Ugh, people are gross

SassyFlats · March 2011

Hey kids, I have a vent.

My great-grandmother passed away last week. It's sad, but okay. She was in her 90s, and my great-grandpa passed away a few months ago and she missed him terribly during the times she realized what was going on. I feel really lucky to have visited her a couple months ago. It was shortly after her husband passed, and she looked at my wedding photos, and told me I have some very "valuable" pictures, and someday that was all I'd have left. She took my hand and looked at my wedding and engagement rings, then showed me hers and tried to tell me about them. She cried, I cried. It was both heartbreaking and inspiring. I'll never forget that.

Now, on to the people suck part.

I have a large family. When my great-grandpa passed, everything went to his wife, obviously. Now that she's gone, they'll have to read his will and get everything settled. Well, they haven't done that just yet, since grandma's funeral was just the other day. My grandpa and his brother are in charge of all that, and the subject of what to do with great-grandma's rings came up. They agreed that my aunt should get them. She spent a lot of time taking care of my great-grandparents over the years, and she never had a wedding set of her own. She and my uncle married really young on short notice, and they've never really had much money. I think she had a wedding band but it broke years ago.

Well, I just found out from my mom that at my great-grandma's viewing, my dad's cousin cried and convinced her dad to give great-grandma's rings to her before the casket was even closed. She said great-grandma told her she could have them, and my great-uncle had to do something to keep the peace (at the viewing of all things), so there they went.

It just turns my stomach. I get it, people are upset. I get that. It's sad and people want something to hold onto. But... honestly... to approach my great-uncle and get hysterical and beg for her wedding rings right there in the funeral home?

I am humiliated by association. Apparently, class doesn't run in my family.

Sorry for all the so-and-so's such-and-such and great-whatevers. I have a big family, as I mentioned. They are also very loud, have very big personalities, and TONS of drama at all times. My life could be a movie. I'm thinking a romantic comedy, but a friend of mine said it's more like a sitcom- i.e. Everybody Loves Raymond. I can't disagree with that.

motoLyn · March 2011

I'm sorry to hear about that situation happening before your great grandma could be laid to rest. I have never personally come across an experience like that and the only time I have come close was my roomate's grandmother had passed away and she got the ring,. but her younger sister threw a fit because she thought it was unfair that my roomie got the ring and not her. It caused such a big rift in her family no one was talking to one another for several months and THIS was during the holiday season. Talk about an awkward Thanksgiving and Christmas.

desertsun · March 2011

Wow, that requires an absolute lack of shame and consideration. So NOT appropriate at the viewing, and what about the other family present who may prefer NOT to see things taken off the body of their relative and passed out? Just...WOW.

I'm sorry, Sassy.

NurseyK · March 2011

(edited) Sassy I meant to add, WOW, I can't believe that happened IN the funeral home. If you ever see this cousin again, what would you say to her? "I'm sorry you were sad, but you're actions make me think you cared about rings more than grandma." Sheesh. You can't really say that... but wouldn't it be nice if you could.

I get your pain! When my last grandparent passed it was horrible how their 9 children fought over things like guns, a brooch, workshop equipment, jewelry, a sewing machine, dresses and a chandelier. They were so selfish, trying to divide distance by how much they should get because of time spent with grandma/grandpa. My mom, who is now the "matriarch of the family" was the middle person through all this and it tore her apart, too. It was so hard to see that the rift caused our family to divide, especially because my mom's oldest brother was close to my dad. They once were best friends, and now they no longer talk because of family drama. Ugh, I digress. Rant over.

Wrkn925 · March 2011

I would find this jaw-dropping if my family didn't just do it earlier this month.

Uncle passed away, his daughter wants his jewelry and cars. She didn't come see him while he was sick, and honestly, his things need to be sold to pay his debtors.

People suck sometimes.

Do you think your aunt will get the rings back?

SassyFlats · March 2011

I doubt she will get them. She didn't know she was supposed to have them... no one had told her yet.

I do wonder if my dad might say something to his cousin, though. He's the type who sometimes would.

I just can't believe it. I mean, I CAN, which is awful. My family is so over-the-top. When things are great, they're SO GREAT and everyone loves everyone else. When things are bad, you could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

My dad's family has been known to just cut people out of all family events and relationships over something as simples as talking to someone that had wronged a cousin or sibling.

Seriously. I was born into the hillbilly mafia, man.

calindi · March 2011

Yowza. I'm really sorry that happened! How does your aunt feel about all this? Is this her niece who took the rings? I'd be PISSED!

Something sort of similar happened when my great-grandma died, apparently. She left her ring to my Mom in her will, which pissed my Grandma off (who had really no relationship with her mother at that point). So my Grandma tried to steal the ring from my Mom several times, so my Dad went and got a safe deposit box and kept it there for 30 years. And that is why Grandma can't find out where my ring came from (though she can try her best at prying it from my kung fu death grip).

Wrkn925 · March 2011

Hillbilly mafia?

Sassy, where are you from?

SassyFlats · March 2011

Cate, it wasn't MY cousin... it was my dad's cousin. Which would also be my aunt's cousin (in-law). I know, I need to accompany all family-related posts with a diagram. My aunt doesn't know she was probably going to get the rings, so I guess she doesn't have an opinion (other than whatever she may think about the cousin's dramatic display at the viewing, which I don't know).

Wrkn- I see you may also be familiar with the hillbilly mafia.

I'd rather not say where I'm from, in case someone somewhere starts piecing together who I am and it comes back to bite me. Because people do that, you know. But, yeah, KY wouldn't be far off.

MLekathLEEN · March 2011

I'm so sorry they did that AT the funeral. Some people have no tact or sensitivity. Sadly, sometimes they bring the worst out of a family.

Similar happened at my grandmothers funeral. Four out of five of the siblings wanted her cremated and she had told my dad she did. The youngest sibling and gram's BF said no and it turned into a huge ordeal, calling it a "Betty BarBQ" and BF was going to set my dad on fire. Needless to say, there was no Betty BarBQ and BF got his way. The BF also went into the house when everyone was at the hospital to raid the stuff he wanted. My cousins also stole jewelry and things out of the house the first time they were alone for a minute.

SassyFlats · March 2011

That is disgusting, ML. I just can't understand how people behave like all this.

Hazel_B · March 2011

Sassy that really sucks.

However, it doesn't really shock me. I've seen and heard of really awful stuff after the death of a loved one.

marleylikeair · March 2011

LAME. I'm so sorry, Sass. That is so very tasteless and uncool. And I am sorry for your loss.

BunnyChii · March 2011

I'm sorry for your loss.

Several years ago, my grandmother passed away. She had been sick for a long time, but I still didn't expect it. I honestly thought of her as another mother to me and have always been extremely close to my grandmother and grandfather.

WELL.

My second cousin's girlfriend at the time (they're married now) had only met my grandmother once while she was still alive. After the funeral, she called my grandfather ALL THE TIME saying how much she "missed grandma." WTF? Then when she and my cousin decided to get married, she had the GALL to ask my grandfather for her rings! My grandfather turned her down, but geez....You met the woman ONCE. Who are you to ask for something like that?

Yeah, that's my "tasteless-grabbing-for-dead-person's-prized-possessions" story.

ravenray · March 2011

Oh wow Sassy I am sorry that is terrible! Jeez! People. It makes me so sad that people care more about possesions then the actual person.

GL girl. Sorry for your loss.

PaigeMcC · March 2011

Dude that's bullshiiiit.

peekaboo2011 · March 2011

Sassy, I'm sorry. People suck.

I forsee something similar happening when my dad's mom goes. She's 80, and BSC. But the family living with her is a pile of leeches. And I forsee some shiiit going down when she goes. Especially when Dad and his other brother put the house on the market and kick out the leeches that are living there. Ayayayay.

Sorry for your loss dear. I hope things get better. And the good news? There's always karma to kick your dad's cousin in the butt when she least expects it.

hetshup · March 2011

So my grandma was a only child, married to a Dr. Needless to say, she had a large ring, think 3+ carats. My mother is the oldest child and was always supposed to get the ring. Then I would get the ring in turn. Well, as Grandma got sicker and sicker, my Aunt L started to take care of her full time. She quit her job and spent 3 years taking care of a woman who was severely demented. Mom and I had a talk about the ring as Grandma was getting older, and we agreed that if willed to my mom, Aunt L should get the ring.

So Grandma finally passed away, and my Aunt S (the youngest child, and def had that complex) pitched a shiit fit about the ring. And we all said fuuck it and let her have it. The point is, people are sometimes shiity.

Wow, I just cussed a lot.

leia1979 · March 2011

Sassy, I'm sorry to hear that.

We had something similar happen, too, but fortunately not at the funeral. My grandma and uncle brought this desk down to our house years ago after my grandpa passed away in 1995. Well, a couple years ago, my aunt decided that it was hers (no idea why) and started harassing my mom to give it to her.

My mom, being a peacekeeper, said "Sure, but you have to make the arrangements." My aunt happens to be unemployed and lives with grandma, so she continued to insist that my mom send it back at my mom's expense. We eventually gave in, dismantled the desk, and sent it UPS back to my grandma's house. It was freaking ridiculous over a piece of furniture.

SassyFlats · March 2011

On one hand, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one with family who would do this sort of thing... on the other hand, it just makes me sad about society in general that so many people would cause so much drama and heartache for others following the death of a loved one (which everyone grieves over, not just the person who thinks they're entitled to stuff).

Is it just that "I'm the center of the universe" complex or something? How many centers of the universe are there, anyway?

Thanks for all the well wishes, and I'm sorry for all you other folks who have been through similar things. It sucks.

To be honest, I cried more over knowing that my grandparents are likely to be the next deaths I'll need to deal with- a fact I just don't know how to handle- than I did due to sadness for my great-grandma's passing. She lived a long, long life full of love and happy times. She really wasn't doing well, physically or mentally, and after my great-grandpa passed away I think she was just really ready to be with him.

But I'm so blessed to have grown up with some of my great-grandparents... and now I am really just worried about how I'll cope with the loss of my grandparents eventually.

tafft1 · March 2011

This truly is upsetting to me and you have my synpathy for your loss. I am so very sorry you are having to deal with such in the scheme of things "pettyness" , especially before the true mourning has ended or for some even begun. I lost my my 6 years ago next month and we had to divy up her jewelry per my father's idea. I am thankful he had the decency and tact for once in his life to let that part wait until after the services. *hugs* People truly make me sick some days

meamolly · March 2011

my grand parents wanted to avoid this when they pass on so they made the entire family fill out forms asking for things they held special. Everyone knows who is getting what. no fights should happen hopefully

Peckles · March 2011

My friend's son died from brain cancer when he was 40, and at the funeral his "wife" (who had stated many times that she wished he would die already), had their son asking my friend if he could have his dad's car because he didn't want to have to buy one when he turned 16. My friend told him no, and all I remember was this kid asking over and over again "Why not?" about the car instead of remembering that it was his DAD'S funeral.

kellylove22 · March 2011

Unfortunately this isn't uncommon at all. My grandmother passed away just over a month ago now and she had lived with my parents for the last 15 or so years (my grandfather did too,but he passed more than 5 years ago). At the wake, I had cousins asking me when they could go through my grandmother's in-law apartment for things that they wanted (one went so far as to tell me that she had accidentally left stuff behind there, when I knew she hadn't been to the house in at least 5 years). Most of them asked me because my parents are very stern and I was pretty emotional at the wake/funeral, but too bad for them because any person who said that to me was told "never." Like you said, I get that people want something to remember someone by, but especially for people who hadn't come to see my grandmother in years when she was alive-they don't really seem to want to remember the person, they just want whatever they can get their hands on.

Ugh, people are gross

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