Guest disregards RSVP Date

banana468 · August 2009

There is a reason that there's a proper timeline in which to send invitations from an etiquette standpoint. You were remiss to send invitations way too early even if you did have the best of intentions while doing so. (and we all know that good intentions pave the road to a not so wonderful place) The cousin was rude as well but you were not without fault as you laid upt your plans.

tidetravel · August 2009

Obviously 20 posters saying the same thing (that OP was rude and inconsiderate and should let it go) don't outweigh your (1) opinion that you are right. So, you asked for opinions, why?

KA2 · August 2009

Try to get over it, they'll let you know closer to the date. At least they replied to let you know they weren't sure just yet. The world doesn't revolve around your wedding. I do not see anything rude about the note they sent. I think you're just upset everything isn't going perfectly the way you planned. Relax, life is short - Don't allow yourself to get worked up over the little stuff.

duckie1905 · August 2009

Your cousin might have been rude in his response, but he was right. While he should've just responded "no" and moved on with his life, he was calling out your rudeness.Despite your best intentions there is a reason invites are sent 6-8 weeks out. Schedules aren't always able to accomodate a committment for an event that is months away.Let this one go. You must have other things to worry about.

lauraann57 · August 2009

I appreciate the nicer posts. I will take those into consideration. When I feel like I'm being attacked with name-calling, I will defend myself. There's really no need to start calling someone a bridezilla, when this is the only issue I have. As far as the caterer, hotel, decorater, and makeup/hair person, I've been told we're one of the easiest couples they've dealt with. Lets be nice to each other. I don't mind other opinions, just don't post name-calling and judgements about someone else's budget and whether it's too excessive. There is some background to this family, but I won't go into that. Thanks, girls.

ffmaid · August 2009

I was not calling your budget excessive I was saying that if you feel it is ok to be rude with your friends and family because you are spending more then you are comfortable spending then it becomes excessive. You could be spending 2K per guest and thats fine when it becomes too expensive to be gracious it is obvious you are overspending. So $300pp is not too expensive if you are being gracious to your guests but when you use $300pp as an excuse to be rude to your family then it is too expensive. So I was not critizing your budget so much as you using it as an excuse to be rude to your guests. Which you did in your OP.

duckie1905 · August 2009

As far as the caterer, hotel, decorater, and makeup/hair person, I've been told we're one of the easiest couples they've dealt with.Off the topic a bit, but what do you think they would tell you if you weren't easy to deal with? You really think your vendors would call you a crazy bridezilla psycho if that is how you were acting?Just because your vendors say you are nice doesn't mean you are.

lauraann57 · August 2009

Just a little background. his mother once would not let it go because we were not 20 minutes EARLY to our plans to meet them for brunch. This is one example. I've always wanted to dish it out back to them, but I'm never allowed to. And to the person who keeps posting about my budget, drop it already. I realize that my wedding does not revolve around other peoples plans, but if it's not that important to you and you think I'm asking too much, just reply "no" and lets be cordial at family events. We were forced to invite them by my FMIL. Even though she too agrees that they are a-holes. Everyone else in his family basically replied no. So there is nothing about him hearing about someone else getting more time to decide. I don't send snarky comments to him when they hound us for the $5 tacos at family reunion, which BTW your only allowed 2 tacos.

Calypso1977 · August 2009

if you are paying for your wedding, as you said earlier that you are, how were you "forced" to invite someone you didnt want there??

ffmaid · August 2009

I am not critizing your budget and you are making it clear that the $300 per person you commented in th e OP was not an issue. Clearly you just hate your family and are looking for a reason to be mad at them but lacked the backbone to invite the guest list you wanted. So real8ize that niot having a backbone comes with the side effect of having to be gracious to these folks you had no backbone and invited. The cash in irrelavent but once you decided to invite them ( possibly because you have no spine ) you MUST be a gracious host or you are a ungracious bridezilla.

Calypso1977 · August 2009

i'm still trying to figure out why such an early commitment was needed. $20 says its A List B List. She has friends she wants to invite, but caved into FMIL's demands that family get invited that seh didnt want, so she did, and asked for stupid early RSVPs so taht she can get no's as soon as possible to then send out her B list invites.

lyndausvi · August 2009

I realize that my wedding does not revolve around other peoples plans, but if it's not that important to you and you think I'm asking too much, just reply "no" and lets be cordial at family events. not being able to tell you 4 months out =/= it's not important to him. Actually the note says it is important to him, but things in his life (work I'm assuming) does not allow him to commit right now. There is a difference.But really you just need to let this go and treat him just like all the other people who basically told you the same thing.

Calypso1977 · August 2009

The early RSVP's were to weed out people who really could give a rats axx about coming, and add room in the budget for more alcohol, flowers, or extend invitation to other close friends. i called it. A List/ B List.

Duckyoflove13 · August 2009

he was rude, you are being rude. Most guests who love us have already bought plane tickets and reserved rooms.So is that to say that if one RSVPd yes but hasn't booked yet means they don't love you, or if someone can't make it due to work, money, or something else that they don't love you?I find that a bit rude. Also expecting someone to call you and congratulate you is rude. You don't expect them, you should be happy to get them. Now if it was something like your parents, I can see how that could be upsetting.My dad's work is laying people off every week. He's been layed off for a while and for a few months he might get called in to work for a week or two and then was laid off again. He's back there, but the place is still laying people off. If someone in his situation was invited and wanted to go, but really can't commit because they don't even know if they'll be emploied at the time, how is it rude to tell you that. Expecting so much from your guests like this is rude. IMHO I also think an A/B list is rude too though.

Guest disregards RSVP Date

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