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Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Can an outside wedding be formal?
Obviously they can, but I feel like because we are having our wedding outside and not in a church people are thinking they can just wear jeans or something not as formal. Our venue is extremely nice, reception will be in the same location but a really nice log cabin type building. My future father in law doesnt want to wear a tux, and I think he feels that way because it will be outside. The wedding is June 1st, in Michigan so it probably wont be that hot outside anyways...I just feel troubled by this..help?!
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Re: Can an outside wedding be formal?
RSVP Date: Dec 19
You convey the formality of your wedding by the style of your invitations. Black or blue ink on white or ecru stationary should cue people that the wedding will be formal. If you expect your guests to go all out with their wardrobes, you should follow through with formal table settings and assigned seating.
Tuxedos should be reserved for evening - after 6 pm. For formal daytime weddings, men should wear suits. No one should tell the parents what to wear. Your fi should make sure his dad knows what the other men are wearing to the wedding. If he chooses not to dress properly, it will reflect poorly on him, not you.
[QUOTE]Make your invitations formal to set the tone for your guests. Call it a garden wedding. A dark suit is always an appropriate substitute for a tuxedo. Enlist the wife of your FFIL to get him in a dark suit.
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>There is no wife for the FFIL, so that wont help. But the invitations are formally set, and it is an evening wedding. I think he just doesnt want to spend the money on renting a tux because he already has a bunch of suits. But allll the other men will be in Tuxes so, he would look entirely out of place if he is not in one and I dont want my pictures ruined because of one person.</div>
[QUOTE]Yep. Unless your wedding is black tie (live band, top-shelf liquor, multi-course plated meal, etc.) tuxes aren't necessary.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
<div>There will not be a live band because I don't want that for my wedding, we will have a dj, top shelf liquor and a three course meal, so I would think a tux would be necessary. Especially since all the other men in the wedding party will be wearing them. </div>
[QUOTE]I think black tie might be a little much, but cocktail attire is probably okay. It really depends on your venue -- if you are getting married in a field, then I wouldn't expect women in long dresses or high heels. But if it's on a brick patio overlooking a garden, then I don't see why not. As far as people wearing jeans...your invitations will set the level of formality of your wedding. Classic black/white invitations with script font and lined envelopes = formal. Vistaprint cheapies on cardstock = less formal. In my experience, the type of people who will wear jeans to a wedding will completely disregard the level of formatlity of your invitations/venue/time of day, and wear jeans anyway. My sister and I have an aunt like this -- she always wears jeans to weddings, but she hoenstly looks nice and it doesn't stand out that she's terribly underdressed. But if someone DOES wear jeans or otherwise dresses inappropriately, THEY are the ones who will look silly, not you.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>Not getting married in a field, it is very nice with lots of flowers in the spring and many michigan trees, lots of greenery as well. Not looking for black tie formal, to the degree that everyone is in tuxes and long dresses, but formal to where they know its not a casual thing. Also, who's to know where I got my invitations from anyways? I dont think where you get them from makes the difference in casual or formal. Its all in the style and wording. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : Not getting married in a field, it is very nice with lots of flowers in the spring and many michigan trees, lots of greenery as well. Not looking for black tie formal, to the degree that everyone is in tuxes and long dresses, but formal to where they know its not a casual thing. Also, who's to know where I got my invitations from anyways? I dont think where you get them from makes the difference in casual or formal. Its all in the style and wording.
Posted by amberella.eves[/QUOTE]<div>
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</div><div>Sorry about the invitation thing -- I should have cliarified. My sister and I both had outdoor weddings. Her was more formal (brick patio overlooking a botanical garden). Long dresses, groom and groomsmen in tuxes, more formal invitations. Mine was less in a Vineyard, so outside in a field, guys in suits, and I used VistaPrint cheapies. It wasn't a dig on Vistaprint.
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : There will not be a live band because I don't want that for my wedding, we will have a dj, top shelf liquor and a three course meal, so I would think a tux would be necessary. Especially since all the other men in the wedding party will be wearing them.
Posted by amberella.eves[/QUOTE]
First, what you describe is not a black tie affair, so you cannot give attire mandates to anyone who is not in the wedding party. Second, your FFIL is not in the wedding party, so you do not get to dictate his attire and he is not required to match the wedding party members. You also don't get to dictate the attire of the other parents. You don't even get to do so for the sake of your pictures. Pictures record the event for posterity; they should not be the guiding force behind wedding-related demands.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : First, what you describe is not a black tie affair, so you cannot give attire mandates to anyone who is not in the wedding party. Second, your FFIL is not in the wedding party, so you do not get to dictate his attire and he is not required to match the wedding party members. You also don't get to dictate the attire of the other parents. You don't even get to do so for the sake of your pictures. Pictures record the event for posterity; they should not be the guiding force behind wedding-related demands.
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>How is the grooms father not in the wedding party? I dont understand how all the other parents are "in the party" and he is not. I am not trying to dictate what everyone wears, but it is my wedding and they accepted to be in it when my fiance and I asked so they need to accomodate us and not complain about it either way. </div>
What part of Michigan? If it's the U.P, you'll probably be okay, but if it's downstate - I can remember countless 90-degree, humid June 1sts in the past several years. Memorial Day weekend is either hot and humid or breezy and rainy every other year it seems. I wouldn't count on it not being hot. I also wouldn't rule out one of those crazy severe thunderstorms.
What you described is not black tie. It is unreasonable to think FFIL should be wearing a tux just because you chose to put the GMs in tuxes. I honestly think nice suits are more suitable for the venue and wedding you have described and they still look extremely nice.
If your FFIL is not actually IN the wedding party (groomsmen, best man, etc.) he doesn't need to wear a matching tux. Hopefully, your FI can convince him to wear a nice suit, but if he doesn't, you need to let it go. He'll be sitting in the front row anyway, and no one is going to care.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
[QUOTE]What part of Michigan? If it's the U.P, you'll probably be okay, but if it's downstate - I can remember countless 90-degree, humid June 1sts in the past several years. Memorial Day weekend is either hot and humid or breezy and rainy every other year it seems. I wouldn't count on it not being hot. I also wouldn't rule out one of those crazy severe thunderstorms.
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>It's in the lower peninsula, west wide near lake Michigan. We are worried about rain more than heat, I am originally from Florida so I wont be bothered; we will just have to rent a tent if it decides to rain. </div>
[QUOTE]Our wedding was outside, in a park. The reception was both indoor/outdoor and it was a daytime wedding. I think we maybe had 2 people show up in jeans. Everyone else dressed in sundresses or other event-appropriate attire. If your FFIL is not actually IN the wedding party (groomsmen, best man, etc.) he doesn't need to wear a matching tux. Hopefully, your FI can convince him to wear a nice suit, but if he doesn't, you need to let it go. He'll be sitting in the front row anyway, and no one is going to care.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>Ok, so he has nothing to do with the ceremony at all? He is just going to be there and go sit down like everyone else?</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : Ok, so he has nothing to do with the ceremony at all? He is just going to be there and go sit down like everyone else?
Posted by amberella.eves[/QUOTE]
Right
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : Ok, so he has nothing to do with the ceremony at all? He is just going to be there and go sit down like everyone else?
Posted by amberella.eves[/QUOTE]
Yup. At least that's what my FIL did. He escorted my MIL down the aisle during the procession and then sat next to her in the front row during the ceremony. That was it.
If people wear suits to your wedding, it will not 'ruin' it. If you are convinced such a small detail will ruin the entire night, then I am going to proactively feel badly for you, because there is a boatload of massive stress in your future. There will be a TON of other larger issues in your future regarding your wedding planning. If something this small knocks you for a loop.... it's not going to be pretty when the real hard and heavy stuff start hitting you.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : It's in the lower peninsula, west wide near lake Michigan. We are worried about rain more than heat, I am originally from Florida so I wont be bothered; we will just have to rent a tent if it decides to rain.
Posted by amberella.eves[/QUOTE]
So YOU won't be bothered. What about your guests?
[QUOTE]I dont want my pictures ruined because of one person. That is a disgusting thing to say about a future in-law. Parents are not part of the wedding party. They wear whatever they wish to wear, and the couple has no right to dictate to them. The wedding party consists of bridesmaids, groomsmen, Best Man, Maid/Matron of Honor, Flower Girl and Ring Bearer. Readers and soloists are also part of the wedding ceremony, but are not part of the wedding party, so are not "dressed" by the bride and groom. Your pictures will not be "ruined." You will see the loving faces of friends and family when you look at your wedding album in twenty years, not what they're wearing.....or you should. By the way - tuxedos are for formal weddings, but only for formal weddings that take place after 5:00 p.m. No one should be wearing a tuxedo if your wedding takes place before that time. The formal attire is also limited to the wedding party, unless the venue requires Black Tie. Business attire, or garments such as one would wear to church on Sunday, have always been acceptable for everyone else, unless they wish to wear formalwear or cocktail dresses. Please take a step back and re-think your behavior towards your future in-laws. Will you be proud of this treatment of them in years to come? This sort of thing will not last for the one day of your wedding. You will be dealing with your in-laws for the rest of their lives. Please reconsider.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
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</div><div>If thats disgusting to say, I better not post about how "I want my fiances best man to lose like 80 pounds because him being extremely large will ruin the pictures so what do I do about that"</div><div>Anyways, I get it now; the FFIL is not part of the wedding party..I just dont see what the big deal about it is. You are only supposed to do this once so why not do it the way you want to do it, and why wouldnt people agree to do it because of that fact? It is going to be formal, but not black tie formal, Im not trying to have everyone look like theyre going to some red carpet runway event. Just throwing this out there, there is an inbetween of black tie formal and casual, and it is not going to be casual.
And Im not getting married to my in-laws, of course they will be there but Im not all that worried about what they think for the rest of their lives. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : Yup. At least that's what my FIL did. He escorted my MIL down the aisle during the procession and then sat next to her in the front row during the ceremony. That was it.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
<div>Well my FILs are divorced, so there wouldnt be any escorting like that I dont think. They dont really have much to do with each other since their only two children are grown. Did you have any type of unity candle ceremony? I am kind of wondering how that will go. I thought the groom escorted both mothers, or that they walked together to light the candles and then sat down or something. I dont know, I have never been to a wedding before so this is all entirely new to me. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : If thats disgusting to say, I better not post about how "I want my fiances best man to lose like 80 pounds because him being extremely large will ruin the pictures so what do I do about that" Anyways, I get it now; the FFIL is not part of the wedding party..I just dont see what the big deal about it is. You are only supposed to do this once so why not do it the way you want to do it, and why wouldnt people agree to do it because of that fact? It is going to be formal, but not black tie formal, Im not trying to have everyone look like theyre going to some red carpet runway event. Just throwing this out there, there is an inbetween of black tie formal and casual, and it is not going to be casual. And Im not getting married to my in-laws, of course they will be there but Im not all that worried about what they think for the rest of their lives.
Posted by amberella.eves[/QUOTE]
Ah, trolling, I see. Clumsy attempt though, v.ery obvious. I'v seen better
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : Ah, trolling, I see. Clumsy attempt though, v.ery obvious. I'v seen better
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>I'm not trolling, so you can go elsewhere with that. If I have a post its because my questions are legitimate and I want opinions. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : I'm not trolling, so you can go elsewhere with that. If I have a post its because my questions are legitimate and I want opinions.
Posted by amberella.eves[/QUOTE]
In my opinion, your FFIL doesn't need to wear a tux. Ask him to wear a black suit that he already owns. He will look as though he is not part of the wedding party, but he certainly will not look out of place. A black suit is perfectly acceptable, as is a dark blue or dark grey suit. You stated that he owns several suits, so I am sure he owns one.
It doesn't seem as though he was opposed to formal/semi-formal attire, he was just opposed to spending money to rent a type of suit, when he already has a variety. He probaby knows better than to show up in jeans, but if you badger him, he may do it just to spite you.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : There is no wife for the FFIL, so that wont help. But the invitations are formally set, and it is an evening wedding. I think he just doesnt want to spend the money on renting a tux because he already has a bunch of suits. <strong>But allll the other men will be in Tuxes</strong> so, he would look entirely out of place if he is not in one and I dont want my pictures ruined because of one person.
Posted by amberella.eves[/QUOTE]
No they won't, just the WP, and "traditionallly" (not a tradition, just what usually happens), the parent's aren't part of the WP.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can an outside wedding be formal? : No they won't, just the WP, and "traditionallly" (not a tradition, just what usually happens), the parent's aren't part of the WP.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>when I said all the other men, I meant in the wedding party. Im not expecting every guest to be there in black tie attire. </div>
[QUOTE]I'm not trolling, so you can go elsewhere with that. If I have a post its because my questions are legitimate and I want opinions. I don't think you do, because everyone is telling you that forcing your FFIL to rent a tuxedo "so he won't ruin your wedding pictures" is a bad idea. You responded with insults because no one would validate your plan. By the way, telling her to get off the thread is against Knot rules.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>I never insulted anyone, I don't see a problem with telling someone to go elsewhere with a post about someone who is "trolling" when they are not. Trolling has nothing to do with the subject matter so why should that post be allowed?
Im not asking anyone to "validate my plan" either, I just didn't see what the big deal about wearing a tuxedo was. </div>
[QUOTE]Um, tuxes are pretty much just flat out evening formal. A suit is the daytime version of formal. The thing that is between formal and casual would be slacks with a sport coat and tie. So, yeah, you're actually wrong any way you slice it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
<div>I never stated that my wedding wasnt an evening event so how would I be wrong?</div>