Venting

krwinningham · August 2010

I'm marrying my best friend on 1/22/11 & am having 6 bridesmaids, 3 of which are sisters. All of the bridesmaids' dresses have been ordered except one of my sister's. This past Friday she said she was available to go on Sunday so I booked an appointment for today. I told her about the costs, the little time it would take, etc, all on Friday & confirmed the time again yesterday - we agreed it was going to be a "sister date" for the dress & coffee/chat time following.

There was a huge accident on the tollroad to get there about an hour before, so I sent her a text message & called & left a voicemail telling her to meet at my house & I'll take the back way to get there..no answer. Twenty minutes later I called again to let her know that I had left the house since I hadn't heard from her & will just meet her there. I get to the salon on time - 10 minutes goes by, no answer..30 minutes, she's not responding to my call.

An hour later she calls & says she forgot..no I'm sorry, no lets reschedule, nothing. She went to the gym, forgot her phone at home, & was now drenched in sweat. Operation BM dress completion - FAIL.

A few months ago my mom showed up to my only dress appointment an hour late, after I had found my dream dress & finished everything. Minus my amazing grandmother, my family has had zero interest in anything to do with the wedding. My fiance's family has made every effort to be involved or at least encouraging to both of us.

Am I the only one? I was mad at first, but I didn't raise my voice or be mean to her when she called..I'm really just hurt.

MsLaura31 · August 2010

It sucks when your family isn't super interested... Especially for a bride, since the stereotype is that her family will be more involved. I would be pretty bummed, too. However, not all families are into the traditional details that are so exciting to you.... But that doesn't mean they don't love you. It sounds like you're a very organized planner, and maybe they just aren't.

You don't really have to be there with your sister when she gets measured for the dress, right? One of my BMs is in Houston and another in DC. I doubt if I'll see either of their dresses before the wedding day, other than a camera phone picture. I'd say give her the order due date, and step back. Maybe ask another sister to call and remind her closer to that date. Unless she doesn't want to be in the wedding (which I doubt since she's already agreed to be a BM) or is completely incompetent, she'll get the dress.

The bright side is that you DO have your best friend (FI), amazing grandmother, and you're marrying into a family that loves you and is excited for you! Try to remind yourself of that when you get down. Hopefully, it will help a little.

JennaV26 · August 2010

I hear ya girl. Right after I got engaged my family got involved in a lawsuit so my wedding took to the backburner for a couple of months and I was definitely bummed out about it.

Try to stay focused on the people who are excited for you and really take the time to enjoy planning your wedding, even if some members of your family aren't as excited as you had hoped.

krwinningham · August 2010

Yeah, I'm fine with her going by herself, but she wasn't.

Thanks for the kind words & reminders, ladies! I do appreciate it.

DFWIndian · August 2010

I'm sorry to hear that too. It seems like you made every effort to make it as easy as possible for your sister. I can't believe she would just flake on you like that. It seems a little unorthodox, but have you thought about getting her measurements and then just ordering the dress for her. I know it's a lot more effort on your part, but that way you or her doesn't have to pay for a rush delivery?
I hope things work out for the best! Glad you found your dress on the first go! I had to find "the dress" then make my mom come to the store to see it before I bought it. Luckily she liked it because she didn't know I already bought it.

Terriniski · August 2010

You're not the only one - my family was very similar, and as a result, I just didn't involve them in anything more than was necessary and tried to make it so that all they had to do was show up on the day-of. When it came time to picking BM dresses, my sisters resisted going to the store and one rolled her eyes the whole time. There was familial expectation that my sisters would be BMs, but neither of them wanted to participate in the process. They basically just wanted to show up on the day-of. And so that's how it turned out. I had one fight with the sister that was my MOH, and it was pointless. She just laughed that I was taking planning too seriously. I should have set expectations for them when I started planning and then I would have known better how to proceed. Once I figured out that they didn't care, I emotionally distanced myself from involving them.

krwinningham · August 2010

DFW: I've ordered one of my other sister's dress that way since she was out of state. I didn't think about doing that for this one since she's so close, but great idea! I am going to tell her she'll need to go by herself by a certain date & if it doesn't happen, then I'll order it for her. I'm glad your mom liked your dress!

Terri: That's crazy that they would act that way! Maybe it's just normal that others don't care as much until they're in the same situation. I think the emotionally distancing from their involvement will be the best way for me as well. Otherwise, I'm just going to resent them.

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