Tell me it's not so bad.

kate51485 · November 2009

I haven't talked about it much on here, but for the next year FI and I will be in a LDR while he finishes school in Rhode Island (and I'm in Maryland). I am really having trouble thinking about the fact that I can count on one hand how many times I will see him in as many months from now til May when he comes home for summer. It will be once a month, if I'm lucky. Maybe not Valentine's Day, maybe not my birthday. I feel like a huge baby. Be nice, I've already had tears today. I just hate it so much and I'm not used to it yet. It's not so bad, right? It could be worse? I'll get used to it eventually? Sorry for the whining LJ post. Just need a word of encouragement. $:\$

Night_Sprite · November 2009

We did 2.5 years of LDR. Honestly it isn't so bad. You'll always miss him most after he leaves. It's worse then, but if you talk every day it forces you be communicative and that's a wonderful thing. While your birthday and Valentine's Day are great, you'll still treasure all the time you have with him. It really will be okay. I'm sorry you're sad.

PreppySailor · November 2009

Think how fun it will be to send him care packages, or sexy text messages lolFi and I were long distance for 6 years (he went to school and then I did).

ScarletGem · November 2009

::hugs:: I'm so sorry! DH and I were long-distance (2 hours apart) for most of our relationship, and spent 9 months about 11 hours apart, so I totally understand how much LDRs suck. That said, we communicate wonderfully, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that for so long, talking on the phone was about our only way of being "together." In the end I think it made our relationship stronger. Plus, you get the chance to engage in all the secret single behavior you want!

louisvillebride21 · November 2009

Not gonna lie, it really sucks. But, there are positives. The sex when you are together is usually AMAZING. You spend much less time arguing in person. You make every second you're together count. You spend more time on the phone 'getting to know each other' without all the physical stuff in the way.

ggmae · November 2009

DH and I were in an LDR for 2 years while he was in the Army. In 24 months, we had spent about 2 months time (total) together (usually a week here and there when he had leave.) We missed birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and he missed my graduation. It was tough and sucked at the time, but it was worth it in the end. I had a really hard time dealing with it in the beginning, but I kept busy and wrote to him often. It really helped. I honestly wouldn't have changed a thing because he was worth waiting for (as cheestastic as that sounds!)

temerityjane · November 2009

It honestly goes way faster than you'd believe. Just work on keeping communication consistent and open. You'll actually find yourself probably learning a lot about each other. When you can only communicate online or on the phone instead of in person, you can't fall back on physical activities or sexual stuff to take up time. You talk a LOT. Not only will you make it through (though of course it will suck hard at times), your relationship will likely benefit a bit in the end.

[Deleted User] · November 2009

It's not so bad, right?yeah, it is. not trying to be cruel, but be realistic. don't try to convince yourself it won't suck, because it will. then you'll get through it and look back and marvel about how you got through it.

ScarletGem · November 2009

The sex when you are together is usually AMAZING.Yes! THIS!

ExpatPumpkin · November 2009

It's not so bad

I'm sure there are lots of quick, cheap flights. So you can do it! We did six years LD and it was international the whole time. For over two years we were actually in Europe and the U.S./Mexico. That was far

kkchisholm · November 2009

just think of how excited you will be each time you see him!

PreppySailor · November 2009

May is only 180 days away! And you'll have a lot of wedding planning things to keep you busy.

salt78 · November 2009

FI and I were in an LDR for 6 months when I still lived in California. I think it made us much stronger as a couple.

You WILL get used to it. Hell if you ever want to go out for a drink or 5, give me a call and we'll go have fun!

sarah0725 · November 2009

Oh sweetie you're going to be okay. LDRs do really suck, but you've got all of us here, and RI to MD is a pretty manageable distance - you guys could do that every other weekend if you really wanted to or needed to. There are all sorts of ways to cope, like getting webcams, and having dates where you make dinner and sit in front of the webcams, and sending each other stuff in the mail. Plus, doing your entire relationship over the phone is a really great way to work on communicating effectively with one another. I know it's scary and it sucks, but you will get through this.If it makes you feel any better, if FI and I get the early reprieve on our LDR that we're considering, mine will be ending around the same time as yours. I'm totally in the same boat as you, so if you come on here and are sad, and I am here, I will totally be there.I mean, I sure whine about it enough. I need to pay it forward.

laurenclaire1386 · November 2009

FI and I were in a LDR when we were first dating. We did that for about 8 months before I moved to him and we got a place together. LDRs suck, but they're not impossible. Communication and figuring out what works for both of you in terms of dealing with it are crucial. You'll get through it. Then you get him for the summer. You have to keep the end goal in mind almost constantly.

kkchisholm · November 2009

Plus, you get the chance to engage in all the secret single behavior you want!whattt?

aggiebug · November 2009

I cried for a few days as the time approached for him to move away. I still have 18months left on this LDR and I can't wait for it to be over, but its bearable. get webcams ( We use google chat).

kate51485 · November 2009

thank you everyone

We've done distance before...but I guess this time it just feels harder, because I'm so used to living with him now.

temerityjane · November 2009

Oh! What PPs said about being so excited to see each other - I definitely miss that about Buddy and I being long distance. Long after the initial dating phase, I would get butterflies in my stomach when I was picking him up at the airport or getting off the plane myself. Not that I'm not excited to see him NOW but... ok, you know what, we live together now and I really can't work up the same level of enthusiasm when I see him every day. It IS so exciting to see each other after being apart.

ggmae · November 2009

Oh, and you will get used to it. It may just take a while. What I liked most about the LDR was that I'd get butterflies every time I went to the airport to pick him up. Every kiss was like our first one all over again, and with every "see ya later" came the wonderful "hello."I also enjoyed "getting to know him" in non-physical ways like the other girls have said. We talked a LOT during those 2 years and I'm not sure we would have talked about all of those things had we not been in an LDR.

kate51485 · November 2009

Yes, I suppose those butterflies will be something to look forward to

louisvillebride21 · November 2009

Ditto on being excited. We've been together for 2.5 years and I still get the butterflies every.single.weekend that I get to see him. If your non-LDR friends are honest, they can't say the same thing. It really adds a new level to your relationship.

louisvillebride21 · November 2009

KK, you don't know secret single behavior??

sarah0725 · November 2009

Saying hello definitely rocks. The goodbyes really suck, but the hellos are awesome.I know I've said this on here before, but I also find I've fallen in love with FI as a voice on the phone as much as with in-person FI, and sometimes when I'm with in-person FI, I miss phone FI and then I'm really happy when he calls me on the way home from work or practice or something.One other thing I do is I always have a countdown on my desktop until the next time I see him. So my life is always counting down, and that makes time in general go by faster. Grad school also helps.

temerityjane · November 2009

sarah - Oh my gosh, I thought I was a TOTAL FREAK. Sometimes recently, I've found myself laying in bed feeling like I was missing Phil, but he was laying RIGHT THERE. I eventually realized that I missed having the iPhone headphones stuck in my ears, talking to him at bedtime. Glad to know that that isn't just me!

sarah0725 · November 2009

Haha TJ, maybe we just need to go to the same LDR rehab

LP11509 · November 2009

FI and I were LD for 19 months. He was in DC, I was in Chicago and then Cincinnati before I moved to DC with him this past July. Not gonna lie - it's hard. But after we got through all that time and somehow made it work, we realized that we really CAN get through anything together if we both work at it. May isn't that far away in the grand scheme of things.

polichik · November 2009

The first year and nine months of our relationship was LD. It was hard at times, but as cliche as it sounds, it made us so strong. Phone conversations really are underrated. I feel like sometimes I take my time with FI for granted, because we live together and see each other all the time. When you're in a LDR, every conversation and visit is so special and you value it so much. It forces all of your time together to be quality time, which is amazing for a relationship. . Even though it's hard, try to see this as an opportunity to get to know each other even better and to value each other even more. Take the time to discover a new hobby or talent you never knew you had. Strengthen your friendships with others, and take lots and lots of time to care for yourself! . If you're able to do so, look into an unlimited texting plan. For all but about 5 nights of our LDR, we spoke every night on the phone for at least an hour, and we'd text occasiobally throughout the day. I felt so connected to him, even though we were 14 hours and a time zone apart. . You'll be more than ok, even though it doesn't feel like it now.

MeaghanandMichael · November 2009

ummm this totally works for me because when you are in RI you can come visit me in CT!! ;)No but seriously, we did long distance for the year I was in grad school and he was finishing college. I am not going to lie, it was hard. However, believe every word that it makes you stronger as a couple. It also is truly amazing when you see each other. And, when it is all over, you have a sense of true accomplishment that you made it through something together as a couple and will look back on the time fondly, if not with a big huge sigh of relief that it is over.

squirrly · November 2009

FI and I were 45 minutes apart for the first year. Enough to be irritating.But, for all but one semester of college, I was in an LDR (ex). It really is very manageable. Make plans, take a class, get into something crafty. As long as you stay busy & set aside time each day to talk to him, it's really very do-able. Best part is you have a defined end-date already to this - you can count down to when you'll be back together again.

missy68 · November 2009

Until I moved in with J, our entire relationship was LDR. He spent a week with me when we met (end of Sept/beginning Oct), we spent a week together at Christmas, and a week together in April. I didn't see him again until I moved out here in June. Every single night (the exceptions - when he was out of cell service range on dirt bike trips, twice), he called at 10:00 PM to tuck me in. Without fail. The two times he was at work meetings and was going to be out with coworkers at said time, he called earlier to say goodnight and tell me he couldn't call at that time. A day didn't go by where we didn't text, call, and chat online. He was able to chat online while he ate his dinner break at work. I would call during my lunch break to wake him up and say good morning. And, yes, it could be worse, but I can totally sympathize with you.Think of these three words: shave free zone.I'm sorry, hon. I'm glad you'll be in the same time zone, and I'm glad that's a fairly managable distance. You'll make it work. Hugs to you.