Wedding colors and MOH, am I being unreasonable?

baystateapple · November 2009

My little sister is two years younger than me and my MOH. She's single (this is relevent). When FI and I got engaged, I mentioned to her that we were going to do red dresses and autumn-colored flowers. She mentioned that she was thinking about doing red dresses too, when she got married SOMEDAY, but didn't go into it any further. She didn't act upset.A few months later, when we were looking at dresses, she found a short red dress that she LOVED and fit her perfectly. It was on sale so my mom bought it for her as her MOH dress. And everyone's happy, right?Fast forward to a few weeks ago. She gets pissed at me because I'm "stealing" her color scheme. She's mad about the flowers we picked out, she's mad because (even though we haven't picked out dresses yet and won't for awhile) I'm still going ahead and letting my girls pick red dresses of their choice. I offered to switch the color scheme (since she's the only one who has a dress) and she said no. But she continues to be passive-aggressive about it. Worse, she tells me that I'm spineless and that I'm letting FI (who was set on the red) "bully" me into "stealing" her color scheme.I'm upset because if she had mentioned to me how much it upset her months ago, I would have scrapped the red and gone with something else. Now she refuses to stop being passive-aggressive about it, but she also doesn't want to give up her red dress in favor of something else (even though I offered to pay for a new MOH dress for her in an alternate color). FI is pissed because she's making me upset, and because she's all upset about it when she's not even getting married any time in the foreseeable future. I don't know who is being a jerk, me or her. Advice? Any way I can compromise and make things better with her?

trix1223 · November 2009

She is. You don't get to reserve a color for a wedding, especially when you're not even engaged.Not to mention that tens of thousands of brides use red every year, and every wedding looks different.Don't give in to your foot stomping, tantrum throwing siszilla.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

She doesn't own the color red. Ignore her. You haven't done anything wrong.

SarahPLiz · November 2009

I think her attitude has nothing to do with the color scheme and everything to do with her: a- being jealous that you are getting married and she isnt b- feeling left behind c- being jealous that you are in a relationship at all and she has her wedding planned but no groom in sight. THis has nothing to do with color scheme. Don't let her push your buttons. If you want to be mean, you could say " By the time you get married, no one will remember what my color scheme was", or you could put a positive spin on it, and tell her that you will keep all your decor for her so she doesnt have to re-purchase red decor when its her turn, or something similar. She is upset that her fantasy is being taken, but its just a fantasy, not reality. Hold your ground and she will most probably get over it. If she already has a dress, then there is nothing else to do until the wedding that she needs to be involved in. Don't let her get to you.

megk8oz · November 2009

Now see, this is EXACTLY why I had to get married before my 2 sisters. I went so far as to make sure their boyfriends dumped them so they couldn't even get ENGAGED first. That was not a risk I could take. Seriously, your sister is being a brat. You get to do whatever colors you want, when it's her turn, she gets to do the colors she wants. Honestly outside your immediate family, unless she gets married like a month after you, there's an excellent chance that nobody's going to even realize you used the same color when it's her turn. Plus, I speak from personal experience: people change their minds. When I first got engaged (So not even when I was single) I wanted pool, brown and rose petal for my colors. Nobody could talk me out of those colors if their life depended on it. Cut to a year and a half later when FI and I actually had to "pick" out color scheme and somehow everything now is lapis and pewter ... and I can't figure out why I ever wanted my original colors in the first place.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

I do want to ask though: Why on earth are you ordering dresses with a YEAR to go? Maybe if you hold off on that she can take some time to come back down to earth and you'll have a more positive experience with her.

baystateapple · November 2009

Brooke -- we're not ordering dresses right now, or any time in the foreseeable future. The only reason she has her dress is because when I was trying on gowns, she decided she wanted to look at MOH dresses, found one she loved that was on sale, and got my mom to buy it for her. I'm not planning on going shopping with the other girls until well after the new year. None of them have the money to spend on a dress this far in advance, and it's way too early to begin with. Her having her dress was a complete fluke.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Ah. Well, then she's just being a brat. I think PP was on to something in that she's very jealous and taking it out on you. Here's hoping she grows up in the next year!

kjane12 · November 2009

My cousin who is also single and not engaged told me I was stealing her wedding because I was holding it in Hawaii. And then she asked me what flowers I was using just in case I "took her idea" on that too. I didn't know if she was joking at first, but she later realized that it wasn't kind to make an accusations about stealing ideas and returned to her super nice loving cousin again. There are always little jealousies that come up being sisters, but hopefully your sister will turn around and realize she can make things her own when it comes to her day.

duckie1905 · November 2009

She's being a tad bsc. I'd ask to her to cough up ownership papers of the color red.

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

Red is one of the very most common colors to use in weddings. (Probably second only to pink, but pink is just a light red.)You have more patience than I do, I would completely call her out on it. Tell her that if she doesn't stop whining about it, you'll paint her bright red, head to toe. Then people will definitely remember red being your wedding color.Just kidding about that. But I would sit her down and try to get to the bottom of why she's really upset. It's almost certainly more about you getting married and her still being single than anything else.

banana468 · November 2009

Honestly, I think she needs a big helping of "get over it" served by your mother.What I'd do now is to stop talking wedding planning with her. If she persists, say, "That these are the colors in the wedding does not mean that you can't use them when you get married."And beyond that, I'd just change the subject if she keeps bringing it up.

Tessy87 · November 2009

thank god i have a brother ....id slap her and tell her to stop acting like a fool.

megk8oz · November 2009

Be sure to find out what her future baby names are so you can steal those, too.This. Totally.

baystateapple · November 2009

Retread and Megz -- AHAHA. That would be funny if it hadn't ALREADY happened!We were talking one day (long before the engagement even happened) about names, and I mentioned that I liked the name Katelyn. She told me I couldn't use it, she had already picked it (her best friend's name is Kaitlyn). I kid you not.In hindsight, I actually feel pretty stupid that I didn't see this color thing coming from a billion miles away.

rubber_chicken · November 2009

I can't believe no one's mentioned this yet, but if it's important to your fiance to have red, then it should be nonnegotiable. It's his wedding, not your sister's. She doesn't get a veto. She doesn't get to vote at all. (She gets to STFU.)

megk8oz · November 2009

Rubber Chicken, nobody's really mentioning her FI getting a say, because these are the colors that she and her FI picked. Everybody's just saying she shouldn't have to explain anything to anybody, you can't "shot gun" wedding colors. The point is, no matter who wants what here, her sister is being a brat. I mean, seriously, what single person really thinks it's ok to tell a bride (Who has a wedding date set already) what her colors can and can't be? I had a friend who was convinced I was going to ask her to be a BM (I totally didn't) because I was in her wedding. From the moment I got engaged she kept telling me "Look, I know it's your day, and you can do what you want, but you are NOT allowed to stick me in something pink, poufy and ugly". This was after I wore a mac 'n cheese nightmare of a gown for her with no complaint on my end. I guess I gave her her wish when I didn't ask her, lol.P.S. OP? Totally name your first kid Kaetlyn. Even if it's a boy. I totally dare you.

TaraMleczynski · November 2009

First of all, your engagment ring is nearly identical to mine! I love it! Wait until you get your wedding band too - stunning! I had a major siszilla too. I got married a little over a year ago and she is still doing it. She was my MOH until she caused so many issues and told our mom she thought I didn't want her anymore. I eventually had to decide to have her just as a BM and even then she caused problems. Nothing was good enough and she had a song and a dance about everything. She got married a year later and left me out of a lot. I just took it in stride and helped in whatever she asked. The week of the wedding her fiance's grandmother passed away (day of the rehearsal dinner), her MOH backed out, and her future MIL forgot to get a cake for the rehearsal dinner. I found out about her MOH from another BM, and called her. Once again said I'm here. Day of rehearsal dinner I ran my butt off - getting flower girl headpieces, getting a cake, etc. She was appreciative as much as she had to be at the time. To make a long story short, she still argues her wedding was better. Truth is, she unfortunately missed out on a lot when she dismissed my ideas and suggestions. I continue to smile and say yes, your day was terrific and she makes comments that I caused problems with the family for my wedding. Some things will never change. It would be beneficial for mom to get involved it seems, but she may not want to go between the daughters. Support sis and be nice where you can, but make it the day you want. If she has acted this way in the past, chances are she won't change any time in the future. Gotta love sisters!

dojo1 · November 2009

I don't want to bash your sister - she is your sister after all, but it sounds a little bit like the more you try to appease her the more entitled she feels about her actions. You've tried being accommodating, you've tried reasoning with her, you've tried to get her to open about what's bugging her, but you can only do so much. My guess is that if you keep going along with your planning and stop trying to keep your sister so happy she will eventually suck it up, buttercup!

tommyandy · November 2009

She sounds way to young to have the honor of being the MOH. If she keeps acting like she's five, maybe she could be the flower girl? If you don't want to fire her, offer her the BEAN DIP every time she starts being a whiny brat. P.S. let your FI read these, it will make him feel better.

Sue_sue · November 2009

Your sister is a complete twit. Do not discuss the matter further with her. You have been MUCH more accomodating than I would have been.

katelyn_alameda · November 2009

I think the general opinion here is that you have no worries. This is her issue. And by the way, I am totally jealous because I felt December was too late to do autumn colors, but I love them. I wanted to use pumpkins and everything.And boy am I glad that my sisters are all 4 yrs+ younger than me. Though the only trouble I have run into is a MOH with similar ideas for her wedding

raina_nicole · November 2009

she is deffinatly in the wrong. many many many brides have done red and will continue to do red. the colors may be the same but the weddings will look completly diffrent its your special day not hers, dont let her change the perfect image of a wedding you had in your head its YOUR day

LarissaAnn · November 2009

Tell her to grow up. My sister got married before me and told me she wouldn't mind if I used the same venue, florist, flowers, colors, whatever. It was MY choice to change things up. You know what matters in a wedding that makes it different from all other weddings? THE BRIDE & GROOM!

janedoe1113a · November 2009

She's being a brat. Don't change your color scheme.

jessica04d · November 2009

She is being a jerk not you! You should not even have to TRY and make her feel better about it, she just needs to grow up. If she doesn't like it she can not be in the wedding. It is your day she will have hers someday and no one will care what colors she has. Name your kid Katelyn.

mjessie84 · November 2009

She honestly is just bitter about how things worked out, she wishes she was the one getting married. If its the color you CHOOSE then its your choice. She is just being immature about the whole thing and it will pass. At the end of the day, she will be happy for your happiness, and being the MOH she is expected to be happy for you. Who cares in the end if she is bitter about the color scheme? She chose the color (for the dress), then its her problem not yours. I think her only problem is jealousy. She will get over it and she will realize it is her problem when you do get married because all she will feel is happiness for you and your new husband. Her time will come, dont let it overshadow your day. If you really think this will affect your relationship with her, then do what feels right. ITS YOUR DAY!

lorenarenteria · November 2009

Your sister is being unreasonable. I sense a little jealousy... but that's just me. You already offered to change your color scheme and buy her a new dress (if it were me I would not have done that) so there is nothing else you can do. As your MOH she should be helping you make the planning process easier.. not more difficult.

megan1381 · November 2009

Sometimes sisters are just really unreasonable for no reason. Mine was insisting that I was copying her wedding, even though mine is a totally different style than hers was, her color scheme was blue and mine is black and pink. Go figure. So I stopped talking to her about anything wedding related, and after about a month she started asking about it and had a totally different attitude. Start leaving her out, it works

bellezza33 · November 2009

Wow, I thought I was the only one w/ a bratty sister! I feel so relieved after reading this. I also feel your pain. My sister, at the age of 25, still throws hissy fits over nonsense like this. She did the same thing when I got engaged. Even though she was no where near engagement or wedding planning in her own relationship, she made a point of telling me I had "stolen" her color scheme. I just brushed it off, telling her that she can still use it when her day comes. So far she's been really good about it. I hope it stays that way. We've had these arguments in the past, though, and I know exactly what you're going through. In my case, I think my parents just always let my sister get away with it, so she never grew up. Unfortunately, your parents probably don't want to get in the middle of it; afterall, you're adults who should be able to work things out. I reccomend just going about your plans as is, don't discuss too much with her, and let her fume over it by herself. The key is to stop giving in and stop letting her win. You'll be so much more at ease if you're not worrying about her.

LoveTheMeggles · November 2009

I'd tell her that if she doesn't watch out, instead of her getting to wear her cute little red dress at your wedding, that you're going to go out and buy her a pair of "big girl pants" and make her walk down the aisle in those.You sound perfectly reasonable, and it seems to me like your little sis needs to un-bunch her panties.

Wedding colors and MOH, am I being unreasonable?

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