questions...

sarabear23 · November 2009

Just wondering about a few things..Did all your BMs hair match? All my girls are SO different, and while I like the idea of having them all the same, it probably wont happen. I just want them to look nice and be comfortable.And SHOES! Im having an issue with finding shoes to fit all my girls. They dont exactly have easy to fit feet, and I dont want to have them pay for expensive, possibly ugly, shoes that they wont ever wear again. Do you think crystaled sandals that match the dresses is gross?

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Please don't make them get matching hairdos. Very 1980s. You don't want stepford BMs, do you? Two of my BMs got their hair professionally done in fairly similar styles (half up, half down, curly) and the other two did their own hair--one put it up, the other wore it down. If you see a photo, you can't tell who got it professionally done and who didn't. And since my BMs were of different sizes, shapes, and colors, no one hairstyle was going to look good on all of them. They look beautiful because they did their hair in a way that emphasized their features and made them feel beautiful. Plus, if you make them get their hair done, you have to pay for it. Regarding shoes, just have them wear a neutral or metallic color that they're likely to already own (silver, gold, black, tan, etc.). Think about the last 5 weddings you've been to: Have you EVER noticed the BMs' shoes? And if you did your wedding right, they'll be having so much fun dancing that their shoes will be off halfway through the reception anyway. For our wedding, the BMs wore silver shoes of their own choosing (one wore flats, two wore sandals, one wore 4" heels) and they were all barefoot on the dance floor pretty quickly.

mbcdefg · November 2009

I find it creepy when BMs' hair matches, and I can't understand why anyone would ask them to do that. You also cannot tell them (or "strongly suggest") that they must have their hair done unless you plan to pay for it. I also find matching shoes to be completely unnecessary (both dyed shoes to match the dress, and when each BM has the exact same shoes). Nobody will give a darn about your BMs' shoes ... they are there to watch you get married, then eat and drink and party afterward. Not critique whether BM's shoes match MOH's shoes. Pick a neutral color that will coordinate with the dresses (silver, gold, black, white, bronze) and tell them to get their own shoes. They will thank you for it.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

No, they don't all have to match. My girls chose their own styles, and of course decided whether or not they wanted to do it themselves or have it professionally done. Matching hair styles are pretty dated, and make the BMs uncomfortable. A style that looks great on me might look really stupid on my friends. For shoes, pick a neutral color, and telling them to find their own shoes. I told my girls to choose any pair of silver shoes. That way, they'll be comfortable with the heel, the fit, and the price. Two of my girls just wore shoes they already owned.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

I also want to add, I was a BM once where the bride made me get my hair done in curls (she paid for it). I have very thick but very fine hair, so the curls lasted about 5 minutes before my hair went totally limp. I don't even think they made it through the photos. Had she let me do it the way I wanted, it would have looked so much nicer and she wouldn't have had me and my pathetic curls in all her photos. Just food for thought.

Liz4444 · November 2009

hi sara, if you want to tell the girls you prefer they all have their hair up, i think that's ok... but i wouldn't tell them that they have to have matching hair-dos. i think the girls will know what looks the best on them and you should trust them, they are going to want to look good in your pics. if you want crystalized sandals, i think that's ok, but again, i would let each girl pick her own. pretty much every designer makes a crystal shoe and not every designer works on every foot. and this way all of the girls are similar but unique. i think that's so much better that being matchy-matchy.

trix1223 · November 2009

The correct (and kind) answer to the question "How do you want me to wear my hair?" should be "Whatever makes you feel beautiful and comfortable."You should NOT be dictating hair: seriously: does it REALLY matter at all if one girl has an updo, one has half up, and one has her hair down? How exactly will that impact your wedding? Answer: It. Will. Not. Make. ANY. Difference.As for shoes: let them wear what ever they want on their feet: especially if their dresses are floor length. No one will even see their feet. Here's your reality check for today: At the last 6 weddings you attended, what did the BMs wear on their feet? Can't remember? That's because no one really cares what the BMs have on their feet, except for other brides planning their own wedding.Neither hair nor shoes are worth losing sleep over.

mikesboo23 · November 2009

Nothing about the BMs needs to match. If they have long dresses then nobody will see their shoes. I have no idea what kind or color shoes one of my BMs wore. If they have short dresses then tell them what color you'd like them to wear and let them pick their own.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

The only way my BMs' hair could have matched would have been if I made the others cut theirs short and spiky like my sister's. No way she could have grown hers in 8 months. Either way, it'd have been ridiculous. I did JOKE with her that she had to grow her hair to match the others, and she said, "Yeah? Tell them they have to cut theirs!" But she knew I was kidding. She had her short spiky hair, one BM had her shoulder-length hair done up pro, and the other had her longer hair down the way she always does. I let them all pick their own shoes that matched the dress. Totally fine. And think of it this way - one less thing YOU have to worry about!

duckie1905 · November 2009

matching hairdos=FAIL matching shoes=FAIL cookie cutter bridesmaids=FAIL

leeshab1982 · November 2009

I wouldn't worry about them having matching hairstyles. You want them to be comfortable and look like themselves. Let them choose their own styles.If the dresses are short, you could tell them a color or crystaled sandals and let them choose something that they'll be comfortable in. Our dresses are short, so I will pick a color and then just let them choose the shoe. I'm sure your BM's will appreciate you being flexible and allowing them to choose those things on their own. Plus, it's less for you to worry about that way, too.

mbcdefg · November 2009

I will also add this: If the BMs decide on their own to all have a similar hairstyle (maybe if they all want it up), and/or if they decide on their own to wear matching shoes or dyeable shoes ... then that is their call and you are not required to pay for it. You are only required to pay for things if you do not give them a choice. Even if you allow them to pick their own style but are requesting that they get an updo, you still need to pay. You do not need to pay if you just say, "Please wear silver sandals of your choice." And even then, if they really don't want to get their hair done or wear a certain shoe, please respect their wishes and don't force them into anything, even if you are paying for it. Some women simply cannot wear their hair a certain way (I've heard a lot of people say that updos give them headaches) or cannot wear certain kinds of shoes (my BM, for example, said, "I will wear any dress you want, do anything you ask of me, but PLEASE do not make me wear open-toed shoes" when I asked her to be in my wedding).

sarabear23 · November 2009

thnks for all the input. im definitely not going to tell them they have to go and get their hair done, thats crazy. i just want them all to look nice. i want it to be similar, but not matchy-matchy. the shoe thing... i know no one will be looking, so thats why i thought of the crystal sandals. i have a pair that my mom did and i wear them everyday, so if we made the sandals for them, they could wear them long after.thanks girls!

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Why do you care whether the hairstyles are similar? What possible impact will it have on your wedding? If you'd like I can email you a photo of my BMs and you can decide whether non-similar hairstyles are a problem.

sarabear23 · November 2009

and no, i wont be FORCING anyone to do anything, for those who got that impression. I was just curious. and ive only been to one wedding, and all the shoes and hair matched, and it was pretty, definitely not a FAIL, and i didnt need or appriciate that comment. everything else was helpful tho.

sarabear23 · November 2009

brooke, its not a matter of impact, but i want them to look coordinated. if they dont want to be the same, i wont force them, and i know theyll look beautiful no matter what their hair looks like. but sure, i would love to see pictures of your girls!

mochacoca · November 2009

I agree with everyone if you tell them they have to have the same hair or shoes then you should pay for it. Just let them be themselves and all will work out. Good luck.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

I guess I don't see the point of having them coordinate hair because it won't necessarily make everyone look good (remember my limp curls!) and your BMs will look best if they wear hair that looks best on them. I don't post pictures on TK because I'm paranoid like that, but I'll email it to you if you want to see a photo of what non-coordinating hair looks like (since you mention you've only been to one wedding and the BMs had the same hair). This is one of those things that isn't a big deal and BMs will probably go along with it, but why risk it, you know?

mbcdefg · November 2009

I'm not really getting what you mean by "coordinated." They'll look fine as long as their hair is washed and they're happy with the style. I'm sure none of them would not comb their hair for the wedding or something like that.Are you afraid that it'll look bad if they don't get it professionally done or don't do a nice style on their own? Are they typically the "wash and wear" type of girls? I have to add, I'm a wash and wear girl, but for a formal event I'd either get it professionally done on my own or spend some more time and care if I was doing it myself. I'm also not following you on "crystalized sandals" - do you have a photo you could show us? I'm not picturing it in my head.

sarabear23 · November 2009

i kinda feel like when i post something it comes across the wrong way.anyway.i dont plan on telling them how to wear their hair or what shoes to wear. we have talked about the sandals and they all like the idea. hair isnt a big deal, and i know that, it seems like people dont think i realize that, but i do. i honestly dont care if they shave their heads, as long as theyre standing up there with me on the day.

mbcdefg · November 2009

Speaking for myself, I think it's just confusing because you're posting that you want things to coordinate, but also add that you don't want to demand anything of them (both of which are fine). So I think a lot of us are having a hard time understanding exactly what you're talking about, because the statements seem contradictory. Unfortunately for the Internet, things oftentimes don't come across exactly as we're all thinking in our heads. That's absolutely not your fault or anyone else's fault. I think we're just having some difficulty understanding your exact question, and nobody in this thread has been mean so it's not like anyone here believes you're forcing your BMs into anything. I think we all understand that you want them to be comfortable and do their own thing.

sarabear23 · November 2009

here is a picture of the sandals: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=7391629by coordinated, i just mean i dont want them to look like they just rolled out of bed, not that i think any of them would do that. lol

duckie1905 · November 2009

I was just curious. and ive only been to one wedding, and all the shoes and hair matched, and it was pretty, definitely not a FAIL, and i didnt need or appriciate that comment. everything else was helpful tho.Sorry but in my book that's a fail. Anytime all the gals match it is painfully obvious that the bride doesn't care about them and what makes them comfortable and individuals.Sorry you didn't appreciate my comment but I stand by it. Cookie cutter BMs are awful.

mbcdefg · November 2009

If you want an honest opinion, I am really not digging those sandals. Sorry. I think they're fine if you want to give them to the girls to wear at the reception for dancing if they choose, though. I would personally pick a color that coordinates with their dresses - silver, gold, black - and ask them to get strappy dress sandals, or pumps (whichever looks better) of their choice.

sarabear23 · November 2009

finding strappy sandals for a size 13 wide isnt easy. i have two girls with that size foot. if anyone knows of a store where they can find something cute in that size that they can try on, let me know.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Couldn't the 13W and other BMs shop for their own shoes in a color you pick? Then you don't have to worry about one style fitting everyone. Especially if you have floor-length dresses (can't remember if you do). It's literally one less thing to worry about and it really doesn't matter what shoes they wear.

sarabear23 · November 2009

yeah, they have floor length dresses. im hoping they are long enough to cover shoes, because they are tall girls. but you guys are right, it doesnt matter what shoes they wear, as long as the color goes with the dress. i thought the sandals would be cute, but i guess im the only one. :(thanks for all the advice.

caymans_christy · November 2009

I'll just make a comment about the shoes... the pic you posted is similar to the flips that I will be wearing during my wedding - but I am also getting married on the beach and won't actually wear shoes for the ceremony itself. The reception is outside, by the pool... flip flops fit in, will they work with the setting for your wedding? Fancy church and a country club... some of your girls may not be comfortable in such casual shoes. In addition, some girls really prefer to wear heels. Also, if you are going to be in a church - the flip/smack sound that the sandals make may be distracting. What I am saying is that I would let your girls pick out shoes, based on the setting, that they feel comfortable in.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

That's the thing, let them each pick their own shoe style in whatever color you want. I had 2 BMs in 2 different sandals, one in closed-toe, all in dark brown. My instructions to them were: "Wear any shoe that matches the dress that you like. I want you to be comfortable and dancing the whole time, whether that means ballet flats or 4" stilettos." Or something to that effect. Personally, I have never and will never wear flip flops, so if you tried to tell me that I had to, we'd have issues. I also hate, HATE the "flip flops as fancy shoes" trend. Just give 'em a color and say, "get shoes." I'm telling you, it's not worth you agonizing over. It'll be something off your plate. Same with the hair. Do you really not trust your chicks to show up looking presentable? Really? I don't know about yours, but my BMs were all adult women who know how to do their hair and makeup, and know how to dress properly, even for a formal affair. I trusted them to show up in their dresses, with shoes that didn't clash horribly, and looking presentable. They came through for me.

sarabear23 · November 2009

i do have one that i am concerned about not showing up looking presentable, because thats how she is. but as of now, it looks like she wont be in the WP, but we will see.

banana468 · November 2009

When you say as of right now it looks like she won't be in the WP I hope that means that you haven't asked her yet, not that you're considering demoting her.PPs are right. The matchy matchy look can look a bit too Stepford BMish. Instead, when they 'go' as opposed to 'match' it can actually look more cohesive. I have to ditto not going with a flip flop. Unless their dresses will be huge around their feet, the look of flip flops are too casual for a wedding IMO. Instead, saying, "Go for any silver shoe you want," lets them be flexible - and it lets that 13W go for something that she knows will work for her and flatter her.

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