Agree or Disagree?

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

I dont get the whole parents are paying so it is the parents guestlist, it is your wedding, if parents want to help fine, but they dont pick the guests, the bride and groom do. I have heard of weddings where it is like 25% plus the father's golf buddies and business associates, which I think it wrong.

kewltif · October 2009

Agree in theory, but when someone is footing the bill, then I do think they get a say in inviting some people.

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

I disagree, as long as I get to invite all the people that I want to invite, I couldn't care less who else is invited. Obviously if I was told to cut my friends for my parents' friends then that would be a different story but for the most party I'm in the mind set of the more the merrier.

brad1431 · October 2009

obviously I agree, if parents want to help that is great, but it shouldnt be tied to who is invited, you invite the guests to YOUR wedding, and if they want to financially contribute that is great, but it doesnt mean that they get to invite business associates and golf buddies. We are sticking to our if we havent met you before our wedding, we arent meeting you for the first time at our wedding.

mbcdefg · October 2009

I agree that they shouldn't let it get out of control, but if they're contributing money (and especially paying for all of it) then they're entitled to invite at least a few people that the bride & groom wouldn't invite on their own. This coming from the girl whose mother added about 40 extra people. Grrr. I need to speak to her soon about cutting a few.

ffbride_0813 · October 2009

I agree that its my wedding I get to invite who I want but my mom who is paying for a lot of it thinks the opposite. I think it depends who you ask. We all here would probably say its our wedding we do what we want. If we polled parents they would probably say they at least want their wishes to be considered if not just accomodated.

Lola Minnie · October 2009

I agree with Tiff. Though it is tough regardless of who is paying what. My parents plan to invite Mr. and Mrs. Smith who didn't have them at their son's wedding a couple months ago - but that's ok for my parents since I quote "i understand you had a limited guest list as the grooms parents but don't worry you will be at Lola's wedding".... o super. And no matter my input, my say doesn't get heard.

USER876 · October 2009

You should be able to invite who you want, but since they are paying, if they want a neighbor or coworker there, they should be able to include that person.

mbcdefg · October 2009

I disagree, as long as I get to invite all the people that I want to invite, I couldn't care less who else is invited. That's a good point, too, and something I should've said in my original reply. I didn't tell my mom no because we could still fit those people. But FI and I added a few more people on our own, and now that we're about 10 people over the room limit and we need to cut people, it ain't gonna be OUR friends. I know we probably won't get 100% attendance but I'm not taking the risk ... Mom either cuts people or we B-list them.

uppereastgirl · October 2009

I go for the golden rule on this one -- he who has the gold makes the rules. If your parents have offered to pay, but they want to invite all of the business associates and golf buddies -- then decline their kind offer and have the wedding you want on your own dime. I *would* hope that parents would respect requests for an intimate wedding or what-have-you though, but for some parents their children's weddings are all about entertaining business associates and/or outdoing others. If you want them to foot the bill, you'll have to give in.We're very lucky though -- my parents were paying, but both sets of parents' guests lists were very reasonable and in accordance with the size of wedding we were looking for. There was not a single person on my parents' list who I didn't want to invite.

brad1431 · October 2009

I understand maybe they want 1 or 2 couples that are their friends, I am talking about them controlling the list, or adding coworkers or business associates that you dont even know. By controlling the list, meaning them saying I dont want so and so or you have to invite so and so, which is also wrong. a woman I work with had half her guests be her father's business associates, which is wrong. They can have like 1-2 couples, and I have to know them already, no strangers

erikag23 · October 2009

i had no say in who my parents invited except no children~ that had to be consistent across the board. i honestly think it is messed up if your parents are paying and you choose who is and is not on THEIR guest list. just doesn't seem very fair.

brad1431 · October 2009

Eirka, the mindset of their paying so it is their gust list is pretty effed up. It is YOUR wedding and YOUR guest list, regardless of who pays, if they want to help out, that is great, but it is your wedding and your guest list. It isnt daddy showing off to his cronies.

cknud112 · October 2009

I think this really starts with a bigger issue... the relationship one has with their parents. If it's a contentious relationship or there are "issues", you're less likely to bend when it comes to wedding stuff. DH and I paid for our own wedding, but my parents could have invited anyone they wanted to invite. They are great parents, have sacrificed a lot in life for me, so I am happy to accommodate them. If they were a-holes, it would be a different situation altogether. That goes both ways... if parents are paying and the bride/groom are a-holes, the parents might be less inclined to compromise with them. That's just my opinion on this topic. I think it's bigger than just a wedding guest list and it depends on the situation.

brad1431 · October 2009

this mindset of THEY are paying so it is THEIR guest list, sounds like making a deal with the devil. We will pay, but now we control your wedding guest list. That is really effed up.I can see a parent wanting to invite a close friend that you know but arent close to, but inviting business associates and golf buddies to show off, is messed up.

erikag23 · October 2009

let's clear a few things up, my parents aren't the _douche bags you are writing about. they invited immediate family and their closest friends, which i know and love. if they wanted to invite a ton of other people i didn't know, then i wouldn't have made a huge deal since they so kindly offered to pay for their guests and mine. to each their own. it's just not me to dictate who they can invite when they are footing the bill, IMO, i think that is _bullshit.

kle0113 · October 2009

I disagree. My parents paid for my whole first wedding. I was able to invite everyone that I wanted, but if my dad who has been working at the same company for 35 years wanted to invite the whole company I would not agrue with him. It is his money and he can spend it however he wants to. Now I was very young when I was married the first time and would have never been able to afford to pay for my wedding so if my parents wanted someone invited I would not have had a leg to stand on to agrue the point. For my wedding this year MH and I paid for it with a little help from both parents. They both knew that the guest list was not going to be big so they both gave us a list of who they really wanted invited and we obliged and invited everyone that was on their lists. My dad added a few more later and it was also fine. Not for nothing it might be your day, but it is not always about you. Sometimes in life you have to do things that you might not agree with but you do them.

jrsygrl719 · October 2009

I can see both sides. I can understand your parents wanting to share in this day with friends, business associates, clubhouse buddies.. However, any parent who is going to sit and tell you "no, you can't invite friend A&B because we need that spot for Mr & Mrs Smith who we barely associate with", is wrong. It happens, but I don't agree with brad in you getting everyone you want. It just isn't rational or feasable usually. You going to have a table of 2 people your parents know and 40 of your frat buddies.. come on.

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

I can see a parent wanting to invite a close friend that you know but arent close to, but inviting business associates and golf buddies to show off, is messed up.Who said it's about showing off?

kpeteley · October 2009

We are paying for half (actually a lil more) and between our parents they are paying the other half. My mother has not put a single guest as a "you must invite" where my FMIL has added 20 co-workers (incl guests) that I don't even know! I am not thrilled about it, but I am happy for the help -so I will have to deal -

cvl105 · October 2009

I had my parents invite whoever they wanted. My Mom invited ALOT more than my Dad. My Dad only invited one friend and his wife. My Mom invited multiple friends. I look at it like I think it's great my Mom wants to celebrate my day with her friends and wants them there for such a special day.

Lola Minnie · October 2009

Totally, seabass. Brad you were the only one who even mentioned the business associates and golf pals.. so why give us a hard time when it is clearly your issue not any of ours...

acablitas · October 2009

FI and I are paying for about 99% of the wedding. My parents invited a good chunk of guests, but most is family. When my dad said he wanted to invite people from his hometown that are based in the US and who I've never met, I put my foot down. He said "well they'll give you a nice gift". I honestly could give a $hit if they give me a nice gift, I don't know them.. they're not invited. Thank you ... end of story.I do agree if they are footing the bill, they can invite whoever they want BUT I would want to have at least met them before or recognize their name. If not, sorry you're not allowed in the door

yusi196 · October 2009

To some extent, I agree that if the parents are paying, then they get to invite who they want. However, I dont like it when it turns to: "I'm inviting so and so because I went to their kids wedding and gave a good envelope"....I dont like it when the gueslist gets out of hand and there will be people that I dont know and will never see again. At the end of the day, the wedding is to celebrate the marriage of the bride and groom, it's not a party for the parents.....

uppereastgirl · October 2009

"this mindset of THEY are paying so it is THEIR guest list, sounds like making a deal with the devil. We will pay, but now we control your wedding guest list. That is really effed up."I can see a parent wanting to invite a close friend that you know but arent close to, but inviting business associates and golf buddies to show off, is messed up."Brad, I actually do agree with all of that, but I feel that kids lose the right to complain about it when they gladly accept the handout from their parents. If you know your parents are going to be showy aholes and you don't want that kind of wedding, pay for your own wedding.

kle0113 · October 2009

Who says that they are showing off?

erikag23 · October 2009

yeah, brad aren't you the one who was trying to show off a few weeks when you posted about your multi million inheritance, lmao!

uppereastgirl · October 2009

Also, in my experience there's a decent correlation between showy ahole parents and showy ahole offspring. In that case the bride and groom may not mind all of the randoms at the wedding, because they get to brag to more of their own friends about how big and grand and expensive their weddings are.

cvl105 · October 2009

I also think that even if you're paying for your whole wedding yourself...your parents should still be able to invite some of their friends. I think that they should have the opporunity to fill at least one whole table with their friends.

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

this mindset of THEY are paying so it is THEIR guest list, sounds like making a deal with the devil. We will pay, but now we control your wedding guest list. That is really effed upMaybe this is what your situation would have been like if your parents paid but by no means is that how all parents operate. My parents controlled who they wanted to invite, I controlled who I wanted to invite, FI controlled who he wanted to invite, and FIL's controlled who they wanted to invite. I'm sure there will be a shitload of people at my wedding that I've never met before and will most likely never see again and it really just doesn't bother me. Maybe I'm just an AW?

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

"I disagree, as long as I get to invite all the people that I want to invite, I couldn't care less who else is invited. Obviously if I was told to cut my friends for my parents' friends then that would be a different story but for the most party I'm in the mind set of the more the merrier." I completely agree with Seabass. I was the person who, even though my ILs didn't pay a cent for our reception, was encouraging my ILs, FIL especially, to invite his business partners, friends, etc. I had met some of them, my H knows all of them. I also cut the guest list by a few when my ILs asked me not to invite my FIL's employees, who had been my coworkers. (I worked for my FIL's company for a time) I was disappointed to do so, but respecting them and their wishes was important to me.

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