Bridal Shower Touchy Subject.

jasmineh7777 · September 2009

You're not "giving up" anything paying for your own wedding. You are an adult. It is your responsibility to pay for your own wedding. Explain to your family that you only feel comfortable inviting people to the shower who are also invited to the wedding. Saying that gifts are optional won't help the situation. Gifts are always optional, and shouldn't be mentioned on an invitation.

*BeachBride0410* · September 2009

Thank you gkb0910, that is what I suggested!

eastunder1 · September 2009

I would offer solutions to this problem, but seeing how invitations have already been bought, everything is clearly set in stone. Um, grow a pair and stand up to your mom and sister? Tell them you can't have all these extra people at your shower? Isnt this obvious?

gkb0910 · September 2009

Beach-I don't understand why she's completely ignored that solution!

NuggetBrain · September 2009

Because she's mad we didn't shower her with rainbows and puppies and say everything was going to be okay and *hugzzzzzzzzzz*

duckie1905 · September 2009

I really want a shower. It would kill me to not have that tradition to go along with my wedding. Really? You would die? Promise?You sound like a bratty, gift-grabby jerk which, incidentally, is how your not-good-enough-to-be-invited-to-the-wedding-but-good-enough-to-buy-me-presents guests will see you too.Do you want a medal for paying for own wedding too? Do you want everyone to fall over yourself and tell you how you can do whatever you want because you have sacrificed so much.Get.over.yourself.

punkyb2b · September 2009

How is decreasing the size of the shower guest list eliminating a shower? Are you not inviting anyone to your wedding? I'll echo what you already know...its rude to invite people to a shower that arent invited to the wedding. You know that. your family needs to get that. Tell them this and if they argue say you will not go. They will either cut the list or not throw you one. I'm gonna guess they go with the first option. Unless they suck.

banana468 · September 2009

Because gb that isn't a solution. It's saying that it's OK to play pretend.If she knowingly attends when she's aware that there will be people invited who are not invited to the wedding then she's guilty of being rude.If she says, "Mom and sis, I'm not going to attend the shower if you invite people to it who aren't invited to the wedding. Here is the guest list and please don't invite people who aren't on it," and Mom and sis agree and then ignore her, Mom and sis are at fault.Does that make sense?

humblebtuna · September 2009

I just explained to my sister that either they invite just the wedding invites or I don't want a shower. I don't appreciate people judging me when no one knows me. I asked for your advice with my opinionated family who is paying for the shower and are putting me in a compromising situation. And how to remedy it without cancelling the shower. I explained in my original post that I was fine with just inviting those invited people that are invited to the wedding. Thanks again for all that helped.

tidetravel · September 2009

The point of a bridal shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. If you don't want the gifts, there is no point in having a bridal shower. I feel like most people should understand that we simply cannot invite everyone And you should understand that it is rude to say, "Hey come party with me, and bring a gift. Oh, BTW - you can't come to the wedding because you're not important enough for us to pay to feed, but I hope you have a great time at my party."

NuggetBrain · September 2009

I still want to know how many people you invited to your wedding and what your budget is.

cdeshane · September 2009

You sound like a bratty, gift-grabby jerk which, incidentally, is how your not-good-enough-to-be-invited-to-the-wedding-but-good-enough-to-buy-me-presents guests will see you too.Neener neener neener You can't come to my wedding but I will take your presents.

gkb0910 · September 2009

banana-what you said makes sense, but she can't control her mom and sister's actions, especially if they are so set on opposing basic etiquette. I guess saying you won't come if they invite others is taking it a step further, but really, you may not know if they do.

banana468 · September 2009

Humbletuna, it sounds like you came to a resolution.I think you may have confused a lot of people by your wording - hence the response.

duckie1905 · September 2009

I asked for your advice with my opinionated family who is paying for the shower and are putting me in a compromising situation. See, but the real problem is: you are putting yourself in a compromising situation by not standing up to your mother and sister.Instead we get: WAAAAAAA! I will DIE without a shower. WAAAAAAAA!

salt78 · September 2009

[i]They will either cut the list or not throw you one.[/i] But if they don't throw her one she will DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.....

banana468 · September 2009

The issue is calling them on it that's all. I'd trust my femily to do what I requested when it comes to etiquette but that doesn't mean that I'd trust someone like a coworker.

cdeshane · September 2009

You asked for etiquette advice on an etiquette forum, ignored it, and said poor me and now want people to feel bad for JUDGING you?

punkyb2b · September 2009

Wait...arent you dead either way? you said if guests come that arent invited to your wedding, your FI will kill you. But if you dont have a shower you will DIE! Can you look at the bright side? Lets say you dont get a shower so no one gets you gift. at least you get 10% off your registry if you buy the gifts for yourself!Seriously though, good luck with your mom and sis.

*BeachBride0410* · September 2009

hmmm banana....I don't really agree. I don't know what steps she has taken, but I gave her a suggestion from personal experience.So since I know that their will be people at my shower, who my FMIL invite, even after I told her my feelings on it. I should not show up? I not only would seriously hurt her feelings, but would be very appreciative her gesture to throw me a shower. Plus wasting her $$ and time.So many people on her preach the bride should not throw the shower herself, so I feel that things involving the shower is out of the brides hands. I presented my FMIL with the wedding guest list. She then told me that she will be inviting some of her girlfriends who she has gone to showers for their children, but not been invited to the wedding. Which is a common thing in her small town and friends. I expressed my feelings that it would be rude and do not think it should happen, however she said she was doing it anyway. It is now out of my hands.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · September 2009

I feel like most people should understand that we simply cannot invite everyone Along the same lines, you should understand why people wouldn't want to "shower" you with gifts and then not be invited to a wedding.How are you giving up a lot by paying for your wedding? Do you really think that makes you special? Your guests are giving up a lot of their money to come to your wedding, and my guess is they have to make sacrifices to do that. That's called being an adult. It will not kill you if you don't have a shower. No one on earth has ever died from LOSD (lack of shower disease). If it does kill you, I promise to issue a public apology.

*BeachBride0410* · September 2009

oops sorry for the bold, wasn't bold when I was typing.

duckie1905 · September 2009

So since I know that their will be people at my shower, who my FMIL invite, even after I told her my feelings on it. I should not show up? I not only would seriously hurt her feelings, but would be very appreciative her gesture to throw me a shower. Plus wasting her $$ and time.1. Yes, if she refuses to acknowledge how rude she is being I would decline. 2. Yeah, they'll be even more hurt when they find out they aren't invited to the wedding so only good enough, basically, to buy you presents.

vicmo5 · September 2009

Wow Humble, you really dug your own hole on this one.

humblebtuna · September 2009

Please, people... obviously saying that I'd die was an exhaggeration. Thanks, beach for understanding the situation. No one knows me, no one knows my family. I even expressed that if she won't budge, I want my mom to atleast explain that gifts aren't accepted. To me, a shower is also about showering a bride with love and playing all of the corny games.

humblebtuna · September 2009

"Wow Humble, you really dug your own hole on this one." Yeah, no kidding. Next time I'll think twice about posting here. I thought this thing was for support, not to get ripped a new one.

*BeachBride0410* · September 2009

I am sorry duckie you don't agree and that is fine...but I would never not show up and ruin the relationship with my FMIL. I do not know the people she is inviting, they are her friends, never met them in my life. So if they think I am the rude one, so be it, I wont ever see them again. These are not family members or people I know...

salt78 · September 2009

[i]Yeah, no kidding. Next time I'll think twice about posting here. I thought this thing was for support, not to get ripped a new one. [/i] We don't support terrible ideas.

tidetravel · September 2009

To me, a shower is also about showering a bride with love and playing all of the corny games. I promise that for your guests, its a gift giving occasion, and a painful one at that.

*BeachBride0410* · September 2009

I did suggest not having a shower, but the look in my FMIL killed me inside.

Bridal Shower Touchy Subject.

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