Chinese American Wedding Help!

almiller78 · October 2010

Hey knotties, I need some help! I'm marrying a second generation Chinese man in June. His parents have lived in the US since the 60s. They've been very supportive and said for us to have an American wedding our way, but I'm worried they are being polite. Can anyone give me a quick rundown on a few things and any big no-nos?

1. Is wearing black bad luck at a wedding? Thinking of putting my BMs in black and champagne.
2. When do you typically do a tea ceremony in an American wedding? Rehearsal dinner or at the wedding? Do you do it privately or with everyone?
3. My mother in law to be mention potentially changing into a Chinese wedding dress. When do most people in an American wedding do this? After the cake is cut? Earlier? Later? Could I wear it to the rehearsal dinner instead or is that a bad idea?

Thanks!

HWU · October 2010

1 - Typically black is a big no no since in the Chinese culture black = death. I would suggest talking to your mother in law.

2- Tea Ceremony is typically done during the day of the wedding. You can either do it at the house in the morning or get to the venue earlier and have it done there. It really depends on the amount of time you have and how many people you need to give tea to.

3-Changing into the chinese wedding dress is usually after the cake is cut. If you don't like the typical red or pink dresses, I've seen white ones trimmed with gold that looks nice.

Hope this helps!

ring_pop · October 2010

Actually, WHITE is the traditional colour of mourning in Chinese culture, although black has somewhat been adopted from western culture to symbolize death in some cases. Ask your FILs.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_in_Chinese_culture

As PP said, the tea ceremony is usually done the day of the wedding. It can be done for parents and grandparents only (more intimate) or all elders including aunts and uncles. Ask your FILs what they prefer. In your case, since they don't sound pushy, I think that just parents and grandparents would be fine. This would keep it simple.

If you get a Chinese dress, you can actually wear it for the tea ceremony as well. I'm sure your FMIL would love that. In a traditional 10-course Chinese banquet, the bride usually changes several times during dinner, between courses. The many dress changes tends to be a big spectacle in a Chinese wedding. If you're only getting one dress as opposed to several dresses as many Chinese brides do, you can choose to change any time you like. Think about which dress you want to wear for which photos. I wouldn't wear it to the rehearsal dinner unless it was a more casual style; a real Chinese bridal red dress is as formal as a white wedding gown.

strawberryazn · October 2010

I agree with Ring Pop on the color. And I 've actually seen bridesmaids wear black dresses in a Chinese wedding before so it really depends on how traditional the family.

As for the tea ceremony, it depends on the type of Chinese you are. I've seen certain Chinese groups (chiu chow) do the tea ceremony at the beginning of the wedding banquet, in front of all the guests. Check with your fiance's parents on their preference.

As for the dress change, I like the idea of wearing it during the tea ceremony. That's what I will be doing as well. I've also seen brides wear it for the cake cutting or for the table toasts at the end of the banquet. It's really up to you.

Congrats!

BoxOfRocks · October 2010

<div>I agree you're going to have to ask your future ILs. But here's how it works in my family:</div><div>
</div>[QUOTE] 1. Is wearing black bad luck at a wedding? Thinking of putting my BMs in black and champagne. [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, for the same reason stated by the PP above. My family has adopted the Western "black = death" mindset.</div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE] 2. When do you typically do a tea ceremony in an American wedding? Rehearsal dinner or at the wedding? Do you do it privately or with everyone? [/QUOTE] </div><div>
</div><div>Didn't do one myself, but when my bro married his wife, they did it privately the day of the wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE] 3. My mother in law to be mention potentially changing into a Chinese wedding dress. When do most people in an American wedding do this? After the cake is cut? Earlier? Later? Could I wear it to the rehearsal dinner instead or is that a bad idea? [/QUOTE] </div><div>
</div><div>I did it before the cake was cut. Not sure if there is specific guidance about wearing it at the rehearsal dinner, but I wouldn't have because I would have been afraid to spill something on it.</div><div>

</div>

teccles6 · February 2011

My fiance is Chinses, first generation and I am White. We are trying to incorperate a lot of Chinese tradiations by having an "Asian Themed" wedding. We used the double hapiness sign on our invites and as a cake topper.

Don't decorate with white, in Chinese culture white=death. (So even the envelopes my FMIL complained that they were white and it's not proper.) We bought white lanterns to hang from the ceiling too- another no-no. Red is the color of celebration for Chinese and so that is our color (red and champagne).

We're doing our tea ceremony at the reception after our grand entrance. I am offering tea to his parents, and his grandmother. He is offering it to my parents, and my grandparents.

I told my FMIL that I wanted to wear my dress all day/night. She suggested I change into another dress but I decided not to. In Chinese culture it represents wealth- the more times you change the more money you have.

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