Someone sway me (kids v no kids again...)

LoveTea · September 2009

people who don't want (family) kids at the wedding always seem boring and selfish to me. (blunt but honest truth)

Aly217 · September 2009

no kids! i've been to too many weddings where the kids have over taken the dance floor or made a scene. its a formal event, not a birthday party.

amkdp101 · September 2009

NO KIDS! Would you take kids to a bar for the evening? I know that weddings are usually classier then a bar but it's the same idea. Open bar, music, some adults that don't exactly act aprropriatly when they've had a few. It just isn't a child friendly environment. We had the same debate and came to the conclusion that it's an adult evening with our close friends and family. Not that we don't love their kids. It was just our choice for alot of reasons.

SpringBride1114 · September 2009

Oh man, this (other than money) is my BIGGEST stress so far. FI wants kids, I really do not. Not that I don't love his rediculous large family with tons of kids, but I don't love the idea of screaming/carring on durring the ceremony, running crazy on the dance floor, hiding under tables, fingers in the cake, messes on my dress and all that other stuff that kids do. It's an ongoing thing in my mind, but I have kind of decided to leave it to the parents. Ceremony starting at 6:30, reception until midnight, open bar, about an hour drive for most, ect. I think I will adress the invites to Mr. & Mrs. so and so, if they reply back with kids then oh well for me, they are bringing kids. Or maybe they will only bring older children that would actually know what is going on and how to behave.

Jax333 · September 2009

totally agree with the birthday party comment...lol...kids should never be around where there are adults drinking

Jax333 · September 2009

i also think its selfish to assume people will accommodate your children at their wedding...esp. considering most people these days dont even watch their children in public

kfarris78 · September 2009

I say NO NO NO KIDS!!!!! I too get annoyed with kids at weddings, running around, crying, screaming, and the most important.....THEY GET BORED!!!!! I want my adults to have a great adult evening and they can get their kids a sitter and have a "date" night. Just my opinion though obviously but my wedding is no kids, WITH the exception of my usher, flower girl, and ring B. What ever you chose don't let people/family make you feel guilty!!!Hope you get some perspective and decide what is right for you!!!

gr1angel · September 2009

When you picture your reception do you see you being the center of attention and dancing and drinking and having a good time? Or do you see a bunch of kids running around and having a good time yelling and playing and being adorable? Both options are good. I am having kids at my wedding. good luck.

reddy123 · September 2009

No one is listening to ac_in_dc! gr1angel- even if one has kids on their wedding I'm pretty sure they will still be the center of attention... not all kids are wild banshees that take over wherever they go. I agree with the post above that said kids can dress up and act/play adult for one night of their lives, feel a part of the family, and understand what a wedding/marriage is. Did none of you go to weddings as children and do you not have great memories that are shaping your planning today??? I see some of you maybe want bar or club atmospheres at your late receptions (.....how inappropriate are you planning to get in front of your grandma?), okay fine no kids, but otherwise I vote kids YES. Just because you were afraid of kidzillas or don't prefer children, some of your important guests may not come.

bridalninja7 · September 2009

I say no to kids...we chose to say no kids under 12 becasue our venue charges per person whether they're 22 years or months old!! We just cannot afford to add 15-20 kids to our guest list. As well, we want our guests to have fun and drink and dance!!! You cannot possibly do that while watching a 4 year old. I would rather have the wedding of our dreams WITHOUT kids than settle for okay with kids invited. Hope this helps...good luck:)

drackow · September 2009

I have about 20 first cousins on my mom's side alone, ranging from 1 year old to 23 years old. We're all extremely close, but inviting them all would have been a huge expense, and my dad wasn't thrilled with the idea of a bunch of kids running around a black tie wedding that went til 1am. Even though I love all my cousins to death, I have to admit, my dad was right. We imposed an age limit - no one under 14 was invited (except for my jr bridesmaid, who was 11). I did not have a flower girl or ring bearer, because I did not want to choose between my many cousins who are all the appropriate age. I am SO glad we went this route, because my family was able to enjoy the evening without worrying about their little ones.

o2Sara · September 2009

We got married a few months ago and we didn't have kids at our wedding. I really didn't have any kids coming from my side but my husband comes from a huge family and lots of kids. We decided no kids for a couple of reasons- 1.) the money- adding 15 kids or more to your guest list is a huge amount of money especially when you are paying by the head, do you really want to pay for 15 kids to have a steak when they probably will only take two bites of it? 2.) The parents of the kids- i think that it would take away from the the parents of the kids having a good time, always having to watch them and then having to leave early cuz of the kids. 3.) The bar- having kids where you are having a open bar i thought wasn't the right thing. Just adults getting drunk around children just didn't seem right. I mean don't get me wrong i love kids they are great to have around but we ended up getting so many "thank yous" for not having kids. They said it was great to finally get away from the kids and a night for couples to just have fun and be adults with not worries of kids. I think there was few who thought it was weird, but whatever you think is the right descion is the way you should go. After all it is YOUR wedding, do what makes you happy!

BoricuaHunnie · September 2009

I love children, I really do. Im actually a PTA mom and fiance is a PTA dad, my fiance and I already have a 5 year old. Anyway, I say no children under 10. Parents tend to ingnore children when they are having a good time. Also, I dont believe open bars in the evening are even appropriate for young children. It would be like having a whole classroom running around your reception.

[Deleted User] · September 2009

Im having the same issue. My fiance teaches karate and there are so many great great kids that i just adore who saw him propose and talk to me about my dress and i would love to have there, while there are children from my family that i can absolutely live without on my wedding day. what weve decided is that we are going to have an open ceremony so that the families and kids from the karate studio will be able to see "the magic" part, the dress the kiss. all the stuff they understand. but the reception is pretty much adults only (we have two girls coming from out of state who will need to stay with their parents)some people think its not fair but we genuinely want these people to be a part of the day, and for the most part everyone completely understands how much a budget comes into play.Hope this helps!

raspberiswrl · September 2009

Hi everyone! I am glad to see this is such a popular subject that has garnered a lot of opinions because my fiance & I have been back and forth on this issue since becoming engaged. I have always been a "no kids" kind of girl anyway, and he's down with that - especially as we are Catholic and Catholic wedding masses are long. We sit through hour-long masses every week at church and are constantly annoyed by children who DO NOT want to be there and for some reason, their parents refuse to sit in the cry room. I grew up Catholic, have seen this happen my whole life and it's the #1 reason I knew I didn't want kids at my wedding. (Not to mention that a cousin's child screamed "WHY ARE WE HERE?!" and "NOOOOOOOOO!" during my cousin's wedding two years ago and then a year later, during my father's memorial service, he behaved similarly with no repercussions from mom and dad.) By now you can probably sense how I feel about that particular cousin and her child. My mom says that putting "no kids" on the invitations will actually cut out at least a few of the guests I don't necessarily care to see but had to invite anyway. That's not why we're going with no kids, though - it really is the potential noise during our ceremony and the fact that we're having an open bar at a reception venue that's literally perched atop a hill in Austin. The venue has a porch that wraps around the main building, and that porch is literally hanging over the hill - imagine my anxiety about unattended children hanging out on that thing?? That being said, I'm still struggling with the reaction of family members and friends who will be angry at the "no kids" rule. My fiance says he doesn't care, it's our wedding, etc., but I still worry.For you, I say go with your gut. Kids in public bug me 4 out of 5 times anyway, so I suppose it's natural for me to not want them at my event. Guests will respond accordingly and you'll budget accordingly, so really, it takes care of itself. However, whenever I hear open bar, I automatically think no kids.Good luck in your decision!

kristi0412 · September 2009

FI has two kids that are part of our wedding... so we don't want to exlude kids all together, but we are limited on space (the wedding is on a yacht), so we are only inviting cousins children (which totals about 8 kids...) if we invited everyone's kids it would be well over 25 kids. We just can't do that... Hope you figure out what you want with out too much of a headache!

Septwedding09 · September 2009

We are inviting children that are FAMILY. I like the idea of having children, but not so many that it is a circus. I feel at a family event, all family should be invited. And if my cousins (or whoever) wishes to have an "adult night," then they are free to find a babysitter. Keep in mind, when you invite all of your family members to a wedding, finding a babysitter (at least a free one) is hard to come by. I realize people think it's inappropriate to have children at a "bar." I really don't see my reception as taking children to a bar. It is a WEDDING, ie...family celebration. Yes, we have included open bar so adults are welcome to a drink, but at the end of the day this isn't a 21+ club, it's a wedding. Sorry I feel strongly about this. I was always included in family weddings growing up and my brother and I have fond memories of them. And if other people are annoyed, they should realize that children ARE part of society and don't need to be placed in the corner.

natsme6578 · September 2009

The problem really lies with do you want it to be essentially a daycare at your wedding or not. You should limit yourself as to what the age of the youngest kid should be. You'll thank yourself and other's will thank you later. A wedding is not a place for kids.

crysnew · September 2009

For me, it's no for the kids. I want adult conversation and do not want adult guests held captive by a fussy kid. For my fiance, having kids around is like air. They're just there. So in order to compromise, we cut the reception list to a minimum and will hold a day after party that is casual, kids can run around and if there is a "plus one" I won't have a coronary and those we couldn't afford to have at the wedding can still celebrate.

whitney_15545 · September 2009

First off, I absolutely love children and can't wait to be a momma myself. But....NO KIDS!!! First off, my fiance's sister got married last summer and although not many people brought there kids, the ones that did, didnt pay one bit of attention to them!!!!! I think every family has them, the people that don't care what their kids do, dont pay attention to what they do or laugh about something their rugrat is doing that isnt appropriate at all! This drives me absolutely nuts!!! For example, the ring bearer, spit in the collections box at the rehearsal, and at the reception, he ran around and would step on or stand on the brides dress! The parents didnt care at all and were actually amused. EXACTLY why NO KIDS are invited to our wedding. My future mother in law is not very happy about this but ya know what, its my day and I'm not going to let uncontrolable children ruin it. You can't not invite one persons kids and invite the rest so we are setting an age cutoff. It won't be 18 though. I think 10 or 12 is an appropritate age. There are some out of town guests that do have children and we havent really figured out what to do about this. I don't mind the crying of infants, just the older ones that do whatever they please because their parents dont pay a bit of attention. I feel like parents should want to spend a nice evening out, have a couple drinks and enjoying themselves with other adults (some people do this anyway and bring their kids and just ignore them) so they should leave them at home and get a babysitter. If people are going to decline their invitation to our wedding because their kids arent invited, then they can go for it. Unfortunately, those couple of bratty kids that dont listen or whose parents dont care, ruined it for the rest of the behaved children population.

chest173 · September 2009

We don't plan on having kids, except our son,(who will be allmost 3 and only stay through dinner) for these reasons. 1. budget...adding kids obviously adds money 2. the only people that have children young enough to have to hire a babysitter for, are all in the wedding party. They don't want to have to watch over them while getting ready and throughout the night 3. I've been to weddings with kids and without them, and the ones with kids, you weren't able to dance because the dancefloor was the only are they could play in, they do yell and scream(if for no other reason than they get to stay up past their bedtime), and I see it as a night out for a couple who does have kids.

thomasandkaren · September 2009

I have read a lot of the posts and I have 3 questions: 1) If you are leaving it up to the couple whether or not they want to bring their kids, how do you do that? Do you put that on the invite? A seperate line for kids? 2) If I only want to allow family and close friends to bring their kids, how do I only leave it open to them? 3) How do I invite a friend who is single and who I know will be single...how do I just leave the invite open for her and not her and her new boyfriend of one week? If she will know a lot of people at the wedding, I dont think it is necissary for her to invite a total stranger. Do i just do the invite for only her and not leave it open to another guest? Thanks. A lot of the above posts were great and made it sound so simple to just invite some kids and not others and to only invite a friend but not her new boyfriend. How do I do all this and not offend anyone?

mrstarawalsh · September 2009

I have a child who will be 3 at the time of our "wedding". I can't imagine excluding him or any of my friend's children from the reception or ceremony. Kids are fun, kids are kids. I'm actually quite shocked that many people have considered not having children there. To me a wedding is a family event, and to disclude children is to disclude parts of your family. To me that's not acceptable for my wedding. I'll have several children under the age of 5 there (3 neices under 2, my son, my son's playmate who's 4, my friend's children who are under 3, etc.). Although reading through the responses I had never thought to hire a sitter to be on site. I think that's a wonderful idea! But I have the luxury of having the space for such a thing...

soon2bemrsclw3 · September 2009

going through the same thing, girl....115 without kids, approximately 30 additional heads with kids, ranging from 18 YO to months old....We have decided to have kids there. We were going to do the babysitter in another room, but we already got the whole "I dont trust anyone with my kids" schpiel. Then, the place that we are having the reception overlooks DC and has a balcony where guests can mingle, but another person has already passed the comment that its not exactly "kid friendly." Oh well! We are giving people the option to bring their kids, but once we have exhausted all options, we can only plan for what we want. Someone is always going to be upset. The thought of sooo many kids running around at the wedding does frighten me a little, but it will all work out! Good luck!

anikamark · September 2009

A hard decision, but you can't make everyone happy! Think of those closest to you.My fiance and I chose to have our nieces and nephews (ages 2-8) in our ceremony and introduced at the reception. They will get to dance to the intro song, be fed, then swept away for a night of movies, games and popcorn by trusted sitters. We paid for this as a gift to our brothers and sisters who are in our bridal party. All other kids aren't invited (unless still nursing). We asked our Mothers to spread the "no-kids invited" word rather than posting it anywhere. I will let you know how it goes in 11 days!

Sweetcheeks521 · September 2009

Hi Temerityjane, The bottom line is it's your wedding and do what you and your fiance want. We are having an adults only reception. I have younger niece and my fiance has a younger nephew and niece and they are in the wedding but are leaving after they eat. I'm sure it's easy to cave in to pressure from someone saying that you should have kids but the decision is ultimately up to you. I think that you should have someone ask you what's the first thing that pops in your head when you think about having kids there or better yet, put kids and no kids in a hat and decide that way

Good luck with everything!

katelyn_alameda · September 2009

I would choose kids. You have your whole life to be adults. Don't you want to dance with everyone? :-)

MSBRYAN · September 2009

This was a battle with the htb...he has an 8yr old half sister and did not want it to be an issue where his father wouldn't come to the wedding with a NO kids rule. I held my ground - our venue screams no children! Our venue is a modern downtown chicago hotel, it's open bar, cocktail hour is passed hor' dourves, a raw bar etc... I painted a total adventures in babysitting scene for him with children running around michigan ave because their parents weren't minding them every second or better yet (and very realistic) getting into the elevator and roaming the hotel floors... the elevators to hotel rooms are just steps outside the ballroom. It has nothing to do with money our children guest list is maybe 15 - it is totally a preference...Adult party with Adults Only!

blondetigger000 · September 2009

My future hubby and I are not really into children, there are only 5 younger cousins that we could include. But most of our friends have 2-3 some have 4 children each. We opted for no children at all. Most of the children of our friends are obnixous and out of control. That would be a disaster

Someone sway me (kids v no kids again...)

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