Army guy lost in the sauce...

Williamniedz · September 2012

Ok ladies never really done this before but I'm in need of serious assistance. My wife and I were married back in May with a small wedding service couldn't really afford much before my deployment. Now I'm overseas trying to be involved in the process. The biggest thing I was wondering is am I supposed to be this overwhelmed? I've been on this site for 30 minutes and my head is already spinning. Has anyone had any luck with beach weddings as I am completely unfirmiliar with them. My wife wants a beach wedding and a big reception. I don't even know where to start...Please send in the cavalry...

ps is a wedding planner a safe bet or overpriced luxury?

thejucheidea · September 2012

Are your guests aware that they're just watching a play, as you're already married?

ZeroOrchestra · September 2012

If your wife wants a beach wedding then y'all are going to have to get divorced first. You only get one wedding. If you're wanting to throw a big party to celebrate your marriage when you return, have at it. You can have it catered, have drinks and dancing and all that but skip the "ceremony", wedding party, and poufy white dress. Some may disagree, but I think a cake and a special dance are ok. Congrats on your marriage, and thank you for your service.

QueerFemme · September 2012

I agree with the previous posters... you are already married, so no need for a big beach ceremony. You can have a big party to celebrate your marriage... but, there is no need for a ceremony, or stressing about that. You are already married.

lyndausvi · September 2012

Congrats and thank you for your service.

What you are having will be a vow renewal, as you are already married.

I had a beach wedding in NJ. I found having a beach wedding was not as easy as you would think. I'm not sure about CT, but in some public places in NJ you only had like 30 minutes to setup, have the ceremony and breakdown the event. Private beaches normally comes with higher price tag.

First need to have a general idea of how many people you need and budget. Then look around for places. Sometimes you have to make adjustments to either the list or budget to get what you want.

You have to have a reception. If it's meal time then you need to serve enough food for a meal (sit-down, buffet or heave apps). If it's not meal time you can do something lighter. Even cake and punch is fine.

If you find a public beach then you might have to have the reception somewhere else. If it's a private location you might be able to do both.

FYI - I hope your family knows your married.

GOOD LUCK and again thank you for your service.

Williamniedz · September 2012

I guess I miss used my verbiage. It's a renewal of vows ceremony and from the sounds of it everyone seems to be against a ceremony? I already feel like I cheated my wife out of the white wedding because we wanted to be married before I deployed And we had three months to do it. I promised her once we had the money and when I got back that's what she would have...guess I'm talking to the wrong people. Thanks for the help regardless...for the record military spouses understand the concept of two weddings I guess that's a little foreign to civilians...also didn't realize reaffirming our love for each other in front of our family and friends would be considered a play...

jenajjthr · September 2012

First thank you thank you for your service. As a former military wife I know the hardship that both of you are facing right now and I know where both of you are coming from.

As other PP's have said you two already had a wedding. This was the "small wedding service" that you mention. I'm sure it wasn't exactly what you wanted/envisioned but had because you were being deployed. That being said you technically can't have another "wedding" since you are already married. You will have a vow renewal. Nothing wrong with a vow renewal if it's for a big anniversary (50 yrs or so) or if you two have overcome a huge obstacle, almost divorced, recommitting to each other.

What your wife/both of you want is commonly referred to as a PPD..Pretty Princess Day. It's considered to be attention grabbing, gift grabbing, etc. If that is really what you want, nothing anybody says here is going to stop you. If you prefer to go a more acceptable route than you will change your plans. Have the big party, have a cake (because I can't imagine a party without cake), food, music, dancing, pretty dress (not wedding gown), wear your dress blues and have a great time celebrating your marriage and your return home.

If you do decide to have a "redo" wedding, than make sure everyone knows you are already married. If you try and hide it and then the guests find out, they tend to be very upset and feel duped.

Congrats on the marriage!

P.S. As a former military wife I can't tell you how much it meant to me to receive letters from my H when he was away. Mine was in the Navy, Submarines, so contact was very limited. If that is the case with you, then find a good friend who will hold letters/cards and mail them to her every week or so. It makes the separation a little more bearable.

lyndausvi · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_army-guy-lost-in-the-sauce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:533db9ba-a479-4a22-8036-1f821cbbedd9Post:1fe2e8d7-ebea-47b3-8518-a408a742320c">Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I miss used my verbiage. It's a renewal of vows ceremony and from the sounds of it everyone seems to be against a ceremony? I already feel like I cheated my wife out of the white wedding because we wanted to be married before I deployed And we had three months to do it. I promised her once we had the money and when I got back that's what she would have...guess I'm talking to the wrong people. Thanks for the help regardless...for the record military spouses understand the concept of two weddings I guess that's a little foreign to civilians...also didn't realize reaffirming our love for each other in front of our family and friends would be considered a play...
Posted by Williamniedz[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not military and I'm fine with renewing your vows in front of family and friends. </div><div>
</div><div>I don't like it when people lie about being married in order to have a PPD, which it doesn't seem like you are. </div><div>
</div><div>Good luck, your family and friends will be happy to celebrate with you.</div>

Williamniedz · September 2012

I guess I kinda assumed that over coming a combat tour in the desert was the obstacle being over come...ehh...I guess I'm just a little off...like I said didn't mean to call it a wedding initially...wasn't planning on doing the whole vow and ring thing again...

Williamniedz · September 2012

The wedding was pretty public. Not sure what what PPD means but it sounds bad...you gotta remember who you talking to here...lol

jenajjthr · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_army-guy-lost-in-the-sauce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:533db9ba-a479-4a22-8036-1f821cbbedd9Post:1fe2e8d7-ebea-47b3-8518-a408a742320c">Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I miss used my verbiage. It's a renewal of vows ceremony and from the sounds of it everyone seems to be against a ceremony? I already feel like I cheated my wife out of the white wedding because we wanted to be married before I deployed And we had three months to do it. I promised her once we had the money and when I got back that's what she would have...guess I'm talking to the wrong people. Thanks for the help regardless...for the record military spouses understand the concept of two weddings I guess that's a little foreign to civilians...also didn't realize reaffirming our love for each other in front of our family and friends would be considered a play...
Posted by Williamniedz[/QUOTE]

If you are truly in the military then you know the importance of making a decision and the consequences of it, good and bad, and taking responsibility for such choices. Using the argument that we had to hurry because I was being deployed means says that you are not owning up to your choice you made, trying to mitigate the consequences of said choice. Yes there are some military couples who do the quickie marriage and then big wedding later, still doesn't make it right in terms of etiquette. But there are also a lot of military couples who have the small wedding and are perfectly happy with it because in the end they got married to their loved one and don't try and "redo" it because they couldn't wait until the military person returned.

I'm one of those brides who had the small wedding and it only took me 3 weeks to put together. It was small and meaningful and no "white wedding" could have been better. I also had a family member have the quick wedding in Dec to get benefits and insurance and then did a redo in May when hubby came back for 2 weeks. We both got what we want, but what I came to learn is that even military famlies take issue with the redo concept.

lyndausvi · September 2012

PPD = pretty princess day.

some ladies want to have a 'real wedding'. A lot of people feel that is offensive to those who choose to have a JOP wedding. Some even go as far as to lie to their families about being married.

Williamniedz · September 2012

Ladies I haven't taken a shower in 4 days we sleep on the ground and eat food that can stay good in a sealed bag for 7 years and not go bad the fact that I even have Internet is a miracle...wasn't really too concerned about the wedding etiquette. Like I said clearly I'm barking up the wrong tree... Ps: proof that men and women cannot communicate my question never even got answered...lmao whatever...

lyndausvi · September 2012

I gave you helpful advice about having a beach wedding.

Williamniedz · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_army-guy-lost-in-the-sauce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:533db9ba-a479-4a22-8036-1f821cbbedd9Post:2ca65191-a934-40f4-b67c-f0a3d1ce89d4">Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...</a>:
[QUOTE]I gave you helpful advice about having a beach wedding.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Yes you did and I am grateful everyone else just seemed to jump on me about using the word wedding wrong...lmao

jenajjthr · September 2012

Well PP we can only go by what you write on here not what you mean in your head. People did not jump on you, they informed you that having a wedding after you are already married is frowned upon. They can't really give you advice on how to have a redo wedding if they don't think you should be doing that.

From what I gathered by what you have said, you are having something on the beach but not
"doing the whole vow and ring thing again..." What exactly are you wanting to do? And I looked at your date (Oct 1) and where you are from (CT). Having lived there for a year, CT is cold in October. As a guest I would not really want to go to a beach wedding/renewal/? in October.

jessmhickey · September 2012

You do what YOU want. You don't need the advice of knotties who are all about etiquette and how to fold napkins or who you should invite. If you wanna throw a party that you were unfortunate enough to not get then so be it. You got married because you love eachother and when you get back you want to celebrate it with EVERYONE instead of just the neccessitys. Let your wife have what she dreams of with the man she dreams of. BTW I believe there is some basketball wives show where one of the wives plans and throws a Wedding/Reception EVERY SINGLE YEAR!!!! Sp I don't think you having a Bash will be that big of a deal.

JaxInBlue · September 2012

There are a number of websites that can help plan a vow renewal (and outline some of the differences between a renewal and a wedding). I've seen other posters here reference this one: http://www.idotaketwo.com/renewing_wedding_vows.html

I think the advice PPs gave is right one, though. You and your wife already had your wedding ceremony and wedding day. A vow renewal is a different sort of event; there is less emphasis on being the bride and groom, so you forgo the traditional elements of the wedding day - the pre-event parties, the bridal party, the bouquet and garter toss, most of the spotlight dances. You can still have a meaningful ceremony, wear nice attire, host a fabulous meal, have a DJ, photographer, cake and (I'm with ZeroOrchestra here) a special dance/moment. It's just not possible to redo an event that can only happen once.

Good luck to you and thank you for your service.

jessmhickey · September 2012

I am wondering if any of these people are going to be/are married to someone in the military, I may be getting the wedding of my dreams with my former marine finace, but you and her weren't so lucky. Thanks for eveything you do!

jenajjthr · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_army-guy-lost-in-the-sauce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:533db9ba-a479-4a22-8036-1f821cbbedd9Post:02e61741-ea2d-43fb-bd2d-a9a6817aeda8">Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am wondering if any of these people are going to be/are married to someone in the military, I may be getting the wedding of my dreams with my former marine finace, but you and her weren't so lucky. Thanks for eveything you do!
Posted by jessmhickey[/QUOTE]

Did you not read the previous posts. I was married to a man in the Navy. We first wanted to wait and have a bigger wedding, but in the end decided we wanted to be married more than we wanted the "white wedding/fairytale/real wedding" that some people refer too. I didn't have a redo because I changed my mind on what I wanted more. If the big wedding was that important than as grownups they should have waited. But since being married was more important than as grownups they have to accept that decision and move on from it. I would hope that of all people a military member would understand this more than anyone. They can, and should, have a party to celebrate his return home and their marriage. They can include a majority of typical reception aspects, just not the ones that scream "WEDDING" Gown, exchange of rings, pre-wedding showers/parties.

RamonaFlowers · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_army-guy-lost-in-the-sauce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:533db9ba-a479-4a22-8036-1f821cbbedd9Post:c4a4eee0-704f-45be-a8a0-b33eff178bca">Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ps: <strong>proof that men and women cannot communicate</strong> my question never even got answered...lmao whatever...
Posted by Williamniedz[/QUOTE]

Your wife's a lucky woman. Seriously. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

ootmother2 · September 2012

I just don't buy this one. Joined today, first post and flamable first question

Williamniedz · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_army-guy-lost-in-the-sauce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:533db9ba-a479-4a22-8036-1f821cbbedd9Post:d1ecd78e-f18b-4e6f-8b39-263a96f78312">Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well PP we can only go by what you write on here not what you mean in your head. People did not jump on you, they informed you that having a wedding after you are already married is frowned upon. They can't really give you advice on how to have a redo wedding if they don't think you should be doing that. From what I gathered by what you have said, you are having something on the beach but not "doing the whole vow and ring thing again..." What exactly are you wanting to do? And I looked at your date (Oct 1) and where you are from (CT). Having lived there for a year, CT is cold in October. As a guest I would not really want to go to a beach wedding/renewal/? in October.
Posted by jenajjthr[/QUOTE]

Well I guess I'm just an idiot then...just trying to make my wife happy...the date wasn't even set in stone it was just so I could get an account. Didn't think I would have to justify the reason for the "renewal of vows" or that I would upset this many people. I'm just doing what I can for my wife from 3,000 miles away. I don't remember asking for a "redo" I was just giving my wife what she never had because my country called and I answered and wouldn't do it without her being taken care of...and since this converstation started my military service has been questioned, I have been called immature and unadult, and told how my wife and I can and can't celebrate the next greatest day of my life...I didn't know there were rules how could I? I just asked if anyone could give me some guidance as to how a beach ceremony would go that's all...

Williamniedz · September 2012

Lady it's 730 am here in Kabul...and I don't even know what's troll is...

Williamniedz · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_army-guy-lost-in-the-sauce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:533db9ba-a479-4a22-8036-1f821cbbedd9Post:eafd5996-6ad8-42b3-8183-534f650e6c5c">Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...</a>:
[QUOTE]You do what YOU want. You don't need the advice of knotties who are all about etiquette and how to fold napkins or who you should invite. If you wanna throw a party that you were unfortunate enough to not get then so be it. You got married because you love eachother and when you get back you want to celebrate it with EVERYONE instead of just the neccessitys. Let your wife have what she dreams of with the man she dreams of. BTW I believe there is some basketball wives show where one of the wives plans and throws a Wedding/Reception EVERY SINGLE YEAR!!!! Sp I don't think you having a Bash will be that big of a deal. ;)
Posted by jessmhickey[/QUOTE]

Thank you really...at least all the romantics aren't dead...

divinemsbee · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_army-guy-lost-in-the-sauce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:533db9ba-a479-4a22-8036-1f821cbbedd9Post:02e61741-ea2d-43fb-bd2d-a9a6817aeda8">Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I am wondering if any of these people are going to be/are married to someone in the military</strong>, I may be getting the wedding of my dreams with my former marine finace, but you and her weren't so lucky. Thanks for eveything you do!
Posted by jessmhickey[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Hi, my FI is AD Air Force. And I agree with PPs. Listen, I appreciate what OP does. And that he is in the desert and sleeping on the ground and eating bad food. I'll admit that going on The Knot wouldn't be high on my priority list at that moment, but I understand the need for a little escapism. </div><div>
</div><div>I think Lynda gave excellent beach advice, especially if you're planning on doing it in NJ or CT. Also, agree with PP that if you want to do your VR in October, you might want to either re-think the beach or re-think the area of the country. Keep in mind that if you decide to do a destination VR (say, to FL where the weather would still be pretty nice on the beach), you probably are going to have a lower turn out because people who will travel for weddings might not travel for a VR. </div><div>
</div><div>With any party, the first thing you need to figure out is your budget and then your guest list. I'd do your budget and then maybe call around to see what's in price range. Then you can cut or expand your guest list. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, this getting married because you had to is ridiculous. I agree with the PP who said that you have to own your choices. You don't have to be married to be the beneficiary or the first informed. I'm on my FI's page 2, the only thing I can't do as his FI is receive his body. I also am not on his insurance and he doesn't get the bump in BAH until we're married, but we're okay with that. We put off getting engaged, then got engaged and couldn't start beginning to plan for almost 6 months because of his job. I know it sucks. We wanted the big-ish day with our friends and family, so we're having it. And, yes, we're incredibly blessed and lucky. But just because you're in the military doesn't give you a free pass to do what you want. </div>

Williamniedz · September 2012

My wife's happiness is my priority when I get some free time...totally irrelevant to the discussion, paragraph 2 and 3 are appreciated. As for paragraph 4 nobody really asked for your life story...where your FI's body goes is totally your business. Totally in appropriate... Ps he could have added you to his SGLI even if you weren't married why he didn't is just irresponsible of him...

[Deleted User] · September 2012

It's your party. You are paying for it. Do what ever you want. I don't know anything about beach weddings, but just wanted to add my two cents. As long as people know before hand that you are married, I don't even care what you call it. Life is too short. Make yourself happy.

Maggie0829 · September 2012

Well said Stage, well said.

cwaggoner07 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_army-guy-lost-in-the-sauce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:533db9ba-a479-4a22-8036-1f821cbbedd9Post:78d80d95-e743-42fd-918c-3f91d716613c">Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well said Stage, well said.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Same. Well done, Stage.

artbyallie · September 2012

I agree 1000 percent with Stage. And OP, you had three months to plan your wedding? Why didn't you plan the wedding you and your wife wanted then? Three months is plenty of time. My SIL married a guy in the Air Force who had one week to be home between training and his assigned post. She planned her wedding in one month, the majority of it with him on the other side of the country. They had a lakeside wedding and reception.

Army guy lost in the sauce...

Re: Army guy lost in the sauce...

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