OMG- why oh why do people do this?

veronabrit · August 2009

I just got a "secret" invite on FB for a surprise Jack and Jill party for my cousin and his fiance (in Canada, of course, never heard of them happening in the US/southern US). Anyways, there is a 10$ cover charge. It is at one of the groosmen's parent's houses. WTF. Why would you charge people to attend a party? if you can't afford to throw a party in your friend's honor, then simply don't host one, or, ask that people each bring some sort of dish like a potluck instead of taking money at the door. sorry, I just find thos to be so tacky. Yes, 10$ is not a big deal, but it is the principle. Once I had to pay 30$ to get into a Jack and Jill and the entire night was spent playing games so that the bride and groom could make money. tacky tacky tacky.

ricksang · August 2009

Is that the norm for Jack and Jill parties? Odd.

danieliza1127 · August 2009

From what I've learned here on the Knot, it's not that they can't afford to throw the party, it's that the whole point of this type of party is to raise money for the bride and groom.

buttaflai · August 2009

I have a friend who likes to throw parties at his house. He used to leave out a "donation" jar for money.A couple weeks ago, he suggested that we all charge cover at our homes for get-togethers. Loser. When we host a party, we pay for everything. Then, he brags about how much money he makes.

veronabrit · August 2009

yes, it is the norm, and some are even greedier than this. Since it is a suprise, at least the bride and groom didnt have part in the tackiness...but to accept profits from the party would be horrifying.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

i hate that my name is associated with those things.

TiDa2009 · August 2009

in Canada, of course, never heard of them happening in the US/southern USI live in Canada and I've never heard of them happening either. Please do not generalize this as a Canadian thing - I'm sure it's regional to parts as it's probably regional in the US, too.With that said, I totally agree with you. Just don't go. I wouldn't unless it was for a very, very good friend. But I hope that I would be able to convice a very, very good friend that this would be a bad idea.

mandysmear · August 2009

That is what a jack and jill/stag and doe/shag is. You're from ontario are you not? I've never known any Ontarian to NOT have one. Cover charge is involved, raffles, door prizes, cash bar and yes ALL proceeds go to the bride and groom.Tacky? Yes. The norm for that group/circle? Yes.We've talked about this a million times on here.

veronabrit · August 2009

buttaflai- that is truly dispicable and rude. If you host, you pay, period. Don't have parties if you want your guests to donate.

Kati0105 · August 2009

Super tacky - even more so at a home than at a bar or club.

veronabrit · August 2009

mandy- yes I am from Ontario and I would be mortified if my friends threw one for me, which they wouldn't because they are not tacky. I don't care if it is a tradition or common in certain areas, just because it is a common thing to do, it doesn't mean you should do it if you disagree with it, which I do. I would refuse to attend such an event on principle.

ootmother2 · August 2009

Jack & Jills, or Stag and Does as they are known there, are acceptable in Ontarto, possible in some other areas of Canada.I don't get the flame. Just because you don't live there anymore, don't act as though you have never heard of them.local custom, I have no problem with that.In the US, probably would consider it a bit off.

lpstl · August 2009

Blame Canada!

wadingmoose · August 2009

Of course it's in Canada.We also charge people at the door to attend the wedding, then throw a money tree AND money dances at our guests.That's how we roll in Canada.

futurecdobs · August 2009

I know someone who is having a J&J party tomorrow, actually. $20 per person to get in, $30 for a couple, then they are accepting money for the wedding fund. It makes me so sad... if you can't afford a wedding, don't get married. Or go to the courthouse.

ootmother2 · August 2009

Toonie Bars for everyone!!

futurecdobs · August 2009

Oh, and it's in Connecticut, btw.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

but then again, canada does have otc muscle relaxers.

veronabrit · August 2009

I am not pretending I don't know about them, I am simply commenting on the horribleness of their existence in general. I don't understand, how, ontario, out of all provinces is the one that seems to find this acceptable. flame away.

shellydiane820 · August 2009

I'd never heard of jack and jill until TK.

shellydiane820 · August 2009

...dang it, I wasn't done!I'd never heard of Jack and Jill until TK. However, I don't see the difference between that and a dollar dance.

TiDa2009 · August 2009

I don't understand, how, ontario, out of all provinces is the one that seems to find this acceptable.It's funny that they aren't popular where I'm from because there are a few other horrid wedding "traditions" that exist like mass wedding invites in the newspaper.

veronabrit · August 2009

I'd never heard of jack and jill until TK. bless yoru heart. Listen, you can defend it all you want and say "my friends want to throw this for us" but it comes down to charging your friends and family to attend a party, and then pocketing the cash. No, just no. There is no way to justify this. And please, don't try to compare it to a shower, they are two different things. If you throw a fundraiser for your wedding (which is what these events, down to their core, really are) then you are throwing a fundraiser----for your wedding, Repeat aloud three times.

mandysmear · August 2009

I don't get it either Verona. My sister's BF is from Ontario and he went to a shag. This shag made 20k for the bride and groom. (their friends put it on) They had walmart donating nintendo Wiis as raffle prized. This couple made 20k and STILL had a cash bar. Made the GMs buy a $700 suit and made the BP pay for the car rentals the day of. Now THAT is tacky.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

aaaahhhhhhhh!! it definitely isn't customary in ct. what would possess them to do that cdobs? why would anyone want to flaunt tackiness?

futurecdobs · August 2009

Daff, you kind of have to know the people and then it would make sense. I went to high school with the groom - he's REALLY nice and I like him as a person - but I do not agree with the concept of having people fund your wedding, or charging them to party with you.I was shocked, too, though. I had never, ever heard of anyone doing that in this area (I live in Massachusetts).

TiDa2009 · August 2009

Holy shiit, Mandy, $20K? They have some generous friends and family.

mandysmear · August 2009

It's not just friends and family who attend these though. In lots of rural communities it's a huge social event. If they don't know the B&G they will still go because it's a good time and there's nothing else to do.Most of these people's friends and families won't say boo about it because they probably don't find it tacky. It's their norm.

smokeybailey · August 2009

I used to pay to get into parties that had kegs when I was in high school. I refuse to pay to get into a party as an adult. Unless, of course, one is raising money for a great charity. Your wedding ≠ charity

angiebear11 · August 2009

Wait, Jack and Jill party means the guest have to pay to come to the party? I've only ever heard of a Jack and Jill Shower and I've always thought that just meant that both men and women were invited instead of the usual just women.

ootmother2 · August 2009

" I don't understand, how, ontario, out of all provinces is the one that seems to find this acceptable. flame away. "Just curious. I did business all over Canada most of my lifel Do you consider Ontario, out of all provinces, to be the most observant of etiquette?IMO, BC would fall into that category, not Ontario, if you are into generalizations

OMG- why oh why do people do this?

Re: OMG- why oh why do people do this?

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