vent about kids at the wedding
*sigh* I really don't want kids at our wedding. we're paying what I think is a lot of money and I'd like everyone to enjoy themselves and have a good time - not focus on running around after little kids. The venue is a winery - so that's not the most child friendly place anyway.
Probably not the most polite thing...but - we added a little insert when we sent our invitations saying that it was an adult ceremony/reception at a winery and that we'd prefer if folks made arrangements ahead of time etc. We also said that we understood that not everyone could make arrangements, but that they should feel free to contact us and we'd help with arrangements locally - at a place very close to the venue. We also made sure to address the invites only to the parents - no "and family"
My cousin's wife just called...and she’s like...what about kid’s I’m like...well - we can arrange babysitting services here the day of the wedding etc so you can go and enjoy yourself...
She’s like...well...because we have a live in nanny - our kid's never gone to daycare - no one but the nanny, and her and her husband have ever watched their 16 month old. She said - he will just cry and cry and freak out at anyone else.
So she proceeds to see if there was just a place that she could stand nearby to watch the ceremony and then leave after.
it was suuuper awkward - cause I just don’t want kids - period.i tried to explain that there really wasn’t any where to go hide 
and it’s like...I just don’t want children there.
*sigh* I feel like some horrible mean person...but...i can’t' make exceptions for one person since there are other people with kids.
aack
223 invited
139 are ready to party! 
87 have better things to do 
4 cannot find the mailbox RSVP Date: July 20
Re: vent about kids at the wedding
RSVP Date: July 20
Bio, now with married pics...
Just making sure.... your wedding isn't 5 days is it??? She's just choosing to stay at the winery that long?
I'm assuming the ceremony is on private property? If it's not, I don't think you can actually tell her she can't bring her child to the ceremony, but I'm assuming it's private.
I actually think it's really sweet that she wants to see the ceremony and is willing to skip the party part as to not bring her child to your reception... but if you bend for her you're going to set a precedent, so I say stick to your guns. You're sorry but you can't accomodate the child... you hope she can still make it but you understand if she can't.
This.
How old is this kid, 16 months did you say?
Children are welcome to the Barbeque on Sunday the 26th.
RSVP Date: July 20
Like everyone has said, if having kids is really going to be an issue for you, stick to your guns and enforce the rule for everyone. In the end it is you and your hubby's day.
You already know the insert is against etiquette so there's no need to harp on it. It is nice to at least give people options and let them know what's what.
I can see a mother being reluctant to trust a 16 month old with an unknown sitter. You might just need to face the reality that either they won't come and/or she could have hurt feelings over it.
But if you cave for her, you're going to feel pressured to cave to anyone with children at or inside that relationship circle (and first cousin's children is already a pretty wide circle).
So I'd get your curteous but firm face on...
[QUOTE]What I'm planning on doing is calling the people who have small children (under 15) and telling them that because the reception is going to be on a yacht, the it will be adult only, that way parents can relax, drink, have a good time and not be chasing after their kids. [/QUOTE]
ooooh... I wouldn't say all that when you call. You're presuming that being without their kids will make them more happy and relaxed. Not only could some find it insulting, it might open it up to "oh, well if you don't want them there for my sake, don't worry! I definitely want them there so I'll bring them."
Address the invites to just who is invited. Call them and tell them adults only <em>only </em>after they've wrongly RSVPd with their kids or they ask you specifically. And even then tell them the invite was only for the parents, sorry for the confusion, hope they can still come, thanks!
It's just best not to give reasons. Then people have no opportunity to try to worm their kids in around your "reason".
RSVP Date: July 20
[QUOTE]<strong>What I'm planning on doing is calling the people who have small children (under 15) and telling them that because the reception is going to be on a yacht, the it will be adult only, that way parents can relax, drink, have a good time and not be chasing after their kids.</strong> Also only one particular relative has terrible terrible children who I can see pushing another kid off the boat or stabbing them with butterknives or something. The only kids allowed are the ones who were in the wedding because FL is coming from other side of the country and RB lives almost an hour away from where the wedding will be. This has been done before in my family so the only person who might have an issue with this is my drama loving relative with the terrible children. One of my cousin's had a line that said adult only reception, which is supposed to be a faux pas, but I dont think anybody cared. Like everyone has said, if having kids is really going to be an issue for you, stick to your guns and enforce the rule for everyone. In the end it is you and your hubby's day.
Posted by michellesean[/QUOTE]
This is a very rude plan.
Here's how to not invite kids:
1. Address the invitation to Mr. & Mrs. Smith only.
2. On the RSVP card, you can say <u>2</u> seats have been reserved in your honor, to attempt to head off any potential misinterpretation of who Mr. & Mrs. Smith means. Or even fill out the RSVP card with the names for them.
It is <u>rude</u> to put inserts in the invitation the way OP did.
The only time it warrants a phone call is if you get an RSVP back and the guest has indicated that she plans to bring her kiddos. Then you call and say, "I'm sorry for the confusion, but the invitation was only meant for you and John." If they start giving you a sob story about babysitters, or how I'll-never-ever-leave-my-child-with-someone-else is their strict parenting style, or start coming up with ideas to bend your rules, you respond with "I'm sorry - I understand that you don't want to leave Billy alone. <u>We'll miss you</u>."
Michelle, please don't be rude by calling your guests as soon as they get their invitation to give them a lecture about who you're not inviting and why. This is insulting to the people who will read the envelope and understand what it means.
I know it's against etiquette to indicate "no kids" on an invitation, but this just goes to show, some people just don't get it. Even when it's clearly spelled out.
[QUOTE]<strong>If your cousin/wife have set up their lives such that they have a child that they can never leave with a babysitter, then they've elected not to attend events such as yours. No sympathy.</strong>
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]
What wonderful wording to describe it!
[QUOTE]i know...it was really sad that we had to figure out a way with the insert thing and i know it came off as snotty...i just dind't know what else to do - ( folks in my fam i guess didn't understand the concept of an adult ceremony/reception. i dont know if that's a culture thing or what's the deal). Several people we invited still don't understand that if the invitation is addressed to them - its only for them, not for their kids or other friends of theirs non SO or people they are dating)...we've already had people ask about brining ranom people..someone asked about brining their co worker..ugh sorry i mispoke - the insert read: The venue is a winery and we will be having an adult only ceremony and reception. We want all parents attending to enjoy themselves. Please make prior arrangements. We do understand that not everyone can make arrangements for child care for this day. We will assist with child care arrangements locally in Oregon for the day of the wedding. *Please Note* it may not be on-site at the venue. Should you need assistance, please contact us. Children are welcome to the Barbeque on Sunday the 26 th . :( i trully hope that's not as bad as it seems. theres a huuuge cultural divide for my family..and i tried so hard to put things in a way that both families would figure out the plan the wedding is on a sat and then we're having a bbq the next day so folks can mingle longer since the venue closes at 10pm on sat. the bbq is totally optional though since folks are travelling from out of town. it's up to them if they'd like to come or not. the winery will be closed to the public for the day of the wedding - so i dunno if its a private property or not..? her baby is 16 months old
Posted by TheShadyYvonne[/QUOTE]<div>
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</div><div>Just my opinion. If I receive a wedding invitation with that insert I wouldn't think it's snotty at all. I think it makes sense and I'm someone that is having kids at the wedding. Hopefully that'll make you feel a little better.
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I'm sure other people's kids would have had a great time but I didn't know them and I wasn't paying for anymore kids -- I already had 20 cousin's kids. We offered to have babysitters. In the end, the parents all opted not to have the sitters and the kids had a blast. One family preferred a sitter, they took care of it on their own.
Basically, no matter how generous you are, someone always wants more. Pick what works best for you.
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[QUOTE]*sigh* I really don't want kids at our wedding. we're paying what I think is a lot of money and I'd like everyone to enjoy themselves and have a good time - not focus on running around after little kids. The venue is a winery - so that's not the most child friendly place anyway. Probably not the most polite thing...but - we added a little insert when we sent our invitations saying that it was an adult ceremony/reception at a winery and that we'd prefer if folks made arrangements ahead of time etc. We also said that we understood that not everyone could make arrangements, but that they should feel free to contact us and we'd help with arrangements locally - at a place very close to the venue. We also made sure to address the invites only to the parents - no "and family" My cousin's wife just called...and she’s like...what about kid’s I’m like...well - we can arrange babysitting services here the day of the wedding etc so you can go and enjoy yourself... She’s like...well...because we have a live in nanny - our kid's never gone to daycare - no one but the nanny, and her and her husband have ever watched their 16 month old. She said - he will just cry and cry and freak out at anyone else. So she proceeds to see if there was just a place that she could stand nearby to watch the ceremony and then leave after. it was suuuper awkward - cause I just don’t want kids - period.i tried to explain that there really wasn’t any where to go hide :| and it’s like...I just don’t want children there. *sigh* I feel like some horrible mean person...but...i can’t' make exceptions for one person since there are other people with kids. aack
Posted by TheShadyYvonne[/QUOTE]
I am only having my son ( who will be 14) and my niece and my nephew at the wedding - niece and nephew will have no one to watch them - and they both have parts in the wedding - no other kids are invited - Every wedding I have ever been to the kids take over the dance floor or are little terrors running all over and the parents can't have fun - or other people can't dance for fear of knocking them over on the dance floor - so you are not the only that wants a kid free wedding... and the kids I will have will be fine
[QUOTE]People say its rude to include an insert in the invitation. I disargee. We did not include a insert because I kept reading how it was bad etiquette, so I addressed the invitations to Mr and Mrs X. I didnt include "and family". You would seriously be shocked by how many guests rsvp'ed with thier kids. I honestly think you have to be straight forward and put that kindof information right on the invitation or on a insert. If I could do it again, our invitation would have an "Adult Only Reception" line on the bottom!
Posted by cjkostiuk[/QUOTE]
Hi. This is the etiquette board. We provide advice based upon proper etiquette. If you do not agree, that's your (bad) prerogative. However, do not think that we are wrong.
Wedding stuff.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: vent about kids at the wedding : Hi. This is the etiquette board. We provide advice based upon proper etiquette. If you do not agree, that's your (bad) prerogative. However, do not think that we are wrong.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]
i wouldn't say it's a "bad" prerogative. I think, as OP is experiencing, that sometimes you need to throw etiquette to the wind and do what's right for you. Etiquette may be cut-and-dried, but life is not.
Many of my friends have kids... I have a 9 year old [ he is in the wedding ] ...But if i invite all of them it will be a romper room ...So if they would like to come and cant tear themselves away from their kids then sadly they wont be coming and I've already excepted it ...
Isn't it a law that liquor/wine cannot be served unless you are 21 or older?
I'd stick to my guns...doesn't matter if the kid is 16 years old or 16 months old.
RSVP Date: July 20