Agree or Disagree?

alliecarrie41 · October 2009

to go back to the OP, whoever foots the bill gets a strong say in who attends, period. you don't want your MIL's 20 friends she works with? then you pay the bill.

brad1431 · October 2009

cvl, that is the point I have been trying to make, you FIL or father's coworkers, golf buddies, business or political associates, are ABSOLUTE strangers, just like the mailman or waiter at cheescake factory and have no place at your wedding, which is why we have the if we havent met you, we wont meet you for the first time at our wedding rule. So when I hear this submitting list stuff, which everyone I work with thinks is ridiculous, that is what it sounds like.I am sure there is an exception like an OOT relative, or person who moved away, but I would think is they are important enough to invite to your wedding, you would make every effort to meet them before hand.

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

I was talking about golf, political buddies, or coworkers of IL's, where the father is really just trying to show off, it is very odd...And I think it's very odd that you can't fathom that inviting coworkers, golf or political buddies does not have to be about showing off.

Tara2316 · October 2009

Brad- Wow, I had no idea that it is so terrible to have friends of your parents (even if you never met them) come to celebrate your wedding. I know it was said before, but why is it that you are so opposed to letting your parents have friends to celebrate with their friends? No one here is saying that you need to invite the waiter from the Cheesecake Factory or the mailman or your brothers friends or the whole daycare.. but instead the people they are close to. I think you are exaggerating a bit too much and taking what is said way out of context (as usual). Yes, my parents are paying for the reception and for that I am extremely grateful. Who am I to stamp my feet and tell them they cannot invite a few friends to celebrate? Our list comes first, then they can chose who else they want to invite (same thing with my FIL's). Again, I don't see them inviting friends as them showing off. But if in your eyes thats the case, then I'm proud that my parents want to show off my happiness. I don't see anything wrong with that.

cvl105 · October 2009

They may be strangers to you, but not to your FIL. This could be your FIL's best friend...and just because you never met him, doesn't make this "golf buddy" any less of a best friend to your FIL. People have lives once they get older and don't necessarily spend every waking second with their parents and their friends. If this guy is important enough to your FIL that he spends alot of time with him and would like him to celebrate his daughter's wedding with him...then I would think you would want him there too. But obviously, to each their own.

Rosanna'n'Steve · October 2009

golf buddies, and coworkers is absolutely no comparison to the mailman or cheesecake waiter.....your parents probably don't have a social relationship with the mailman where they hang out and talk every day so you can't compare the two. I don't call up my waiter and ask him to go play golf with me. And why do your parents have to justify their relationship with the person they want to invite if they are paying for them?? This is about if they pay for your wedding, they shouldn't have to justify their relationship to you as long as it does not hinder you from having all the people you want at your wedding. If you want to limit the amount of people that come to the wedding then I can see the argument, but then you just tell them you can invite whoever you want, but we would like it not to go over like 20 people because we want a small wedding and then it is up to them to decide what 20 people they want to invite and not up to you.

mcconvillejulia · October 2009

Personally I think if they are footing the bill they have ALOT of say in many things as well they should...Its not YOUR money its theres.. On the guestlist there was relitavies of my DH that I met for the first time at the wedding, just because he doesnt see them often doesnt mean they are less special.. Same goes for In laws friends or my parents friends it DOESNT mean they are less if you havent met them yet.. and um wake up call your wedding isnt always ABOUT you.. that is a known fact..

ddelo23 · October 2009

I posted this in a different post. but if you have the right to tell your FI within reason what to wear on HER wedding day because YOU'RE paying for the photographer, then this would justify parents who are footing the bill to have say (within reason again) in who they want to be invited after your friends are.

brad1431 · October 2009

your right it isnt about us, it is about the joining of two families, but it most certainly isnt about a father showing off his daughter to his golf/political buddies, or business partners or coworkers....

mscutieri · October 2009

I just KNOW that I'm going to dream about golfing or something ridiculous tonight...ugh.

cvl105 · October 2009

your right it isnt about us, it is about the joining of two families, but it most certainly isnt about a father showing off his daughter to his golf/political buddies, or business partners or coworkers.... I guess we need to agree to disagree...cause I think the wedding is partially about showing off the bride and groom. And if my parents want to show off to their friends how happy I am and want them to celebrate the union of me and Mike and the union of our two families with them, I certinaly won't complain. I think it's nice that they want all their friends to share in our most important day.

uppereastgirl · October 2009

Chelsea, I agree with your type of showing off. I'm thinking you're talking about the "I'm proud of my grown up little girl and want everyone I care about to see how happy and beautiful she and her husband are." But there are other types of showing off too -- the "let me show you how much money I can spend on one day" or the "let me show you how much bigger and better my daughter's wedding is than your daughter's wedding was." When I was talking about showing off, that's certainly what I was talking about. Maybe Brad was too?Also, I think people are kind of crossing wires with the golf buddy/business associate thing. My best friend in the whole wide world could play golf with me every week, and in that case sure, my golf buddy should be invited. Some of my best friends work with me, and one of my coworkers was a bridesmaid. If I had a daughter getting married, of course those people should be invited. But in some cases, we'd be talking about acquiantances we golf with from time to time, or business associates who really are acquaintances. I think those are the types of people who some people would want to exclude. Your parents may be proud but modest, and may be best friends with their golf buddies or coworkers (who you may or may not have met). But there are other people who end up with tons of people invited to their wedding who are their father's client and wife (both whom the father felt he needed to invite for business purposes), etc.

cvl105 · October 2009

agreed...definitely depends on the relationship with these people. If they're mere acquantainces, then I agree, that's AWish. But if they're truly friends they care about, I don't see it as a problem. I guess my parents would just never invite people that weren't their "friends". So I have a hard time thinking other's parents would...which is obviously not always the case.

cvl105 · October 2009

I'm also more or less arguing against the just cause "I have never met them, they shouldn't be invited to my wedding, whether they're my parent's friends or not."

ddelo23 · October 2009

i agree chels - it's the fact that Brad is equating any person that he and his FI don't know to a random mailman, or waiter, or whatever else.

simplycee · October 2009

because it's also one of the biggest days of your parents lives and they want to share it with all their friends tooThis. I can tell you as a parent, that all my daughters' big life events have meant more to me than my own. I was bursting at the seams with pride at my first born's college graduation, even though I was the first college graduate in my family. I expect that my daughter's wedding will be the most exciting day of my life.As for the original post...I think it's obnoxious of parents to insist on being able to make the decisions regarding their chidlren's wedding, simply because they're paying. My daughter's father and I are paying for more than half the wedding and we both are fully respecting her right to make her own choices. The money we offered was given as a 'gift', with no strings attached. My daughter made it very clear that she did not want our co-workers or clients at her wedding and we both willingly agreed. Of course we're both inviting friends (and my daughter, due to our divorce, has not met any of her father's 'new' friends) but a huge majority of the guests are close friends and family of the bride and groom, as it should be.

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