Agree or Disagree?

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

In that case the bride and groom may not mind all of the randoms at the wedding.I don't understand why they are considered random if they are poeple your parents are friends with or have worked with for many years.

yusi196 · October 2009

I will add to mine, I dont mind it too much if it's people that I'll never see again; it's more of people that IL's barely see....like once every 2 or 3 years...that when it feels like you are inviting them to just fill a seat and get an envelope, that really bothers me....

kewltif · October 2009

I think that's a good point about how your relationship is with your parents to begin with.IDK- my parents didn't pay for my wedding, so for budget reasons, I felt to keep it a certain size. If they were paying for everything then I really wouldn't have cared at all.My family was reasonable, whereas I felt like my inlaws were a bit ridiculous with inviting everyone and their children. They are much more accustomed to low budget/hall type weddings, so I don't think they comprehend the expense.

brad1431 · October 2009

uppereast, I agree with both of your posts. I think you hit the nail on the head both times

Rosanna'n'Steve · October 2009

I believe as long as you are able to invite all of yo ur friends that you want there, then my parents can invite whoever they want if they are contributing. My parents contributed to the reception and they gave me their guest list, the IL's gave me theirs and then there was ours. Now once we got to a certain point where it was going to be costing us a lot of money, we definitely told them to stop inviting people. And I definitely would never have let my parents tell me that i couldn't invite one of my friends so they could invite one of their's even if they were paying for the entire thing. I would thing most parent's would never do that, but you never know.

kewltif · October 2009

Actually when we asked my MIL to cut some guests she started crying and told DH that she would prefer if we cut our friends instead of "family." And by "family" I mean like cousins of her cousins- people with no blood link.

erikag23 · October 2009

so, brad how are your parent and il's guest list working? you are just deciding who they can and cannot invite?

caketime · October 2009

It is YOUR wedding and YOUR guest list, regardless of who pays, if they want to help out, that is great, but it is your wedding and your guest list.But when you were paying for the church you b*tched and moaned about how since you are paying you want this and that. The money talks, blah blah blah. How is that any different than if they are paying?

kewltif · October 2009

Brad's parents only have one friend so they don't need a list.

ddelo23 · October 2009

My mom paid for my wedding, and I honestly could have cared less who she invited. It just so happened that I knew everyone she invited, but some I don't know very well at all. I graciously accepted her paying for my wedding, so I will graciously accept all of her guests. And either way, yes it's MY wedding, but my mom was excited too, and it was also a day for her to be proud, happy and excited. Why should I take that away from her by not letting her rejoice with her friends too? I'm sure she didn't want to ONLY dance to apple bottom jeans all night with 25-30 years olds!

Lola Minnie · October 2009

Tiff, that is really annoying! How did it pan out, did you invite all those "relatives" from DH's side?

erikag23 · October 2009

might i add, i think it is totally fine to give a number of how many guests each side gets to invite....to keep it fair, but i don't think the bride and groom have to write to pick which guests get the invite.

Lola Minnie · October 2009

I have a high minimum so to an extent, I'm ok with the guest list... I only really get mad at my mom when she wants to invite people that myself or my parents weren't at their wedding. My 2nd cousin "Sue" didn't invite any of her 2nd cousins but since I am inviting a couple of them I am close with - my mom insists I do the right thing and invite all even "Sue" when I wasn't invited to hers. That part annoys me the most.

mscutieri · October 2009

This all sounds very familiar. Both my Fi and his twin brother are getting married soon. FMIL made a list to give both of us (very small with close family and friends only). Upon recieving the lists the FI of Mike's brother mentioned that there was a family member of FI that she didn't like and "refused' to invite to the wedding. This woman he never done anything to be hated, she just doesn't like her. Now my FMIL is in an akward position because she has to try to explain why this one member of the family is being invited to one wedding and not the other -- that seem fair to you?

brad1431 · October 2009

my parents asked if they could invite 3 couples that I have known for over 10 plus years, they are at the house a lot and we both know them. My father in law hasnt said anything about inviting anyone. We told them both we arent inviting anyone who we havent met, we arent meeting anyone for the first time at our wedding.And no problems so far, they havent asked about inviting anyone else. they "threw" us an engagement party and we controlled the guest list to that, no problems.

kewltif · October 2009

How did it pan out? Well since so many of these people were ridiculous invites, the vast majority of them declined or never RSVP'd at all. 50% of their guest list didn't even respond. At the end of the day it wasn't actually an issue, but it was stressful leading up when I was scared that I was going to have to pay for 280 guests.

caketime · October 2009

ahhh it all comes full circle. You have no social graces because neither of your families have any friends to share in a happy occasion. So sad...I kind of pity you now.

Lola Minnie · October 2009

geez, well that's real classy to not even respond! Thank god you didn't get stuck with all of those extra guests from the inlaws side!

brad1431 · October 2009

your right cake, I should invited my FIL boy scout troop, my brother's bowling buddies, my sister's teacher friends, they all should come, just like your in laws golf and work buddies. Maybe I should invited my niece and nephews day care friends too, that would be fun

kewltif · October 2009

Brad- why do you go from 0 to 100 so quickly? How do you not understand that it's one thing to let your parents (in the case where they are footing the bill) invite friends? Now if your sister was paying for your wedding, then I'd say she'd also have the right to invite friends!

caketime · October 2009

You are so backwards and make no sense. Maybe you and your parents should go to counseling to work out your issues. There seem to be quite a lot of them, especially if you think that is how all parents are. So sad, really I just feel for you if this is truly how you go through life.

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

I guess I just don't understand why you would have a problem with people being at your wedding that aren't necessarily close with but are close/important to others in your family.Assuming it's money isn't an issue, why are you so opposed to meeting someone for the first time at your wedding?

ddelo23 · October 2009

There you go again - taking it to lucacris level and going on a tangent.

uppereastgirl · October 2009

"In that case the bride and groom may not mind all of the randoms at the wedding."I don't understand why they are considered random if they are poeple your parents are friends with or have worked with for many years. "Seabass, I mean the situation where the parents are inviting all sorts of business associates/clients etc. I've definitely seen people use weddings as a way to impress business associates. Work friends are friends and I don't think they should be considered any different from neighbors or classmates or any other type of friend. Some people let these things get much more out of hand though, and it is basically any person they've ever spoken to (or anyone they're trying to network with).

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

that *YOU aren't necessarily close with but are close/important to others in your family.

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

uppereast ~ Then I agree with you that in instances like that the parents are showy aholes.

brad1431 · October 2009

I agree again uppereast, if soemone was so close to my parents, why wouldnt FI or I have met them yet??? If they arent close then they are just some golf buddy, co-worker, business acquitance, or political crownie. All of which are not appropriate at YOUR wedding.It is an even to celebrate two families joining together, not for your father or father in law to impress his buddies.

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

Maybe you don't live near your parents? Maybe the person is close to your parent(s) but you are unable to socialize with them? For instance, my FIL sees his business partners on Monday nights, every other week. They do go out socially from time to time but it is usually during the week (golfing, drinking, dinners out) , since they are otherwise retired. In addition, my H and I try to avoid going out during the week if we can help it, plus they golf in the daytime when we both work.

Lola Minnie · October 2009

If I have to read the word golf one more time - I may scream!

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

And just because I personally, or my H, do not socialize with them does not mean they are not a person who is important to someone who is important TO ME. Inviting a friend, coworker, golf buddy of a parent affects MY PARENT/IL who I love, care about, honor, respect. Inviting them, IMO, is a small gesture to show I care about the people who are important to my parents/ILs - not for me, for THEM.

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