Reception Time Etiq

fangsiting · September 2009

So you are offering heavy apps, but lying on the invitation in hopes that people will go eat during the break instead of eating the food at the reception?!? I'm sorry, but that is messed up. Heavy apps are fine, but don't lie on your invitation about what you are serving. I'd be even more annoyed if I went out to dinner and then saw all the food you offered at your reception.If you want a late reception, then don't get married in the church. Take pictures in the afternoon, have the ceremony at the venue & the cocktail reception with heavy apps immediately following. Problem solved.

stillundecided4 · September 2009

I am a strong believer of planning the wedding you and your FI always dreamed of. We wanted a night reception and a Catholic ceremony. Our church wasn't as flexible as some have said theirs was, so we're having the day wedding with night reception. Like a pp said, our friends will spend the gap drinking and eating aps. so they'll come to our reception with a buzz, keep drinking, and eat some more yummy food and dance the night away.

Pirata13 · September 2009

I agree with ffmaid in that I don't know where large gaps in Catholic weddings are the "norm" because it certainly isn't where I am from. Every family (and several friend) weddings, Catholic or not, have been wedding with reception immediately following. If you are going to insist on the appetizer option, you really should talk to the church about having the ceremony AFTER the vigil mass (as ffmaid suggested) so that your guests can go straight from the ceremony. I would not attend a wedding where I was expected to feed and entertain myself for 3 hours or sit in a hotel room.

c_evans · September 2009

We also have a gap of about 2 hours and having an appetizers and cocktail reception. But we are getting married on a roof top terrace that has a bar that will be open after we leave for pictures for people to hang out in. we have about 12 appetizers to be served and The venue will be supplying a cheese and pate table that will be refilled the whole night to take care of those who get later night munchies. What about adding a "gap gathering" part to your invitation? Like a couple of suggested places for guests to meet up between the 2 functions?

nydreamer29 · September 2009

Not to mention, I am not doing pics before the ceremony!! I don't want him to see me in my dress. I guess I probably have enough food to not worry about whether people eat or not. But i can't get married at the venue... that's another a whole other thing. Thank you to those who gave advice. I am much more worried about the gap then the food issue. There will be plenty. Has anyone actually DONE this already? Did anyone get mad/not show up/ etc? I think if anyone got seriously mad, I wouldn't want them to be there anyway!

NuggetBrain · September 2009

I don't understand why you're lying on the invitations about the apps. If they're heavy, then put "heavy apps", not light. If you're doing it to save money by hoping they'll go get dinner before the reception and don't eat as much there, that's pretty crappy and cheap, and your "subtle message" is "hey, we really want you to come to our reception but we don't feel like spending money to feed you. Sorry." The gap is what is it - Catholic weddings often have them. I'm more concerned about your meal issue.

ffmaid · September 2009

FYI a lot of the pics are just you or just groom and family friends and you can get all of those out of teh way before the wedding see each other and then take only those quick pictures that are of both of you together after so you can attend your own reception the last gap wedding i know of a friend of mine had a friend getting married in my town. They had a 3 hour gap. My friend and a bunch of her college friends came over my place for the gap. We ate, drank, had fun and played wii. When the wedding time came around none of them wanted to go to the reception. They were all tipsy( i was sober as I always stay sober when hostessing) and had I not literally kicked them out of my house and drove them a few miles away they woudl have stayed playing wii rather then attending their close colleg pals reception. FYI this group included the sister of the groom too and she too did nt even want to go to the reception since they were tipsy and having fun. Honestly since it was not my event( i did not know the bride or groom) I would not even have known it was time for the reception to start had the mog not called the sister of groom asking where she was as the reception has started 30 minutes ago. So had the MOG and I not insisted 11 wedding guests would have drunk cheap beer and played wii rather then attend

nydreamer29 · September 2009

Honestly, I didn't even think about it as lying. I was thinking more that I was going to have HD's and I was only going to put light to make sure people were prepared that a full dinner wouldn't be there. And then having a few things that were heavier in case that message was lost. I think I am not going to use light or heavy after this thread. Just join us later this evening for HD's, drinks, and dancing. I did e-mail my church to see about a later mass time, but I don't think it's going to work. Our Sat mass is 530, making a ceremony going to 7 or 730 and I don't want a 3hr reception!

mandybear7 · September 2009

These posts are puzzling. Every single wedding I have been to has had a gap if the ceremony and reception site are not one in the same. Every single Catholic church in the Chicagoland area has a normal Saturday evening mass time between 4 and 6 for parishoners... therefore weddings must occur beforehand. In order for the marriage to be recognized in the Catholic faith, the marriage occurs in a church. If guests are OOT, they can go back to the hotel or give them ideas of something to do in between on your website. Sometimes it may take 20-30 mins to drive to the reception site from the church.Yes, gaps can be annoying, especially if they are huge gaps, but that is how it has to be in many cases.The only problem I see is that a 6 pm reception occurs during dinner time. I just went to a wedding and their reception began and 6 served heavy apps, but it just did not work well.

Pirata13 · September 2009

I understand you not wanting to see your FI before the ceremony, I don't either. However we are going to take as many individual & girl group/guy group pics as possible before the ceremony. That way, as soon as we are done we can get the rest of the pictures finished and get to the reception. It sounds like due to several reasons, you won't be able to avoid the gap, or the HDs, but I would be prepared to expect more people than you might think to decline. It may not happen, but you have to be prepared for it. If a lot of your people are local, it may be no big deal. But if I had to travel, I'd be a little miffed that in addition to travel expenses, the hotel, etc, I was only going to be fed finger food and be expected to buy my own meal and drinks in between, and I wouldn't come. Just my opinion though.

COkristi · September 2009

I've been to many Catholic weddings with a gap. We went to a bar or someone local's house in between and had drinks. I don't see the big deal, but I'm also pretty laid back. Your food sounds great, I wouldn't stress. Just be prepared that people will likely show up to the reception tipsy.

nydreamer29 · September 2009

Can't do dinner... not enough tables. It's a stand up/mingle reception. I think the apps are heavy enough to constitute dinner... and they are AMAZING. So... do you guys think it would be better to keep the gap and start a little later than 6? Or do a 4-whenever people want to leave reception? That could get dangerous for drink expenses. The most important thing to me is that I get to dance and hang out with everyone. There are a lot of out of towners. There is also a TON do do within a mile and a half of the reception. The hotel with the room block is also a mile away.

dianenjnj · September 2009

people can't sit to eat? ooooh i see a huge problem with that.i would think seriously about renting tables and chairs...or wait till you can afford to really accommodate guests...sorry but this sounds like a disaster.

mandybear7 · September 2009

I'm hoping you have still tables and chairs. It is so awkward to have a drink in one hand and an appetizer in another and attempt to mingle. Besides passed hors d'oeuvres, I would recommend having food stations. That way, it is still more like dinner, but not plated.

lyndausvi · September 2009

what is your chairs to butt ratio? I also think it's rude to have a lot of OOT guests and expect them to feed themselves during the gap. Not a very good host thing to do, you know?

Golfer'sLady · September 2009

Sorry, I just think you're trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. You want to get married in the church which limits the time frame. Then you don't want pictures before only after. Then you have a 3+ hour gap for guests to wait around. Then you don't want to serve dinner. Or offer seating for your guests at the reception. Personally, as a guest I would be annoyed to wait around for you take pictures in a town I'm not familiar with, then go to a reception with no dinner and no place to sit.

stillundecided4 · September 2009

I think you are stressing too much about this. Again do what will work for you and your guests and make sure your food is good and plentiful. People don't always remember the "good" things but they remember when something is "bad". (for instance the only thing I remember about my cousins wedding 2 years ago was the COLD food). If there is a lot to do in your area, can you have the earlier reception time and go out with friends/family later "to keep the party going"?

fangsiting · September 2009

The more you talk, the worse it gets. People are expected to stand & mingle for 5 or so hours? I know you have your heart set on this venue, but I really think you need to change it.

tidetravel · September 2009

Here's my take: You HAVE to get married at 2 in the church. That's fine. You could have avoided the whole gap issue by choosing a venue that could accomodate a reception at 4, but you didn't because: 1) you want to use the huge gap to take pictures in between, at the expense of your guest's comfort 2) you want a late night party, again, at the expense of your guest's comfort.You CHOSE to have your reception at a place where you can only start it at 6 pm - dinner time. And then you CHOSE not to serve dinner to your guests, and EXPECT them to take themselves out to dinner within the gap. But, after they've presumably paid money to eat their dinner, they will arrive to find "plenty of food to eat." The entire thing is skewed.I have no problem with unavoidable gaps, so long as the hosts are gracious about it. You, however, are not in any way being a gracious hostess.

Pirata13 · September 2009

oh my...this just keeps getting worse. sorry but this sounds like a disaster. ^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^So tons of OOT guests that will pay for travel & hotel expense, have to feed themselves, go do one of the "several things to do" nearby (miniature golf? museums?) then look forward to sitting down at the reception only to find that they can't. PP was right that people will remember the bad things, and it won't matter that your HDs were warm and delicious, people are going to remember all this other stuff that is rolling you towards disaster.PPs idea to continue the party after an earlier reception at one of the places close by is a good idea. I live in a neighborhood with several bars & clubs. Our reception is 4pm-9pm. We are having a dj and dancing til it's time to go. Anyone who wants to continue drinking and partying can do so in my neighborhood, where they can laeve their cars at the hotel and safely walk back to the hotel after having a couple more drinks. People aren't here to rain on your parade, but you really need to put some thought into this from your guests' perspective, especially the OOTs. People expect you to HOST them, not be left to fend for themselves half the day.

ffmaid · September 2009

Ok Problems I see Big gap No meal at meal time just heavy apps You do not want people to leave early to go sober up/eat dinner you do not have a chair and some table space for every butt Yup your wedding is going to be remembered for how badly hosted it is. Now if you do not want that you need to start changing things. Venue, times maybe midafternoon later start time a 7:30 mass -8:30 with an 8:30-midnight party woudl be a blast But you are not going to get everyone excited to dance till late with no foof nowhere to sit and all the energy and excitment gone since they had to wait thru a long gap.

swans alive · September 2009

Let me make sure I have this all straight. 1. You're going to have at least a 3-4 hour gap. 2. Many of your guests are OOT. 3. Even though you're having your reception during a mealtime, you want to mark "light apps" on the invitation -- though you're serving heavy apps. 4. You're not having a seat for every butt. I'm sorry, this is a case where what you want and what is best just aren't mingling. As a guest, I would be very unhappy if I paid all of that money for travel + hotel + gift + food/drinks during the "gap" for you, and you can't even give me a chair to sit in without fighting for it with lots of other people. Something's gotta give here, because this is very inconsiderate to your guests. Every butt needs a chair, period. Change the venue, change the time, do something -- because this is not sounding like it's going to turn out well.

Leah&Christian09 · September 2009

I'm catholic and have been to tons of catholic weddings. I find them terribly rude. The only way to be a good hostess in that situation is to host your guests during the gap. A hospitality suite in the hotel works fine. We considered this, but found it was a better option to just find a venue that would let us start right after mass. It sounds like your reception venue is not a good fit for your wedding. They won't fit your time line and you don't have enough tables and chairs to seat your guests. You need to start looking for a venue that fits better.

tidetravel · September 2009

People don't always remember the "good" things but they remember when something is "badYeah, I couldn't imagine what guests wouldn't remember about this wedding. Because I sure as heck would remember:1) having to spend a lot of money to travel to the event and then be left with 3-4 hours to kill in a strange town2) having to pay for my own dinner3) Getting to the reception only to find out that I didn't have to actually eat after all4) Trying to hold my plate/drink while I was eating because there wasn't room to sit and eat or enough table space5) My feet killing me because I had to stand all night6) Leaving early because the entire day was a complete clusterfuuck7) Being pissed off that I wasted my time/money to attend.

ffmaid · September 2009

Poor girl. You are not planning the wedding for the outcome you want. You want your guests to be having a great time and a great party dancing laughing having fun thinking what a lovely couple you and fi/dh are. That is lovely and wonderful and not at all what you are going to get from this set up. Change it for the outcome you want. Now If i am wrong and you are fine with about 30% of your guests left after 2 hours of your reception and everyone remembering the bad bits not the love and wondeful time as long as you have the venue you want then fine continue but plan for the outcome you care about most. That can be your happy dancing party hard guests or it can be a venue that does not work at a time that does not work. Either is fine just plan for the outcome you desire

rightjet · September 2009

I've read some, but not all posts.You mentioned in one post that you wanted 2 hours for photos after your ceremony- really? As a photographer, I've never done anything so long and I really question whether your wedding party would be okay with a 2-hour photo shoot. Also, just because you are having your photos taken- your guests need something to do. You mentioned that there are a lot of out-of-town guests, but that there is a lot to do within a mile. But, speaking for myself, when I get all dolled up to go to a wedding, I'm expecting to go to the wedding to party- not try and entertain myself after having traveled a distance to attend the wedding.I was just at a wedding that had a large gap and it made it very unpleasant. My husband and I drove an hour to the ceremony and then we had nothing to do but go to the place of the reception and stand around for two hours with no food or drinks or music. It's a shame because if we had been able to go straight from the ceremony to the reception and had been able to start partying right then, it would have been a lot of fun. This was the first wedding I've ever attended (either as a bridesmaid, photographer, or guest) that had a gap and I will maybe think twice about attending another one, it just wasn't fun.

betrothed123 · September 2009

I don't know, I'd say OP has one thing working out for her. If all of the guests buy their own dinner before showing up to the reception, no one will be attempting to plates, drinks, purse, while standing to eat. No one will be hungry.On a serious note, OP, take the advice you've been given to heart. Think of how you would feel going to a wedding where you had to entertain yourself for 3+ hours, had to buy your own food and drink, and had the host lie to you. Then consider that you probably shelled out a bit of money to get to this party, and buy the hosts gifts. You'd probably feel like the host shiit on you, and rightly so.

Leah&Christian09 · September 2009

But there are not enough for every butt. Then it's still rude. If you insist on a gap, the shorter the better. You only need an hour for pictures, and that's what the cocktail hour is for. And please host something for people during the break. It's really not that hard to be polite.

lyndausvi · September 2009

5 would be better. At work I see a lot of cocktail parties. So I'm one of the few that actually does not mind not a seat for every butt. As not everyone sits and not eveyone needs a home. In general you will notice woman like seats and homes. Men are standing by the bar and does not have anything to carry that needs a home.That said, make sure you have about 75-80% seating. It also works out better if you have a bunch of high top tables. You will find people like a place to put down a drink or plate more than they like a seat. High top tables provide them a place to put things down. We had a sit down, but our bar area had high tops and they were the most popular spot to hang out during cocktail hour and after dinner.

nydreamer29 · September 2009

Wow, I really think some of you are just too tight on the "rules." Most people will mingle, there is also an outdoor deck, paths outside to walk... no one is going to be sitting all at the same time. I need more than an hour for the picture thing... it's one thing my FI wants. I will look into other venues, but I really like this one, and I can afford it. I would hope that any of my friends and family would understand the gap and still come. I will definitely look into shortening it, and rewording about the HD's makes a lot of sense too. Unfortunately, there isn't too much I can do about some stuff.

Reception Time Etiq

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