this feels like bizarro-world

sisybermudiana · September 2009

I'm a long time lurker (like more than 2 years) and now that my wedding is less than a year away, I have actual WR problems. WTH. We booked a venue a year ago. They changed caterers and their prices almost doubled. For 200 people, we said thanks but no thanks. The past few weeks, we've been to countless venues, entertained a destination wedding (we met in Bermuda, so it seemed like a good idea) and exhausted a lot of options. We are really, really lucky because my parents offered to pay up to a certain (generous) dollar amount. We live in a pretty expensive area and have a ton of must-invite family (his dad is one of 14!), so in the end we decided to JOP it and have dinner with like 30 people (parents, siblings and our would-be bridal party) which would save my parents 95% of the budget. My mom is not talking to me and thinks I'm acting "completely spoiled." WTF?! Seriously, how is this unreasonable? Also I am KUI.

crfische · September 2009

Soo...what are you asking. If JOP and dinner is unreasonable? No, it's not. Sounds like a plan to me.

shanwalk2 · September 2009

They're fronting that much money because they probably want to see you have that "most magical day wedding". My mom would be upset too, honestly. I'm not saying your wrong, but I can see why she's upset.

tidetravel · September 2009

Sounds like she was looking forward to living vicariously through you. Or showing off to her friends. Is it the JOP that is upsetting her, or missing out on the "big shebang."

shanwalk2 · September 2009

Sounds like she was looking forward to living vicariously through you. Or showing off to her friends. ^This is what I was trying to say, but it didn't work out... I need to go back to sleep.

mocha beans · September 2009

I think Tide hit it on the head, she wants to have the wedding she didn't.Sounds like a JOP is fine. Maybe do a very casual open house afterwards?

Brie2010 · September 2009

That sucks, I'm sorry. You are not being unreasonable.That said, my mom would be really pissed if I did this. She's also paying for the bulk of our wedding, and if I said, "hey, we're cancelling everything and JOP-ing it," she would freak. She is just as, if not more, excited for this than I am, and the "but it will save you tons of money" thing wouldn't make her feel any better. She wants me to have my effing pretty princess day and she wants to boast around and be the pretty MOB. Do you genuinely WANT to JOP it or are you just giving up on finding a venue? If you really want to, then you should explain that to her as kindly as possible. If you really do still want to have a bigger wedding and just aren't finding anything, enlist her to help you. That way, if even SHE can't find anything, it's on her, not you.

ootmother2 · September 2009

Look, Brat. Your parents are very nicely offering you a pretty princess day and you don't want it?Take the money and run smart brat!

mrsLesGrossman · September 2009

You're the Trooper from NJ bride! Tell her to STFU unless she is paying for everything. It is very expensive for venues in your area. I know there is a lot of keeping up with the Jonses but she needs to relax.

sisybermudiana · September 2009

It's the "big shebang" thats bothering her. The problem is... 200 people is seriously the absolute minimum and prices around here are crazy. I simply had no idea until I did the research how out of control they were. I grew up thinking that when you throw a party, you treat your guests exeptionally well. But, even on a great budget, throwing this great party for 200 is barely feasible. I would rather throw a great party for 30 than an OK thing for 200. It just makes sense!

sisybermudiana · September 2009

E that's weird! I am not a trooper, and not on NJ Bride. But FI is a trooper in NJ. So now I am wondering if there's a chick trooper who looks like me? Or stole my identity? Because really, who wouldn't want to be me?

tidetravel · September 2009

Have you talked with your mom about the issues you are facing w/ the budget at all? If she's contributing a significant amount to the wedding, she has quite a bit of say in the event. If you decide to JOP it, you need to politely decline her money and pay for the wedding yourself, especially since what you have decided goes against her wishes.

shanwalk2 · September 2009

I'm in total agreement in hosting an awsesome event for 30 than an okay event for 200. However, can this be managed without JOP so mom won't have a panic attack? What about a small ceremony and reception??

sisybermudiana · September 2009

Tide, we've put that out there. She seems adamant. Basically, she's going through hell to give us something lavish. We appreciate it, but don't want it. I am the the worst daughter in the world.

mrsLesGrossman · September 2009

No, your fiance is Trooper in NJ. Remember when I told you how my husband was being chased and they had fun? Well, not fun but he ran from a ticket.

mocha beans · September 2009

How aware of the prices for a wedding in NJ is your mom? If she really wants this big shebang, does she really know how much it's going to cost? I guess if she's still okay with that, I'd go ahead with the big shebang unless it's really something you don't want to do.

tidetravel · September 2009

Hmmm. Moms. I just it's just a matter of sticking to your guns then, if that's the route that you and FI really want to go. She'll come around, maybe.

sisybermudiana · September 2009

E, yeah I remember now! I had less Bacardi in my system then. Mocha, yes, I keep putting the prices in front of her. It's come down to "If you want this wedding, you plan it." And that's bad. My mom is a wonderful human being, pretty much my best friend in the world. I thought that by doing this, I would relieve her of a burden, and now she thinks I am spoiled rotten because I can't make it work somehow. I am really, really confused.

mrsLesGrossman · September 2009

Mocha, per plate, there are NJ venues that are more than Manhattan, $250 a plate there is pretty common.

louisvillebride21 · September 2009

[I]Mocha, per plate, there are NJ venues that are more than Manhattan, $250 a plate there is pretty common[/] WHY??? Are the plates made of gold? I can't even fathom what you could get for that much a person.

mocha beans · September 2009

Good freakin' lord that's alot of money for dinner. And FI was freaking out at first about $20/plate around here...

sisybermudiana · September 2009

Yeah, I didn't want to talk cash, but that's some of the shiit we are looking at. Minimum for NJ or Philly metro area is regularly $150pp, not to mention the extras... It's insane. I can't cut the guest list, and I can't have it in a fire hall. I would rather give up the pretty princess day and save some money!

ootmother2 · September 2009

Okay, I'm MOB and am totally innocent of shoving a big fancy wedding on my daughter. It was THEIR wedding and we said she could have the wedding the way she & her FI wanted.They wanted big blowout party. so they had it. we paid. everyone happy

mrsLesGrossman · September 2009

They are crazy, that is why. I don't know what they are thinking since sometimes the food isn't that good. Sorry I mentioned prices, it is hard for knotties in other areas to get your frustration without explaining how expensive it is.

jessjo04 · September 2009

JOP =/= spoiled AT ALL. You are being the reasonable one.

A-D · September 2009

I thought our $69 all-inclusive pp was expensive... $250, I can't even look at that, it's making me cross-eyed. I'd JOP it if those were my options. Fo' sho'. PS... dumb question, WTH does KUI mean???

sisybermudiana · September 2009

I guess that's the big issue. In reality, we DO want a blowout party. We want it to be INSANE. But at these prices, with this amount of people, it's just not possible. 200 people, on this budget, is going to really close, if not impossile, so we came up with the next best thing. Telling my mom that virtually crushed her. I hate seeing her upset. I thought I had successfully eradicated my emnotions, but apparently not.

sisybermudiana · September 2009

A-D: I am knotting under the influence. I have cried more tonight in the past six months, so why not medicate with rum? Only because I am out of Stoli.

ExpatPumpkin · September 2009

I see a DW in your future

That's what we did because the home wedding would have been out-of-control, and neither of us wanted the whole big wedding show or to spend that much money...

shanwalk2 · September 2009

it sounds like your mom realizes you can't get what you want for the wedding - and maybe there is a bit of sadness she can't afford more? Like tide said, she'll come around. Do what you want to do. We had a guest list of 70 because I wanted to be able to give those 70 people the best time I could. I don't regret it at all. If you have the vision - follow through and do what you want. Your mom will end up happy for you.

kinsey0628 · September 2009

"I guess that's the big issue. In reality, we DO want a blowout party. We want it to be INSANE. But at these prices, with this amount of people, it's just not possible. 200 people, on this budget, is going to really close, if not impossile, so we came up with the next best thing."AND"I grew up thinking that when you throw a party, you treat your guests exeptionally well. But, even on a great budget, throwing this great party for 200 is barely feasible. I would rather throw a great party for 30 than an OK thing for 200."SOO -- I am playing Devil's Advocate... or maybe this might help you see why your mom is upset?BUT --- those two quotes of yours above make it seem like you are choosing lavish accoutrements over more people at your wedding. is that the case at all?The "next best thing" is a smaller wedding? Not just as big a wedding, but not as luxurious? does treating your guests exceptionally well mean you have to spend $$$$$$ on them? there is no way to have as many people, but on a cheaper budget?Maybe [k]not! You could be totally 100% right, but even if you are --- any situation can be improved by understanding the other person's point of view -- and this is just my hypothesis of what it could be (your mom's POV that is)?GL

this feels like bizarro-world

Re: this feels like bizarro-world

Choose Another Board

Search Boards