stay-at-home wives

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

Well I don't make anything like that, but that's also why my maid service only comes in every other week. I don't want to pay for every week.Now that you mention it, when I factor in my commute and my lunch hour, I easily am at work (or on my way) 11 hours a day. And I'm a part time grad student. And FI works (actual work, not commuting) at least 60 hours a week. And we travel, since we don't have kids. Or dogs. So I guess I just like to keep really, really busy.

wadingmoose · October 2009

You can be busy without having a job.

eastunder1 · October 2009

I think calling someone lazy just because they don't work in a traditional sense is smug and rude. It reminds me of mothers who say that women who don't want children are selfish. Different strokes for different folks. Just because YOU (universal you) don't agree with it or would never do it doesn't mean it is wrong or the people who are SAHW are somehow lesser or lazier people. People who don't work in the usual sense usually handle all the cleaning, all the laundry, the majority of the cooking, most errands, ect ect. They ARE contributing to the household and the "team." Like others said too, a lot of them volunteer and find meaninful ways to fill their free time other than just shopping and eating bon bons on the couch. If one person makes enough money that the couple isn't financially hurting from someone staying at home and it works for them as a couple, who is anyone else to say they shouldn't be doing that?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

You can be busy without having a job.Some people can, but I can't. Unless I had kids. Or was in school full time, obviously. But that wouldn't be considered a SAHW.

wadingmoose · October 2009

Really? So when you're not at work, all you're capable of doing is sitting and staring at a TV?That's kinda...sad.

veronabrit · October 2009

if i could financially swing this, I totally would, but I would do a lot of charity work, and make that my "job." I'd also be incredibly fit as I'd be taking pilates classes and working out everyday.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

I don't know. I don't watch TV now. I have a full time job and I go to school 2/3 time (6 credits instead of 9). I'm usually busy doing social stuff with FI on the weekends. Before school I worked 2 jobs. I guess if I didn't do all that I would volunteer more and stuff, but I don't know that ironing or re-doing my grout, or even canning could keep me occupied 24/7, 365. If I volunteered to tutor or worked a community garden, I wouldn't consider that being a SAHW. Because then I'd have something akin to a job, even if it was part-time or non-paying.

katiewhompus · October 2009

I took a half step toward sahw when I took my current job. I went from a job where I was working 50 hours a week (not including a 2 hour commute each day) to a job working about 36 hours a week. Dh picked up more hours at his job to make up for the pay decrease, which was quite a bit. Both of us agree that it was 100% worth it. Now I have time to clean the house, cook dinners, do laundry, and generally make our house a happy one. It is such a huge difference for both of us and since we could swing it financially we did. Whenever I start to feel guilty about it Dh just reminds me of what our life used to be. We'd see each other for an hour a day, and I would cry pretty much every day because work was horrible. We definitely want to be in a financial position so I can be a sahm, but I don't think my guilt would let me be a sahw. After supporting myself for so long its really hard earning what I do right now and not feeling like I contribute enough to the household.

fangsiting · October 2009

I'd rather work & hire a maid. I hate cleaning & if I stayed at home I would feel obligated to clean.

wadingmoose · October 2009

::headdesk::or::Facepalm::"I don't want to do that work. Therefore, those who do are lazy."

punkyb2b · October 2009

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be judged by a bunch of people on here for admitting that I am a stay at home wife with no intention of ever having kids. I may not ever even hold a full time job although I have gone to school for years and years. and we have a cleaning person come in every other week and I dont cook.It works for us right now. It would be hard for me to have a career since we travel between 2 cities for DH's career. Do I miss my career in medicine? def. and sh*t I spent years in school for my degree. One day I will practice again. I am not lazy, nor do I spend my day cleaning, ironing, or cooking. Guess my priorities are different than what some of you think SAHW's priorities should be. Oh well. DH and I dont have an issue with how we live.

SassyBrass · October 2009

Right now I'm the one who works, FI goes to school full time. He couldn't swing a job if he wanted to. He always tells me "When I get the degree, I want you to be able to do whatever you want". As soon as he gets more money (he gets paid for school anyhow) he's hoping I can get a different job. Now if the day comes I don't want to work, I think I could manage it. Of course, I'd expect to have an awesome garden (I enjoy gardening anyway), I'd expect to be in great shape, and I'd be excited to go work on something I have an interest in- some kind of philanthropic work. I've always worked so I wouldn't be "STAY at home" by any means. Eventually I'd find myself getting something part time.Having kids is different. I'd hate to miss out on some of the important things if I didn't have to. My mom doesn't work right now and it bums me out. It's like she created her own prison. She doesn't clean all day, volunteer, nothing. I couldn't do that. I know for sure.

MissSarah786 · October 2009

Punky, can I ask what you do with your time?

aMrsin09 · October 2009

Super late to this, but I too am a SAHW right now. Have been for a year (well a SAHFI) and will be until at least next year. I became unemployed at teh same time we got engaged. Oh yeah, guess which SAH got to plan a wedding, an immigration and an international move? Now that I am here, I can legally work, but the US tax laws combined with the OZ tax laws, I may end up owing them at the end of every pay period. Once we get to France, yeah no work visa for me... So now that the wedding and most of the move is over, I can stay here and work, or spend the first year of our marriage unemployed, but with DH. Judge if you must...

punkyb2b · October 2009

I do a lot, a lot of volunteer work with a few hospitals, I sail (when the weather is nice), i train for races (running), I take a language class (when I can make it), I plan our weekends, and I do do stuff around the house. And I spend time at the bookstore down the street reading. I tutor students, I hang out with friends. Not every day is boring. Not every day is filled from start to finish. I try to fill the days that DH is at work with stuff though otherwise, I get antsy.

temerityjane · October 2009

My situation is pretty much the same, punky, except I do microwave things and sometimes cook if I feel like it. On the days/weeks I'm not working on a project, I don't spend the day doing household chores - we do them together on the weekends.I don't really feel obligated to be in perfect shape, have perfect make up constantly, be a stellar cook and spend my hours volunteering.Like I said above - it's fine to say that you couldn't be happy doing it yourself, but Buddy and I are perfectly happy with the way things are and don't really feel like we have to be up to someone else's standards.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

"I don't want to do that work. Therefore, those who do are lazy."I don't know if you're refering to me, but I never said that. Now you're just making shiit up. I don't think that at all. I don't want to do that work all the time. Period. I respect people who do because I sure as hell don't.

punkyb2b · October 2009

And this is gonna offend some of you but I'll say it anyway. If DH ever said "I want you to stay home when we have kids." I would never have married him. It always sounds to me like the man is saying his career is more important or he's above staying home with the babies. But I'm never having kids. and my Dh has said many times, I cant imagine you as a stay at home mom. you would go nuts. yup I would. I would be a great mom, but an awful stay at home one.

punkyb2b · October 2009

huh. Resent everyone who has that "luxury" LesPaul? Thats a bit extreme. Not everyone who is a stay at home wants to be there. Its not SAH people's fault that you had a crap ex and as you say, had to work. Did you plan on getting married not for the companionship or love but apparently for the hope of staying at home? What if you had never gotten married? who would have been supporting you then?

LesPaul · October 2009

punky - I have been working since I was 16, and completely self-sufficient since I was 18. I did not get married just to be able to stay at home, but it would have been nice to have been home for my kids. I'm not getting into the mommy wars here - it is just my preference to not have them in daycare until they were in elementary school. But this didn't happen for a variety of reasons. I am a CPA with a master's degree, so I am fully capable of suporting myself, regardless of whether or not I ever married. And fully capable of supporting my children because their loser father refused to participate. I'm not referring to those who want to be productive and have circumstances preventing it. I'm on the verge of a potential layoff myself, and may be an involuntary SAH wife myself soon. And I know I'm biased by my own experiences - people in my life who don't deserve the SAH experience they enjoy at the expense of someone else.

fangsiting · October 2009

"I don't want to do that work. Therefore, those who do are lazy."This is after my comment, but I hope you aren't referring to me. I just said I didn't want to do that kind of work. I didn't say anything about being lazy. I'm impressed with anyone who cleans. I hate doing it because I'm lazy.

mocha beans · October 2009

Late here, but I think I would actually not mind as much as I thought I would. For my 2-ish months of unemployment, I was bored for a few weeks but then got up and figured out some hobbies to do, like canning and gardening.If we ever get into the financial situation where I can stay home, and we don't really need the extra money my income would bring in, I would probably do it. If we can maintain our lifestyle comfortably plus some on his current income, I could see me not working because I'm not making much and the hours that I can get with my education level aren't that great, mostly 2nd shift type hours. If I stayed home now, I'd be working on my bachelor's and then PhD, I'd be working on Suzie Homemaker type hobbies, and we'd be able to spend our weekends together because there wouldn't be really any house chores to do. I'd do some type of volunteering if the college schedule allowed for it, and if we get to build a house I'd be designing and decorating it. I could totally get into making my own draperies and doing upholstery and furniture refinishing. And I'd be reading a good bit of stuff, just to keep my mind sharp.I don't think FI would mind me being a SAHW, if we are financially comfortable. He makes a good income. But, when I'd get my PhD, I would be easily making more than he can unless he busts his balls working overtime. In that case, I have no problem being the primary earner and him either staying home altogether or having a one man plumbing shop that brings in a few bucks. As long as I would have good benefits and we're comfortable.

cbvcru67 · October 2009

Many of the SAHW I've encountered in my life were able to stay at home because they and their husband were fairly well off. Alot of times, they had additional "responsibilities" on their plates because of the prestige/positions their husbands held. In that respect, there were charity boards you were expected to be a part of, community groups you needed to work with, people you were regularly playing golf with. Like Verona mentioned, there was alot of pressure to look right and be fit, as well as keep the home spick and span. No, it might not fill 40 hours, but I did think alot of these women were busier than you would imagine. I wouldn't say it was a hard life, but it could be, depending on the husband, and it was definitely harder than I initially thought.that being said, I wouldn't mind it if I had similar things to keep me busy, but in my current lifestyle and habits, I don't know how I could happily fill my days in that role.

kebmtm071605 · October 2009

I'm a SAHM, but that his a lot different than a SAHW. Being a SAHW screams laziness to me too. Yeah, I guess you could sit around cooking and cleaning all day long and running errands. But there are plenty of people who manage to do all that and hold down full-time jobs.

aMrsin09 · October 2009

reading all these responses was enlightening. So much for the feminist movements claim of "just wanting us to have choices". When one does excercise the choices, they are put down and ridiculed. And it's not just you guys. I learned way back in the 80s/90s living in DC, that no, we didnt really have a choice, if you werent working you were looked down upon. .

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