Can I chose my bridesmaids shoes?

MustangAngela04 · February 2010

I think it's fine to have them all have the same pink shoes...but if they've already bought the dresses, unless the dresses were really inexpensive the BMs were probably not planning on spending more $$$ to be in your wedding.

I think you should buy shoes - assuming that they will be comfy for everyone. Either ballet flats or sandals are something everyone can handle.

As for the pearls...I think if the BMs are wearing the same dress and shoes you should let them express a little individuality and choose their own jewelry!

krmabojo · February 2010

I would say if you want them to have matching pink shoes, you need to pay for them. The ones you pick the BMs may not find comfortable. No one likes buying shoes that are uncofortable- they will never wear them again. Also keep their comfort in mind.

If you want them to wear hot pink shoes ask them to, but let them pick out their own shoes that they find comfortable.

One of my BMs is 6 feet tall and I know she is uncomfortable with her height so I told her (and everyone else) that I would live ivory colored shoes but they can pick them out. heels or flats- I want them to be comfortable.

JHS16 · February 2010

My bridesmaids are in black dresses too, and to brighten them up with our wedding colors (red and purple) I'm buying them all purple shoes. I chose to shoulder the expense myself since:

1) they are already paying for dresses and travel

2) purple isn't a color they could typically wear again

I haven't decided on which ones to get yet, but I'm leaning towards buying them from David's Bridal because they are reasonably priced for buying 6 pairs, AND they can be dyed the same color for a reasonable price. Here's the front runner:

Link for the $50 shoes with 2 3/4 heel (high enough for dresses, low enough to dance)

AlissaLynn · February 2010

YES!!! I am! I think pics of girls with the same dress and different shoes looks so wrong! i picked out the shoes and gave them the link to purchase them on line. they may be uncomfortable, but it's a 30 minute ceremony and 30 minutes of pics. For their gift, I bought matching necklaces that I want them all to wear as well as cute little ballet flats they can change into at the reception. I want what I want, but at the same time I am being considerate of price (shoes were not too much) and comfort (comfy shoes for dancing). Your BMs should understand that it's your day and if you want them all in pigtals and plaid dresses, it's what they do

jinky04605 · February 2010

I would do anything (within reason) that someone asked me to do for them on their wedding. As some other people have mentioned, it is not a big deal.

However, if someone expresses concern to you then definitely take this into consideration. That is showing them you love them

I was completely fine with wearing the same necklace as everyone else in my friend's wedding and I DID consider that a gift. My friend took the time to pick out a necklace that we would all like. She asked us to find silver shoes that would look nice on us. I am doing the same thing for my bridesmaids, I am making them all the same necklace and asking that they get black shoes (except plastic flip flops) that they feel comfortable in.

cukimerrydoll · February 2010

If they can be pink, not not necessarily one exact kind of pink, I think it's reasonable. If they can chose the shoes they want with some color direction it might be worth it to them.

All my girls are wearing black shoes, but they get to decide what the look like (I do get veto power, I just don't want them to be ridiculous).

If the idea of asking your girls to pay for it makes you nervous, ask them to vote on it! Pink or black - let them know what you're thinking, and they are more likely to get on board. My sister/MOH just bought pink shoes a few months ago - which I never expected! If you let them know what you're thinking and give them options, they might end up liking the idea as much as you do.

CoreyS5 · February 2010

I think anything is fair game. I've been in weddings where the bride gave us specific hair length requirements and let us pick our shoes, and I've been in weddings where we have everything chosen for us, from the dress to the jewelry to the shoes. I think that BMs know what's required when they sign on to being a bridesmaid, and they know they might have to buy shoes.

That being said, I'd consider overall look and total costs when you're deciding. If the shoes are really noticeable, then maybe they should be consistent--or if you're choosing a color that's hard to match. But if they're already spending $300 on the dress and alterations alone, and an extra $65 shoe might put someone over the edge (especially if they have to travel to the wedding), that's a lot to ask. It's just weighing options, but ultimately, your BMs will do what you want and you'd like because they want to make your day as special as you do!

susan.geer · February 2010

It's your wedding. Do what you want. My girls are picking their own dress and shoes. I just told them them the color to wear. It all depends on what type of bride you are. If you are the type that wants everything to match down to the shoes, hair, jewlery than do it..it's your day. I just happen to the the opposite and want the girls to be comforatble and feel pretty in what they have on. so, picking their own dress & shoes (of course the dress has to be approved by me) is my way of letting them pick their own style...down to the shoes.

shixrob · February 2010

This is the reason why I do not post anything on sites, its really concerning how hard and fast everyone's rules are. You asked the folks to be in your wedding. They agreed. It would have been great had you been able to tell them what the time and cost commitment would have been from the beginning, but we're beyond that point now. You can give them whatever gift that you want to, if they are your friends, they'll understand and graciously accept. The favor can be returned when they get married in just easily going along with the plan. If you like it, I'm sure that they will love it for you. While one person wants each person to match from their head to toe, another might just want for everyone to have their own style. But, I am almost certain that taking in all of the opinions from all of these people who have their own thoughts and are experts in weddings, tradition, and protocol right now has left you more confused then when you first posted your message.

All the best to everyone in your endeavors, I'm sure that all of your days will be lovely and uniquely you OR seeped in the tradition that you have selected to follow!

mollykempf · February 2010

Of course you can! I've been in plenty of weddings and been told to pick my own, been given the shoes I wore, and purchased a pair specified by the bride. It doesn't make a whole lot of difference. If you were forcing them to buy expensive dresses and expensive shoes, that might be a problem. But as long as you are keeping the cost reasonable, then don't worry about it. It's your day and your photos. That being said, be nice about it and try to keep costs down. These are your best friends, after all. They should love you and want you to be happy. Especially since they know you'll do the same for them on their wedding days! If you have one bridesmaid who's especially bitter about being single or is divorced or something, you might want to handle that carefully since she's likely to be annoyed about everything you ask of her!

I'd pick out 5 options form them in different price ranges and heel heights and email them to the girls. That way, if one girl's budget is tight she can buy the cheapest pair, and if one girl LOVES hot pink and knows she will wear the shoes over again, she can buy a more expensive pair. I asked my bridesmaids to pick short heels or flats since they are all tall girls and I am super short. I send them links when I see shoes that I think will look good with the bridesmaid dresses. Most of them have purchased their shoes already and had no problem accommodating my request, especially since there were cheap options out there! Good luck!

ashley4455 · February 2010

I think you should go dyable shoes. you may want to let them pick the actual shoe, but you can get them to match exactly and then they can always have them dyed black afterward so it's not a complete wast of money on a pair they may never wear agian.

monique026 · February 2010

I thought it was standard that the shoes had to match the dress. They can be dyed really inexpensively (David's Bridal charges $3- a pair, not sure if that only applies to shoes you buy in their store). I'm having all my bridesmaids wear shoes that are dyed to the color of the dresses (apple red) and none of them had a problem with that.

As far as the pearls goes, I had the same idea for all my bridesmaids. I told them their dresses had to be apple red and floor length, but I let them pick their own style and figured matching necklaces would tie them together more. I'm going to buythe necklaces for my girls, since I'm making it a "requirement", but I found them relatively inexpensively on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=me%3DA1QCEII26WHGJ1&field-keywords=pearl&x=0&y=0

libraleo · February 2010

My bridesmaids are not matchy matchy at all. But I don't think that having a "vision" of your wedding day is bad. If your bridesmaids have a disposable income and all have a similar taste as you then I don't think requesting a certain kind of shoe is wrong. For me, I might let them just wear hot pink heels but not a certain kind of style. If they don't have disposable income then I wouldn't force them to buy anything expensive or something they don't like. Especially since they have to buy an expensive dress they will never wear again.

kamijoe · February 2010

My brides are wearing black with a red sash and I bought them each of them a different color shoe one is black, one is white and one is red. I gifted them because I am somewhat two picky and didn't want my girls to have to pay to much for their extras

emendonca · February 2010

In all the weddings I've been in, the bride's have always chosen the shoe we wear and asked us to buy them (I have been in four weddings). Also, the bride has always bought the jewelry for the bridesmaids to wear, and that is their considered a gift. That is the traditonal way I have always experienced and I am also doing this for my wedding. I don't think I am being a dictator at all, I made sure to let all my girls know if they needed help financially to let me know, but it's my day, and I don't think it is a lot to ask of them to wear matching shoes, if that is what you really want. If you don't truly care than let them wear what they want. It's all about how you feel, remember it's your day so make the choice you want. You want to look back and pictures and be happy with what you see, and being happy is matching shoes and matching jewelry than I say go for it. Enjoy your day!!!

emily.bucknell · February 2010

Lots of good advice! What I did was just tell my bridesmaids to pick white sandals that were comfortable to them. This lets them spend however much they want on the shoes, and be comfortable. Their dresses are tea length and light pink.

I am buying the matching headbands for my bridesmaids, but I gave up on having them style their hair the same way. The one bridesmaid protested against the style (a simple half-updo accented with the headbands) and one just got her hair cut in a pixie style. (I think I will recommend going with a softer style for my maids though, so the effect is not overly different.) I am also going to get them bracelets, but each one will be different for each girl.

suelee821 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_can-chose-bridesmaids-shoes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:b04b120f-0a57-4b86-8462-ce399b8b6e91Post:7d4533e2-c794-4a37-935c-b6e9e4795fdd">Re: Can I chose my bridesmaids shoes?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is some excellent info considering that both of the weddings I have been a BM in I have been told the exact style and color of dress and shoes that I had to purchase and was given the jewelry that I had to wear as my gift. lol
Posted by dandan83[/QUOTE]

Same here...but I was fine with it, because its what the bride wanted and was within my budget. As a bride-to-be, I was aware of everyone's financial situations and tried to come up with a solution that we all would be good with, and I wanted something that they would be able to use again. My BM are all close friends of mine, so I just threw the question out there to see what kind of feedback they had.

I picked teal dresses that could worn like 10 different ways, which they loved because it was so versatile, look great on them even though they all have different body types. We went back and forth on the shoe colors...silver, gold, black, teal...and then decided to go with black and adorn them with feathers because im going with a peacock theme. Most of them have black shoes anyways and can opt to clip the feathers on, should feathers not be their thing.

Basically, I just think that shoes are a personal thing. Everyone has different feet, and different preferences, so the best route for me was just to pick the color and they could pick the shoe. The last thing you want is unhappy feet...because if they are uncomfortable, its going to totally show up in all of your pics. It doesnt hurt to ask them...if anything they'd appreciate hte fact that you considered their opinions.

smileyface245 · February 2010

I kept my BM dress under $150 and chose silver shoes that my BMs said were cute and affordable (under $40). They have a low heel and are comfortable enough to dance in. Everyone has said that they would wear them again. So I got what I wanted (everyone in the same shoes) and they got a good deal. This way we can go get pedicures the night before and have pictures specifically of us wearing the same things. I'm planning on getting them matching jewelry as well.

dparisi · February 2010

HI,

Hot Pink Shoes would be cute-but it could, as other Knotties posted be a bit of a problem!!

We have decided to let the girls choose their own shoes (white), and we are buying each of the girls a pair of orange flip flps or ballet shoes for a picture opportunity. We are doing flip flops with parasols and rubber boots with umbrellas for fun shots. Since we are having an outdoor wedding-hopefully we won't really need the umbrellas!!

Hope this helps!

kittensqueak · February 2010

Unless the hot pink shoes are a gift - I don't think you should pick. Let them wear black shoes that they might already have. I don't know that many people would be thrilled to wear hot pink shoes after the wedding.

Please don't make your bridesmaids waste money for something so frivolous for a picture!

hurricanekeri · February 2010

me and my brides maids are wearing long dresses and no shoes with henna tatoos on our feet.

Leah918 · February 2010

I adore shoes and love the idea of having the bridesmaids shoes all match however, they're already spending money on the dress and other things (hair, makeup, bridal shower, bachelorette etc) so I personally wouldn't make them buy a specific pair. I'm letting my girls pick their dress (as long as it's the right color and fabric) as well as their shoes. Everyone in different shoes would make a cute picture too! Maybe just give them a specific color...and that's it. Plus, if you're picking their dresses then it would be nice to allow them to add some of their own personal style to the day. They'll appreciate it plus they'll enjoy themselves because they'll be comfortable!!

Can I chose my bridesmaids shoes?

Re: Can I chose my bridesmaids shoes?

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