Unsolicited Advice...

vicmo5 · November 2009

It's annoying...and obviously because most of us are engaged or recently married we get a lot of it. Is there anything that anybody has told you that stands out as particularly stupid, obvious, and/or insulting?

NicoleSahara · November 2009

For me it's not advice, it's everyone I see asking, "So how's married life?" They really don't care, it's just something you say, and I'm so sick of hearing that question. I want to say, "You're married, don't you know?" or something.

[Deleted User] · November 2009

My next door neighbor tried to tell me to go on the low income plan at the Y. I guess she assumed that since I live next to her, I make the same amount of money she does.

NYE * Bride · November 2009

LOL - - before FI and I engaged, my grandma told me we were "living in sin" and that we wouldn't be getting married, because "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Ugh.

J&K10910 · November 2009

I was told that because FI is a pharmacist, once we're married I should get on his (really, really crappy) insurance, and start popping out kids so I don't have to "work." It was insulting to me because this is someone that should have known me. Any of my friends know that I don't want kids, and I'm looking forward to having a career in my chosen field. Gross.

ricksang · November 2009

No, actually we don't get marriage advice. Maybe this is because we are in our 30's and people realize "We got this"?

missy68 · November 2009

Cew, I'd stick the food stamps brochure under her front door. Beeyotch. Of course, with what the Y costs, everyone needs that damn payment plan. Holy moly.

jfgrad06 · November 2009

Ditto Nicole. There's a customer I see once a week, and every time I see her she asks me if my marriage is going okay and if we're still together. Um? We haven't even been married 3 months, I sure hope it hasn't all fallen apart at this point.I also hate "How ya doin you old married lady??"

mandapanda78 · November 2009

MoH's husband took DH aside at the reception and told him that he had to learn to be firm with his new wife (me) and let me think I'm right now and then. Niiiiice.

jamm2019 · November 2009

That is how I feel about the "Hows married Life Question" It annoys me. My husband and I have been together for 7 yrs. Nothing has changed for us since we got married. Most people who know us know how long we have been together.

BecW2be · November 2009

I'm getting all sorts of bad advice from Manda's friend's mom about the accident. No, I will not file a medical claim for Manda against the kid's insurance. She's fine. No, I will not hire a lawyer sue the kid for hitting her. It was an accident, and has been handled quickly and effectively by his insurance company. No, I will not talk to your medical claims adjuster to validate your presumably false claim. If your kid was that hurt from the accident, my kid would be hurt. But she's not, so.... I'm to the point where I'm about to tell Manda she can't drive her friend around anymore for fear that she'll have a wreck that's her fault and they'll be suing us next. People like her really piss me off, and I'm about to tell her about it.

ac_in_dc · November 2009

Funny, no one gives me advice either. Probably because it's my second marriage and people figure I've either learned my lesson or am fuucked beyond repair.

kikibaby · November 2009

I've had numerous people tell me that I need to get busy on having kids since I'm going to be OVER 30!!!!111!!old!!11!

TiDa2009 · November 2009

We're not married, yet (3 weeks, eek!), but all of FI's friends keep telling him to spend his money now 'cause once we're married, we'll have to share and he'll have no say anymore. Um, no, we won't be combining money and, if we were, why wouldn't we have started 2 1/2 years ago when we moved in together. Gah, some people.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · November 2009

NYE, my grandma too!Threadjack, but this is too funny...When I was 18 and about to go to college, my grandma sat my cousin and I down to give us a talk about not giving away the milk for free, or no one would buy the cow. We were mortified. Then for Christmas that year, she got us each a wind chime that had a cow on top, and bottles of milk for the chimes. Good lord.So, I got back at her during my RD speech and made a joke about her telling me that. I married a cattle farmer. Her face got bright red, it was perfect

NicoleSahara · November 2009

And then there's "You are so going to want to start having kids soon now." Um, no, actually, because neither of us are anywhere near ready for one, and we're really enjoying just the two of us for now.

jamm2019 · November 2009

Oh and one more thing I hate to here is. "You know that 1 in 2 marriages ends in divorce"Thanks for pointing that out to me. I really haven't thought about divorce yet.

CurlyQ284 · November 2009

DH was married before and has two daughters. I was told I should invite his ex to the wedding to make HER more comfortable. I was also told I just CAN'T have a chocolate cake...what if people don't like chocolate? Ummm don't friggin eat it, I'm not making individualized cakes in everyone's favorite flavor. I was told to put "cash gifts" on the invites. Ohhh yeah and DHs sister said the more off white my dress was, meant that I was a skank and asked me if I was sure I wanted an ivory dress cause "what would everyone think?"

jfgrad06 · November 2009

Cow wind chime - DED!!

AlexiaANDRobert · November 2009

I'm to the point where I'm about to tell Manda she can't drive her friend around anymore for fear that she'll have a wreck that's her fault and they'll be suing us next. People like her really piss me off, and I'm about to tell her about it. Not to be overly cautious, but I probably wouldn't let her drive her friend around. It sounds like the girl that worked here that was offended by anything. It was a law suit waiting to happen. It's a construction company, 99% of the guys don't have an education, they're rough, deal with it. I swear, she would come in my office and biitch about everything she heard people talk about.Unsolicited advice I hear is how I need to make sure I keep him happy. WTF? I'm sure he's pretty happy if he's been with me the way I am for so long...

missy68 · November 2009

I once jokingly said something about some silly thing then-FI/BF did or said - probably a no-flowers type thing. coworker chimed in with, "you know he really loves you, don't you??" all serious like.Ummm - yeah, I do. That's why we're living together. Doesn't mean I can't roll my eyes at his silly boy-ness sometimes.I also talked about things we wanted to do in the future, like travel-wise. Same person said, "oh, you gotta do it, don't put it off. My husband and I always said we'd do such and such when we saved up the money, and we never did before he died."Thanks for THAT encouraging bit. And, yes - we take our trips as soon as we have the vacation time saved and the money saved. DH isn't a "one of these days" kind of guy. He likes to live life in the moment. My

vicmo5 · November 2009

About 7 different people have told me that after we have a kid our pug will not be a priority. This pisses me off. Just because their dogs weren't priorities doesn't mean I won't care about mine and take care of her like she deserves.

J&K10910 · November 2009

Oh, I have another gem from FFIL too. He said we were spending way too much money on the reception and we were never going to "recoup our losses" that way. He suggested having the wedding in their (small) backyard, and my mom and FI's mom cook for it, to maximize our profit from gifts.

tidetravel · November 2009

Just wait until you're pregnant - then the advice won't stop. When we first found out we were pregnant, the first question out of several people's mouths were "What are you going to do with the cats?" Umm... keep them? WTF do you think we're going to do with them? "Well, they might scratch/smother/kill (or otherwise cause harm) to the baby?" No, the only reason they would go is if the kid's allergic, and that would be heartbreaking, so I'm not thinking about it.And, while on the subject, can I say the endless "Are you excited??!?!?!!?!" questions are getting old . Do I look excited? (knotties are excluded from afore mentioned question, because you cannot obviously see me to know my state of mind) No, I'm not really. And by asking that, you make me feel like something is wrong with me because I'm not. Thanks for that.

missy68 · November 2009

(crap, cut myself off) My mom did a lot of the why buy the cow stuff after we'd been living together about 6 months. It was almost agony once we'd bought rings and hadn't told anyone. It made me pushy towards him, and then made me cry every time.

mandapanda78 · November 2009

Oooh an ex-friend told me before we were married to make sure I'm "available to him for sex". WTF?!

lovebird22 · November 2009

LOL - - before FI and I engaged, my grandma told me we were "living in sin" and that we wouldn't be getting married, because "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Ugh.I've always found that phrase to be incredibly funny. The insinuation that we should hold out on sex so a man will marry us? Yeah, that sounds like a good, solid foundation for a marriage.The only truly insulting remark I can recall in the year that we've been engaged has been from FI's grandmother. He proposed in front of his whole family, and afterwards his grandmother said, regarding our daughter, "oh, I'm so relieved. Now the baby will have a mother AND a father". I was under the impression that the fact she is our biological daughter made us both her parents... but apparently a white dress and some rings are required to make it official. Mmmkay.Our long engagement has been quite an issue for said grandmother. I snicker quietly about this fact.

baystateapple · November 2009

My grandfather told me that I couldn't go to church anymore if FI and I "lived in sin" before we were married.

kikibaby · November 2009

J&k- maximize your profits- hahaha. I'm going to write a book "How To Profit From Your Wedding Without Even Trying!"

aMrsin09 · November 2009

Not so much advice, but I keep hearing from the ILs stuff like "so, you know you married a man who does XX, or You know H does this, this and this..." Uhm, you do realize Il's that you haven't lived with or anywhere near him in the past 5 years and that if he still did any of the things you just mentioned, i wouldn't have dated him, let alone married him.Yes, he has changed much (for the better) from his roots.

vicmo5 · November 2009

Oh and one more thing I hate to here is. "You know that 1 in 2 marriages ends in divorce"This reminds me of my next door neighbor's brother. His wife recently divorced him and he's going to lose his house and has to pay child support. He's super bitter about it even though it's basically his fault. In the months leading up to our wedding he would tell us both what a big mistake we were making. I'm sort of surprised neither of us punched him in the face. And then he wondered why we didn't invite him to our wedding. Der.

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