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Chit Chat
keanihauikalani
member
FMIL won't write a guest list. Advice?
in Chit Chat
We got engaged in September and are getting married in March 2011. From the beginning I've been asking fh and fmil for a guest list and mailing addresses. I have yet to receive anything. I keep asking fmil but she gets grumpy and irritated when I ask her. I ask fh continuously and he keeps saying that he'll "ask her tomorrow". I have no idea if he "forgets" to ask or if she grumbles to him like she does to me. ffil doesn't want to get involved which is no help to me. Our invites are going out as soon as January comes around and I don't know what to do. Advice?
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Re: FMIL won't write a guest list. Advice?
Do you not have a good relationship with FIL's?
Having said this, I think your FI needs to stand up to her and take some action to get them if you are having no luck. Does he not have a good relationship with her? Will he normally confront her about things?
[QUOTE]Your FI just needs to give her a simple ultimatum. 'Look, ma, if you don't give me names and addresses by Christmas, then these folks won't be invited." She's clearly not getting the point so just make it as black and white as possible and make sure she knows that it's on her if she doesn't give you addresses.
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]
This x2
http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
[QUOTE]We got engaged in September and are getting married in March 2011. <strong>From the beginning I've been asking fh and fmil for a guest list and mailing addresses.</strong> I have yet to receive anything. I keep asking fmil but she gets grumpy and irritated when I ask her. <strong>I ask fh continuously and he keeps saying that he'll "ask her tomorrow". I have no idea if he "forgets" to ask or if she grumbles to him like she does to me</strong>. ffil doesn't want to get involved which is no help to me. Our invites are going out as soon as January comes around and I don't know what to do.<strong> Advice?
</strong>Posted by keanihauikalani[/QUOTE]
This isn't a FMIL problem, this is a FI problem. Marry a man you can count on and who has balls. That's my advice.
[QUOTE]I would (or have your FI if he will do it) say something to her like, "The invitations are being sent out on January _____. I know coming up with guest lists isn't the most fun thing to do, but I'd appreciate it if I could get yours by then. If not, I won't be able to invite any guests you would like there." Then, when that date comes, if I didn't have hers, I'd send mine anywayPosted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
That's exactly what I was thinking
[QUOTE]At this point, I might just <strong>have FI write the list himself and</strong> <strong>send it his mom to critique.</strong>That way you won't get a surprise 30 extra people. Plus, people are much more likely to criticize than do something on their own so you might have an easier time getting her to help.
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't even do that. Have him write the list and whoever he comes up with, that's who gets invited. It sounds like she's had plenty of chances to get the list together and has refused to. It also sounds like a power struggle. Letting her "critique the list" gives her all the power. One of you needs to stand up to her and it doesn't sound like your FI ever will.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
Planning Bio
Married 9/15/11
*This is Not Legal Advice*
On another note...I feel like your FI is not doing enough. Does he not care if his side of the family comes? Aside from that...can he not make a list of his family members himself...contact them for their addresses if he does not have them and do it by the middle of January...especially if he is seeing any of them for the holidays...have him ask for their addresses in person. Get him into the game!
why dont you plan a girls day out with FMIL -- have a long lunch and at least get names from her . . then, you can do the legwork of getting the addresses on your own . .
Doesn't your wedding budget depend on how many people are coming? I would find it so difficult to not have my approximate list by now.
If you asked a number of times for the guest list and she didn't respond to you I would drop it on your end. It is now your FI's issue to deal with her. If you keep pushing the envelop it's only going to end up in a a disaster and argument. It's not worth having a problematic relationship with her when this is your Fi's side of the family issue.
I agree with most PP on here. He needs to do this tonight. If she gives him an attitude about it then he needs to tell her that if she doesn't give you the list by whatever date then they will not be invited.
Also, have him sit down and think of all of the names off the top of his head. He needs to be much more involved in this. I can understand if he doesn't want to get into all little details with you but he's not helping out at all... that's lazy on his part. I would be pretty upset at them both.
Sounds like you need to have a sit down with your FH and tell him how much you really need his help on this. Tell him it is important to you to make sure his family is just as included in this process as yours is, but that his mom's unwillingness to make a guest list is making it really hard for you to do that. And most importantly, GIVE A DEADLINE AND STICK TO IT! (I know that can be hard!). Tell both of them that you need that list by (whatever date you decide) and if you don't get it, you will sit down with your FH and make the list together (if he is reluctant, just remind him of something you do he REALLY likes and he'll give in
It is frustrating, I know. Just hang in there lady! It'll all work out great
If your FI can put together a list of family that should be invited, go to his mom and say I need addresses for these people and have him sit there until he gets the addresses. He can tell her that since she didn't want to put together a list, these are the only people from the FILs side that are being invited.