Tell Bridesmaids about their gifts?

debbies44 · April 2010

I apologize if this has been posted before, I looked through the first couple of pages and didn't see it.

Is it ok to tell BM about their gifts? My mom and I will likely be making their jewelry for the wedding and giving it to the girls for gifts. Is it ok to tell them about it before hand so they don't plan on other jewelry or think that I expect them to buy new jewelry for the wedding?

Thanks!

salt78 · April 2010

Actually it's in poor taste to give bridesmaids jewelry for the wedding (to be part of their wedding attire) and have that count as their gift.

xoxob · April 2010

If you're requiring that they wear it on your wedding day, it's not much of a gift. They don't have to receive the same thing. You should shop for them as your friends and as individuals.

trix1223 · April 2010

Giving them jewelry that you're requiring them to wear for your wedding is nice, but it's not a gift for them. It's a gift for yourself and the "vision" you have for your wedding.

By all means give them the jewelry, and tell them about it. And then at the rehearsal, give them a personal TY gift for their participation in your WP.

The gifts don't have to matchy-matchy and shouldn't really be about your wedding either. Give the wine lover a cool cork or opener. Give the reader a book light or a gc for a book store. Give the cook a cool piece of bakeware or a cook book. Give the sports fan game tix. See where this is going? Shop for your friend, not a member of the WP.

Good luck

KatyRoseM · April 2010

At the same time if what your making is not required but would look nice at the wedding and is something they would like it might be really nice for them. Personally I love homemade things, it shows that you put in effort. Just make sure it really is something they would like.

banana468 · April 2010

Ditto PPs. If you're requiring it then it's not a gift.

BUT, if you're cool if they don't wear it then it's fine to tell them about it.

SIL gave the BMs (including me) earrings as a BM gift and I loved them. Together, we chose to wear them on the wedding day. SIL put ZERO pressure on us.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

At the RD. I am giving my girls all earrings to wear, but I also am getting them other things as well that is individualized to them.

debbies44 · April 2010

We are all on a very tight budget, so they are not required to wear the jewerly, I just didn't want them to feel like they had to go and buy new jewerly or anything like that, so I wanted to give them the option. Plus we are all young (under 25) so I wanted to make jewerly that is in style and that they will be able to wear out on a date, to work or to a club.

Luckily I have great friends that don't expect expensive/materialistic gifts and are just happy for me and to be there on one of the most important days of my life. I am also probably going to get them either a good bottle of their favorite type of wine or a really nice coffee (MOH is under 21).

I can't see myself giving them giftcards...to me that's saying I can't pick out a gift for you.

Thanks for the advice.

emilyinchile · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_tell-bridesmaids-their-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:601066f3-5bb5-4db8-ac00-8e7ff5c7abc0Post:a9eb5c1d-576a-4143-a82e-3d6c1c325c22">Re: Tell Bridesmaids about their gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I felt the need to put it in there, since everyone on here started to critique my gift choice without knowing a thing about my friends, wedding, budget, the rest of the gifts, etc. I wasn't asking for your opinions on the gifts, I was asking if people tell their BM about giving them <strong>jewerly</strong>, especially if they choose to wear it for the wedding. In the first 5 posts only one person actually answered the question I actually asked, the rest decided to tell me my gifts were tacky, when in all reality, it's something my friends would really love to have, even if I asked them to wear it for the wedding. I think people need to answer the questions asked, not critique the people asking them
Posted by debbies44[/QUOTE]

Sometimes in life, unsolicted advice is actually useful. If, for example, it turned out that your jewelry was not really something that your friends would personally enjoy and was just more for your wedding, then your question is a moot point - you'd change the gifts and not tell them about them in advance.

People don't have to post anything even remotely related to your question, actually. This, however, is somewhat related: it is spelled jewelry.

debbies44 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_tell-bridesmaids-their-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:601066f3-5bb5-4db8-ac00-8e7ff5c7abc0Post:32e5f8cd-001e-4e2e-848f-03ab01d35cc8">Re: Tell Bridesmaids about their gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tell Bridesmaids about their gifts? : Sometimes in life, unsolicted advice is actually useful. If, for example, it turned out that your jewelry was not really something that your friends would personally enjoy and was just more for your wedding, then your question is a moot point - you'd change the gifts and not tell them about them in advance.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

I totally agree. I think though there is helpful and hurtful advice. For example look at the first response. I took that as hurtful, with really no helpfulness in it. Just telling me it's tacky. I'm sorry I can't appreciate this advice...it just wasn't helpful. The are few posts offered suggestions on how to approve on the gifts and make them more about the girls. I think those are perfectly fine. It's more upsetting when people just flat out tell you your idea sucks. It's not really constructive that way. Also, I didn't want to be attacked on this issue when I was planning on including the wine/coffee. I didn't feel the need to include that in the post because I wasn't going to tell my BM about it before.

And I only put that my BM are just there for me because they are. They only want to be there for me and have told me this numerous times. My sister is the MOH and she knows about the gifts because my mom has mentioned it in front of her. She's just happy about being part of it, and I really think she could care less about getting gifts. Like was mentioned, most people don't even think of jewelry as being "all about the bride" and I never saw it this way and I don't think a lot of people would. If it was all about me I'd probably ask them to buy black pearl necklaces, instead I want to make it something they will wear again and like. Plus, I felt I had to defend myself in the wake of some of the attacks on here.

I guess I will need to think twice about posting questions on this board again if people will answer whatever they want, even if it's not helpful.

emilyinchile · April 2010

Fair point. One thing to know about these international boards is that they can be a tough crowd, and you will probably get some harsh advice - it's happened to all of us. But you'll also get some really good advice, so if you can ignore anything that hurts your feelings, don't be afraid to post.

Lurking first will also help you. Here, people often ask about getting their BMs typical yet impersonal gifts like jewelry for the wedding day, totes filled with random crap, etc. If you'd seen some of those posts, you might have known that you'd get some opposition to the wording of your first post and included from the start that you're making things in the style they like and also including something that's not at all related to your wedding.

duckie1905 · April 2010

No one said your idea/gift sucks. No one insisted that you spend more money. What they did say was that your idea, with a requirement that the BMs wear it on the wedding day, was not a gift for them. There is a difference. It doesn't make it a bad gift. It makes it a non-gift.

You'll get honest, harsh answers here based on whatever information you provide. If it upsets you, you can try your local or club boards as they tend to have responses that are sugar-coated.

Tell Bridesmaids about their gifts?

Re: Tell Bridesmaids about their gifts?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards