Advice

magsugar13 · October 2009

But they love each other...nothing bad will happen to them.

Acrosthec · October 2009

::sigh:: Jeana and I got ignored. I guess we didn't offer real advice.

oceana919 · October 2009

Yeah, well, I adore my BF and the last two years have been the most difficult of my entire life (save for him coming into my life, of course). Love don't always fix the sh*t life throws at you.

oceana919 · October 2009

acro, the girl's got her entire wedding planned out, down to the colors and peacock feathers. Apparently she doesn't need your advice... ::snicker:: I, on the other hand, will take your advice any day of the week...

Acrosthec · October 2009

Awww, thanks!

notquiteblushing · October 2009

Oh snap I missed the health insurance part. Yeah maybe your mom needs to yell at you some more.

arixana · October 2009

To magsugar13: You are my idol for the day. Keep up the great comments!

desertsun · October 2009

Seems like she stopped listening about halfway through the posts. Sigh. Girls here give really good advice, and it's a shame she doesn't seem to be even considering what people have to say. Why even ask?

magsugar13 · October 2009

To magsugar13: You are my idol for the day. Keep up the great comments! :)That must mean im slipping, usually im just the rude nasty bitoch!

jeanacorina · October 2009

Mags, you have been rather nice the past couple of days. I think you need to step it up or you'll ruin your queen biotch reputation. ;)Acro, when I looked at her bio and saw the other posts about her wedding planning, I realized she wasn't going to listen to sensible "been-there done-that" people like you and me.Kids these days. What can ya do? You try to raise them right, give 'em sound advice... all the tools they need to make informed, rational, intelligent decisions. Then they go and walk all over ya 'cause they're IN LOVE and just CAN'T WAIT because you know true love ain't patient.I tell you what, these last 5+ years not having sex have been a waste of my dang 20s. How about you, Acro?/sarcasm

EMarie777 · October 2009

Thanks for all the advice ladies! And just so everyone knows...I never said I didn't want insurance. I would not get married without it! My boyfriend's family has never had the best insurance, and he hasn't had any for himself. That's all I was saying. Thanks again! And he actually ended up telling me that he's wanting to wait an extra year now lol He's the one that needs to make up his mind!

magsugar13 · October 2009

Mags, you have been rather nice the past couple of days. I think you need to step it up or you'll ruin your queen biotch reputation. ;)I was afraid of that, I will definitely try harder!

notquiteblushing · October 2009

So you went from how do I tell my mom I'm getting engaged to engaged to waiting another year all in the course of one week? Um okay good luck with all that.

atomkinson · October 2009

Acro – how is what she refers to her significant other as relevant?? I’ve been engaged for almost a year and still occasionally call my fiancé my boyfriend, simply because I feel saying fiancé over and over is terribly annoying. Groomz – I have no idea where you got the idea that she doesn’t care what her parents think. I read the same thing you did and didn’t come up with that. Your little comment that she should elope and get pregnant is idiotic. Grow up. Mags – you also need to grow up. Are you sure you’re mature enough to get married? She never once said that she thought love would keep all the negative away. Oceana – I have had my wedding colors picked out since I was 10. Does that mean I shouldn’t be on the knot asking for advice, not that I would because of how people act on here. Jeana – Your mother obviously didn't teach you how to treat others with respect. how are her other posts even remotely connected with this one? The fact that you went snooping around is downright creepy. You need a life. The way grown women act on this site is disgusting. None of you would have said the rude comments to her face, the only reason you feel its okay to say is because you’re safe at home behind a computer screen. I really hope none of you are this horrid in real life, or I really feel for your future husbands and children.

atomkinson · October 2009

Just to help you out before you go snooping, Jeana. I barely ever post, because I have a life. I am 19 years old. I am getting married in 2012. I will still be in college. My parents and my future in laws completely support our decision. Go ahead and rip me apart. I’ll only laugh and make fun of you on other wedding sites.

alianne87 · October 2009

If there was one thing that I would want to tell you right this second, it would be that I am proud of you for waiting to have sex and it's great that your BF is waiting too. I wish that I had waited. I love my BF very much, but it is hard on both of us knowing that he has had relations with over 30 women (most of which he doesn't remember, but friends have filled him in on) when he was in his wilder years. I was put through immense emotional turmoil because I "just couldn't wait", and let me tell you, there are consequences. So good for you for waiting. Also, I am a senior in college myself and wonder WHY, oh WHY would you want to be an RA if not for the free room and board??? I hated my dorm... but perhaps you had a better experience than I did. I realize that the cost of housing is high, but to tell the truth, it's actually cheaper to rent the house we live in off campus than it was to live in the dorms. And I don't have to share a bathroom with 40 other girls. My mom is also a control freak/ crazy person. When I told her that I was moving in with my BF, she went full spectrum crazy on me. She finally came around when she realized that I was going to do what I wanted regardless of whether or not she approved, and that was just like her. So she decided to just go along with it and now we are all much happier. Don't get me wrong, it was a hard battle and many tears were shed, and many angry words exchanged. My advice to you: stand your ground. If you really love this guy, then you might have to fight for him. Your mom is probably very concerned about you making rash decisions and then having to live with the consequences. I am NOT, however, telling you to ignore your mother. You only get one mother, whether she's a crazy person or not:). Do try to see where she is coming from, but do not feel like you have to change your mind or plans based on what your mother thinks is best for you. You and your future husband need to make those decisions together. There is nothing wrong with being engaged while in college, but I see how it could be insanely difficult to be an RA while going to school and trying to plan a wedding. I am assuming you don't want some slapdash ceremony, and quality planning takes careful consideration. Personally, I am not and would not get married while in college because of the many previously mentioned reasons. I am lucky enough to enjoy health insurance through my dad as long as I am in school now that I have turned 22. I will not graduate until I am 23, and that one thing is the only thing that my parents provide for me. It is especially important to be self-sufficient in this day and age when you get married because once you tie the knot, your parents are no longer financially responsible for you. That becomes your husband's job. Just curious, do your parents pay for your schooling, or is it all you? I pay all of my own everything, and that makes a big difference as to how much freedom I have from my parents. It's different for every situation, but if your parents are paying for your education and you want to go ahead and get married while you're still in school and technically under their roof, they may have an issue with that. Bottom line, make sure you have a mature, no-yelling discussion with your parents about how they feel and why they feel that way. Sorry for the ridiculously long reply! *steps off soapbox*

Acrosthec · October 2009

Atomkinson, the only "rude" comment I made was asking her to clarify her relationship. She's either engaged or she isn't. If she is, then I would've probably given her different advice regarding how to broach the subject with her mother than if she isn't. THAT is how it's relevant.Not to mention most people, even on message boards, don't like feeling like they've been taken for a ride. Most people that give real advice on any of these boards take time out of their day to give the advice. Some of the women who did so in her previous posts would probably have thought twice about it if they'd known she was not engaged, because they feel the advice will not do the OP any good until she's engaged. It's just the way things go.If the OP is engaged, then that's great, and I'm happy for her. She doens't have to pretend that she's not so that she can write on the NEY board. There are a lot of women here that are engaged and even married. If she's not engaged, she should be honest and proud of the relationship she *is* in, and not lying about it because she suspects people won't give her the time of day without the "engaged" status. It just frustrates me when girls do this, and it happens A LOT around here. Although this is the first time one of them has gone and gotten her friend to sign in and defend her that I can remember. I presume it is safe to conclude you are her friend, since you're listed as her friend in her profile and you're around the same age?FWIW, I thought I gave her great advice for handling the situation with her mother. Sit down and talk to her. Communication is the key in all relationships, not just the one with your BF/FI/DH.

jeanacorina · October 2009

Just to help you out before you go snooping, Jeana. I clicked her name to check out her bio. It's there for everyone to see. WTF is so snoopy about that? I gave that girl very good, sound advice. It is frustrating when she responded "My BF has been getting by without health insurance." That is a terrible way to look at it. I was once young and naive, too. I am very glad that I had people around me giving me the difficult kind of advice. And yes, my mom did teach me to respect others. She also taught me to speak openly and honestly about how I feel and what I think. She taught me to learn from the mistakes of others instead of making them myself. And she taught me that I should never, ever say things I don't mean. I meant every word I said, and I would say it to my friends, my fiance, my younger sister, and anybody else who asked me for my honest advice. Everyone in my life knows that I will offer my opinions candidly. If you feel sorry for them, you're wasting your time. They don't feel sorry to know me, and I am very happy with the way I express myself and I can only hope that I am treated the same way by others. I've taken some hard advice and even a smattering of ridicule on this site. You know what? Usually those people are right. If they aren't, I take it with a grain of salt and move on. I don't know who peed in your cheerios today, but get over it. You're not hurting anybody's feelings that you listed there. We all said what we think, and I have never seen anybody apologize for being honest on a message board. Go on and make fun of me on other sites. It will really not hurt my feelings, you're a total stranger. I can understand why you feel the need to threaten me. That's what you should do to people you don't like. Talk about them behind their backs. You learn that in high school. At least I speak my mind out in the open, I don't run to another site to do it.

Acrosthec · October 2009

It is especially important to be self-sufficient in this day and age when you get married because once you tie the knot, your parents are no longer financially responsible for you. That becomes your husband's job.Great thoughts, and I agree with the sentiment. However I did want to point out that technically if you're goal is to be self-sufficient (which it should be), then it's not your parents' OR your husband's job to provide for you financially. It's yours.But like I said, other than that, I definitely agree with most of what you said.

notquiteblushing · October 2009

OMG yay! Just to help you out before you go snooping, Jeana. I barely ever post, because I have a life. I am 19 years old. I am getting married in 2012. I will still be in college. My parents and my future in laws completely support our decision. Go ahead and rip me apart. I’ll only laugh and make fun of you on other wedding sites.

notquiteblushing · October 2009

And don't worry alianne87, I've heard that sex that you can't remember doesn't even count.

jeanacorina · October 2009

OMG, NQB! Why would you say that? That's wacky in so many ways.I also agree that the OP is doing right by her relationship to wait until marriage. I was sexually active in my younger years and although I am loathe to use the word "regret" about any decision, I would do it differently if I had it to do over again.I learned later that the things that seem so incredibly important in your teens really don't matter 5 or 10 years later. The important things now are completely different and somewhat at odds to the things I valued 7 years ago.I can't stress enough what a GOOD decision waiting is. No oops babies, no STDs, no funky post-coital emotional attachment that isn't really there. *thumbs up*

noelle24 · October 2009

oh dear lord... I just realized that RA = resident advisor, NOT research assistant. I was wondering why everyone was so stuck on that point. I've been in grad school too long... But now I will say, are you BSC to think that you can start a marriage off living in a dorm with your husband? Would your college even allow it? And if you can't do this, as I suspect, how in the world are you going to support yourself wnhen you are both in school full-time? Sweet jesus....

notquiteblushing · October 2009

Just joking because I'm so sure her fiance remembers sleeping with 30 women (a little TMI) and if he doesn't then well he's got some issues.FWIW I think waiting is lame but it's everyone's choice to make.

noelle24 · October 2009

I have no problem with people wanting to wait until marriage for sex. I have a big problem with people wanting to rush into marriage in order to take their relationship to the next level (i.e., have sex! OMG!) before they are ready for the committment. I do, however, draw the line at crazy religious conservatives who don't believe in even kissing before marriage. That's just too damn weird for me.

notquiteblushing · October 2009

Oh fun times. I thought she wanted to be more than friend with Brandon? Why the rush back to Bryce? And what about Sean? She's a cutie though.

jeanacorina · October 2009

I will also jump on the "I obviously have no life because I have a desk job and surf the internet for half my workday" bandwagon.I mean, duh. What was I thinking? Getting a desk job. Sheesh. I need to quit this waste of time and do something CONSTRUCTIVE. Maybe I'll take up knitting. I'm sure FI won't mind if I decide not to have a job since sitting here earning money means I spend too much time posting on the Knot.;)

Acrosthec · October 2009

You forgot Josh.

notquiteblushing · October 2009

Oh no, now it's getting sad. I may need to avert my eyes.

jeanacorina · October 2009

What the crap are you guys talking about?

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