Sweetheart Table

japow1984 · November 2009

Did you do one? Are you a fan? I'm still WAY far out from my wedding, but this has been a big debate around my house this week. I really like the idea of a sweetheart table, but my FI and family are acting like it's the craziest thing they've ever heard come out of my mouth. Is it a bad/crazy idea? Are there other alternatives to the traditional head table? We plan on asking 7 people each to be a part of our wedding party. If all of them accept, that would be 14 people in the WP, 14 dates/spouses plus FI and I at the table. It seems like an excessively large headtable, right? I really don't want to sit the WP dates elsewhere, especially since our wedding is on New Years Eve and it's such a big "date night". I don't think that's fair. Am I wrong?Thanks in advance, I hope this is the right board for this topic! I'm pretty new at this knotting business.

emilykathleen511 · November 2009

A sweetheart table sounds lovely! I say go for the sweetheart table and then seat the wedding party close by at tables with their dates. This would give you and FI a little bit of time to yourselves to talk and eat before you get to go out and party with your guests. Sounds great to me!

sapphirebaby926 · November 2009

We did the sweetheart table and were really happy we did - it was pretty much the only time that day that we were left alone.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

We did one. I'm definitely a fan. It was literally the only time DH and I got to spend (relatively) alone at the reception. We got many, many visitors. And we just got to relax and enjoy ourselves. And we still got plenty of interaction w/ the WP, who got to sit w/ their dates. We danced with them, took photos of them, and they kept clinking their glasses to get us to kiss and running drinks over to the table (quite a lot of drinks considering we only got to sit and eat for about 18 minutes). Kudos to you for being so considerate to your WP and *not* breaking up couples at a party celebrating love and marriage! This has been a hot topic around here lately. You definitely came to the right place

LarissaAnn · November 2009

We did a sweetheart table and LOVED it. We got to relax, talk, and eat, and enjoy our first dinner as a married couple. We were barely alone, but the few minutes we had were awesome. So you don't get lonely at all. Our WP loved being with their dates, scattered among our guests with their friends and/or other people we knew they'd get along with. I've also seen it where there was a sweetheart table, and then all the GM at one table with their dates to the left of the SH table, and a table with all the BM and their dates to the right of the SH table. A head table that big would be crazy, you're right. And you're also right that it'd suck to separate your WP from their dates. You have the right idea.

japow1984 · November 2009

LoL....I'm not crazy bride?! I think this might just get printed out and hung on the fridge! I really don't want to give in on this. I've been really "go with the flow" about the wedding(anyone watch bridezillas??WOAH!), but having a head table with the size of the wedding party plus dates just seems like it would be a circus and really you are all right, it is supposed to be a day of togetherness, who wants to sit away from their date? I'd be a little bummed if I had to. I just googled the Captains Table, that might just work if I can't win the Sweetheart battle. Thanks again!

megk8oz · November 2009

I like them, and will be having one! It's a nice way to get 5 minutes (Which is about all you're getting from what I've been told) along with your new husband.

japow1984 · November 2009

Thanks Stage! and you guys are on late at night! I love fellow insomniacs!

bablingbrooke · November 2009

We're up late because our DHs are so miserable (see thread below) it's not like we have anything else to do late at night

As for me, I've discovered that sleep is for people who aren't in law school so I'm up anyway. You'll find a good solution. Glad that you're keeping an open mind and being flexible. I was a go-with-the-flow bride too and think it's definitely the way to go

I can honestly say DH and I don't regret handing over 90% of the planning to our parents and the vendors, and the only regret we do have is not handing over the other 10%.

japow1984 · November 2009

I'm still in school too (not as intense as law school)....but I swear I work best at night. I'm a night owl through and through. I don't mind the planning, it's been a whole lot of fun. It's been interesting to see how NOT crafty I am when I try to do the "DIY" projects. I love to laugh at myself. Was it a surprise when you walked into your reception since people helped with the planning?? That would be pretty darn cool.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Yes but then again we didn't notice much of it. Too much else was going on. People are pulling you left and right, you're taking so many photos, and you have so many things you have to do! Things that can take up a lot of energy went completely over my head. For example, I had no idea there were pew decorations or floral arrangements in the church until I saw them the next day at my MIL's house. We were more focused on seeing people and dancing with them, and I was definitely focused on eating. 2/3 of the way through our ceremony my blood sugar gave out and all I wanted was food. Of course people only handed me alcohol. So our visitors to our sweetheart table got to see me wolfing down dinner and trying to talk at the same time while trying hard to hide the fact that I was *so* tipsy. That was the one thing I was not willing to compromise on--I was going to eat, dammit!

emilykathleen511 · November 2009

Ha. I still have another hour at work.

japow1984 · November 2009

The blood sugar drop is my BIGGEST fear. I think I need to pack snacks for everyone. LoL....I feel that way about the cake as you did about eating.....noone better get in my way. There are two things that I can't wait for....1. To be a wife.2. To have the cake. I'm counting down the months until cake tastings.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

Brooke, where the hell were you when I was in law school? My friends were all too busy studying or sleeping; I was the only one I knew keeping vampire hours! That's how I first ended up online - it was pre-Internet, when all we had were local BBSes (bulletin board systems), and there were almost no girls online; it was me & a bunch of computer-geek guys who'd never been on a date. No joke. Japow, definitely make sure you eat. And if your venue is an all-inclusive sort of place (i.e. they also do the catering), talk to them about having snacks for you in the bridal suite when you're getting ready pre-ceremony. If you're getting ready elsewhere, definitely have someone bring sandwiches or veggies or hors d'oeuvres or something. I went the all-inclusive route and got married at my reception venue, so they had stuff for us there. That was KEY, espeically in a 400-lb dress.

blackfire5th · November 2009

We did a head table but we left it up to our wedding party and everyone individually wanted a head table (with SO and a baby of course). In some ways I wish we had done a sweetheart table to have more us time, but it was a good chance to catch up with my sister and cousin and for DH to catch up with his BIL and sisters. For those that weren't sitting next to us, they were sitting with good friends they hadn't seen for a while, so everyone had someone to chat with. And really, DH had the entire evening and the next week completely to ourselves to chat. But like I said, it was completely up to the wedding party. Also, we were happy to split the party if it was what they wanted (i.e. if some wanted to sit with friends and others wanted to sit at a head table, that would have been fine with us as well)

swim1011 · November 2009

My FI was a GM in a wedding where there was a head table, and we definitely weren't seated together. It was nice to get to know the other GMs SOs, but.. I would've much preferred to sit with FI. It may 'only' be dinner, but it's actually quite a bit of time when you factor in dances, speeches, etc.I was totally against sweetheart tables when we started planning, but bc we have a large WP, it's probably what we're going with. We've also considered sitting with our immediate family at a table, and grouping the WP/their SOs together at the nearby tables.

mbcdefg · November 2009

We have four people total in our wedding party, and our reception tables seat 10. So if everyone brings a date, that's exactly 10 people including me and FI and it works out perfectly for us all to sit at one regular table. We were not keen on the idea of a sweetheart table and being up there by ourselves, we didn't like the idea of splitting up our friends from their dates, and even if we did get a "head table" to accommodate everyone we still didn't want the 10 of us to be on display while we're eating. My cousin and her husband sat with both sets of parents, and their WP members sat at nearby tables with their dates/kids. I thought that was nice.Another option would be to sit with the Best Man, Maid of Honor, and their dates. Or your siblings and their dates. Then have the other WP members and their dates at other tables, either nearby or with friends that are in attendance.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Larissa--EVERYONE keeps vampire hours this time of year! And thanks to FB we all know who's online at the same freakishly late hour

The times they are a-changin'! I will probably be GBCKing soon for the remainder of the semester. Crunch time is coming. I hate it. Especially since there are no jobs at the other end (so far)

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

We did the sweetheart table and it worked great. It was the only 5 minutes that we really got to spend together during the reception. My mother was a little opposed at first, but once she saw how it worked, she got it. Most of the weddings we've been to in the last few years had sweetheart tables. They are really popular right now.

emilyinchile · November 2009

We're sitting with both sets of parents and the BMs (my friends from the US) because we both wanted to sit with parents, and I want to spend every possible second with my best friends who I don't see that often. GMs will be sitting with their dates and friends. WPs don't exist in Chile, so no one will think it's weird to split up BMs and GMs. I think you can really do just about anything these days.Convince FI, and then avoid the topic with the rest of his family/tell them you're not sure what you doing yet - if they get to the reception and see you went for the sweetheart table, I'd hope they'd just go with it (although from the stories some people tell, families can be crazy!).Also, could I get a translation for GBCKing please Brooke?

knj92107 · November 2009

Every wedding I've been to in the last 2 years (including my own) had a sweetheart table. For ours, we seated our BP with their dates amongst the guests and had no designated BP table.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

GBCK = Good Bye Cruel Knot. It's used as a term to describe beebees who get mad that ppl aren't fawning over them and post telling us how awful we are and that they're leaving forever. In my case, it's just to force me to focus on exams/papers/job search between now and mid-Dec. Thankfully I don't have a 3 week exam period like I did last year!

kate8987 · November 2009

We're doing a sweetheart table and letting the WP sit where ever they want.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

I remember that, Brooke - 2 weeks of study period & 2 weeks of finals, right OVER the winter holidays. Torture. The way I figured it when I was there, law is a fraternity and law school is hazing. They tell you hazing's illegal, but not this sort. The market sucked when I was graduating too. I got lucky & had a court clerkship waiting for me, but many of my friends didn't have jobs, even one graduating cum laude from Harvard, it was that bad. They all ended up ok, whether in steady employment, doing per diem work, or taking the plunge & going solo. So one way or another, I'm sure you'll be fine. Don't stress about it now. Man, if we'd had the Internet and FB when I was in law school, I'd have flunked out! LOL, I sound so old when I say that, but the Internet is really young, I swear! And to not completely hijack the thread - there's also been a sweetheart table at EVERY wedding I've ever been to (which is many) except one that didn't have assigned seating. I've never actually seen a head table.

mbcdefg · November 2009

I only saw a "traditional head table" once, and that was at a cousin's wedding in the early 90s. Complete with puffed-sleeve, shiny, teal BM dresses. I think that was also the only wedding where I saw a Bridal Party Dance, and my 13 year-old cousin looked VERY uncomfortable dancing with the 30-something Best Man. At every other wedding, it was a sweetheart table. Except the cousin's wedding where they sat with both sets of parents (and she was actually the aforementioned once 13 year-old from the early 90s wedding). I think those were also the only two weddings where I ever noticed dyed BM shoes, which was funny considering the BM dresses were long.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Larissa: Law school is TOTALLY hazing for lawyers! Fortunately I'm not the lowest link on the law school food chain anymore and come next month I'll be 1/2 a lawyer. Yippee! Of course, there's still 3 semesters + MPRE + California Bar before I get there, but still...light at the end of the tunnel.

I <3 Seabass · November 2009

We are doing a sweetheart table. My mom had a similar reaction to your family but she got over it, just had to help her think outside the traditional box, and explained why a head table just didn't make sense for us or our WP.

japow1984 · November 2009

Thanks ladies! Lots of great tips! I really appreciate the input. Now I just have to convince my FI about the wonder that is the sweetheart table. I'm thinking I'll throw it that it might be cheaper to do the sweetheart table, not as much decorating/won't need the long table linens. If nothing else wins him over about it, doing something cheaper will...lol. Good luck on exams Brooke! Larissa, I'm def. going to look into having some sort of pre-ceremony snacking. I like that tip! It's going on the to-do list. Maybe grab some veggie and fruit trays to put in the bridal room at the church. It's going to be a LONG day . Our ceremony isn't until 6, so I'm anticipating some lull between afternoon pictures and the ceremony, perfect for snacks. Thanks again! Jenn

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

Of course, there's still 3 semesters + MPRE + California Bar before I get there, but still...light at the end of the tunnel.Don't worry. 1L is the hardest part. It's all down hill from here. Heck, I pretty much quit reading case books in my third year.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

1L was harder but 2L is definitely busier (so far). So I'm banking on 3L being a run-out-the-clock kind of year.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

If I remember correctly, the wisdom was: First year they scare you to death. Second year they work you to death. Third year they bore you to death. It's not far from reality. And yeah, I was all about the outlines after a while. But CA bar? You're a braver soul than I! (and... y'know... I'm in NJ) I have friends who've don't it and I understand it's a b!tch but definitely passable. I promise you, 14 years down the road, it'll be hard to remember all of this. I just got an email that my 15-year reunion is coming up. When the heck did that happen?!

Sweetheart Table

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