the guts to elope. I know a lot of people who wish they would have done the same thing as me. Either way just make sure YOU are happy and that is all that matters.
Posted by carebear9703[/QUOTE]

So you're doing the fake wedding yourselves. Shocker.

And as for the geographical/cultural differences, I don't think so. I was born and raised in Ohio - you know, that state next door to yours.

ETA - the BFF I referred to previously was born and raised in Indiana and I wasn't the only one of his guests who had a problem with this - but again, none of us said anything to him or his wife.

Maggie0829 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:60fa3eb4-2b2a-42fa-a94a-58d8f2c29524">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you guys are so aginst it the only thing I can think of is maybe cultural/geographical differences may influence your opinion. Personally, I have no regrets about the fact that I am having 2 weddings. I got married in June in Vegas just the 2 of is and Elvis. :) This weekend I am having my big wedding in my hometown//the city we currently live in/ in the state he is from. I feel like we had our time for just us and now we are having the time for us, our family, and friends. I know too many people who spend way too much money on a wedding they didn't even enjoy because of the stress involved. Although, planning the big wedding was a lot less stressful than i thought it would be so I got go have my cake and eat it too. ;) No one has said anything to me about what I am doing being "wrong". Maybe you guys are right and people don't share their true opinions. I guess I'll never know. In addition to that I really don't care about their opinions its my day. <strong>Oh, I mean days lol.</strong> I have gotten a lot of compliments on having the guts to elope. I know a lot of people who wish they would have done the same thing as me. Either way just make sure YOU are happy and that is all that matters.
Posted by carebear9703[/QUOTE]

Well aren't you a peach.

FluffyGumDrop2 · August 2012

What you're describing is a vow renewal and are typically done on significant anniversaries or after a couple has gone through a rough patch in their marriage. You're about to have a baby, surely there's something better you could be spending that money on? Mortgage payments/rent, hospital bills, baby products, college fund, car payments, student loans, credit card debt, save to cover costs during maternity leave; why not wait and have the vow renewal on your fifth year anniversary?

[Deleted User] · August 2012

You need to do whatever you and your FI feel is right for you. But if you get married now, I think the big thing is next year don't call it a wedding, it's more proper I think to call it a celebration or your love or a vow renewal. People who are close to you will understand why you didn't have the bigger ceremony now. I've know people who got married in one area & then came back to the grooms hometown & had a reception to celebrate their marriage & she wore here dress again. But we weren't invited to a "wedding" but a celebration of the marriage. How big you go, well that will be determined by your comfort level (and how much diapers eat into your wedding budget). But THE most important thing right now is that you rest & take care of yourself and that baby because without doing that, you won't have any thing to celebrate.

Maggie0829 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:4dbb26bd-9460-46d7-9dab-91563f1a4b79">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to marriage then a wedding???? : I don't see anything wrong with having 2 marriage ceremonies. In my case, my husband and I got married because I am in the military and we are moving to a new base soon. Some other important family member (i.e., family that would be in the wedding party), are also in the military and are deployed and will not return for awhile. I may also deploy soon, so we wanted to get married just in case something happened. Even though we got married by JOP, none of our family members were there. Our families were completely understanding of our situation. We are planning our <strong><u>vow renewal</u></strong> ceremony and reception for next year. Even though we are already married, we will have another ceremony because our families want to see that as well. We will always have our <strong><u>only</u></strong> marriage date for our anniversary, but will just re-enact the ceremony during the big <strong><u>vow renewal</u></strong> for our families, friends, and loved one's. A lot of people in the military do this so I see no problem with it. We did not ask for gifts and told everyone to hold off until the big <strong><u>vow renewal</u></strong> day. I think everyone should be understanding considering your situation.
Posted by lmgallagher123[/QUOTE]

FTFY.

acaponi87 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:60fa3eb4-2b2a-42fa-a94a-58d8f2c29524">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you guys are so aginst it the only thing I can think of is maybe cultural/geographical differences may influence your opinion. Personally, I have no regrets about the fact that I am having 2 weddings. I got married in June in Vegas just the 2 of is and Elvis. :) This weekend I am having my big wedding in my hometown//the city we currently live in/ in the state he is from. I feel like we had our time for just us and now we are having the time for us, our family, and friends. I know too many people who spend way too much money on a wedding they didn't even enjoy because of the stress involved. Although, planning the big wedding was a lot less stressful than i thought it would be so I got go have my cake and eat it too. ;) No one has said anything to me about what I am doing being "wrong". Maybe you guys are right and people don't share their true opinions. I guess I'll never know. In addition to that I really don't care about their opinions its my day. Oh, I mean days lol.<strong> I have gotten a lot of compliments on having the guts to elope.</strong> I know a lot of people who wish they would have done the same thing as me. Either way just make sure YOU are happy and that is all that matters.
Posted by carebear9703[/QUOTE]

What is brave about what you are doing? It'd be one thing if you were getting married w/just your H and then putting your big-girl pants on and going w/o the PPD. I can see how someone would have to "have guts" for that. I can also see how having a ceremony w/guests witness the most important day of your life would need guts. You are just taking whatever you want and being selfish and rude.

OP--why don't you just wait til baby is born?

MyNameIsNot · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:60fa3eb4-2b2a-42fa-a94a-58d8f2c29524">Re: marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you guys are so aginst it the only thing I can think of is maybe cultural/geographical differences may influence your opinion. Personally, I have no regrets about the fact that I am having 2 weddings. I got married in June in Vegas just the 2 of is and Elvis. :) This weekend I am having my big wedding in my hometown//the city we currently live in/ in the state he is from. I feel like we had our time for just us and now we are having the time for us, our family, and friends. I know too many people who spend way too much money on a wedding they didn't even enjoy because of the stress involved. Although, planning the big wedding was a lot less stressful than i thought it would be so I got go have my cake and eat it too. ;) No one has said anything to me about what I am doing being "wrong". Maybe you guys are right and people don't share their true opinions. I guess I'll never know. In addition to that I really don't care about their opinions its my day. Oh, I mean days lol. I have gotten a lot of compliments on having the guts to elope. I know a lot of people who wish they would have done the same thing as me. Either way just make sure YOU are happy and that is all that matters.
Posted by carebear9703[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Actually, you are having one wedding. That's the deal in Vegas where you get married. The other thing is a pretend wedding. An actual wedding is where people get married. </div><div>
</div><div>It seems that you are confused about what a wedding actually is. A wedding is not a play where you dress up for attention. It's a ceremony where you become husband and wife. Adults who are actually mature enough to get married understand this and don't do a big fake show for attention. Nor do they lie to themselves and family members. </div><div>
</div><div>If you go through with this sham, you are going to be so embarrassed when you grow up and look back at it. I feel bad for you.

</div>

JoanE2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:c33b15f1-3365-48d1-a756-a14db46b9515">marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]Me and my fiance were originally due to marry June of this year but pushed it to June of next year because of my high risk pregnancy. My fiance wants to still be married and says we can have the wedding celebration later. I'm just looking for some opinions or advice I guess
Posted by ksb262[/QUOTE]

Own up to your actions. You got pregnant. Either have what you can afford and physically manage now or wait until after baby is born. You don't get two wedding days because you got knocked up.

Cortney1982 · August 2012

Honestly I think it would look silly to get married now, AND have a wedding celebration much much later. Even a huge anniversary party at 1 year out is ridiculous. In both cases of wedding celebration and anniversary party it would not be okay to wear the wedding dress and all that jazz.

KaySGines · August 2012

I can't believe how many people got fired up over this. I won't give you my opinion, just my personal experience and hopefully it helps. My husband and I are both in the military. When he received orders to Hawaii, before we got married, I was devastated because he was going to be so far away. We were already planning a wedding for Sept of 2013, but then this came up. We got married, just the two of us.. JOP style. We only told a select few and couldn't be happier. As for my wedding in 2013.. it's still on. For the record.. it's a WEDDING and not a renewal of vows or anything like that. Most people invited won't even know that by that time we will have been married for over a year. I love them, but it's not their business. I hope this helps. It's your life, do whatever YOU want to do.

Maggie0829 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:d2f5630f-960a-49eb-83fe-3925c05ae5c0">Re:marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't believe how many people got fired up over this. I won't give you my opinion, just my personal experience and hopefully it helps. My husband and I are both in the military. When he received orders to Hawaii, before we got married, I was devastated because he was going to be so far away. We were already planning a wedding for Sept of 2013, but then this came up. We got married, just the two of us.. JOP style. We only told a select few and couldn't be happier. As for my wedding in 2013.. it's still on. For the record.. <strong>it's a WEDDING and not a renewal of vows or anything like that</strong>. <strong>Most people invited won't even know that by that time we will have been married for over a year</strong>. I love them, but it's not their business. I hope this helps. It's your life, do whatever YOU want to do.
Posted by KaySGines[/QUOTE]

Oh FFS! Please tell me that you ar kidding with this.

So basically you got married and told only a few people then you are having your PPD (not a wedding because you are already married...you can't get married twice unless you and your H get a divorce) and deceiving most of your guest list that you are actually getting married that day. Wow, just wow.

I understand why you and your H got married. You are both adults and made a decision that you wanted to be married before he left for Hawaii. But, I am sorry, but it doesn't matter that you are in the military, or that OP is pregnant, those are not reasons to decieve family and friends just so you can have your PPD. You need to grow up and realize that you made a decision to get married the way you did and that was your wedding...you cannot have your cake and eat it too. Also, by saying that you will have your real wedding in 2013 is a slap in the face to anyone who has gotten married by the JOP or have eloped, because you are basically saying that their weddings just aren't good enough.

There is so much wrong with what you are doing that it kind of makes me sad for you. But the worst part about the whole thing is you lying to everyone that you love and care for...that is beyond rude and selfish.

GoodLuckBear14 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:d2f5630f-960a-49eb-83fe-3925c05ae5c0">Re:marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't believe how many people got fired up over this. I won't give you my opinion, just my personal experience and hopefully it helps. My husband and I are both in the military. When he received orders to Hawaii, before we got married, I was devastated because he was going to be so far away. We were already planning a wedding for Sept of 2013, but then this came up. We got married, just the two of us.. JOP style. We only told a select few and couldn't be happier. As for my wedding in 2013.. it's still on. For the record.. it's a WEDDING and not a renewal of vows or anything like that.<strong> Most people invited won't even know that by that time we will have been married for over a year. I love them, but it's not their business.</strong> I hope this helps. It's your life, do whatever YOU want to do.
Posted by KaySGines[/QUOTE]

So you think that because your FI is in the military that gives you a special pass to lie to your guests at the play you will be taking part in where you pretend to be getting married. Take this for a spin on the military brides board under special topics and see how they respond.

onandplusalso - if you are inviting someone to your play about getting married, you had better believe it is their business that it is not a wedding. They are giving their time to be there, probably giving you a gift and if they have to spend money to travel for it...well go back and read my earlier post about this.

lmgallagher123 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:d2f5630f-960a-49eb-83fe-3925c05ae5c0">Re:marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't believe how many people got fired up over this. I won't give you my opinion, just my personal experience and hopefully it helps. My husband and I are both in the military. When he received orders to Hawaii, before we got married, I was devastated because he was going to be so far away. We were already planning a wedding for Sept of 2013, but then this came up. We got married, just the two of us.. JOP style. We only told a select few and couldn't be happier. As for my wedding in 2013.. it's still on. For the record.. it's a WEDDING and not a renewal of vows or anything like that. Most people invited won't even know that by that time we will have been married for over a year. I love them, but it's not their business. I hope this helps. It's your life, do whatever YOU want to do.
Posted by KaySGines[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with you. I just got married by JOP and I am having my WEDDING in 2013. Not a vow renewal. I say do what makes you happy. My family is completely understanding as they are military as well. Military life can be unpredictable and if people can't understand that and can't be respectful of the situations others are in (i.e. deployments, real world catastrophies, etc) then that's their problem. I am a bride and I serve my country in the military. I don't think it's rude at all as most of the people coming to my wedding already know the situation and couldn't be happier for us.

GoodLuckBear14 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:1b825485-a825-40bb-ab1d-ba3144d018ad">Re:marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:marriage then a wedding???? : I completely agree with you. I just got married by JOP and I am having my WEDDING in 2013. Not a vow renewal. I say do what makes you happy. My family is completely understanding as they are military as well. Military life can be unpredictable and if people can't understand that and can't be respectful of the situations others are in (i.e. deployments, real world catastrophies, etc) then that's their problem. I am a bride and I serve my country in the military. I don't think it's rude at all as most of the people coming to my wedding already know the situation and couldn't be happier for us.
Posted by lmgallagher123[/QUOTE]

DH is a civilian contract for the military and at one of his company outings I had the opportunity to talk to a General and his wife about this military trend. The wife said it was hurtful to military spouses who had done a JOP and the General said he had little to no respect for military personnel who do this. A friend of mine is close with a Master Sergeant who likens these JOP for real and then fake weddings to fraud. You are collecting the benefits of a military marriage yet do not consider yourselves truly married.

Again, even though you are not lying to your guests, the military brides board has quite a few threads on this subject with responses by spouses of personnel and members of the military. It is not just civilians who hold the opinion that you only get one wedding and that is the day you legally become husband and wife.

ETA - here is a link to one:

<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_getting-married-now-wedding-later_.0">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_getting-married-now-wedding-later_.0</a>

Maggie0829 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:1b825485-a825-40bb-ab1d-ba3144d018ad">Re:marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:marriage then a wedding???? : I completely agree with you. I just got married by JOP and I am having my WEDDING in 2013. Not a vow renewal. I say do what makes you happy. My family is completely understanding as <strong>they are military</strong> as well. <strong>Military life can be unpredictable</strong> and if people can't understand that and can't be respectful of the situations others are in (i.e. deployments, real world catastrophies, etc) then that's their problem. I am a bride and I serve my country in the military. I don't think it's rude at all as most of the people coming to my wedding already know the situation and couldn't be happier for us.
Posted by lmgallagher123[/QUOTE]

I am going to say this as nicely as I possibly can...being in the military does not give you carte blanche to do whatever the hell you want.

And amazingly enough non-military life can be unpredictable as well, such as job changes, large moves, death, etc. You are not special. Each and every person on this board have things that may occur that could effect their livelyhood and their wedding plans. But unlike you, most of us are grown up to realize that crap happens and that we may not get everything we want but we should at least appreciate what we do and can have at this moment.

lmgallagher123 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:c6fab7f7-fb99-4065-a739-b92043f53a78">Re:marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:marriage then a wedding???? : I am going to say this as nicely as I possibly can...being in the military does not give you carte blanche to do whatever the hell you want. And amazingly enough non-military life can be unpredictable as well, such as job changes, large moves, death, etc. You are not special. Each and every person on this board have things that may occur that could effect their livelyhood and their wedding plans. But unlike you, most of us are grown up to realize that crap happens and that we may not get everything we want but we should at least appreciate what we do and can have at this moment.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

I agree with you that everyone's lives are unpredictable. My husband and I are happy with our decision and that's all that matters. I was just stating my opinion and meant no disrespect to anyone who disagrees with what I stated.

Gabrielle76 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_marriage-then-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9f75497f-dc9a-44a9-8e8c-e41a24c696adPost:5e16a33a-7fb0-4ed4-bf96-a3d9b86ab361">Re:marriage then a wedding????</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:marriage then a wedding???? : Congratulations on being a lying jerkface to your family and friends. I hope they all get you ceramic roosters and garden hoses.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

I like ceramic roosters :/

marriage then a wedding????

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