Long distance relationships

ring_pop · September 2009

Can a couple survive if they start off their relationship long-distance, with no near end in sight? Say, both of them know that their career paths for the next 5 or so years will keep them far apart.Internet couples come to mind... does anyone want to share any stories of LDRs that have succeeded? Particularly ones that were LDR from the start, as opposed to couples who became serious and then had to move away from each other.

colleenspencer · September 2009

Hahahaha where to start.....As you know we are still in a LDR. We met online, he moved from Dallas to Seattle to be close enough so we could see each other often. We have been married almost a year. We have no idea how much longer it'll be before he can move here.

MissSarah786 · September 2009

One of my best friends had a LDR for 2+ years and it was great. What ruined it was that they moved into a studio apartment together after 2 years. They had lived so long apart that they couldn't live together in such a small space.

veronabrit · September 2009

We dated LD for about 8-9 months before I moved where we live now. Basically, we saw each other about every 3 weeks while we dated sometimes for a week or week and a half at a time because I would have longer breaks (I was a student).I don't think it would have worked if I hadn't made the move. I wanted to be with him and vice versa all of the time, not just once every 3 weeks.

ring_pop · September 2009

Oh colleen it's so nice to see you back!

colleenspencer · September 2009

Yeah I've been here all day.One of teh nice things about A LDR, I get more "me time"

sarah0725 · September 2009

Um, *waves*.FI and I have been long distance almost our entire relationship. First it was 40 minutes, then 2 hours, then seven hours, and currently it is 2 hours by plane (16 by car). We've been dating for 3.5 years. Currently, the official plan is to close the gap in the summer of 2011, which is when we're getting married, but as I said in a post a little way down the page, that may be happening a year early.There's nothing to say that a LDR is any more likely to fail than a non-distance relationship. Like any relationship, a strong partnership founded on communication and trust is necessary for survival. That's what FI and I have, and while it tears my heart out every time I say goodbye to him, I'm not at all concerned that things aren't going to work out. I love that boy to bits.

lillianchameleon · September 2009

My FI and I met a couple weeks before he left for military college. Its a LDR for 75% of the year. I don't know if you would classify it as a LDR from the start, since he was living near me the first couple weeks of dating. Anyways, along with a ridiculous amount of phone cards purchased (no cell phone reception where he is)... and lots of IMing its worked out for the past 3 years. Occasionally, I do get very depressed about it.

elf828 · September 2009

I had only been dating my FI for a few months and hadn't gotten serious yet when I got into grad school on the other side of the country. I pretty much made it clear to him that if he wasn't okay with a 2 year LDR then we had to stop dating - I was already falling in love with him and wasn't interested in starting a relationship that we knew would end when I went away to school. He didn't hesitate - he told me that he would do whatever it took to continue to be with me. So we knew going in how long the separation would be but it still wasn't easy. We were both in grad school and couldn't afford cross-country plane tickets (I saw him 5 times in 2 years!) and there was a big readjustment period when I moved back home. Things worked out the way we wanted them to (obviously) but it did take a lot of work.

bobbileighb · September 2009

Fi and I met online when we were very young, one day we realized we actually had feelings for each other. We started talking about dating exclusively when we were only 18 and we did this LD without even meeting for 6 months. I knew we had to meet and see if the physical connection was there and it was. We went on for 2 more years LD only seeing eachother twice a year but talking daily. He moved here when I was 21 and has been here since and we will be 25 (me) and 26(him) when we get married. My mother always jokes that she knew I would marry him even before I did just because of the way I lit up when he called.

colleenspencer · September 2009

Oh yeah I should add that we have been in this LDR for 4 years, and it's international. It's not far in distance, but by the time you consider ferry rides, border wait times etc it can take me up to 10 hours to get there, My visits are usually 2 - 3 days. He cannot come here so the travel burden is mine alone. It sucks in a lot of ways and is definately not for people with trust issues or for poor communicators. On teh plus side you learn quickly to really appreciate every bitof time you get together.

ggmae · September 2009

DH and I were in an LDR from the start, but only for 2 years. I was in college in CT and he was in the Army in TN/Iraq. We were rarely in the same time zone and when he WAS home in the states before deploying in 2007, I was studying abroad in Australia. It worked out though, but it wasn't a piece of cake. We had to work at it, keep in touch as much as possible, and I sent him countless care packages when he was deployed.

mnj05 · September 2009

We started out in a LDR and did it for 3 1/2 years. We've been in the same town for 6 months now, much better. The LDR was hard and there were a lot of stupid arguments because we were both frustrated. It's completely do-able and worked out well in the end.

veronabrit · September 2009

colleen- why can't he come there?

lindy.linder · September 2009

My fiance and I were long distance when we first started. We met at a college debate tournament. He was from the east coast and I was from the midwest. We were apart for 2 years and didnt know if it would end. then I moved out here for grad school. now we are long distance again for 3 months while he's on residency. It seems harder now since we've lived together for 3 years. It was super difficult especially because of how busy we both were, we didn't know each others friends at all and we competed against each other on a regular basis. I know people say long distance is the kiss of death but we seem to have made it ok

ricksang · September 2009

Okay, I am not in a real LDR but I only see my H on Sundays due to me going away to school during the week and him working at night. It works fine for us. We miss each other, but what can we do? I think if two people are committed enough, they can totally survive a LDR.

tlv204 · September 2009

I know I couldn't do it. I'm certainly not in a LDR, but I spent 2 summers 3 hours apart from DH and I thought that was hard. I'm a wimp. I couldn't do it but not because of trust issues I don't think, I think I would just be too sad and want to end the sadness. Like I said I've never tried it so I'm sure it's different when you know you want to be with the person, I would just literally complain ALL the time.

sarah0725 · September 2009

Actually, one great thing about being LDR is that I think LDR couples spend more time talking to each other and really understanding each other than a lot of non-distance couples do, because the whole relationship is lived on the phone. FI and I spend an hour every day talking to each other, and during that hour we are just concerned with listening to each other and talking about our lives. That's more than I can say for my parents.

bobbileighb · September 2009

I want to add, I actually think our relationship is stronger because of this. I really feel like we learned how to communicate effectively very quickly because we HAD to. We also talked so much we learned so many little details about each other and I can tell his mood just by his voice alone. Many of my friends have been together for years and never learned how to communicate the way we do and I just can not understand it. I think having the emotional connection long before the physical was the way to go.

tlv204 · September 2009

I like to think that this is a good way to think about it actually: Absence does for love what wind does for a flame: It extinguishes the weak and feeds the strong.

elf828 · September 2009

It sucks in a lot of ways and is definately not for people with trust issues or for poor communicators.THIS. I think we are better communicators now because of the time we spent doing the LD thing. When the phone and your words are all you have, you learn to think about what you want to say, if that makes sense. When we have an argument now, we always talk it out instead of storming away because we're just used to doing it that way.

missy68 · September 2009

FI and I met online, two years ago (last month, come to think of it). I lived in NC, he lived in Iowa. We talked on the phone and IM'ed, but didn't meet for over a month (he came to NC to spend a week's vacation). After spending that week together and seeing how compatible we are we decided to try dating, albeit long distance. We talked daily via IM/chat, and he called every night at 10:30 to say goodnight and "tuck me in." I spent Christmas in Iowa, then came back and we drove to Utah for a week of dirt bike riding (him) and ATV riding/crashing (me) in Moab in the Spring. On the way home, he asked me to move to Iowa and move in with him. I said yes, and quit my teaching job. I spent 2 months looking for a new position, found a job (not teaching), and we were engaged the following May. For all intents and purposes, though, we were basically married the day we opened a joint checking account. He just needed to come around...... Six months of winter and blizzards aside, this was a move that was meant to be.

veronabrit · September 2009

sarah- so true- we definitely talked a lot more on the phone than we talk now. Luckily we are able to talk on gchat while i'm working which is a nice way to stay in touch. We also text all day even though my office is only a 10 min drive from our house. We just have a habit I guess.

J&K10910 · September 2009

FI and I started LD (he had friends that went to my college, and was dating a girl that went there so he came to visit a lot). We were LD for 2.5 years, then we moved in together for 5 months, then we're LD for 9 more months, and now we've been living together again for 4 months. I thought after being so used to being LD, living together would be really hard, but it really wasn't, and we love it.

ExpatPumpkin · September 2009

Timeline of the World's Longest LDR 2002 (for 4 months) - we met and dated because he did a semester of his MBA in the States 2003 - HIM: in Europe in grad school, ME: in the States 2004 - 2005 - HIM: Mexico, ME: in grad school in Europe 2006 - 2009 - HIM: Mexico, ME: in the States At the closest we were a 1.5 flight away - when one of us was in Europe it was 10-12 hours... While we dated, the longest we ever went without seeing each other was 3 months, and that's while one of us was in Europe. Usually, we'd see each other once to twice a month, and we took a lot of ski trips, etc. together. We got married in February and I moved to Mexico in March after the honeymoon. Soooo, that's a total of 6 years LD and we made it! Sometimes I still pinch myself because we finally live together...

sarah0725 · September 2009

Absence does for love what wind does for a flame: It extinguishes the weak and feeds the strong. That's kinda beautiful, tlv, and I think apt. If a relationship is already shaky, going LDR will kill it. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and at least in my case, dealing with the distance only makes me determined to get to the end of the road.I spend a lot of my time in airports, and invariably I get talking to single-serving friends about where I'm going and why, and about FI. I can't tell you how many times people have told me that they were in an LDR and are now married, or about someone they know who did the same thing. Always makes me feel better.

SoSweet06 · September 2009

Definitely depends on the couple. FI and I started out living in the same town (high school) and then spent three years being 2.5 hrs apart followed by 2 years 1.5 hrs apart. It was hard at first, and we fought about pointless things because we were frustrated by the distance. But, as we've gotten more mature, that's all disappeared. Now, I'm more concerned about us re-adjusting when we move in together in May

tlv204 · September 2009

I keep a random notebook of quotes and that one was a good one. I don't know who said it

ring_pop · September 2009

Thanks for the insight everyone.This post was inspired by a friend of mine who recently started dating a guy who lives 1,000 miles away. We all became friends 3 years ago, then he moved away 1 year ago. We saw him for the first time since the move when he came in for our wedding, and that's also when they hooked up.They are both very dear friends and we're definitely rooting for them, but I guess I'm concerned. They both have plans which won't really allow them to cross paths much for the next 5 or so years, but of course, things change. She's also not very experienced with relationships. I guess I was just looking for some validation that it can work. On the one hand, I can see exactly sarah's point - that when you build your relationship solely on communication, it can probably do wonders. On the other hand, I can also see how the frustration with lack of physical proximity (not even necessarily intimacy) can take its toll. It's been a long time since I was in a LDR and things were different then, I've kind of forgotten what it was like.

ggmae · September 2009

My favorite LDR-related quote is:"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough."I turned to this quote a lot during my LDR with DH.

bobbileighb · September 2009

To sosweet's point moving in together was the hardest. I had lived on my own for 3 years already and he lived with his parents. His mom is very motherly while mine not as much. I was not used to some of the things he was used to or at first maybe expected (ie. someone doing your laundry for you, cooking you dinner, making sure you have toilet paper and shampoo) his mom did all this and I am very independent. His mom also stayed home and took care of the house while I work 45-60 hour weeks depending on the time of year. There was definately an adjustment period for both of us.

Long distance relationships

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