No reply cards

wyney · March 2011

I know that etiquette would consider it rude to include reply cards.

I know that etiquette barely cares about this issue, not only because most people do it, but also because most people do it and guests usually actually like it.

And I know that this deviation was only partially driven by stationers and paperies pushing more paper, with it's main motivation being frantic brides, clueless guests, and modern times...in which people don't seem to have everyday stationery or ability to mail things that aren't pre-stamped.

So now it's normal to include reply cards and very few people would think it's rude.

Do you think people are so used to having them, that they wouldn't be able to figure out how to reply without one? I don't mean to suggest that people don't know how to reply (which is what reply cards do), but I know that people get a little edgy about everything wedding, and might go into a panic over how to respond.

If you received an invitation, that was clearly addressed to the invitees (about as clear as any other), with a return address, that even had rsvp on it...would you have any reservations with mailing a response on your own?

wyney · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reply-cards-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:0f5500c0-ca4c-4e05-bd7e-bc99e8acbbbfPost:4a79c20e-613d-434f-9490-6ca954f5fd2e">Re: No reply cards</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to No reply cards : I'm not sure I'm understanding what you are asking. Do you mean you don't plan on including an RSVP card? But you are asking if we think guests will just decide to write their own RSVP note and send it to you?
Posted by jena.n.ross[/QUOTE]

I suppose I was asking what people thought about the norming of RSVP cards, and if it's become so normal that they'd be confused or offended if they <em>didn't</em> get one.

As for whether or not I include one, I don't know. My very first instinct would be not to, because I know I would just respond with a note. But I've received reply cards more often than not.

jena.n.ross · April 2011

I have never received a wedding invitation that didn't have an RSVP card (which the SENDER and not the guest stamp). I would be a bit irritated not to get one. I would not pull out a note card and send it to you. If you didn't care enough to send a pre-stamped RSVP card, why should I care enough to pull out some paper, then stamp it myself? If you don't send one, you obviously don't think they're important. Why should the guest find it more important than you?

Be prepared to track down a LOT of guests, when they don't drop you a note.

There has been a bit of a movement to website RSVP. I don't care for it personally, but it is an option (be sure to include a phone number too, for those guests who don't use the internet).

tenofcups4me · April 2011

I've never received a wedding invitation that didn't have some sort of RSVP card or, much more rarely, some indication to call with a response. While I know that they weren't the norm back in the day, I would NOT know that you wanted me to respond in writing without an RSVP card. I'd probably call or email you with my response. (And I'm in my mid-40s; I would guess that younger people would be even more confused.)

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reply-cards-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:0f5500c0-ca4c-4e05-bd7e-bc99e8acbbbfPost:7beee41c-ceae-4194-8ba7-b6547f65049a">Re: No reply cards</a>:
[QUOTE]You are asking the wrong people. Posters on this board care about proper etiquette, and usually try to follow it. I think what you really want to know is, will your guests follow proper etiquette? From what I have seen on many Knot boards, I would guess, probably not.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I would know what to do, and I'd pull out my stationary and write and appropriate response. But, I'm a stickler for etiquette. </div><div>
</div><div>The majority of people aren't. You kind of have to know your guests. Most of my family and friends are pretty clueless, and would assume they could just show up. Or a few would call/email, saying their response card was accidently left out and RSVP that way. </div><div>
</div><div>Unless you are coming from a circle of really traditional people that tend to follow traditional etiquette rules, I would say that you'll probably end up tracking down a lot of RSVPs if you decide not to include response cards. </div>

jess9802 · April 2011

I find it sad that so many people can't figure out how to respond to an invitation without having the hosts hold their hands and provide the card, envelope, and stamp. Of course, even doing all that does not guarantee a response. I am skipping response cards and simply indicated in the lower left corner of the invitation that a reply was requested by a particular date. If that reply comes via the traditional and proper written letter, great. If it comes via e-mail or telephone, fine. If I have to call a couple of people, whatever - my past experience with response cards is that I'd be doing it anyway.

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