stay-at-home wives

louisvillebride21 · October 2009

If we were totally comfortable, I would enjoy having an afternoon part time job (I despise mornings). Or, if we had more money than was just comfortable, I would love to be able to potentially 'waste' some of it and start my own event planning business or flip houses and do most of the work myself. Or go to culinary school. I'm not sure I would consider at SAHW lazy, but I couldn't do it for very long, like 2 weeks max. We also plan for me to be a SAHM for quite awhile, like longer than 1st grade. I would like to see them through the begining of high school. During late elementary/early middle school, I do plan on trying to get involved with an event planning company. While I'm not officially working, I plan on being super domestic and really involved with their school.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

In my book, there's also a HUGE difference between SAHM and SAHW. My mom stayed at home from the time I was born until my brother went to kindergarted - 8 years. SAHM moms 1) get to experience more of their children's younger years 2) have a lot more work to do than SAHWs and 3) would otherwise most likely be spending a huge amount of money on child care, so that could be a good financial decision.

MissSarah786 · October 2009

During summer, my non working time, I was able to -clean everything, this included scrubbing the floors and showers weekly and taking a tooth brush to the grout lines. -do laundry -cook -pay the bills -exercise for an hour -and be totally lazy on the computer for at least 3-4 hours a day. You don't need all day to do these things, it's a bit different if you throw a kid into the mix, but I don't think it takes all day to get those things done.

blenderdance · October 2009

I also want to add that I just asked DH how he would feel if I just decided that I wanted to stay home assuming he made enough to afford it. He said he didn't think he would really care. I think that is kind of nice to know--I mean, I love my job, so I'm not going anywhere, but it is kind of sweet that he wouldn't have a problem with it.

thesuninherhead · October 2009

Blender, a PhD is difficult enough to maintain motivation for without trying to do it at the same time as caring full time for children. I'd be reconsidering that plan a little if I was you- if you really want to have your PhD finished, that is. Seems a little too optimistic! I have a friend who did most of her PhD before having a baby. That was 4 years ago now and she's still putting the final touches on the thesis!

wadingmoose · October 2009

I don't think "lazy" at all. Some that I know are heavily involved in volunteer efforts.And I'm supremely jealous of their spotless homes. I just don't have the time/effort to do that plus work full time. It's even worse now that I"m going to school as well.

temerityjane · October 2009

I don't think this is a matter of what is "acceptable" and what isn't, and I don't think that SAHWs have to live up to someone else's standards to make it "okay" for them to be staying at home.I totally appreciate that some people couldn't do it, whether you'd be bored, or you'd feel like other people were judging you, or whether you'd judge yourself.Even after reading all of this, though - as long as we are financially comfortable, we don't see a reason for me to work unless I feel like it. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. I take on projects as they interest me, so I appreciate that that's not EXACTLY the same as being a "true" SAHW.However, I don't feel like this is a matter of whether it is "okay" or not for people to do. I don't feel like a person needs to have kids to justify staying at home. Actually, I don't feel like anyone needs to justify staying at home.It's understandable if it's not for you, but the attitude that is is "unacceptable" for someone else unless they meet specific conditions or goals that reflect YOUR values is a little over the top judgey.

Nebb · October 2009

I reserve full right to consider something unacceptable, its just my opinion that if you have a lot of spare time because you dont work that time should be used in some constructive way. Doesnt mean I think those people are awful horrible people, i just think if I was in their position I would use my time differently.

blenderdance · October 2009

thesun-For the most part I would agree with you on getting the PhD with a small child at home...but the program that I am considering is actually designed for teachers who are working full time while completing it--so it is a little different than a typical PhD program...otherwise there is no way I would be thinking about it

Sabina1313 · October 2009

My sister is a SAHM is she is anything BUT lazy. lol Being a SAHM is a 24/7 job, and it's definitely not easy... At least until you can ship them off to school. At that point I can see getting bored maybe, but until then, it is anything but easy... I've babysat for a few days at a time and it is TOUGH. Hard work and she doesn't get paid for it. Personally I can't wait to be a SAHM (FI and I have discussed it at length). But I also really don't like my job, so that has a lot to do with it. If I really loved my job I'm sure I'd want to take some time off then get back to it. But I can't see myself wanting to go back to the one I have now

MissSarah786 · October 2009

I love, love, love my job! It's so great! I could not imagine leaving it. Now that might change with a little one at home, but Tim and I already know that our kids will be staying with his parents while we work (but I may take up to 6 months off for each pregnancy). We live in CA and to afford a house out here, even with the prices so low, you need 2 incomes or an income making at the very least low 6 figures.

EmmaBride2B · October 2009

Sorry to totally geek out here, but this conversation is very interesting to me from a historical perspective. During the 19th century "women's work" (cleaning, cooking, raising children) became increasingly invisible as more importance was put on men being the sole "breadwinner". Basically, what they did at home (despite the fact that it was A LOT to get done in a day, especially without modern appliances) wasn't thought of as work, it was the new "leisure". I guess that stereotype has sort of carried over. I see both sides. If you sit at home and watch TV all day that seems pretty silly to me, I'd go crazy. But man, with both of us going to school full time right now, it is RIDICULOUS the way crap piles up at home, it really DOES seem like a full time job, especially when I try to cook something besides a frozen pizza a few times a week.

Sabina1313 · October 2009

oh I totally misread the title, I thought it was stay at home MOM'S, not stay at home wives. My bad!I'd still stay at home if I could, I think. But I'd definitely find ways to keep busy. Mmm cooking classes

wadingmoose · October 2009

And, yes, I'd be fine with it if FI wanted to stay home. At this point, he's got his dream job so he's not looking to be a full time housekeeper.I have 2 cats, a dog and a FI. I could easily spend 8 hours a day cleaning, looking after pets, cooking and shopping. I look at things now and FI and I get zero downtime during the week because we're both trying to keep up on everything and it's just not possible.If one of us were home during the day to keep everything clean and tidy and take the dog for the 3 walks a day that he really needs, the other one would have that time after work to relax and unwind rather than make dinner, clean up and go to bed.I really think that housekeeping and cooking have been devalued overtime and it's ridiculous.

wadingmoose · October 2009

I'd also spend time doing things like baking, gardening, preserving etc, all of which saves money and provides some healthy eating with greater control of WHAT you are eating - less salt, sugar and preservatives...

EmmaBride2B · October 2009

"I really think that housekeeping and cooking have been devalued overtime and it's ridiculous." This is what I was trying to say exactly, except I'm less succinct and waaaaaaaay more of a rambler.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

Lyndsey - that is totally true, but even as recently as the 1950s, women (because it was usually women) would spend up to 2 full days a week washing and ironing, alone. Personally, I don't. And even with kids, I wouldn't. Modern fabrics, washer, dryers, dishwashers, and even electricity (when you're considering the 19th century) have cut down dramatically on housekeeping. My grandmother used to tell me about coming home from school and having to clean the rugs that were hanging on the clothesline with a rug beater, and her mother using a washing board (in the 1920s). I can't even imagine.

wadingmoose · October 2009

And, I NEVER find time to clean the windows properly - inside and out, or air out my linens, or clean the blinds and curtains properly, my carpets really should be steamed, surfaces dusted, etc way more often as well.I'd really like to be able to steam my carpets more often as well.These days, when I'm home alone, I don't do anything because that's my downtime. Even when I have my Friday's off, I'm picking up groceries, cleaning, doing laundry, hitting the doctor, cooking dinner, etc. FI and I would also really like to entertain and travel way more than we do, but neither of us have the time or energy to do so. One of us staying at home would really help with that.

wadingmoose · October 2009

Even modern fabrics often need ironing. My pants won't hold a crease through washing and even if I take my shirts out of the dryer and hang them immediately, they're not crisp and neat.

Mrs.B6302007 · October 2009

moosey and I would make a great cleaning team!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

Hmm. It also occurs to me that I have a cleaning service clean my house every 2 weeks, so I guess I'm fine with continuing that arrangement. I'd rather work than scrub my bathroom, and if I didn't work, I wouldn't have housekeepers, since it would be a superfluous use of money!Having the cleaning service dust, scrub the bathroom and mop floors allows me more time to do things like wash the curtains when I do houecleaning, too.

EmmaBride2B · October 2009

Yes, that was my point about modern appliances. But I still think that seeing some of these comments seems to suggest that housework isn't very valuable. I guess I just can appreciate it lately because it's piled up like crazy lately. I'd truely love for the apartment to be immaculate, be caught up on laundry, to cook more (because I love it). But there just aren't enough HOURS in a day. Here I am rambling again. But I guess my point is there's still plenty to do besides watching tv.

wadingmoose · October 2009

And, around here the cost to get a maid in once a week used to be about $125. They would spend about 1-2 hours at my house and all they'd do is vacuum, wash floors, do the bathrooms and dust.I'm sure the cost is much higher now.I sure as hell don't make $60/hour. Yet if I stayed home to do that, it's valued much lower than if I pay someone to do it.

wadingmoose · October 2009

So, msmerymac, do you look down on the people providing your cleaning service?Or is it just people who don't get "paid" for it who are devalued?

EmmaBride2B · October 2009

Heh, well we don't have a cleaning service, so things don't get tidied up here past the bare minimum. I just want to get relax after I get home, same with DH. Think of all the stuff you have your cleaning person do, plus all the things you do, plus all the things you wish you had time to do. If your list is anything like mine, it's PLENTY to fill an 8 hour day like any other job.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

Moose, I don't look down on anyone for doing anything. I don't look down on people for cleaning their own homes, and I don't look down on people who clean homes and get paid for it.I was just musing that I couldn't fill my time with JUST cleaning and cooking, and that I handle that while working full time. (Nebb agreed with this btw - she also said she couldn't fill 40 hours a week with house work). I forgot that I don't have to clean the bathroom, etc, but honestly, that's only saving me maybe 4-5 hours a week, since they send 2 maids in for about 2 hours.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

Yeah, I mentioned that I COULD fill an 8 hour day, but I'm also concerned I would be more ambitious than productive. Like, I'd LOVE to wash the outside of the windows, but it's one of those things that's easy to procrastinate about. I'd LOVE to start up a community garden plot, but I'd also be afraid of failing at it. So going to a job where they tell me "this is what you are doing today" and then pay me tangible money just seems like a better idea right now.

sarabellam · October 2009

I ADORE my summers off (well, the 6.5 weeks that I actually get). But I can't see myself as a fulltime SAHW. I did the SAHM bit for a year, and it was tough. Right now I'm the sole breadwinner in my house, and have been for 2 weeks. While I'm not thrilled with the added expense of my husband's car payment and student loan, there is something REALLY appealing about coming home to my children already picked up from the schoolbus, the laundry already washed dried and folded, and dinner simmering on the stove. Don't get me wrong, we are both going to be uber-relieved when he gets a job. But I'm not chafing too much here.

Nebb · October 2009

I would point out that the more often you clean, the less time it takes to do it each time (because there is less build up of dirt). Though I do like wadings idea of gardening for those reasons, but I see that as similar to a hobby/occupation. For some reason I dont see it the same as housework.

goheels05 · October 2009

I missed where anyone claimed that cooking and cleaning takes/could potentially take 40 hours a week, so I'm not sure what your point is, Mac. I'm not sure how 40 hours a week is relevant to anything, really. I don't know anyone who's job takes EXACTLY 40 hours a week, not a minute more, not a minute less (there'd be a lot less of us knotting from 9-5, that's for sure). The maid service thing is a good point. When we lived in Charlotte, most of our coworkers had a maid service, especially among couples where both spouses were CPAs. When you bill between $280-$900 an hour, you're damn right it's worth it to pay someone to clean your house, especially when you work 60 hours a week and every free hour is precious. That's reason #58,922 that so many partners at our firm had SAH spouses--it's nice to enjoy your free time with your spouse rather than having to spend it doing housework.

stay-at-home wives

Re: stay-at-home wives

Choose Another Board

Search Boards