Wedding Etiquette Forum

Family Feud on Invitation Wording

I sent a copy of a customized wedding invitation we are planning to get with traditional wording for the brides parents hosting to my future mother-in-law so she could feel "included" in our wedding planning process since my fiance's parents live 1600 miles away from where the wedding will be held.The response back wasn't, "oh those are nice," but "you should include our names on the invitation."The issue turned into a feud between my mother and my future mother-in-law.  My mother only wants their names on the invitation because they are the ones paying for the wedding, but my fiance's mother wants their names on the invitation too because it is their son...I'm at my wits on this whole issue on what is right or wrong.  I want the traditional wording.  It's my parents giving me away, not the other way around, but I don't want a huge fight over it either.At the end of the day its just about our wedding and not some stupid wording on an invitation.  Its about bringing families together and sharing memories....I need some help....
«1

Re: Family Feud on Invitation Wording

  • What about the wording where it says "mr and mrs bride" invite you to celebrate the marriage of their daughter ewstaley to mr ewstaleyson of "mr and mrs groom"
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Parents suck sometimes.What I did was say John and Jill usvi invite you to the wedding of their daughterLyndausvito mr usvison of MILWell not the exact words, but it implies my parents paid and yet MIL names is still on the invite.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I second stina. Would they be OK with the "son of" wording? Honestly, I discussed invites with our parents beforehand as they're all divorced and remarried. They all said the same thing: "I don't care if my name isn't on the invite as long as his/hers isn't on it either." Yeesh.
  • What's your wording?Mr and Mrs John Smith would like to invite you to the wedding of their daughterMiss Amy SmithtoMr. Jack Jonesson of Mr and Mrs Robert Jones.That's traditional wording where 1) both names are included and 2) It states the bride's parents are hosting, not the groom's.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • Parents suck when it comes to invite wording. I nearly called off the wedding because of my inlaws situation...okay, not that extreme, but I was pretty mad.DH's parents are divorced, but didn't want to announce it on the invite, but couldn't be on the same line because their last names are still the same and wanted to change the formality of the wedding invite. I gave them all kinds of choices, but they wanted me to change my parents' line because their line looked different. In the end, my BM came up with a great rebuttal. "if you show up at the wedding with someone else, that will look stranger than if you're not on the same line."
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • Agree w/ pps. Add "son of FMIL and FFIL" to the invite and avoid family drama. FYI - this statement: [i]At the end of the day its just about our wedding and not some stupid wording on an invitation. Its about bringing families together and sharing memories....[/i] completely contradicts this one: [i]I want the traditional wording. It's my parents giving me away, not the other way around[/i] I think that YOU need to realize that at the end of the day, it's about bringing families together. It IS their son, it IS his wedding too, and you need to be respectful of that.
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
    http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Merymac, I like your new  sig.  Very cute.  Just wanted to let you know! :)Okay, threadjack over.I hate that people go through these issues with invites and parents.  We're hosting, so it's not really an issue. GL with this.
  • Paying =/= hosting.You're not chattel.  They are not "giving you away."  You are not theirs to give.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • One of my girlfriends just went through this argument.  To solve it without either side feeling like they "lost" the fight she decided to word it so that the couple was inviting you.She had both their names listed with the bride's name followed by "daughter of mom & dad" and grooms name followed by "son of MIL/FIL." 
  • To repond back to msmerymac post I was using just the traditional wording:Mr. & mrs. peter johns request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter...It has been brought up that I completely remove the parents names off the invitation and that is something we are considering, but unfortunate....
  • One all inclusive would be to do "Together with their parents..." but that probably won't make anyone happy.
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
    http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • It has been brought up that I completely remove the parents names off the invitation and that is something we are considering, but unfortunate....Huh?  I agree with everyone else - your parents invite everyone to the marriage of their daughter to your FI, son of his parents.  Should please everyone.
  • I think you should reconsider taking everyone's names away. How much is this going to kill you to add their names? And your parents have the better spot on this invite. It'll mean a lot to your FILs.
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • Ditto everyone else: "Son of" takes care of it nicely. ILs' names are on the invitation, but it's still clear that your parents are the ones hosting.
  • the suggestion to have the couple hosting with the parent's names is actually a great idea.  I guess you could look at this is several different ways.  It's our wedding and that is what is most important.  My fiance has been very supportive in helping me come up with a resolution and in trying to make everyone happy... if that is even possible :]
  • Do you think that's going to satisfy your parents? From your original post, it seems as if they really want their names at the top as the hosts. And if they're paying for it all, I actually can understand that.
  • Just understand that $ = strings = power. The only sure way to guarantee that you get the wedding that YOU want is to pay for it yourself. I fear this may not be the last drama battle you find yourself in - prepare yourself.
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
    http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • We did just the regularMs. Jane SmithMr. Joseph Jonesrequest the honour etc.etc/Groom parent agreed that was the way it should be done as they will be on the invite when their daughters marry.Personally, I wouldn't die on this hill though
  • I can see why my mother has an issue since they are paying for the wedding.  However, I can also see why my MIL wants their names because it is their son.I appreciate everyone's comments.  I believe all your feedback will give me the fuel to make the right choice.Thank you
  • Cacoffer - thanks!So OP, your parents don't want the grooms' parents names ANYWHERE on the invitation? Is that why you can't do "son of..."? Because I would tell them it's that or no parents' names at all on the invitation.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • OK!  After reading all your suggestions we've decided to go with the following (example):Katelyn Ann Johnsdaughter of mr. & mrs. peter johns andBlake Alexander Harrisson of mr. & mrs. bradley harris request the pleasure of your company at the celebration of their union saturday, the twenty-fourth of september two thousand and eleven half past seven o'clock in the evening the drake hotel 456 east monterey road los angeles, california reception to follow
  • Looks great!
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • I hope those aren't your real names.And if your parents wanted to "advertise" that they're paying for the wedding, this is definitely not the way to do it. This is very fair for wording. I like it, just saying that if they wanted to have that top spot to look like they are hosting, this is not it.
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • the example wasn't their real names.  I pulled it off the wedding invitation website.  :]
  • Oh ok, your explanation tells me SO much about the original post. I like your dad, and you should definitely put their names on the invite like you have. Your mom is just not thinking about the other family. You got it right, not her.
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If they want top billing I would have Mr and Mrs Smith invite your to the union of their daughter Jane to John Brown Son of  Mr and Mrs Brown..    






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Yep, that version says you and your FI are hosting the wedding.  That's the version we're using, basically, as we are hosting the wedding and we wanted to include our parents names.  The version posted earlier is really what's "accurate" for your situation, per your previous posts.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Here's what you posted as your latest idea: Katelyn Ann Johnsdaughter of mr. & mrs. peter johns andBlake Alexander Harrisson of mr. & mrs. bradley harris request the pleasure of your company at the celebration of their union saturday, the twenty-fourth of september two thousand and eleven half past seven o'clock in the evening Here are the problems/challenges with that:1.  This says that you and FI are hosting the wedding.  If you are totally prepared to do everything related to hosting a wedding - from paying for it to greeting people instead of hanging out with bridesmaids - then that's fine.  But usually brides and grooms do not host the wedding unless they are having a very very casual wedding that would allow for the bride and groom to do the hosting duties as well as get married.2.  This says that your parents are not supportive of the marriage - or else they would be listed on the top line of the invitations as the hosts of the event.  From what you've said, I don't think that's your parents' position.3.  "celebration of their union" sounds like you had a DW earlier, and now you are having one of those at-home receptions that few people go to, because they are pisssssed that they weren't good enough to be invited to the ceremony but they are close enough to bring a big gift to your gift-collection party.  Need to re-word that to say either "wedding" or "nuptuals" or "marriage."4.  It's "two thousand eleven."  Or "twenty eleven."  Not "two thousand and eleven."  Ten years ago, we didn't say "Nineteen and ninety-nine."  We didn't say "One thousand, nine hundred ninety nine."  We said "Nineteen ninety-nine."5.  Never use "past" in an invitation.  Your time is "half after seven."6.  And you don't have to put "in the evening" because no one is going to think you mean 7:30 a.m.
  • Yeah, now that I look at it, it looks like you and FI are hosting the event. This is not so, so you may want to rethink this before giving your mom a heartattack.
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • Here is how I would word it: Mr. & Mrs. Peter Johns request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Katelyn Ann Jones to Blake Alexander Harris son of Mr. & Mrs. Bradley Harris Saturday, the twenty fourth of September two thousand eleven half past seven in the evening
    Anniversary
    White Knot
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards