Advice

Acrosthec · October 2009

Um...wow...guess I killed it. Sorry? I didn't mean to be the party pooper, I'm just tired of that particular argument.

noelle24 · October 2009

I'll be 22 when I'm marriedI still maintain my belief that if you have to say "I'll be X years old when I get married" in an effort to prove how mature you are for marriage, that you actually *aren't*.And EM: Ok, wonderful, the upperclassmen housing is great. But I still don't see how any *adult* would WANT to live in college undergrad housing when they are married. When my FI and I get married, I want to live in our own apartment where we can start an independent life with just the two of us. I *don't* want to be surrounded by drunken college students and worry about whether or not I have to write them up. Neither do I want to have to worry about having kids knock on my door at 2AM crying, whining, or biitching about life. That's all fine for college, but does NOT go hand in hand with a quality married life, IMO.

notquiteblushing · October 2009

Yeah whatever we love you girls, come back and tell us all your problems. :-) Happy Weekend everyone.

dreamingblue · October 2009

You ladies are cracking me up over here.

I was actually doing work today, so I didn't get to come on here until after...I agree with you all though- I was engaged when I was 19 (is that like the magic age for crap engagements, I mean, seriously! lol). Wow oh gee am I glad that I did not marry HIM. I was like you, Jeana- my parents hated him, my friends weren't fond of him, but I thought he was amazing. I was convinced we were going to get married and live happily ever after. That, however, did not happen. C'est la vie, in my opinion. You live, you learn, you grow up a little and figure out more about who you are as a person.To be fair- I also know people who were engaged young and are still happily married. It is rare, it does happen, and it takes lots and lots of WORK. As to the poster who was lamenting her mental anguish over the 30 people her boyfriend supposedly slept with...I have ABSOLUTELY no patience for that kind of crap. My feminist hackles raise every time this whole thing is brought up. Humans are sexual creatures by nature- the fact that we settle down with one person is amazing in and of itself. Who cares what your boyfriend does before he meets and decides to dedicate his life to you? He shouldn't care what you did, either. Are you happy and healthy? Ok then..no harm, no foul. It's right up there in the ridiculous category with some women who freak out over their BF/FI/DHs looking at Playboy, or going to a bachelor party at a strip club. Get.over.yourselves.As for waiting until marriage- that's admirable. Seriously. I personally don't buy into it, but for some people it's really a positive thing for them. As long as it's mutual, I see no reason not to wait until you are both into it. So to those of you waiting- good for you.

(And I hope that doesn't sound patronizing or condescending- I really mean it. I do have friends that are waiting until marriage and they're my willpower heroes.. lol).I should also note that I've got walking pneumonia and have pulled all the muscles in my back from coughing, so I'm a bit cranky. I think I could give mags a run for her money in the queen biotch category today.

alianne87 · October 2009

I've seen a few ppl comment on the "30 girls" thing so let's just get it out on the table. Yes, I am a little upset about it. I wanted to be special, not just "number 31". He also wanted to be special. Yes, we both are aware that we each have a sexual history and that neither of us waited for the other. That doesn't change the fact that we both wish we had. Like he puts it though, I win. At the end of the day, he's all mine and no one else's. Yes, I am a jealous biotch about it. But there's nothing that can be done now. Ultimately my point was that I am proud of this particular couple waiting, and BF and I both wish that we had waited too. I didn't want this situation that we face to be the situation for anyone else, because it sucks for everyone involved.

chicka_bonita9 · October 2009

Dang Ladies!!! I think we just passed the record posts!!! lol I hope everyone is mellowed out & looking forward to a drama-free spectacular weekend!!!

notquiteblushing · October 2009

I ditto dreamingblue's entire post, well except the walking pneumonia (get better girl!). I have no idea how many people my fiance has slept with nor do I care. We're 29 years old, we weren't born yesterday and I'm glad I met him at the time of my life where I was ready for a serious commitment. What is in the past should stay there.

dreamingblue · October 2009

NQB- thanks, I'm trying! Vegas is not good for my health, apparently.My boyfriend once said to me 'If we all judged each other on our pasts, we'd never have a future.' Makes perfect sense to me. I dunno, I never had any romantic notion about sex. I viewed virginity as a hurdle I needed to get over to get to the good stuff. I'm sexually progressive like that. The whole notion of it having to be 'omg so special and meaningful for BOTH of us' is for 16 year old girls reading through romance novels expecting fireworks, rose petals, and violins to play. Sex is messy, dirty, hilarious, and exhausting (and sometimes painful, if you get muscle cramps! lol)...all of those can be special in their own way, and they are special in their own way with the person that you're with.The majority of people that I know who are waiting are waiting not because they have these crazy notions of a 16 year old lovesick girl, it's because they've had some bad experiences in the past, and they want to build on their relationship without the added hassle of sex (it can be a hassle..let's face it). It is our past experiences that shape us and make us who we are today... regretting it isn't going to change it...learn from it instead of dwelling on it. Referring to yourself as a number really sparks my ire, too. If you have to think of yourself as a number, how about #1 to the man in your life? I think that's a great number. And I know people with far higher partner numbers than 30- that doesn't make them bad people, it doesn't make them any better or worse than you or your boyfriend...it just makes them human (humans with interesting stories, no less. lol).*headdesk*

magsugar13 · October 2009

I personally would NEVER marry a man i haven't had a sexual relationship with! no way EVER!

notquiteblushing · October 2009

Oh mag, I think we're making up. This is good. :-)Dreamingblue, I'm going to Vegas in November so come on back in a few weeks when I will be looking for insight.

magsugar13 · October 2009

who would have thunk it?

jeanacorina · October 2009

But... the haterade thing was so funny! I'll miss that. Good times.I admit that I decided to wait to have sex with FI due to bad experiences and hassle. I don't want to worry if my period is late. Birth control or not, I've seen too many oops babies. I love the oops babies dearly, my friend just gave birth to a little girl last night and she's absolutely precious... but I want to intend to get pregnant.Also, my FI has never had sex, and he's perfectly okay with waiting a bit longer. So that makes it easier too.He doesn't expect rose petals and fireworks. I already explained that only happens in the Sims games.

Manda724 · October 2009

I just want you to know that my friend and i had a very similar experience.... we both met men we thought that we were going to marry in college. we were both seniors when we made that choice, but had been dating for several years. In my case he became controlling, so the engagment was broken off. But what happened with my friend was worse. Her parents told the boy no to their blessings. They still started planning and only a few months before he broke it off. Sometime parents see things in people that we just can't see. If i was you i would ask your mom why she doesn't seem to like him. you really need to have a heart to heart with her. Just know sometime parents can be wrong but they only want whats best for you. i hope all works out. but i would wait a few years. This is coming from someone that has been engaged twice. If this is right it will work out.

notquiteblushing · October 2009

Jeana, I'm so not judging you or anyone else for waiting. I meant what I said: it's everyone's choice. But I'm so over people touting that reasoning as why they're so ready to get married. Anyway, this is just one of many posts where anything we say will not be well received by the OP despite our good intentions. Yet one out of maybe 20 girls does take advice to heart so we are still needed. I heard from elannis recently BTW and she's doing good.

Acrosthec · October 2009

Yay for Elannis! I went to that link you posted above for Jeana with the PMs, and found I had an outstanding pending friend thing from Elannis. I'm glad to hear she's ok. I guess I should check that pending friend thing more often.

notquiteblushing · October 2009

Yeah I had a couple of friend requests before I caught on. I think it's cool as I never check my knot email.

oceana919 · October 2009

There should just be a sticky at the top of this board that says: If you're 19 it's not going to work out. If you have set a date, you're engaged. No, we don't know you and we feel sorry for our FIs too. Pick a different screename, I found your Twitter.LMAO...you just made my afternoon, NQB.ps. Maybe I missed something, but did I get called out by the OP's friend for pointing out that she practically has her entire wedding planned via TK before she's even engaged, after I wrote her some pretty positive advice about health insurance? ::snicker:: Good lord, I step away from the computer for one day...

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