The texts aren't at all the only conversation. I knew the HR guy was calling and he knew I wanted to know. We like to throw out a few things then retreat to let the other person think. Lather, rinse, and repeat over several days.
If he's really struggling at the current job, then i think i'd be encouraging him to start looking locally.
imho, the your H's time to be with his family, and your sanity is worth a lot more than some additional financial stability.
i think looking at your opportunities for returning to work, you'd probably have a lot more where you are now than moving back to a small town.
i can understand that he feels he's in a tough spot in wanting to provide as much as possible for his family and further his career - but i think pulling the wife/mom card here will not be holding him back - it's not that you're unsupportive of his career growth (because a local job would not be out of the picture)- but you're looking out for his growth as a father and husband.
The whole tone of this thread would be completely different if it was 6fsn that got offered a 50 percent raise. If her husband had the same exact issue, y'all would be all like "he needs to just get over it" and "how dare he hold you back because he can't handle things at home" seriously 6 you are a stay at home mom, stop complaining about needing help, when you opt to give up a career to do so. Your only income is his income, why would you hinder him from providing more for his family?
I'm usually a lurker. But here's my $0.02. My dad worked when I was a kid. A LOT. He was gone when I woke up in the morning and came home after I went to bed. He worked nearly every weekend. He did it for the money and we all knew it. Daddy worked so that we could have nice things.
I would have rather had my dad around. I don't remember the things of my childhood, I remember my dad not showing up to my soccer games. I remember only negative interactions because he was so tired and cranky when he was around from working so much that he wasn't much fun to be around.
I think there's a balance. Most parents have to work. It's a fact of life. But it would be a shame for him to miss out on so much (something that is going to affect your kids if it's a long-term thing).
That's just me though. Something else to think about.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-going-to-be-sick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:98677b5d-d45c-4ef6-895b-895337c7f369Post:d154516e-4380-49c2-99fa-38cab109cfb2">Re:I'm going to be sick</a>: [QUOTE]The whole tone of this thread would be completely different if it was 6fsn that got offered a 50 percent raise. If her husband had the same exact issue, y'all would be all like "he needs to just get over it" and "how dare he hold you back because he can't handle things at home" seriously 6 you are a stay at home mom, stop complaining about needing help, when you opt to give up a career to do so. Your only income is his income, why would you hinder him from providing more for his family? Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
You still fail. The help thing is a response to a husband going from working 40 hrs a week with weekends off to working 60 hrs and commuting 1.5 hrs a day plus every 5th weekend and 3 holidays a year. I don't need help with the current situation.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-going-to-be-sick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:98677b5d-d45c-4ef6-895b-895337c7f369Post:d154516e-4380-49c2-99fa-38cab109cfb2">Re:I'm going to be sick</a>: [QUOTE]The whole tone of this thread would be completely different if it was 6fsn that got offered a 50 percent raise. If her husband had the same exact issue, y'all would be all like "he needs to just get over it" and "how dare he hold you back because he can't handle things at home" seriously 6 you are a stay at home mom, stop complaining about needing help, when you opt to give up a career to do so. Your only income is his income, why would you hinder him from providing more for his family? Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
quality of life =/= quantity of money
You can't buy back time with your spouse or your kid's childhood. Or time spent with friends, family, or doing the things you love to do that have nothing to do with work.
I can't say that I think our responses would be different if the offer were made to 6. Kids are important and I think most parents want to be able to spend time with their little monsters. Why bother having kids if you're just pawning them off on the other parent or a nanny.
Just b/c we're a bunch of feminists on here, doesn't mean we're men haters OR mother haters.
Ofcourse you don't need help in your current situation. He has a regular schedule with weekends off. You would be a pretty bad SAHM if you couldn't handle it. If your H's current job is all you need, why is he even taking calls on this other position? Look at it like this, if you had no issue with him taking this job would he take it? If the answer is yes, then no matter how you break this down, you are holding him back.
In Response to Re:I'm going to be sick:[QUOTE]i hate women drivers, though. does that count? Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE] I hate them too! I bet people hate me behind the wheel, but I think I am okay for a lady driver.
Huh. I always thought married peoples made big, life changing, kid affecting, home moving decisions based on what was the best for all parties involved, no just one party. Silly me /sarcasm.
In Response to Re:I'm going to be sick:[QUOTE]Huh. nbsp;I always thought married peoples made big, life changing, kid affecting, home moving decisions based on what was the best for all parties involved, no just one party. nbsp;Silly me /sarcasm. Posted by VarunaTT[/QUOTE] So her Husband making a huge increase in salary only helps him? One day there will be some expensive home repair or some other financial issue and in the back of his mind he will think about all the money that he gave up so his wife could spend her days relaxing on the couch watching soap opera's.
In Response to Re:I'm going to be sick:[QUOTE]You're just truly ridiculous. Posted by VarunaTT[/QUOTE] Why, because my opinion is different than the apparent hive mind that this board operates with?
I would not want my husband to take job that takes him away from us, when we're not in need of more money. 6 and I tend to agree on a lot, so I don't think she would either.
What bigger picture? The bigger picture is securing financial stability, not just for now while you are young and your current salary pays your bills. But for when you are in your 60's and over and the opportunity to make more money dwindles. A better salary now means a chance at retirement when you want rather than when you have to.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-going-to-be-sick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:98677b5d-d45c-4ef6-895b-895337c7f369Post:b59c7155-b71e-488e-9d94-5d96a35906c8">Re:I'm going to be sick</a>: [QUOTE]What bigger picture? The bigger picture is securing financial stability, not just for now while you are young and your current salary pays your bills. But for when you are in your 60's and over and the opportunity to make more money dwindles. A better salary now means a chance at retirement when you want rather than when you have to. Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
The bigger picture is NOT just about the future. As 6 has said many times in the past, they are planning for retirement, college funds for the kids and they are also putting something into saving each month. It sounds like the current salary does more than just "pay the bills". Anything beyond that is extra and you have to factor whether all of that time away from your spouse and children would be worth it. 6 has had multiple posts in the past about budgeting (food, etc.) and it sounds like she and her husband are very smart with their financial plans. Are you saying it's better to miss a bunch of the kids' activities just so you can buy them more expensive things?
Are you a "creepy" Lurker or are you a reg that is to scared to post under your real knot name? You have 4 total posts, how do you know anything about 6?
And quiting a job so you cam stay at home is never a sound financial plan, unless your SO makes great money and if her H had such a great salary why is he in negotiations for a better one? 6 is lazy and can't handle the one Job that a SAHM is supposed to handle.
So, you haven't been paying great attention. This is her H's OLD job trying to get him back. He rejected their last offer...the higher money is b/c they're hoping to get him back.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-going-to-be-sick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:98677b5d-d45c-4ef6-895b-895337c7f369Post:ab073861-91ab-4ad0-8617-07a8c5705ac7">Re:I'm going to be sick</a>: [QUOTE]Ofcourse you don't need help in your current situation. He has a regular schedule with weekends off. You would be a pretty bad SAHM if you couldn't handle it. If your H's current job is all you need, why is he even taking calls on this other position? Look at it like this, if you had no issue with him taking this job would he take it? If the answer is yes, then no matter how you break this down, you are holding him back. Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
I'm not sure why I bother, but I honestly don't know if he would take it without me. I get the impression you think he's going from a gig waiting tables to his first "big boy job." People take calls and go on interviews to see what other opportunities there are. They do it as a cross check on their salary. They do it to see if they are marketable. 99% of professionals are always looking.
I assure you that our financial picture is good enough. There aren't too many people that could say 50% raise wouldn't make their financial picture better.
I think Flan is crazy and we are for trying to make a point to her, it won't work. 6 didn't sign up to be a single parent, thats not the same as a SAHM, she may be able to handle it all herself but she shouldn't, her kids have 2 parents. She will still get tired, and wants a life herself too, she needs things to do on her own, without kids 24/7. If her husband take the job she will have to figure out how to handle all of that, and her kids will miss their dad. Either way, he makes enough money to support them, like she said he isn't exactly waiting tables.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-going-to-be-sick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:98677b5d-d45c-4ef6-895b-895337c7f369Post:20f7ba94-772b-478c-926a-ccb3565b7b76">Re:I'm going to be sick</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re:I'm going to be sick: Your financial situation can't be that great if DH is stressing about money. Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
Re: I'm going to be sick
^^this
The texts aren't at all the only conversation. I knew the HR guy was calling and he knew I wanted to know. We like to throw out a few things then retreat to let the other person think. Lather, rinse, and repeat over several days.
[QUOTE]The whole tone of this thread would be completely different if it was 6fsn that got offered a 50 percent raise. If her husband had the same exact issue, y'all would be all like "he needs to just get over it" and "how dare he hold you back because he can't handle things at home" seriously 6 you are a stay at home mom, stop complaining about needing help, when you opt to give up a career to do so. Your only income is his income, why would you hinder him from providing more for his family?
Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
You still fail. The help thing is a response to a husband going from working 40 hrs a week with weekends off to working 60 hrs and commuting 1.5 hrs a day plus every 5th weekend and 3 holidays a year. I don't need help with the current situation.
[QUOTE]The whole tone of this thread would be completely different if it was 6fsn that got offered a 50 percent raise. If her husband had the same exact issue, y'all would be all like "he needs to just get over it" and "how dare he hold you back because he can't handle things at home" seriously 6 you are a stay at home mom, stop complaining about needing help, when you opt to give up a career to do so. Your only income is his income, why would you hinder him from providing more for his family?
Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
quality of life =/= quantity of money
You can't buy back time with your spouse or your kid's childhood. Or time spent with friends, family, or doing the things you love to do that have nothing to do with work.
Oh gah...Why am I even trying?
I hate them too! I bet people hate me behind the wheel, but I think I am okay for a lady driver.
So her Husband making a huge increase in salary only helps him? One day there will be some expensive home repair or some other financial issue and in the back of his mind he will think about all the money that he gave up so his wife could spend her days relaxing on the couch watching soap opera's.
Why, because my opinion is different than the apparent hive mind that this board operates with?
SMH.
I just a friendly gal looking for options.
[QUOTE]What bigger picture? The bigger picture is securing financial stability, not just for now while you are young and your current salary pays your bills. But for when you are in your 60's and over and the opportunity to make more money dwindles. A better salary now means a chance at retirement when you want rather than when you have to.
Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
The bigger picture is NOT just about the future. As 6 has said many times in the past, they are planning for retirement, college funds for the kids and they are also putting something into saving each month. It sounds like the current salary does more than just "pay the bills". Anything beyond that is extra and you have to factor whether all of that time away from your spouse and children would be worth it. 6 has had multiple posts in the past about budgeting (food, etc.) and it sounds like she and her husband are very smart with their financial plans. Are you saying it's better to miss a bunch of the kids' activities just so you can buy them more expensive things?
[QUOTE]Ofcourse you don't need help in your current situation. He has a regular schedule with weekends off. You would be a pretty bad SAHM if you couldn't handle it. If your H's current job is all you need, why is he even taking calls on this other position? Look at it like this, if you had no issue with him taking this job would he take it? If the answer is yes, then no matter how you break this down, you are holding him back.
Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
I'm not sure why I bother, but I honestly don't know if he would take it without me. I get the impression you think he's going from a gig waiting tables to his first "big boy job." People take calls and go on interviews to see what other opportunities there are. They do it as a cross check on their salary. They do it to see if they are marketable. 99% of professionals are always looking.
I assure you that our financial picture is good enough. There aren't too many people that could say 50% raise wouldn't make their financial picture better.
Your financial situation can't be that great if DH is stressing about money.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I'm going to be sick: Your financial situation can't be that great if DH is stressing about money.
Posted by FLANYTATOOGURL[/QUOTE]
He'd always stress about money.