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Wedding Etiquette Forum

etikut question

I am throwing a baby shower this weekend and I am wondering if its okay to have people put their names and addresses on a card (for mom's thank you notes). But put them in a jar and draw a name for a prize. Is that rude? Is it assuming guests are bringing a gift? I have to run but I will check back in a little bit.
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Re: etikut question

  • I hate when bridesmaids pass these out at bridal showers. The bride can do her own thank you notes. Not sure if I would feel the same way about baby showers but probably.
  • I've heard women complain about this before, and I've been to a shower where this was done.  It was weird getting my own writing back in the mail, but I wasn't offended.
  • It was weird getting my own writing back in the mail, but I wasn't offended. This.And if my friends can take the time to buy me a gift and come to a shower, then I can take the time to write their address on an evelope and send them a thank you card.I just think it seems so lazy.
  • If you are throwing the shower, shouldn't you already have their names and addresses? How else did you get the invitations to the guests?Also, I think you meant "etiquette." (Sorry, the teacher in me is a stickler for spelling.)
  • Also, I think you meant "etiquette." (Sorry, the teacher in me is a stickler for spelling.)*pats tinkerbell on the head*



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  • I think it seems a bit lazy and ungrateful.  My grandma and other older family members would be uber pissed at this though.
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  • Yeah the spelling was a joke.  I am making fun of people.
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  • Hehe! Tinkerbell, the way she spelled it is a joke.
  • Well... usually I would think this is bad. I mean, I shouldn't have to address my own thank you card. If it's being used for a game of some sorts, then I suppose it can be overlooked. But, really, you can just have everyone write their names on scraps of paper and use those.Less chance of offending anyone.Also, thank you cards should be sent out regardless if people bring gifts. If no gift is given, then they should be thanked for attending and sharing the special day ad all that jazz.
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  • Also, I think you meant "etiquette." (Sorry, the teacher in me is a stickler for spelling.)Snicker.
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  • Oh wait, I read that incorrectly. You were talking about addressing their own thank you cards, not getting their addresses. I have never seen this done before. I don't think it is rude, necessarily, but I would find it odd as a guest.
  • Tink - Sarcasm FAIL. And yes - it's rude.  If guests can take the time to buy a gift and come to the shower, then mom can take the time to write thank you notes and address them.
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  • I was actually thinking of getting little cards or something, just so all the addresses are there.
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  • Shelly, I really like your ribbon cake.  I have nothing else to add.
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  • Tide- I don't think it's necessary to put the word 'fail' in all caps in this circumstance.  As a matter of fact, that is a fragment, so it is incorrect all around really.  In the future, you may wish to phrase this as "You fail to understand her use of sarcasm in the spelling of the word 'etiquette'."
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  • And, yes, I figured it was probably a joke, but I just finished reading 90 essays and am still on "grammar patrol" mode. :-P
  • Won't the mom already have everyone's name and address?
  • If you don't have their address for some reason, I'd have people write it out on an index card or something. But then I'd copy the addresses onto TY cards later, rather than having someone address their own. I don't think it's tacky to assume someone will bring a gift to a shower, because that's what it's for.
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  • Maybe, I don't know.  I just figured so they are all there in one place.That's why I'm asking what you think :)
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  • I attended a shower were this was done.  I think the idea behind it is because the new mom will be busy with the baby and this is a way to help her out.   She will still have to write the Thank You notes, but won't have to worry about the addresses, or forgetting someone.  I wasn't offended as a party guest, and I think that tying it into a game works well too.
  • I would have them put them all on index cards and then use them as a game.  That way the mom would definitely have everyone's address.
  • It's unnecessary. How will you invite the guests in the first place? Theoretically the mom-to-be will furnish you a guest list with names and addresses, so she shouldn't need people to fill out a card. I have heard of the practice of having guests fill out their name and address on an envelope for the TY card, but it's considered rude. As you pointed out, it presumes the guests will be bringing a present, it's solely for the convenience of the person receiving the present, and appears a little lazy or impersonal. It's fine to have guests put their names on a piece of paper for a door prize drawing, but please don't encourage the practice of guests having to furnish the labor to address their own thank you note.
  • In that case, I don't think it's as wierd.  Just don't ask people to write their addresses on envelopes or labels.
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  • If you want to help the mom out, give her your address list so she can copy the addresses from that.  Just have some paper out for everyone to sign in and then draw from that. 
  • Ditto Lindsay.  Weird and lazy.What's next?  Maybe I should get a baby lullaby CD, wrap it, take it, then once I get there, I'll unwrap it, play it as background music for the shower, then write myself a nice TY note and put it in the envelope I address to myself, then I'll put a stamp on it and mail it on the way home.
  • Okay, just to point something out, I didn't say envelope.  A card.  A card is what I am asking.  Like a fancy index card or something.
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  • Shelly, I actually think that is a good idea.  It will be much easier for the mother to have all of the names and addresses in one place whether she uses them for thank you's or birth announcements.  It's essentially like signing a guest book, which nobody seems to think is rude.
  • .... Yeah a guest book isn't a bad idea either. You know, one of those plain ones that just have spaces for your name and address.
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  • I've seen this done before.  I find it tacky.  Not quite rude.  I also thought it reflected on the shower hostess (who I barely knew) not the mother, so I didn't really care. If you want to help her out, you can address them yourself, rather than have the gift givers do it.
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