Need a Chill Pill

laceeseth · June 2011

Personally, I don't see why society has made marriage into this thing that you have to be "stable", with a house, and all that good stuff. We have NO debt. That to me is a lot better start than some people have when they get married. If you want to wait 5 or 10 years to get married then that is fine. That works for some people, but I am ready to start a life with my future hubby.

perkins81 · June 2011

CocoBella - I'm totally on your side. I agree with what you're saying. I think self-control is definitely an issue and Christians need to practice self-control and ask God for strength to continue doing so. Even in marriage, we have to practice self-control. Sometimes our spouse will not want to have sex at a given point but we do. And we need to control our temptations to look at online stuff or whatnot. And yes, self-control is certainly not just about sexual things either, like you said.

My point, though, is that you can't overlook the obvious either - it IS going to be harder for two people to control themsleves the more they fall in love - God designed us so that the desire for intimacy will grow over time. So while it is important to excercise self-control for as long as necessary (even 10 years like your friends - whoa!!!) and I believe God will give us the strength to do so, I also think it is a personal issue that some of us (speaking specifically of my BF and I) have a really hard time waiting and so we don't want to wait TOO long. We've never been with anybody, we're madly in love, and we're at our sexual peak! God will give us the strength to resist temptation as long as we need to, but we're not going to wait years and years before we have enough money to have a huge wedding (like the world would recommend) or to wait until everything is perfect (because it never will be). We are waiting for a convenient time (school is out so I won't be teaching and he won't be taking classes), but that's as long as we want to wait!

We're mature and ready for marriage.

The OP has to decide for herself if she and her BF/FI are ready - and I"m saying that if they think they are and they don't want to fall into temptation by waiting TOO long, then they should go ahead and get married. I don't call that "rushing" I call it wisdom b/c they're ready and they don't want to mess things up by waiting longer than necessary.

[Deleted User] · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:dd2314f3-6afe-4ff5-9e8c-3fd7ac5f6b0f">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I<strong> don't see why society has made marriage into this thing that you have to be "stable"</strong>, with a house, and all that good stuff. We have NO debt. That to me is a lot better start than some people have when they get married. If you want to wait 5 or 10 years to get married then that is fine. That works for some people, but I am ready to start a life with my future hubby. :)
Posted by laceeseth[/QUOTE]

no, society didn't make it into that... it's just part of being a mature adult who is ready for a huge committment and life change, like marriage.

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:0a0dd4d9-0abb-4f22-b092-3f09793fa1d0">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : no, society didn't make it into that... it's just part of being a mature adult who is ready for a huge committment and life change, like marriage.
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

Well I am a mature adult, I have a house, a car that I paid off, a salary. Wow looks like I'm ready. Yay me!

[Deleted User] · June 2011

then that's great! enjoy pre-marital counseling when that time comes, it's a great time to learn more about the quirks and issues with a new marriage and about your future spouse. if you're open with each other, you can really learn a lot.

I was anxious a few weeks before FI proposed, but then he told me that it would be after Christmas so I relaxed a little bit... and then he surprised me at Halloween. I'm glad that I wasn't thinking about it all the time when he did propose. he did think ahead enough to give me money to get a mani an dpedi that day though, "just because". sneaky!

our engagement will be 8.5 months. I felt it was plenty of time, but then we didn't have a fancy venue or anything (we are just using our church). depending on how much you want to do, a 5 or 6 month engagement is fine. a friend of mine was engaged for 1.5 months and had enough time to plan a small wedding.

and be prepared for the engagement period to test your relationship with your SO more than any other time. being engaged is fun for a few days, and then it can get old fast! we both can't wait for the wedding to get here so we can quit worrying about the wedding all the time.

and if he doesn't propose in 2 weeks like you think he will, don't be disappointed or put pressure on him. it will happen at the right time.

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:e5bad70e-e9df-4ba9-b53c-e3250ac65c90">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]then that's great! enjoy pre-marital counseling when that time comes, it's a great time to learn more about the quirks and issues with a new marriage and about your future spouse. if you're open with each other, you can really learn a lot. I was anxious a few weeks before FI proposed, but then he told me that it would be after Christmas so I relaxed a little bit... and then he surprised me at Halloween. I'm glad that I wasn't thinking about it all the time when he did propose. he did think ahead enough to give me money to get a mani an dpedi that day though, "just because". sneaky! our engagement will be 8.5 months. I felt it was plenty of time, but then we didn't have a fancy venue or anything (we are just using our church). depending on how much you want to do, a 5 or 6 month engagement is fine. a friend of mine was engaged for 1.5 months and had enough time to plan a small wedding. and be prepared for the engagement period to test your relationship with your SO more than any other time. being engaged is fun for a few days, and then it can get old fast! we both can't wait for the wedding to get here so we can quit worrying about the wedding all the time. and if he doesn't propose in 2 weeks like you think he will, don't be disappointed or put pressure on him. it will happen at the right time.
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

Yeah I honestly wish I had NO clue that it was coming soon. I'm trying really hard not to be disappointed if it doesn't happen when I think it will. All of y'all's posts are really helping me though.

Yes, my wedding will be in my home church. It's new, big, gorgeous, and virtually free. :) That is another reason I'm happy for a short engagement because I have heard when you have a long engagement that you get tired of all the wedding planning. I'm hoping that this way I will have fun with it. :)

That was sooo cute of your FI to give you money for a mani/pedi. I love that!

Well he has been talking about our wedding at work being on Dec. 10 and to his family so...I guess ring or not we are gettin' hitched then! haha! I just had to say hitched. :)

ravenray · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:ee25cca9-85c2-4658-a398-3d894d0c4666">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings</a> It's on the left side bar under "Cultural Wedding Boards"
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

<p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';color:#1f1f1f;font-size:8.5pt;">Eh Lunar I like you but I feel like this was out of line. You don't only have to discuss religion on the religion board, and a lot of times that plays a big part in a couple’s discussion. Yes, I do think it is a bad idea to get married just to have sex. However, people were just trying to give her advice based on their experiences, just like you were. I like you, but I personally was offended that you would tell the girls on this board who are Christian to only discuss Christian things on the other board. Just my thoughts though. :/</span></p>

lunarsongbird · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:a1cb5476-d94a-48a7-9e83-a5052310ec56">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Eh Lunar I like you but I feel like this was out of line. You don't only have to discuss religion on the religion board, and a lot of times that plays a big part in a couple’s discussion. Yes, I do think it is a bad idea to get married just to have sex. However, people were just trying to give her advice based on their experiences, just like you were. I like you, but I personally was offended that you would tell the girls on this board who are Christian to only discuss Christian things on the other board. Just my thoughts though. :/
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:ead869e8-dc69-4208-937d-74d4a9b88338">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Where is this Christian board? I can't find it.
Posted by laceeseth[/QUOTE]

Never in a MILLION years would I <strong>EVER</strong> do that. Lacee asked where the board was- so I gave her the link and told her where it was, so that she could find it.

I should have quoted her so that it did not appear offensive. I can't imagine anyone discussing anything that would offend me here- and if I did- I just wouldn't look at that thread. However- that is not the case here- I think reading about other's religious viewpoints is fascinating. I don't judge others for their views and welcome their opinions.

This is a public board and anyone can discuss anything they desire.

I like Lacee a lot- and I don't want her to leave- or be banished to the Christian board. I'm probably one of the few on this board that think it's fine that she wants to get married now. She sounds so sure and hopeful. She has the support of her family and church. They can grow together and experience life together. I'm looking forward to hearing about when her BF pops the question. I like her alot- and I like you alot. And I'm a bit bummed that you think I would do something so hurtful and offensive.
<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-frown.gif" border="0" alt="Frown" title="Frown" />

ETA: Edited for clarity.

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:773033b3-2f04-4663-901a-617f77dcc197">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Never in a MILLION years would I EVER do that. Lacee asked where the board was- so I gave her the link and told her where it was, so that she could find it. I'm sorry that I didn't quote her so that it didn't appear to be offensive. I can't imagine anyone discussing anything that would offend me here- and if I did- I just wouldn't look at that thread. This is a public board and anyone can discuss anything they desire. I like Lacee a lot- and I don't want her to leave- or be banished to the Christian board. I'm probably one of the few on this board that probably think it's fine that she wants to get married now. I'm looking forward to hearing about when her BG pops the question. I like her alot- and I like you alot. And I'm a bit bummed that you think I would do something so hurtful and offensive.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

Aww lunar I knew what you meant! *hugs* No worries. Thank you for the info and for all of the support. You rock my socks! :)

[Deleted User] · June 2011

I don't feel like you were offensive at all lunar! the Christian board isn't nearly as active as this board, and I like having multiple boards to read through. I also try not to push any religion on the girls here, unless it comes up or it's relevant, because I don't want to be offensive. if I don't like something that's said here (or on another board), I try to ignore it. either way, I think lacee will enjoy the Christian board as well.

maybe you just interpreted it wrong raven?

I find that when I'm reading fast, I'll make mistakes like that... oops!

and if she wants to get married now, then nobody is stopping her... but it is really beneficial to make sure that you're actually ready for that kind of a committment, especially once the excitement and romance of engagement and newlywed bliss wears off... and the dog is rushed to the emergency vet, and the transmission goes out, and the A/C breaks in 100+ heat.

you know what I mean. but some of that is simply life experience that you have to go through.

cu97tiger · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:42ef99eb-be4c-4a80-88d6-e3f7d08b8624">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : <strong>Yeah I honestly wish I had NO clue that it was coming soon. I'm trying really hard not to be disappointed if it doesn't happen when I think it will. </strong>All of y'all's posts are really helping me though. Yes, my wedding will be in my home church. It's new, big, gorgeous, and virtually free. :) That is another reason I'm happy for a short engagement because I have heard when you have a long engagement that you get tired of all the wedding planning. I'm hoping that this way I will have fun with it. :) That was sooo cute of your FI to give you money for a mani/pedi. I love that! Well he has been talking about our wedding at work being on Dec. 10 and to his family so...I guess ring or not we are gettin' hitched then! haha! I just had to say hitched. :)
Posted by laceeseth[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Lacee, I'm totally with you on this. BF keeps saying 'it will happen in 3-4 months' but I totally have it in my head that it will be over 4th of July because he has made all these plans for us... getting us a hotel room for 3 days, having his mom come up to take care of the dogs, planning a dinner reservation for Friday night. </div><div>
</div><div>I keep telling myself that even if he doesn't ask that weekend, it will be a fun, relaxing weekend for us to hang out, and that he's obviously planning, so at the most, I only need to wait 3-4 more months :)

</div>

ravenray · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:773033b3-2f04-4663-901a-617f77dcc197">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Never in a MILLION years would I EVER do that. Lacee asked where the board was- so I gave her the link and told her where it was, so that she could find it. I should have quoted her so that it did not appear offensive. I can't imagine anyone discussing anything that would offend me here- and if I did- I just wouldn't look at that thread. However- that is not the case here- I think reading about other's religious viewpoints is fascinating. I don't judge others for their views and welcome their opinions. This is a public board and anyone can discuss anything they desire. I like Lacee a lot- and I don't want her to leave- or be banished to the Christian board. I'm probably one of the few on this board that probably think it's fine that she wants to get married now. I'm looking forward to hearing about when her BF pops the question. I like her alot- and I like you alot. And I'm a bit bummed that you think I would do something so hurtful and offensive. ETA: Edited for clarity.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
OOOH!! I am so sorry. I missed that post! I thought it was a snarky way of saying hey go talk about this on the Christian board. I was like lunar! *gasp* Why? Sorry. it's all good. No hard feelings now that I totally understand what you meant. Sorry I should have read the whole post.

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:15b4958d-bf26-4cb4-ab69-9fd3dc56c87f">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Lacee, I'm totally with you on this. BF keeps saying 'it will happen in 3-4 months' but I totally have it in my head that it will be over 4th of July because he has made all these plans for us... getting us a hotel room for 3 days, having his mom come up to take care of the dogs, planning a dinner reservation for Friday night. I keep telling myself that even if he doesn't ask that weekend, it will be a fun, relaxing weekend for us to hang out, and that he's obviously planning, so at the most, I only need to wait 3-4 more months :)
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

Well, let's just enjoy our 4th of July and try not to worry about the bling bling. ;)
It doesn't help that my mom keeps telling me that she thinks it is about to happen! Geez I just want to enjoy the present, and it's so hard sometimes!

lunarsongbird · June 2011

Once Andrew gets the ring in his posession- I'm wondering how hard it will be for me to be patient. He said I will probably have a ring by my birthday, which is February. I think I will have to keep telling myself that....Not until February, not unil february.

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:04df0120-966e-4b55-907b-3035fceeec0c">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]Once Andrew gets the ring in his posession- I'm wondering how hard it will be for me to be patient. He said I will probably have a ring by my birthday, which is February. I think I will have to keep telling myself that....Not until February, not unil february.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

Good idea! I need to just forget about it. I joked with Seth (BF) last night that I was going to take up sewing to keep my busy. haha.

lunarsongbird · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:616048a1-03a4-4808-9472-061c7c02cb9e">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Good idea! I need to just forget about it. I joked with Seth (BF) last night that I was going to take up sewing to keep my busy. haha.
Posted by laceeseth[/QUOTE]

Maybe you can sew me a dress by the time you get engaged. LOL. I totally want to learn how to sew.

I recommend the book "Made from Scratch."
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '3872ca2a-efb2-452c-8713-15db1feb46e6', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/8/7/3872ca2a-efb2-452c-8713-15db1feb46e6.medium.png" alt="" /></a>

I have a feeling that you would really like it.

laceeseth · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:0d241f4f-3e69-4ab8-bbea-a85081975ac7">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Maybe you can sew me a dress by the time you get engaged. LOL. I totally want to learn how to sew. I recommend the book "Made from Scratch." I have a feeling that you would really like it.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

Ooohh good idea! Maybe I could sew both of our dresses! :)

Need a Chill Pill

Re: Need a Chill Pill

Choose Another Board

Search Boards