Wedding Etiquette Forum

it's my wedding right...?

2

Re: it's my wedding right...?

  • I think the pasta options are good ones and I would be okay with that, but at my wedding that would not have been okay with the older men at the wedding. If I were you, I'd listen to mom and throw in a meat lasagna.
  • But I've always known where my food comes from. I've even petted my food in the field.Me too!  I can see this thread spiraling out of control into the meat eater/hunter vs. the vegetarian.
  • Caly, what about people who can't eat dairy and cream based products - that would be both your pastas.
  • It actually wouldn't bother me. I'm not a big meat eater, so I typically don't eat meat at receptions anyway. Unless, of course, it's something super yummy like a puppy burger.
  • Erm.  What about people who can't eat wheat?  Or salad dressings?Or, you know, the ones for whom a high carb meal is a health hazard?

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Sarah - You're totally right!  I would only be able to eat the salad and steamed veggies because of being lactarded.
  • Think how TO'd you'd be with no vegetarian option at a wedding, take care of those at your wedding who eat meat.The difference being that a vegetarian CAN'T eat meat, whereas someone else might just PREFER to not eat pasta or salad (baring celiac's, etc). I've yet to encounter someone with a moral crusade against lettuce.Moose - my dad was a hunter (not a good one, but we had a few deer when I was growing up), so I've seen that aspect of it. If not for the fact that it causes severe migraines for me, at one point I might have been okay eating sustainable, humanely-raised meat. I'm much more okay with hunting than factory farms. At this point, though, I'd be uncomfortable killing animals if I don't need to in order to survive. But like I said, my FI eats meat all the time, and that's his choice. I really don't mind.
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  • Unless, of course, it's something super yummy like a puppy burger.DED.
  • FI is diabetic.Carbs are bad.  Very bad.  Diabetes is quite common in N. America.  That meal is a diabetics nightmare.  We really would have to leave.  This isn't just me saying "Serve meat, ya hippie!"  It's me saying that diet would skyrocket his sugars.  Then he'd crash.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • At some point, I think it's becoming ridiculous to cater for ALL special diets. And I say this as someone with a special diet, who has occasionally had to eat iceburg lettuce for dinner, etc. Something (anything) wheat free is probably thoughtful. As would be things that are dairy-free, or at least with the dairy on the side. But just because great aunt Bertha is allergic to strawberries doesn't mean you need to have a berry-free reception. Adults are used to managing their own diets, and if they have severe dietary restrictions, many will eat either before or after, or ask if the caterer can whip up something simple and within their diet.
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  • Wading, are you seriously suggesting that a couple should give up on their own moral values to accommodate your Fh's unusual dietary needs? Seriously? If someone is on that stringent a diet that they can't have any pasta or make a meal of the other offerings, they should probably check in with the host about the food ahead of time.
  • OOOH! totally true about living on a farm~ I did too and have no problem eating meat from my house because I know the animals were treated well.. my fiance says that they are still being taken to the butcher... no more description needed...lol... but maybe I could convinve him to have meat from my house at the reception... unless my mom backs down a little about the whole thing
  • Again, is your mom paying for the food? Because if she is then I think your FI will need to be the one to back down, not her. Or tell him he can have is vegetarian reception if he wants to pay for it himself.
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  • ps... I'm not discussing people that have ridiculous allergies... I have 2 friends that this applies to~ one requested PB& J- i know ridiculous,,, but she even requested that at her wedding... lol... and the other told me which veggies and fruits she's allergic to so we're having a seperate plate for her... so that's all covered...
  • caly,Do you wear shoes or carry a purse?Are they made from leather or man made materials.btw, the only real vegetarian I believed didn't eat meat for ethical reasons did not wear leather in any form.
  • and yes my parents are paying for it~ but they continue to tell me that its my day and I should have what I want... then say things we cant do or have to do... there's several others... this is just the big one at the moment
  • The difference being that a vegetarian CAN'T eat meat, whereas someone else might just PREFER to not eat pasta or salad (baring celiac's, etc). I've yet to encounter someone with a moral crusade against lettuce.Vegetarian's CAN eat meat, they CHOOSE not too.  I am lactose allergic, not intolerant, I actually break out in hives from dairy with lactose.  But I am serving dairy at my reception.It all boils down to that a reception is a party FOR YOUR GUESTS.  Great if they all love vegetarian food, but if they expect meat, give the people what they want.
  • Well, you have your answer right there.  Your parents say no to the vegetarian reception.She who pays, says
  • and I am really interested in your answer to the shoe & purse question I asked.tia
  • Vegetarian's CAN eat meat, they CHOOSE not too. No.  A vegetarian cannot eat meat.  If they eat meat, they are not a vegetarian.
  • Yes they can, it is a choice.  Humans by genetics and biochemical makeup are omnivores.  Being a vegetarian is a choice not like having a food allergy or having an illness.
  • Tim's been a vegetarian since he was 4, his parents are not, he chose to be. No leather belts, no leather shoes - he's hardcore. If he eats meat, he gets sick. He once ate a piece of pepperoni, a single piece by accident and he was throwing up for quite some time. His body can not handle it.
  • I will also add that Tim knows not to expect food he can eat and sometimes all he will eat at an even is bread and he's okay with that.
  • [quote] I am lactose allergic, not intolerant, I actually break out in hives from dairy with lactose. But I am serving dairy at my reception. [/quote] But you don't have a MORAL objection to dairy, do you? Huge difference.
  • Nope.  Cows and dairy are great.
  • Well while I think in a lot of cases parents being controlling because they are paying is crappy, I think in this case your mom is just trying to be a good host. And since they are paying and "putting it on", then they would be the one's serving the meat, not your FI who is so against it.
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  • I'm morally opposed to smoking, but when people did so at the outdoor ceremony I didn't throw a fit. Tim and I are opposed to alcohol and frankly just don't understand why anyone would need, want, or have to consume it for any reason, ever. Yet we served it at our wedding.
  • As somebody with some odd dietary restrictions, I can tell you it's a pain in the butt when there are limited food choices, or menus that eliminate entire categories of food (like meat).  I would recommend that you try to find at least one meat entree that you can be comfortable serving.  Poultry of some sort would be the most universally appealing, I think, but might not suit you all. Also - I'm asking for guests with food allergies or dietary restrictions to please note that on the back of the RSVP card so that I can ensure they have a meal they can eat that night.  I would sincerely have appreciated this had anyone ever asked me in the past.  If you're having a limited menu and you can't find a way to offer a broader selection, I really recommend you try to do something similar.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • It's not "your" day.  The reception is for the guests - so it's not what you want but what THEY would want.  If the food served is only going to be about what keeps your FI happy then he should think about hosting a party for one.And I'm also curious about the answer to OOT's question.  Even better, I'm wondering what your FI wears and uses.  Will he eat marshmallows, use glycerin-based soaps or other animal products?  If he went to a friend's home with those items would he just not use them? 
  • If your mom is paying for it, and she thinks serving meat is being a good host, it really doesn't matter what you want.
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